Couch 252: Kitties and Hawks

Hi Couch,

I made it through work.
I have little idea how.

R sent me a text to change the time slightly for my session on Thursday, but made absolutely no acknowledgment of the significance of today.

I'm going to end up explaining, and that's not what I want to spend the time on.

It feels ridiculous to consider calling the helpline again, but that's kind of where I am.

Not ridiculous to call, Lost--that's what the helpline is there for.

Hugs to you, if wanted. And sorry R didn't mention anything about today. I know there have been issues with her receiving email at times, but could you send a brief email reminding her, so you won't have to spend session time explaining it?

Thanks for the hugs, LT.

Everything feels fragile at the moment.
R is here and yet not here, thanks to the stuff that she has going on.

Using the helpline twice in a week feels excessive, but if I'm still feeling like this tomorrow, then I might well make contact.

There’s no limit on the helpline, least the one I call always emphasizes that. It’s there for help if/when you need it. And it seems to help you. This is a very hard time you’re going through. This isn’t just having a bad day. They are there. Try not to put a quota on yourself.

I’m sorry R either didn’t remember or didn’t acknowledge today.

Thanks Scarlet,

Part of it is anxiety over explaining again, but I guess I've spoken with most of them now.

At what point do I allow myself to accept the support that is available?

Hugs, if wanted...

Lost

How are you doing today, Lost?

Hi Scarlet,

Thanks for asking.
I spoke to the administrator at the helpline today.

I presume they didn't have any bereavement advisors available at the time I called, because she just let me talk.

It's ridiculous that I miscalculated in terms of gathering support for the day that I thought would be hard, and then needing it more just days later.

I'm feeling quite anxious about the session, because there's a lot of pressure on it to be what I need...and I don't know what that is.

If it was an ordinary session, I could rely on getting another chance next week...but this time that's not the case.

I went to Steve's tree today, and that was helpful...although I'm still self conscious about expressing emotion in public.

That tends to mean that I don't.

Even when I don't need to hold it together, I am still holding it together.

I said to my support today - 'I feel emotionally exhausted', and yet I don't know how to rest.

RIP Brian Wilson. Good Vibrations. Darling. God Only Knows. and so on

The guy I dated in college will be very sad. He was a big fan (and I know way too much about Brian Wilson as a result). Even though he was generally into alternative/indie music. And, for some reason, Neil Diamond (like he had a poster of him on his wall).

ETA: Seemed like Wilson had lots of struggles.

Hi Couch,

I hope today is being kind to you.

Today's session didn't turn out the way I thought it would.
R confirmed that the surgery is indeed minor, but she's not sure how soon she will be able to drive, so she's going to play it by ear.

Any ideas I had about keeping it calm went out the window as soon as I started to ask my question.

We didn't talk much about my experience of the anniversaries, except for her to suggest (out of nowhere) that the build up I experience to these significant dates might not be 'serving' me.

She said she'd keep me posted, and would use her time off to finalise her plans over the summer.

More upheaval coming soon, it sounds like.

Hoo-effing-ray.

At this moment, I'm kind of glad that I don't have a session next week.

Maybe that's another thread.

Hugs, Lost, I'm sorry you're in upheaval about upcoming sessions, plus the summer schedule as a whole.

And her comment about the dates doesn't sound helpful at all... (Similar to Dr. T noting a while back that I tend to remember negative anniversaries, not positive ones.) And also a bit late now to work on it, as the dates have now passed.

Kept D home from school again today, after her being back at school yesterday and home Tuesday. She had a fever again this morning and was complaining of ear pain, so we had her checked out. Now has an ear infection, so we're waiting for an antibiotic prescription to be filled. This was her last full week of school, with three half-days next week. Sigh... I admit I'm glad they did diagnose something, so there's a way to help. She seemed pretty miserable.

Thanks LT,

As a species, we tend to have a negativity bias...so Dr. T's comment sounds spectacularly unhelpful as well.

I don't look at the calendar and think 'These are the days I'm going to struggle'...it's more physical than that.

I'm sorry D isn't feeling well...ear stuff is the worst.

Sucks that it's disrupted her last full week of school, as I remember how much she enjoys it.

Sending hugs, if wanted.

LT-I hope D starts feeling better soon. A couple doses of the antibiotic should clear her up in no time. Hopefully she doesn’t have to miss her last few days next week.

Thanks, Lost and Jersey! Hoping she'll feel better in a day or two. She does not cope well with being sick, expressing fears that her ears or throat will hurt forever (though she said her throat was feeling better this morning). Even though we remind her she's been sick before and gotten better. And saying she "doesn't want to be bored" by having to stay home.

I do suppose it's better than missing the week of gymnastics camp she has coming up in a couple weeks. Then she has 4 weeks of school-sponsored half-day social skills extended school year, which she tends to like. Then a few more weeks of gymnastics camp, then the beach trip.

Sounds like she’s gonna be busy this summer, LT. Summer should fly by.

Yeah, which is good, because it's my least favorite season! Though, I admit I like outdoor concerts. (Had to miss one Tuesday night though, due to her being sick and my thinking I could be contagious. Was able to sell my ticket at a reduced price though, at least.)

Thats sweet, she doesnt want to be bored staying home! Yup, teenage years are here! D needs a talk from stopdog, about how SD played with sticks when she was a teenager and she liked it!

Played with sticks, splashed in puddles and only needed a dime for the ice cream truck is what my father claims. Hahaha.

Lemon, was he in the plane crash? I cant believe it hit a medical school. Our thoughts are with you. Actually when i first read of it, my mind raced to you.

Thank you Una. Can I send you a DM? I don't want to accidently trigger you, but yes.

I'm so sorry, Lemon....

Lemon I’m sorry very sorry.

I didn't play with sticks as a teenager - that was pre-teen. By teenage I had cardboard and glue.
As a teenager I wrote poems and plays making fun of my high school band friends and the band director. We even insinuated about the band director having an affair - that a friend of mine and I wrote together - not knowing he actually was having an affair.
Good times.