Has your Therapist Disclosed

I was just wondering if any of you here have a therapist that has disclosed their own abuse to you, or one of life's trials.

Hanging on

Nope, not me. The only thing she has shared is that she has an 8 year old daughter who loves art. I think she only told me because I have a 7 year old alter and I had no idea what she liked! LOL

my T told me she has depression which she treats with anti-ds and thinks she will always take. She also used to battle anorexia when she was younger.

She also says ' every doctor/therapist/nurse should have to be in counseling to get this ***** together before they treat others'

Yes, my T has disclosed his childhood abuse to me. He has talked about it a few times, usually when we are dealing with my own--there are some similarities. He has also told me of other trials in his life. And he has also shared some peaks and simple joys. My T uses self-disclosure to further my therapy and our therapeutic relationship. It is helpful to me.

Keep hanging in there, hangingon.

Yes, mine has share with me some challenges she had raising her children and other interests. However, she has never disclose anything related to my specific psychological issues. Its just enough to make our interactions feel not so one-way. I think it a good balance.

My therapist has disclosed things relative to our treatment. Has helped me see that she has been where I have been in some ways and has made it through.

The small things she tells me about her personal life helps me connect with her on a professional level, because she's been there, she's not just quoting a text book.

No he hasn't. I'm not sure I'd want to know. Don't need anything else on my buffet plate ATM

I started seeing my T for an addiction. He has been in recovery for 15 years from alcohol. He tells me stories all the time. Whenever I say I wish I was normal, he says he's not normal either. We didn't come from normal families and we will never be normal. He had an uncle that committed suicide and his father threatened of it. He didn't start college until he was 25. He is 41 now and has 4 degrees.

He always tries to let me know there is always hope, it's never too late to start anything you want to do. I started taking piano lessons this year and I'm 48. He lets me know a lot of things are not my fault, it's because I'm from an abusive family and we can change that.

He does a lot of disclosure that is helpful for me. It really helps our relationship build.

I've had the opposite of disclosure, in a way--my T has disclosed that he has never experienced anything traumatic or abusive in the same way I have, and it honestly was a great comfort to me. I do feel like he is able to feel extraordinary empathy and compassion, and somehow that was magnified by him admitting that he just doesn't have the same feeling of danger as I do in my daily life.

These are very interesting replies.

From most of the books I have read on therapy they suggest not sharing personal information with a patient and I have to agree. Your paying a substantial amount per hour, the conversation and therapy should be focused on the patient.

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PsyChris said:
From most of the books I have read on therapy they suggest not sharing personal information with a patient and I have to agree.... therapy should be focused on the patient

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Only certain therapeutic approaches do not include self-disclosure. Other approaches do include it, and this is also discussed in the literature. My T uses self-disclosure to enhance my therapy and build our relationship, so it actually is about me. He is very skilled at weaving it into our conversation. (For some Ts, maybe it would be difficult, if they don't have the appropriate training.) Interestingly, my high school daughter just finished her AP Psychology course and they even teach about this there. I love reading in this forum as I have learned a lot about the diversity of therapeutic approaches.

For a great example of the value of self disclosure in therapy, I recommend the wonderful book, The Call of Stories by psychiatrist Robert Coles. Gosh, I love that book! (Its main theme really isn't even about traditional psychotherapy but it has a great self-disclosure example near the beginning.)

I also agree, minimal info only as needed for the patient, should be shared. I'm jaw-dropped amazed at how much some members know about their Ts after a very short time. My pain T and I have been in a therapeutic relationship for over 20 years, and these Ts of some members have shared more than I know about mine.

It just isn't right, imo. I hope it works out, but is really isn't good for the therapy, imo.

I know quite a bit about T. It makes him human to me. He shares personal stories when it's relevant to my therapy. It's not as if we are talking about him and his issues. It's how he connects with me. It's real. I don't think I would do well with someone who was very formal and not ever making it personal.

I also know he has anxiety and how he used to scan his mother's face to see what mood she was in. But I don't know about specific psychological or any physical issues. I know enough to make me comfortable but not too much!

My T hasn't disclosed anything about his past, but when I was complaining once that he didn't understand how HARD it is to be in therapy, he did disclose that he's been going to the same therapist once a week for eight years, and still continues to go. I was glad he told me that. I've wondered if he has issues - like past abuse or whatever - but I really don't want to know, at least not right now, because I love him and I have a huge desire for his life to be really happy.

I see two therapists, my college counselor and a therapist my insurance pays for. I see both of them once a week.

My college counselor disclosed something last week because I was sharing with her how I called off an engagement a month before the wedding. She told me that she was in love with 2 men in college and one asked her to marrry him and she had to break the news to the other one whom she loved too, she said she never saw him again after that and knew it was very painful to him and to her...

She told me before she disclosed that that its ok to disclose someting in therapy if it is beneficial to the therapeutic process or relationship. I had just written her a journal piece the prior week about the fact that I didn't know anything about her apart from the fact that she is a counselor and that that doesn't make her an immediate viable person to trust. Perhaps she felt the need to share something with me, to allow me trust her more. I don't know.

I also wrote something similar to my other therapist who I have been seeing since Mid January of this year (this therapy stuff is very new to me.) I am still not totally trusting. Anyways, when I saw her this past week she asked what I would like her to share with me that would allow me trust her more. I so wanted to ask if she had been abused......but I couldn't do it, I just retorted to saying, I guess I just need more time...how dumb is that of me....ugh.....its been 4 months ......what more do I need....So she didn't share anything lol.....

I guess in a way I really want to know. I want to know that I am not "damaged goods"....that I can actually be "normal" so to speak.

I'd like to know others who have actually been through similiar experiences who live happy lives......I just pretend to be happy.....what I wouldn't give to be "real"...

Hanging on

I almost forgot, my college counselor did say to me that she sees a therapist sometimes too.
She said sometimes its hard to share things with your significant other.....or sometimes you just can't sleep ect cause you have alot on your mind....and need to talk to someone....so when she needs to, she does....
I thought it was kind of cool that she did that, It makes me feel like maybe I am not that crazy after all...lol

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hangingon said:
I see two therapists, my college counselor and a therapist my insurance pays for. I see both of them once a week.

Hanging on

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Interesting. Do both therapists know that you see another therapist?

Just wondering, because this is usually frowned upon.

Well ....I went to my college therapist when my grades were really slipping due to being diagnosed with depression, I had had a 4.0....anyways, I saw her to figure out what I should do school wise, as I was about failing my nursing program midway this semester....I didn't want to drop out and she encouraged me not too. I was able to come back...grades up'd some.... unfortunately my 4.0 is down the drain after two years of hard work...ugh....

I did not discuss this with my original therapist first. However, I did tell my original therapist that I did see my college counselor after the fact and she was fine.

My college therapist said that since I am seeing a therapist she would not be able to treat me , but would be a backup for me, if I needed to chat with her... She did however want to do a follow up so I had returned to see her three weeks later....and have been seeing her once a week or sometimes once every two weeks depending on how I am doing. She knows I still see my other therapist....I have not told my other therapist that I have been seeing my school one apart from the first time I saw her......

Now you have me worried......since I am new at this.....I had no idea.....I figured what's the big deal since my college therapist knows about it and keeps seeing me. She just invited me to a group dinner...with other girls who have been through similar things.....
Is this really a problem?

Hangining on

I am curious sometimes about what my T is really like. However, I see the value in not knowing.

Nope, he doesn't disclose personal problems or anything like that. That's not his style. At least not that I know of, after 2 1/2 + years. He doesn't need to. I can feel his empathy and understanding without having to know if he did or did not go through what I am going through. We have a very strong relationship. I don't feel the need to know anything further about him in the sense of his emotional state.

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hangingon said:
I guess in a way I really want to know. I want to know that I am not "damaged goods"....that I can actually be "normal" so to speak.

I'd like to know others who have actually been through similiar experiences who live happy lives......I just pretend to be happy.....what I wouldn't give to be "real"...


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You are real. I think your sig hints at that:

Courage is not the absense of fear but the ability to look fear in the eyes

(Actually, I think it may take a while before you can actually look it straight in the eyes. That is not something I can quite do yet. Most of the time I look at it a bit aslant. But that is better than before!)

Thanks pachyderm,

I suppose I would just like all of this to be over with. I am not looking forward to spending years in therapy......I am patient for some things , yet, for this issue I am not. I guess I am being unrealistic....but its certainly a desire of mine. I find I force myself to say things in counseling at times, just because I want to get it over with.
I'd like to say I want to feel my life again but I don't think I have every really felt my life....I was programed early on to keep in all inside.....

Hangining on.

> I was programed early on to keep in all inside.

As were some of us others. Or, not programmed, but forced.

I think the condition can be reversed!

Having problems IS normal for humans. That you are strong enough to seek help with those things you aren't handling or changing well by yourself, is above the norm, imo...in a good way.

Where will you be 10 years from now, if you don't finish therapy? There's nothing wrong with including therapy as part of your life's path.

Do you really think that those people who aren't in therapy, but need to be, will be any happier in 10 years for the non-effort?

No, my therapist has never disclosed anything extremely serious such as abuse. He does disclose about his personal life though -- has told me stories about his own family interactions, things he has done and been in the past. The stories are always helpful -- they serve a purpose in something he's trying to help me with -- and they make me feel closer to him as a human. He seems more real. I like knowing that he's had his own issues to face, and he's never shared anything that would be unmanageable for me to hear. I imagine he tailors what he shares to the needs (or ability to handle) of each individual client. I'm glad he discloses.

Sidony