Should I ring, write or forget it?

Hi I'm new to this board Im usually on the PTSD board so first of all Hi !

Here's my question, I went and saw a psychologist for a limited number of sessions paid for by my insurance - these are at an end - they ended a few weeks ago - My psychologist had to go in for an op and treatment afterwards and I really really REALLY and did I say REALLY want to know that he is ok because he helped me a lot and I found that I trusted him - I have heard via the grapevine he is back at work -

I dont want to overstep the client therapist thing - i dont want him to feel uncomfortable or waste his time - (which would be)and I am aware that since getting PTSD it seems to be my mindset that I have to keep EVERYONE safe even though I know I cant - that I overthink things (you think!) and so what is probably a simple decision ends up being more like this! - so do I ring and risk interrupting a session - something I would hate to do (he has no receptionist) or just send s xmas card saying I hope he's ok? P7

Most have an answerphone set up to take calls when they are seeing a client, or take the phone off the hook, though they can be a bit variable about remembering to do that...

I think it would be okay to call. If he says he is busy then I guess it means that he is seeing a client... You might just get an answerphone... But I don't see any harm.

I think that if he shared with you that he was having surgery, then sending a card to wish him well would be fine, but even doing that doesn't mean you will receive a response about his current health, something he may not wish to share.

Maybe this is also about something else: wanting to reconnect with him, wanting him to think about you, wanting to know details of his personal life.

phoenix, I think it's fine to call to talk to him for a minute or two to see if he is OK. You care about him and just stopped seeing him recently. It is perfectly normal to be concerned for his health, especially since he made not secret of it to you that he was having surgery. I wouldn't worry about interrupting him in session. Most likely, he turns off his phone while in session and you can leave him a voicemail and ask him to call back. I don't vote for sending him a card, because that is one way. It only tells him you care about him and doesn't reassure you that he is doing OK. So I think a call is best for what you want to know.

Thanks ECHOES, that is exactly what i was worried about -that I would be misinterpreted - and why I am probably not going to do anything - I was talking about this at work and someone said why would you do that?, do you like him? - I trust him, I respect him.. but I had never thought about if I like him - I have no aspirations of friendship - I saw him as a coach, If I could have had more therapy with him I would have because we sorted a lot of things out in quite a short span of time - so No I dont want him to think about me and No I dont want to know about his personal life - I just would like to know that he is ok - so I guess I've made my decision - thanks P7

Ok cant get the quote thing to work so forgive me for being a bit disjointed,

Hi Kim,

Yes I knew he was ok when he was back at work on an intellectual level - I think it's my seeing is believing kicking in - or hearing is believeing in this case. But the more I think about it the dumber it seems to me - he's back at work that is enough

and as to Reconnect? that's a scary word - that implies a connection and for a long time I have made sure that I have not connected with anyone - not trusted anyone - I have stood alone and that way I relied on myself alone and would not be let down anymore - I trust more people now since therapy but connect? that's stil a scary word for me, so I think thats another reason why I didnt know the "right" thing to do - I always second, thiird and fourth guess myself these days - questioning everything I do -

thanks for your replies P7

Hey. I realized that I misunderstood rather so I deleted my post. Sorry about that, can be crazy making when you respond to something only to be left wondering whether you imagined it...

It doesn't sound dumb to me... Doesn't sound dumb at all...

Not quite sure what it is about, though.

> Reconnect? that's a scary word - that implies a connection and for a long time I have made sure that I have not connected with anyone - not trusted anyone - I have stood alone and that way I relied on myself alone and would not be let down anymore - I trust more people now since therapy but connect? that's stil a scary word for me...

Yeah. I feel the same. Don't let anybody in and nobody will get hurt...

Sounds like you did let him in a little, though. And that was a major risk... And it really is such a shame that you can't keep working with him... Is there no way that that could happen at all?

P7, I just threw those things out there to think about. I don't think it has to influence your decision. I still think it's very nice to be thought of by another and I also think it just feels good to express our concern for another.

I think I probably misinterpreted because I was speculating and had only the information in your first post. Now that you've said more, and especially about second-guessing and worry about the 'right' thing to do, I might have replied differently. So misinterpretations can be ironed out as we go

If you're like me, second-guessing and worry can prevent me from being spontaneous. That's something I'd like to change and hope to through therapy.

I think the 'right' thing to do is what's in your heart. If we get misinterpreted, then we can address that at that time. Doing can be misinterpreted. Not doing can be misinterpreted / analyzed too. So follow your heart. I think it would be thoughtful and caring for you to let him know you're thinking of him and wishing him well.

wow thanks for that! went through my delete box - thought it was another symptom I could add to the list! seeing dissapearing emails -

Yes I suppose I let him in a little and that was terrifying - I told him things I had never told another person about my past and that was terrifying - I seem to be afraid of lots of things - I was taught as a child that if you reach out you'll get slapped down -so I dont reach out because I know what the result will be (I know thats stupid but its hard to get past) so asking if he would still treat me is too scary for me - if he had a secretary that would be much easier to deal with but he hasnt.

I was always told that if there was a good and bad choice I would choose the bad one - maybe that's why I have trouble making decisions, I think ECHOES was right in that I wanted to re-connect(still scary) - because I think he could help me - and a lot of the time i feel i am on the edge of a storm that will swallow me whole - so maybe I had an ulterior motive apart from finding out how he is - anyway I think ive made my decision - so thanks P7

Hi ECHOES,

reading everyone's replies helped me see what I was feeling - a lot of the time I dont know how I feel - cant rely on myself to do know whats right - I am sitting here with tears because I know now why I didnt want to call and wanted to call at the same time -

I wanted to know how he was - still do -

i would have liked to have seen if he would treat me as a private patient - (public patient but outside of the insurance) but I cant reach out in case its misinterpreted. So I will just take the good things he taught me and hold back the storm. (I only realised this through the replies in this post so thankyou everyone)

I am too afraid of too many things - so I will send a xmas card with my well wishes in it - I think its the safe option and I dont think that would be misinterpreted - thanks everyone P7

[quote=ECHOES;888429]I think that if he shared with you that he was having surgery, then sending a card to wish him well would be fine, but even doing that doesn't mean you will receive a response about his current health, something he may not wish to share.
quote]

I would send a card to let him know you care. Relationships are a two way street, send a get well card.

Good luck,
Angel