Couch 251: The Matrix Recovered

So sorry, NP.

It feels completely unfair because it really is.
I hope that you can allow yourself the time you need to grieve.

We will be here to support you.

Lost

@ N P

These feelings aren’t "evil" or wrong but rather insights into your emotional world and your difficulty expressing these emotions might stem from a fear of vulnerability or rejection. Writing the letter, even if you feel conflicted about it, is a courageous step toward processing these emotions.

Your love for P can be seen not as something to be ashamed of but as a testament to the work you’ve done together. Endings in therapy though painful can be a profound space for growth if explored with openness and compassion.

Your T's responses, like recording his letter do suggest that he deeply valued the relationship and wanted to honor its importance to you. I'm glad he could provide you with something tangible to hold onto as you navigate this transition.

I'm in bed with a sister. We were watching Deadwater fell and she fell asleep afterwards at 10pm. Glad I'm not outside in the cold or at a loud party.

I believe NY starts in April. Intentions should be set when the world is naturally in bloom. We should rest in winter, without the need to rush on dreams and plans .

Edit: she woke up when the fireworks started and is now grumpy. My fault for keeping the window open as I wanted fresh air earlier. I didn't think people near her would also be lighting large ones instead of just doing smaller ones with sparklers.

There should be restrictions on large fireworks and sales should be limited to only registered events with trained people .

They have courses online and in person near where I live. Never been to any though they are free. I've only seen a few interviews with the King of Queen's actress Leah.

I would be apprehensive about going to a event.

A few years back she did a whole series about it once she left. I think it was called aftermath something or other. I watched it back then. She interviewed ex members and exposed the churches secrets.

we get paid well for working today, you betcha. i'm taking an early break wheeee

I go back to work tomorrow after not being there since Dec. 19th. Gonna feel weird being back. I barely did anything I wanted to do during my time off-but that’s okay. At lot of money was spent on essential stuff.

Just had a look. It's 3 seasons and you are right about the show name.

I also liked the wild wild country documentary.

First day back at work since the 9th. I couldn't remember where I had stashed my work laptop. I guess it's good to have something to do today besides binge watching shows and playing games on my Switch. I would normally have a session with Patrick today. I know that if we were meeting, I would be talking about a trigger from a show I was watching and what that brought up for me. I'm feeling so sad that he's gone. This isn't fair.

I agree that it's not fair, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this loss.

Hugs, if wanted.

Here I am in Dublin. It’s cold, excellent.

My mother’s ancestors actually were from the north—Derry, Mayo, Ulster.

Yesterday in London I went to a very odd museum, the Soane. Guy was a hoarder, just he hoarded tasteful expensive stuff, so he was called a collector.

Long story short: my insurance changed this year and they decided to change my doctor (my old doctor is still in network). The new doctor is 450 miles away... I put in a request to change it back, but it won't take affect until next month. So I'm without a doctor for a month and I'm sick.

Bloody hell, Scarlet.

That is ridiculous.
Can any of your care team get them to move faster on this?

These people have no idea about the implications of their decisions.

I talked to insurance. They said because I'm not just switching doctors but also networks that I have to wait a month. I asked them how I can get health care. They told me to go urgent care or hospital. I have no urgent care in my area and hospital is $350. So I guess I'm left with telehealth.

Ugh, I'm sorry. That just seems really dumb. And I hope you feel better soon.

That doesn't seem right, Scarlet.

This wasn't your decision, it was theirs.

It's had a significant impact on your ability to access the support you need as well.

I guess your old doctor can't get involved for some obscure bureaucratic reason?

Hugs and dignified head nods all around as wanted/needed/appropriate.

I worry about me haha I popped awake when my alarm went off at 4:30am and was halfway through my shower when it hit me - it's FRIDAY and I don't have to work!!

So I decided to stay up and have a productive off day. I've already unloaded/loaded/ran the dishwasher, started the laundry, made a batch of spaghetti then washed the pans I used. Now I'm sitting down at my computer to do some last-minute editing of a few of my poems that are going to be published in an upcoming anthology.

That's amazing news, Artie!

Congratulations!

Enjoy! Are you visiting any of the places in the north?
And yes, I think there's probably a fine line between a hoarder and a collector.

H lost his job today.

Planning a day trip up to Ulster, yes.

I'm so sorry, Scarlet.

Oh, I'm so sorry...

I'm so sorry, Scarlet.