phooey. Who does he think he is? Vacation. Again.

i can't complain too much, the guy slaves over neurotics all day. ha. He took a week off a few weeks ago, now two weeks... which, due to Canada day, makes it 1 day short of three weeks between appts for me. Double phooey.. or triple?

i'm supposed to work on "constancy"... um, how? He says it's like knowing the sun will come up each day... well, even he said that was an over-simplified example.. but it really isn't like that at all imo. The sun doesn't change its mind, but people do. The sun doesn't die in a car crash. The sun never really cancels or gives up on things. People sure as hell do. The sun isn't affected one bit by what i do or don't do... the sun never once has made me beg for even a scrap of light. People sure have. Will T?

right now i feel all warm and fuzzy with him... i feel like i know he cares.. he told me so, straight up... not even the cop-out caring about all humanity.. nope. He said he cares about me, as me. Right now i believe him. Right now it feels ok and right.

watch me drift though...

so.. any extra suggestions in keeping this connection alive?

anyone want to join me in missing-T sadness?

this all totally blows my theory of him living in his office 24/7

[MissCharlotte]

My T is not away so you get all the supportive hugs to yourself,

(((((((((((((((((Jello)))))))))))))))))))

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so.. any extra suggestions in keeping this connection alive?

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Draw a picture of him. When get over the warm and fuzzies and you decide you are po'd at him for going away (later today?) mount the picture on the wall and throw darts at it!

When you work on your constancy (of which I have none) and you decide you love him again, put it under your pillow.

Too bad you didn't swipe the ladies room key like I did.

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this all totally blows my theory of him living in his office 24/7

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I think he might be on vacation in his office! He probably ordered a sunlamp and a lot of exotic food to be delivered.

(I keep telling my T that he lives in his chair.)

[Kiya]

*whew* the sun has made me beg for light (in Oregon...sun? what sun? )

Sorry your t's on vacation again. Mine will be again in july. THe nerve of them! *grin*. I'm out here too if you want to chat.

My T is in his office (where he lives 24/7 also!) but *I* am going away tomorrow for the week. It will be 11 days between appointments - normally I go twice a week.

It's hard having this break in the middle of the trauma stuff we're doing.

BUT I will be at the beach with my three boys, which is certainly better than me being stuck at home and *T* being away!!!

T is going away in June for a week and a half. He was JUST ON VACATION a few weeks ago!!!

((((((((MzJelloFluff)))))) I hope you can hold on to that connected feeling while T is away. Maybe reading some of your recent posts here will help if you start to lose the good feelings? You've painted such a nice picture lately of how good it's feeling with T!

My T is away due to moving. She's making the transition to a new town an hour and a half away of where her office is, slowly getting towards retiring. She's going to be back in the office the 27th, but will only be there 2 days a week for a while for part time work until she closes it down.

[sunrise]

Well, my T went away for a 3 day weekend, but luckily it didn't affect my session. I did worry about him a little and hoped he remembered to use sunscreen.

I feel for ya, MzJelloFluff. I hope the time passes quickly and that you do OK in your T's absence. I think I stay connected to my T especially when I need him. When I am doing just fine in my life (ha, how often is that?), I don't stay as connected, but because I feel OK, I don't miss the connectedness so much. If that makes sense.... I'm not sure there's anything in that qualifies as a useful idea on how to keep the connection alive....

Hang in there.

two more weeks to go

im having a bad day. im feeling really down and i am very tired. My upper back is having a flare up too. just all around crappy really.

right now T would be really useful for helping me with scheduling and keeping myself together. There is so much new(ish) responsibility on me. i don't self-structure very well. i'm all over the place and just digging myself in deeper into confusion and distress. i just don't give a flying %#@&#! anymore. i need to finish a business plan, research and apply for programs, keep current with the reading list i need to complete... websites to develop anf finish.... too many things pressing on me.. i don't have a hope in hell of makiong it through any of this.

i m sorry i just noticed how bad my typing is but please excuse.. i am sitting sideways to computer with legs elevated trying to keep the back pain to a minimum

i just dont care anymore. i dont have enough money and i am sinking into debt. My income is drying up faster than i can fix. i can't do most jobs due to physical limitations.

im sorry. this turned into a sob story

very bad day

[Perna]

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MzJelloFluff said:
i'm supposed to work on "constancy"... um, how? He says it's like knowing the sun will come up each day... well, even he said that was an over-simplified example.. but it really isn't like that at all imo

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I picked or made up a "habit" or ritual that I do independent of T and then keep doing that even when T isn't there. So, it acts like a constant/sun sort of Try to think "forward" to when your T will be back instead of thinking about their not being here now/yesterday. The day after he comes back, what will you be doing at work? When is your next project due in relation to when T will be back? Incorporate it into your life with things you know aren't moving (like work or the sun).

I had a long drive to/from my T and bought those individually wrapped Life Savers and would take a handful to my car in the morning and then eat them on my trip to/from T and they'd have to last me the trip, both to T and back home (I never made it, they were gone even when I tried to ration them, I'd find myself crunching on them when I'd meant to just suck them and make them last longer, etc. :-) But when T went away, I'd still take a handful in the morning and do the to/from work with them instead, keep the day as much like "normal" and belonging to me as possible? Eating the Life Savers I would think of T and her being away and how, when she came back I'd be eating them going to/from seeing her, etc.

I've done the same with journals too. I'd write for a week and mail it to her office and thus the 6-8 weeks she'd be gone out of the country would go by and I could count them. Think up a "marker" like that (like sunrises) that exists while you see your T and while your T is on vacation both.

[hangingon]

I have two therapist that I talk to. One treats me and my school one just meets and talks with me once a week.....

My school therapist will be gone the whole month of June....she is the one I am closest to, the strange thing is she is more blunt with me, ticks me off more, yet, I open up a little more to her.....go figure.....ugh. I know that is going to be hard......I'll miss her

[chaotic13]

Jello hang in there. Perna's idea sounds like something worth trying.

[lauren_helene]

yes mine told me today...see post above.

those are good ideas perna... im trying to think of routines i do.. and you're right.. there are things. It sounds bad.. but when i get down, showering is on the "maybe" list.. so i am forcing myself to shower and give a crap about how i look. i usually take a trip downtown on those days too.. get a bbq'd sausage from the vendor at the park by the library.

i also have a routine of listening to voicemails from him... and i leave voicemails for him. He says that is ok.

i will have to think of more.

i feel better physically today at least. i worked hard on a complicated media system for an artist friend of mine and all that time hunched over a computer system shot my back to hell.

i'm trying to plan activities and schedule things to give myself at least one important thing per day... i don't have a job exactly.. sort of but not.

tomorrow it will be just two weeks. i wish he had taken vacation during the time my parents will be visiting.. company helps.

[Brian37]

no...but she will soon start her summer schedule which means
appointments are few and far between as she only works a few hours 3 days per week.....ill be lucky to see her 3-4 times between now and late August

[SingDanceRunLife]

I was away yesterday so I missed T

I get to go next week (thank God)...But T will be away for the next TWO WEEKS after that!

to all of you... i'm sorry we're unfortunate boat-mates

that is tough brian... i would hate that. As it is i need to cancel a few appts for $$ reasons and i am so torn up about it... i need him.. how can i choose to not get what i need? i also get very afraid that he will take that opportunity to make me come once a week or less... sort of like he did with the phone.. "your best interest in the long run..." $%^#!

my pdoc used to go for a month.. but he and his wife (a T) decided it was too hard on their patients/clients. Now they go for two weeks twice.

to you sing.. i always feel so horrible when i have had to cancel... like i ruined something

for you too lauren.. i posted to you in your thread.. but please, feel free to join in here and we'll get through this somehow. If you have trouble with doubts about T then it will be a tough time, but you can do it. Just keep talking and working through it.

[Perna]

On the company helps front; I don't know why it took me like 30 years to figure out that going and and talking to anyone during the day (usually weekends when I wouldn't leave my apartment) was a huge help. It seems to ground me some and give me an out of my head experience :-) Radio or TV doesn't work for me, has to be "real" people but can be librarian, store clerk, etc.

<font color="purple">Yep. My T went on a little break so I wont be seeing her this week. Buuuut...I havn't built up a strong enough relationship for it to really bother me, at all. </font>

[SingDanceRunLife]

Kaika - You are very, very lucky. I hate going a week without seeing T!

tonight i dont care.. he's gone, so what? i've had to do without anyone to helop me before... most of my existence really. i had to do just tough out about 30yrs... more really.

im in a low grade depression and a pain/fatigue flare.

today it was a struggle to get out of bed.

i now have a support worker (called a peer suuport) who will meet with me every other week or so to help me prioritize and try to keep from getting sick. i dont like him at all really. Nice guy, means well but he's not on the same page at all. Its a situation in which i could probaby offer him more support than he can offer me. yippee

i have zero reason to even pull off the bed covers tomorrow.. feed dogs, walk dogs.. go back to bed. i just dont care.

somebody kill me

[sunrise]

(((((jello)))))
Can you say more?

[lauren_helene]

((jello)) I understand hon I really do. My T hurt me in the worst way with this unplanned 16 day break that he didn't prepare me for.

After 2.5 years together and he knows that other areas of my life are falling apart as we speak...that is just plain mean.

Feel better yet?

im just sinking into depression sunrise... i get an hour or so here or there where i can keep my mood above the horizon but it always sinks.. and deeper. today i had the grand accomplishment of riding the bus downtown and getting a hot dog. i feed the bun to the birds. It was all i could manage.

normally i would just try my best to accept that was where i was at... but i cant. My life is hanging by some pretty thin financial threads and i just cant have days where i dont get anything done. i just cant.

so the more i think about that, the deeper i sink.

depression and anxiety hand in hand

im sorry lauren.. i wish i knew what to say.. other than it is 11 days for me now... so 12 for you?

the one good spot... notice my faith in T has not drifted like i said. i still trust him.

[Kiya]

Fluff, when does t return?? Hang in there =(
((((((((((((fluff!!!))))))))))))

My T left for 12 days due to moving, now it's down to about 5 days. I am struggling horribly with memories and her being away - knowing when she returns, it will only be on a part-time basis, and soon she will be fully retired.

I'm trying so damn hard to be strong about it, as are my littles, but it's crushing us in reality.