*slaps forehead,,shakes head *

((((((((((((WMD)))))))))))))

Anytime you want to question this is the place to do it! 'Tis always better to ask questions than to clam up. Questions can open minds and hearts.
Besides, I think we can take it. AND you might need to feel you can question things like you couldn't when you were little and without a voice.

Sigh. Take gentle care of the child within you.
Sending you love and hugs.

My reaction: The therapist is trained and [supposed to be] able to handle all emotions, without judgement...

(((((((( pachyderm ))))))))) I have said it before, you need to change your therapist!

The only thing I can remember as to Freud is ,,,, ID / EGO / Super EGO .

As far as * T * goes and being able to open up and tell all >>. heck , that is easy . But ,,,, if he started to feel sorry for me or absorbed any of my pain or hurt in anyway ...?
I would take the notepad and ask him if the couch or chair would be better ,, and then say " So what brings you here " ?

Thanks ,,, but I know somehow the past should not interfere with the present or future .

The one thing that seemed to be more troubling was the fact [ once the puzzle came together ] that a person [ mom ] that was suppose to protect me >> didn't ...

That why I be a survivor ,,, count on only one person ,,,Me.

Wait a min. >>>>....You forgot my * slap * in the head .. LOL.

"Thanks ,,, but I know somehow the past should not interfere with the present or future ." Quote WMD

Who said that WMD?
How can it not? Our upbringing shaped our mental being.
It's not that it will never affect our present but somehow through work we can see beyond that, build some sense of security for ourselves. What ever that healing may mean to you. Healing is different for everyone.

That why I be a survivor ,,, count on only one person ,,,Me. Quote WMD

No you learned to only count on one person because it was safer that way. I assure there are more out there who can be trusted, you just have to find the right ones.

As far as * T * goes and being able to open up and tell all >>. heck , that is easy . But ,,,, if he started to feel sorry for me or absorbed any of my pain or hurt in anyway ...?
I would take the notepad and ask him if the couch or chair would be better ,, and then say " So what brings you here " ?
Quote WMD

I have thought of that myself at times. But then I say what's wrong with that. I would love to be used with others in such a way because I know all to well the hurt that cuts deep.

However, I think it goes deeper than that for you. I think its a need to take away from your own hurt by changing your focus to another individual. Again, lack of trust. Your not use to those feelings of empathy and therefore they can be scary. There has to be some other motive behind his actions/words....right? He can't just love you for you.

Hangingon

I can understand that reaction, this is where boundaries come in and the T is supposed to explain that you are not responsible for them and what they feel. Many times I have caught myself trying to protect T from my emotions and she has had to remind me that it wasn't my job to do so, it is scary to share something on such a deep level.
I am sending you many safe hugs.

"Thanks ,,, but I know somehow the past should not interfere with the present or future ." Quote WMD

Who said that WMD?
How can it not? Our upbringing shaped our mental being.
It's not that it will never affect our present but somehow through work we can see beyond that, build some sense of security for ourselves. What ever that healing may mean to you. Healing is different for everyone.

That why I be a survivor ,,, count on only one person ,,,Me. Quote WMD

No you learned to only count on one person because it was safer that way. I assure there are more out there who can be trusted, you just have to find the right ones.

hangingon,,,, I am simply being logical ,, in those two thoughts of mine .

So, what you're talking about here is betrayal, right?

Betrayal is a form of 'moral' corruption or weakness, turning a blind eye, or lack of integrity. This person who should have taken adult responsibility, dropped it in favour of some other motive.

I also have this experience in my background.

I think the past has to inform the present - a healing relationship for me has to have integrity, but I've only found bits of that.

RiverX,,, actually when the picture finally completely formed ,, what I saw was her [ mom ] in shock ,,, her mouth wide open .

I must have for lack of a better term ,, went away for that moment .

Having had a strict catholic upbring with the threat of going to hell if you sinned or lied >>. this person of the church was just that .......... the one who could ,,,,,,,, send me to hell.

I could probably go into other aspects that occurred as a result of this and other bad events .... but I see no reason to continue going back over what I now already know .

BTW,, I wasn't seeing a * T * when the memories came back ,, so I just recognized and waited for time to clear up the puzzle and bring into focus the minds eye pictures.

.........I agree, theres no point in resurrecting the past unless theres a very good reason, and the right context, ..... but what you were beginning to describe does interest me... I couldnt work out what you meant, however, I got the senst you knew exactly what you were talking about.

further to your other post, one could ask, #" what brought you here?" (ive got my pad @ the ready. lol.)
I mean apart from to wake everyone up from the trance -ference, rescue them from the grips of ruthless Ts. and give me a link into the discussion, .

and before you scramble for the pad and turn the question on me, I will defensively, answer the question in advance of you asking it.......

Im not sure why I'm here, but I'm kindof facinated, and drawn to here, theres lots of reasons, but one is eg. Pegasus says;

".......The Father of psychotherapy, Freud, is quoted to have said that all patients need to fall in love with their therapist... What he meant by that is there needs to be a bond of trust where the patient is truly able to discuss anything and everything in safety..........."

...and I fill up with horror. And that I've had something like that experience, and the results were not healthy for me. Others are fine with it.
theres somethin I need to learn to manage, with this huge difference between me and most others, always has been like that for me in groups specially, . .......
.........so, I have this dilemma, I long for contact, but to be true to myself often leads to feeling alienated. (Its called the schizoid dilemma by profs)

I read this T on a regular basis, whether I post or not. The things I have learned on this forum is that this is a group of highly intelligent, empathetic, and wonderful people. I really enjoy reading all of the posts. I do not spend my time on here judging other posters who belong to PsychCentral.

The first lesson I learned in school was how to be polite and have good manners. Lifting other people up is far more worthwhile than tearing them down, don't you think?

Excellent points Hangingon. This shifting focus to another individual in a negative way (is this the same as transference?) I think is more common in people from abusive/neglectful backgrounds (like myself). I have become far better at overcoming this personal caveat since starting therapy. At one point in time, I wasn't even aware of it when I did it.

When I find myself shifting the focus to external (other people's) problems or perceived flaws, I am able to shift my focus and find my center again much faster than I used to.

.........so, I have this dilemma, I long for contact, but to be true to myself often leads to feeling alienated. (Its called the schizoid dilemma by profs) ...

I get that too >>> only from Little green peeps... * chilled * ... LOL.

I got the senst you knew exactly what you were talking about.

That would be an altered quess ,, LOL.

further to your other post, one could ask, #" what brought you here?" (ive got my pad @ the ready. lol.)

LOL.... I spose it was to find commonality and reassure myself >> I had come off my meds and was more or less trying to find some place I might fit in kinda ,,, O !! besides I got a free membership in the mail :P hehe.

Now RiverX >> when ya going to meet up in a chat room with me ?

WMD.

WMD this is really serious stuff and i know you matter cause you are not alone on this.. maybe its me, or maybe its tuff being a guy here at times, and i know the story you have to tell is one with a lot of importance.. much of this i didnt know because i dont chat... its my thing i guess and its not to offend, its my own form of self protection and yeah, sometimes it makes me a distant person.. well, dangit, i want you to get to be you and its all any of us would like to have in exchange i think... the group has shown me a lot of caring and these people are smart... im glad they are helping some and its easier for me to understand you now to ive known a lot of hard guy cases.. not even gonna complain about my own.. i think its good when we contribute the truth of our lives cause then the rest of us become educated.. im not picking your brain for more info either but we can all be here i hope and get along too... sorry if it seems out of line for me to say any of this and best to you always

Wouldn't take that as being " out of line ....."..

But that picking my brain thingy ??? This not have anything to do with the * Revenge of the Tomato People * would it ? LOL.

Seriously though ,,,run ,, alot of what I found was >> be afraid of that which is real today >> yesterday already gone .
That and give up fear ,,, For like every battle within that you win >>>>. One less thing to fear .

Are you truly concerned with making a point to help people here or did you just decide to poke at the group and see if you could get a rise out of anyone?

If you have any true interest in the topic of therapist/patient relationships and why they are important, you might google attachment-therapy.

I'll just point out that people who never traveled were the last to believe that the world wasn't flat...

OOOOOOok >> flowerb >> I have been off and on in counseling and * T * 's for 34 years >>> . meds and many dif tests and ,, the next best thing to be thought about or resurected in some cases .

I not sure if googleing anything would actually do me much good >> for the fact of the above statement ...

But I would ask this >>>>.. If you read this whole thread >>> it has actually evolved to some degree >> as an actual shareing of dif approaches and >> oooooo Maybe a bit of re-thinking ? IDK . ?

Yes, read the whole thread. Lots of different experiences. Lots of opinions.

Sorry to just flare but am so tired of DEFENDING the fact that I CARE about the person who is HELPING ME! WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR PEOPLE TO UNDERSTAND? Seems pretty simple to me - I hurt, he helps. I miss him when he is not available to me - a seemingly appropriate feeling when you care about someone. He does not run my life. I do not sit and pine for him.

Too much media crap about dependency.

And you must admit - your orginal post was less than diplomatic...especially the subject line. Not exactly a "tell me about" kind of opening.

Yet you are telling him to look it up. I think much more comes from reading about people's real experiences.

Therapy relationships are often not as simple as-- I hurt, he helps. I care for my therapist deeply. Anger comes into the relationship a lot. Sometimes it is part of transference, sometimes I am genuinely angry at him. I feel like anger is just another part of the intimacy. Why would I bother getting angry at someone I don't care about?

I think the relationship is a lot more complex than that.

i have to defend your viewpoint (maybe i dont need to?) because i felt the same way initially Flowerb (still reserving my opinion on it til the threads purpose is more obvious) cause it seems to me, and ive been off the mark many times, that there was a much kinder way to introduce the topic but i know also that we all do the best we can (i hope) in order to express ourselves without wounding others here....

i think the topic of attachments is a healthy discussion to have tho, we do at times need anothers hand, and no one gets through life 100% independently, i dont care what they might think, and when we do become attached in an unhealthy way, there are definite consequences.. when we are healing it is important to stay in touch with ourself and the world around us as much as possible.. truth and reality are hard to take for me at times i admit, but as i told myself a very long time ago, it is simple to decieve another, but deceiving myself will gain me nothing...

WMD is not our parent -- but it seems to me that some are reacting as though he is an authority, and thus have trouble with the expression of his opinions and feelings. I have trouble with authorities who do things that I don't like, but I don't react to WMD as an authority, just as another of us. Worth thinking about?

Sorry, WMD, maybe you want to be taken as an authority?

im thinking on it Pachy, and yes, it is worth thinking about in a way, i suppose i feel that we each are authorities, at least of our own lives... we are responsible to ourselves as much as possible for our own well being.. that would include being aware of what and who and why a thing might be within our presence.. awareness of what enters our zone is the first step towards handling it i think.. many here are sensitive beings and a large part of this community is based on empathy and understanding, even in times of disagreement, we can give consideration and allow presences that may or may not have been invited.. that is reality not to be authoritative tho