How do you know T cares?

foreverlost... that fear.. about T not wanting to see you... that is what happens when you are making progress - no lie. Your walls shoot up and fear creeps in... you start having these sort of thoughts about T's motives, or fears that he doesnt want you around... it's like the cartoons with the angel and devil on each shoulder... the little devil telling you T is out to get you somehow, or leave you. But it's that little devil that you are trying to fight in the first place. It never ceases to amaze me how that damned little thing can convince me of just about anything. i mean... why would my T (or yours) do this for a living, accept me as a client... just to tell me to get lost once i opened up?

weird huh?

Thanks, Jello. I keep trying to tell myself T's rejection is just my misperception, but it's not working too well. I go from crying to being angry. He usually answers my emails, and this week, no replies. Plus, I opened up more than I ever have this week, after 14 mos. with T, and I'm scared to death. I don't typically wait around when I feel unwanted and I"m so tempted to just quit.
It's so reassuring to hear other people have/do feel similarly and that I''m not a TOTAL freak.

My T cares because;
* she doesn't accept my excuses,
* gives me a kick in the butt when I need it,
* usually finds a nice way to say stuff I don't really want to hear,
* she leave a lot of little cues that she cares under my "no care" radar so that my inner me feels supported without the public me getting too freaked out,
* she seems to listen and get stuff even though I have trouble articulating it,
* she is a professional who chose this career and it requires that she be caring.