[Kiya]

in T last night over this whole ins cancellation thing. Everything is just hitting right now, that, all these bills now de, one of the labs came in at over $600, i found out NOW that the ins was paying me instead of the labs (here i thought it was reimbursments on the meds) so i actually owe all these labs. T and i talked about it a long time - tried to get close to the flashbacks that are bugging me, but really this stuff is just too stressful and has forefront. I tried to cancel futher apnts with t but she said absolutely not, we'll get through this. (((hugs t))) and I totally cried my eyes out through the whole "containment" portion. She just let me. I've been pretty much crying ever since t last night - and then today come to find my food stamps have been decreased today from 162 to $10. What the H$&#^ can i buy for $10 when I'm allergic to wheat, gluten, yeast, dairy, cow, corn, and peanuts??? Nothing cheap like ramen that's for sure. I swear i've got to find this "KICK ME" sign that's attached to me and get rid of it...fast!

[Typo]

(((Kiya)))

I'm sorry things are so rough right now.*Rips KICK ME sign off, gives Kiya a HUGE hug and then sets off to find a leprauhcen with a pot of gold*

I'm here if you need me..Your in my thoughts and I'm sending warm thoughts and lots of hugs your way!! Things will get better..my family had been in similar situations and somehow things always work out..it is just rough getting to the working out part..you are an amazing strong kind person and I know you will make it. It is so wonderful your therapist is working with you. I love you bunches and please do feel free to pm me anytime you need me..I am always here for you!!

oh my poor kiya!
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((kiya))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i dont know the answers babe.. but i believe things can happen. A number of years ago i was so poor.. i was eating packages of things as they were, because i couldnt afford the other ingredients to cook them and they were all i had left in the house. i cried all the time too... but wonderful things happened too.. someone i have never met in person sent me $500.. yes, im serious. She never wanted it back. Others sent me meds so i wouldn't run out.

look for help in all places that you can sugar... talk to a local women's resource center, talk to the charity services, churches, and food banks. YOu will need help establishing some sort of action plan.. and i know you don't want to.. i know you want to hide and hope it goes away, but it isn't going to. You CAN get through this. T is there for you and so am i... i don't have money love.. but i'll be your friend as long as you'll have me.

Maybe we can talk via PM about your illness issues, there are ways to make money from your home and do it around chronic illness. i do.

i wont lie.. things are not going to be easy.. but you can do this.. you can. You are not alone. We just have to get a plan in place.

sending much love

[MissCharlotte]

(((Kiya)))

Hang in there. You have survived worse and you can survive this. Let us know how we can help. Are you selling your paintings? Can we have an auction? They are quite beautiful.

Peace

A couple of suggestions.

1) Call the places you have bills and just be honest. If you can't pay, what can they do? Tell them that you want to set up a payment plan because you don't want to stiff them, but you can only afford "x amount." Most places will work with you. They can't get water from a dry stone!

2) For food. Check the local churches out. Don't be afraid if you don't attend church, they really help and they have some good food baskets. I had a friend who was really down and out and basically lived on food baskets from catholic churches until she got back on her feet.

3) If you need prescriptions, ask your p-doc to apply to the drug companies for hardship. P-doc can get the information directly from the drug companies. P-doc fills out the forms and you get your meds for free. Many years ago, after I aged out of foster care, I had nothing. My p-doc did this and I got my meds free for several years until I could afford health insurance, etc.

Hang in there. Things will get better.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((((( Kiya )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Kiya]

Oh thanks all... (((((((((((Silver, FLUFF, Miss Charlotte, Rip))))))))))))

sorry - i was in a really bad place when i wrote. Not that anything's changed, but maybe i just needed to get all that out and all the anger, tears, frustration, humiliation, out. I'm terrible at problem solving, so I do appreciate all the suggestions.
Miss, I haven't been selling my art (and thank you for the compliment!). It's been a while since I've sold any. Rather, it's always for sale, but I haven't done any marketing.

I think i forgot how to stay positive. I do have some work, but it only pays once a month (teaching) and I only have 4 days on the next (first) pay schedule.

My poor mum - I was crying so hard I scared her - she was biting her lip while trying to calm me down, holding me upright while i sobbed over the kitchen sink. I tell ya, it was like the 100 year flood - just all the stuff you know? All the grief I haven't had access to, all the unfair things, all the sweat blood tears, all the furstrations and just keep stuffing it, putting on a"good face" and keep walking. It just all came out. I feel sorry for the guy who got the brunt of it on the phone with me, too. I bet he was thinking "WHY ME? Why do i get all the crazy lunatic ppl crying over the phone?!"

Again, thanks for all the suggestions - I do need to check out those options... need to see if any place with emergency food has foods that won't kill me. Can you imaging? Hi, i need food, oh not that kind.... "beggers can't be choosers". yet i'm allergic to 90% of food.

ok i need to get a grip. Silver already ripped off the KICK ME sign ((((((((((((silver))))))))))))) so everything bad that's gonna happen already did. RIGHT?! right. so things have to get better from here. they have to.

[chaotic13]

((((K)))) Sorry you are in such a bad situation.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I totally cried my eyes out through the whole "containment" portion. She just let me.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Sounds like you T is hanging in there with you though.

((((((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))))

I'm sorry you're in such a bad spot. Like someone else said in this thread, you've made it through worse, and you WILL make it through this....

You have a lot of good suggestions in this thread!! I have a kid with multiple food allergies, so I know how tough that makes it to find cheap food... it stinks that you have to deal with that on top of everything else!!!

And yay for T for continuing to be there for you. You deserve that.

Sending lots of

[Kiya]

yeah, chaotic, t is. at one point she started talking about options and ins fraud and i started hyperventlating. so we had to talk through that one (or talk me down from the rafters) and confirm that i have committed no such thing and that everything will be alright. t has a plan. t said i have to put this all behind me because i have enough on my plate with the ptsd and the parts switching and flashbacks.... not to mention trying to get healthy physically, get work, and that i am in finals this week. (feeling that dizzying, faint, lighheaded feeling again).

i admit, part of my upsetness around all of this is that i feel it makes me look dodgy - like someone who tried to play the system or hoodwink ppl or take advantage of. and that's so not me at all - completely out of character. i was born with a set of rules and values and i live by them to a tee. To have myself in this position now of 2 months no ins when i was receiving services (because i honestly thought and was assured they'd be covered)..... i ...i..... *gulp*. it goes against the very essence of who i am as a person. and i hate it. Like Harry Potter 5 and Crouch freaking out because his house elf connected him with the Dark Arts. (don't mind me - i read a lot of harry potter when stressed).

***breathing***

wow - i had a lot to vent. thanks to anyone who read this far.

[sunrise]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kiya said:
at one point she started talking about options and ins fraud and i started hyperventlating.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">She suggested you were committing insurance fraud? Wow, really supportive. If you've told her the story of this mix-up, why would she bring up fraud?

I am sorry for all the struggles in your life right now, Kiya. It feels good sometimes to cry and let it all out--I'm glad you were able to do that.

[Kiya]

No... I couldn't tell if she was suggesting insurance fraud in relation to me or to her trying to help me deal with the debt i had sustained. i was telling her not to try and help me, that i would somehow pay it all off...

When she was doing her "containment thing" i brought it up again and she finally realized how much that freaked me out and was glad i said something - so that i "didn't harbor over it all night". She convinced me that that wasn't going to turn into ins fraud.

[Mouse_]

Kiya, I am sorry for your pridicament at the moment. I hope you find a resolution!!

[Kiya]

There you are - was thinking of you and wondering where you'd gone off to.

thanks mouse....