*slaps forehead,,shakes head *

I read in this forum from time to time .

And the things I have learned is : misses * T * ,, mad at * T * ,, wishes for the sky to fall on * T * ,, can't live without * T * ,, bake cookies for * T * ,, How would * T * feel if i hugged or kissed * T * ,,.........ect.

Maybe * T * needs to teach about UNHEALTHY FIXATIONS .

WMD.

Maybe intimacy means different things to different folks, and especially to those learning about it?

It is part of the transference, which we are welcomed to talk about here

It feels very good to be able to share these things with others who are also experiencing them or who have, and who offer their support

...well, what were you expecting? this *is* a psychotherapy forum, after all. it's not surprising that there is talk (wide and varied) about Ts.

although i do agree that some Ts probably should talk about unhealthy fixations also.

WMD,
I think you might have slapped your forehead too hard.
With concern,
Soliaree

It is part of the transference, which we are welcomed to talk about here

mmmmm?? Didn't know transferance was healthy as a problem solver in so far as mental health issuse go .

although i do agree that some Ts probably should talk about unhealthy fixations also.[/quote]

Thank You For at least seeing that it is a subject with relevance .

Yea since I don't exacly * espouse * the mantra around here .. " You Matter "

.

Transference happens in therapy and is something that the therapist can use to their advantage. The therapist can use the reaction the client has in therapy in learning about their reactions outside of therapy and with others. So yes, it can be used to help mirror back to the client their unhealthy behaviors with others, because these behaviors are also apparent in therapy.

Thanks for coming here to show your support.

Can't exactly see how that explains the " can't live without aspect " that is so often babbled about here in p/c.

Not a problem ,, anytime ,,It would be a shame if the minds of others were more or less left without other thoughts to achieve a goal .

I sometimes call it >> " Thinking for myself " .

Besides I am talking as far as this answer goes is >> Self Help Stratagies.
errrmm Self - care *.

R u bored wmd? LOL U must have known a post like this was going to start a "discussion". I dont think that it is a good idea to say stuff like this because the relationship with peoples Therapist is a very sensative touchy and fragile (sometimes) thing. Its best handled well by the therapists unless they ask for advice.

can you share more with us about your concepts regarding 'unhealthy fixations' WMD? i know ive had a few in my own past, maybe we can reach some new understandings if we think about it? best to you always, and i agree with the idea that others matter.. its simple... best to you always..

I think that the healthy aspect of what comes out of transference is becoming aware that our Ts aren't going to get up and leave, or kick us out because of our reactions/interactions.

I think its good people can talk about how they feel here - people have different levels of need and I think T's know that and can handle it - if peolple are reaching out for the first time they may form and attachment to their T - I think often this can help and if it gets too much i am sure the T would be able to spot it and deal with it appropriately.

I think sometimes talking here is all some people have and they will say things here they will not tell others for fear of being judged - there can be unhealthy attachments made but who are we to say what is healthy and unhealthy - as my T often said about lots of things - it is what it is and we will deal with it -I am sure any well trained t would know how to spot an unhealthy attachment and deal with it and I think it is good people can come here to vent - did I say that already?

take care P7

thankyou for bringing up the subject though - it has made for a good discussion

I am also troubled by a lot that I read.
I have had the same level of transference to several Ts. At the minute I'm in time out and I dont know if I'll go back again.
I find the transference opperates in me like an addiction and doesnt seem healthy. I can totally understand the expereinces people describe here, but where I dont connect is that for me it seems and feels like something really wrong, the generaly thing here seems to be that its fine.

One of the problem things is that I hear a lot of 'trust your T.' 'keep trying' 'tell them .......... more'. But this then diminishes a persons intuitive, reduces trust in the person's own truth and places trust in the other instead, - and this is the original problem many of us started out with. and how are T.s going to improve and learn if we dont challenge, question and leave when things arent right, and keep searching.
Ultimately, to trust and disclose feelings where the ethos isnt right is depleting to the soul, that is my experience any way.

I should say, that I have also had helpful experiences with my last T. that were so valuable, and yeah........'oh...%%$$"!(_+! yes, I miss him.
But in the end that too became all wrong, his attitude seemed to change.
If I could ever go back and be able to manage to face and to confront him, stand my ground, be 'on it', whenever something feels wrong, then I could have the best of both worlds. And that would be my wish.

In the meantime, I've gone back to my old fellowship, the wounded healers, the equality, the side by side approach. This too, of course has its imperfections.

One foot in front of the other............ for now.

thanks for questioning this whole issue IWMD. Courageous.

river

This hasn't been my experience in T.

I tried to work through my stuff by myself for many, many, many years and it got to the point where I was having serious physical symptoms caused by all of my emotional crap that I didn't know what to do with.

T believes that therapy should be driven by the client's "internal wisdom" - so he is there to listen, to ask questions, to help me think through things, to reframe things when I'm just out there in my thinking....but the work in therapy is done by me, and he points that out frequently. We're definitely a team...and he encourages me to trust him, but more importantly, to trust my self.

As for whether or not the attachment/transference/whatever is healthy....I was talking to my H yesterday and he commented on how much our relationship has changed and improved since being in T (we're not in couples therapy - I just go for individual). I think learning to be attached and to trust and to be in a relationship and to be cared for by T is slowly beginning to change my other relationships for the better.

I do care about T very much, and I do miss him when I have to go a long time without seeing him (like now!!). And I also care about my best friend very much and miss her when I have to go a long time without seeing her. I think it's part of being human, and being in a relationship with someone we care about.

What a sticky wicket this forum is.....OMG I don't know what to say!

Well, of course you knew I had to weigh in on this.

It is my belief, at least today, that it is through the transference that we learn the most about ourselves. Therapy is about attachment; and how we can form new pathways of communicating with ourselves; redefine our self image. As social beings, this requires an interaction with another person--the therapist.

I think we (in this thread) are talking about a whole continuum of therapeutic experience--WMD and River are looking at therapy as a place to become more self sufficient and others are looking at therapy as a place to know themselves better. These are all good and worthy goals and require differing methods/techniqes depending on who we are.

Our early childhood experiences are all different. I was left alone a lot and grew up in a boundary-less family, so learning how to let someone in/learning healthy attachment and healthy boundaries is a big challenge for me. If you had a mom who smothered you or an overbearing parental attachment, then maybe you sense attachment with a therapist as threatening; In either case, we need to learn to trust ourselves but the path to trust will be a most individual one.

WMD, come here and let me slap you upside the head.

Not a problem ,, anytime ,,It would be a shame if the minds of others were more or less left without other thoughts to achieve a goal .

I sometimes call it >> " Thinking for myself " .

Besides I am talking as far as this answer goes is >> Self Help Stratagies.
errrmm Self - care *.
__________________

I'll save myself the time of repeating this [ above reply ] again.

can you share more with us about your concepts regarding 'unhealthy fixations' WMD?

Sure run ,, if I must ?

IMO ,, I would for sure find it * unhealthy * >> if I thought one thing ,, only to later find out it was false , only in " MY " mind >>>. LOL.

Not a problem ,, anytime ,,It would be a shame if the minds of others were more or less left without other thoughts to achieve a goal .

I sometimes call it >> " Thinking for myself " .

Besides I am talking as far as this answer goes is >> Self Help Stratagies.
errrmm Self - care *.
__________________

I'll save myself the time of repeating this [ above reply ] again. ___

I dont know what you are trying to say but I am trying to say is that I dont think its a good idea to judge peoples relationship with their therapist. I read here and I see things that are concerning but also I know that messing with someones very fragile relationship with their T can do some very horriable things. People post here and this is a safe place for them to do this. To say if someone is to attached to dependent to fixated on their T you should know background history and type of therapy. We have some very very very vulnerable people posting in here/ While I like you and think you an awesome person I will protect these members if I can. if you wanted to post about your relationship with your therapist and if you had an unhealthy fixation then that is different, but to generalize this in a forum with very vulnerable (not everyone) people just to do what....give them other thoughts? I think that is kinda mean. Your not mean I have talked to you in chat and find you funny and a great person but I kinda feel protective of people in here. Peoples journey on thir ath of healing may look weird on the outside but its their path and if they didnt ask for this comment then it can do harm.

Not sure if this addresses or answers this line of thinking ,, but here goes ;

( example ) >>>..I was told most of my young life " I was worthless and would amount to nothing "

Now if I did not question that and find some backbone of my own >> then I would blindly follow the next best thing to come down the pike ....
Instead I chose to say " Take me as I am >> or not ".

I sure as heck was not put on this earth to please all just to feel validation.

take care P7

thankyou for bringing up the subject though - it has made for a good discussion

Thank You P7

thanks for questioning this whole issue IWMD. Courageous.

river

Thank You river ,,,