Screw you t i quit!!!! I hate you!!!!!!!

What you did to me today in session was terrible of you! First you come 15 minutes late, not 10 as you said! Ok I can deal with it because you make up for the time. Then you say out of knowhere "I don't have anything to prove to you anymore, I already see you basicly f or free" %#$# YOU its not my fault I"m poor and my parents won't give me their insurance card for his new job and its not my fault I can only pay you co-pay, she said "I charge 140 dollars not 30" #$%@ YOU if you all you want is money and to make me feel bad after all the prayers i've sent you, poems i've written you, love i've given, then screw off T....screw off...I can't believe you....then you ask me at the end of session if I want to come back? I said "what why wouldn't I" then as I sit in my car and cried I figured it out you don't want someone like me, you even said it yourself today "you overwhelm me, as you do everyone only I can just deal with it, but it does get annoying since I have a family"....what the hell T? After all I've given you for what this session of torment? I waited almost 2 weeks for this session because of your damn vacation and all you can do is make me cry?? Next week I'm coming telling you how I feel and leaving...its over!
You've CHANGED in this week and a half off, T, CHANGED you used to not give a care about alot of pay, or if I put my weight on you seeing i have NO ONE IN REAL LIFE TO CARE FOR!!!!!! I even went to my stupid pdoc today after session because i was upset and guess what? HE IS CLOSED ON WEDNESDAY SCREW HIM TOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! NO ONE CARES NO ONE NOT EVEN YOU T!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and by the way t, your name and birthday used to be my password to my computer!!!! Guess what? Not anymore!!! Goodbye!!!!

Moonkin, what that T said sounds abusive...........

Moonkin....slow down and take a deep breath. Please just take in a breath from your tummy and let it out slowly. I want you to listen to me ok? T's have bad days T's are not perfect....what it sounds like she was trying to tell you probably didnt come out in a very supportive way. I want you to slow down and dont do anything stupid. You are thinking with your emotions and that is way to impulsive.
Your T has always sounded like she cares for you alot. She probably was trying to point out the ways she does show you she cares about you and it came out wrong. I want you to slow down and focus on the good things she has done for you and hold on to that. No one can be perfect all the time.
One step at a time. Please be safe ok? Please. You are loved on this forum and we are here. SLow down relax and breathe. Ok then lets talk about step 2 maybe calling and talking to her. One thing at a time. You need to be safe.

I just don't know what to think, first she hurt me with words, and more words, ending with "so do you want to come back?" uhhhhhh yeah why wouldn't I I've been seeing her a long time....she must not wonna see me

moonkin i think she saw you were upset and thats why she asked - are you misinterpreting what she said? I often overthink things my T has said to me - add meanings that she didnt mean - then I discuss them with her at my next meeting and we get it straightened out - is your Pdoc open today?

take care P7

Nope no Pdoc today.

Hi Moonkin,

I think your "T" asked you if you wanted to come back to make sure you
were genuinely interested in continuing therapy.

Mine used to ask me that question alot too....

Sometimes she has said things to me to that has upset me, most of the
time it was things I knew were true, but really didn't want to hear
unfortunately.

Hang in there....

i hope you can talk to your pdoc soon

my T always used to ask if i wanted to come back - so that i didnt think i was under pressure to return. some patients have trouble saying "no", y'see? so they like to leave it open.

your T probably saw you were upset and thought it might be a good opportunity to leave the ball fully in your court. i don't think she wants you to stop therapy.

can you call pdoc's office and ask him/her to return your call when they're in again?

I'm sorry about what happened today. I don't think it is that unusual for a T to ask, "Do you want to come back?" or "are you coming back next week?" even after awhile of seeing the T. Sometimes my T will ask that after we have a particularly tumultuous session-- of course he knows I'm coming back, but it is sort of a banter-type thing.

Has there been an issue in your therapy with boundaries? Has she discussed your boundaries with you?

sounds really rough moonkin. i'm sorry that things are hard for you right now.

therapists are human... and sometimes... they aren't perfect. i don't know why she was late... but sounds like she is feeling a bit overworked at the moment. sometimes when people feel like they are doing the best they can and it still isn't enough then they feel frustrated. she may have been a little frustrated that she wasn't able to keep her promise with only being 10 minutes late... and she may simply not have been in the place to be given a hard time about that.

> "I don't have anything to prove to you anymore, I already see you basicly f or free"

so it sounds like she feels that you are testing her. needing her to prove that she cares about you and maybe not noticing or appreciating or taking it as a caring gesture the things that she does do.

i know this is hard... sometimes therapists need some encouragement... some kind of acknowledgement that they are helping. otherwise they can start to feel helpless and... frustrated.

but then from your perspective... you do really care about her and appreciate her. does she know how much you care and appreciate her? now might be... the time to tell her.

i know this is hard. some would say that it is part of their job not to respond like this. i guess i think... that they are human and that we can't really expect more of them than that. maybe this is important with respect to you learning how to take care of your therapist. i know i needed to learn. to help prevent therapist burnout. linehan has this stuff about that... it really has helped me develop good working relationships since then. before that... things used to go badly sometimes. they would end up feeling frustrated with me and i would end up feeling uncared for.

sounds like you need to think about the things she has done for you. given the things that have helped. the things that you appreciate. the things that show you that she does care and show you that you know she isn't just about the money etc. then: tell her. if you do want to keep working with her then you need to let her know.

good luck.

Yes we have had the boundary dicussion, once I called her house under bad circumstances that didn't go well the next day, she was very peeved yet said she wasn't mad, it was identical in my eyes of today's session except I didn't cross boundaries at least not that I can see........I just don't know anymore how to survive in life...in therapy...I have no one in real life to care for me.

I think your T cares and there are a lot of REAL people here who care about you Moonkin - hang in there

please moonkin, i think it's important that you tell someone about these thoughts you are having. i am sure your T would want to know. i have read some of your previous posts about her and truly believe that she *does* care about you.

if not, is there some crisis line you can get a hold of?

I just don't know what to say or do guys, I"m sorry if I don't answer your questions, its just this was her first session with me in almost 2 weeks do to vacation, and it hurt a lot to look forward to this session and it end badly, now next week and the week after will all be the same,....I'll keep asking myself "will this session be the same"........now I believe in my soul all she cares about is money at this point, not my emotions and my financial situation...I make 200 dollars every 2 weeks....and for this month and half of january I work none (I work at my college and its a long break and no work allowed because im a student worker)........no insurance but my dad's they don't have the new insurance card yet and even when they get it i'll have to pay a 50 dollar co-pay(i told her bluntly today i couldn't pay that) which is true, plus her...140 dollars a session that's insane i know lots of therapists are way higher but I think its ridiclous I mean god in 1 day they'd make more then my dad has ever made and he works his *** off (they do too or some therapists I mean I dunno I'm just starting to see truths in the lies)......so confused...just wonna wake up in heaven.......

.. sometimes the first session back is so much more reality-based than the reunion session we imagine. The gap between the reality and the anticipation/expectation can feel very bad, very unconnected. I wonder if there is some of that going on.

you must, of course, go back and continue this conversation, this thread, with her and see where it goes.

moonkin please give her the benifet of the doubt. Call her talk to her. There are alot of people who love you. She may have felt some strong feelings. Please be safe. I would like you to have a promise to us here at psych central of safety. Can u please promise us that you will be safe for at least the next 72 hours? Then we can renew the contract. Will you please agree?

ok

thanks..... 72 hours and thn we can see how you r doing. I want you to be safe. A lot of people want you to be safe. You are important and we care so much about you. Please talk to us and let us know how you r feeling and doing. It will be ok I promise you. Things seem so scary now but I promise you that they wont stay this way. Suicide is forever and you will never see the joy that I promise will come back. SO sat urday night We will need to re new this. Do you have some idea how to dal with the strong feelings until you can work this out? some I use are writing or posting here, drawing watching a funny movie. I am so proud of you. You are awesome. Thank you so much for agreeing to be safe for the nest 72 hours. That shows is that you are strong and what a great newly formed adult you are. I am so proud of you. Thank you. You did a great job today by the way. You posted about your feelings and didnt act on them that is so great, Good work.

Moonkin, you can do this - you can make it through - yuo are brave and strong and we are here with you - is there someone you can ring and talk to? your T or a hlep line?

take care and be well P7

i know it hurts. the thing is... sometimes we need to reach beyond our hurt (that is justified and legitimate given our past circumstances in life) to this person here right now in the present. here right now for us... doing what? well... that is up for you do decide.

> now I believe in my soul all she cares about is money at this point, not my emotions and my financial situation.

well then that is the way it is. if you really believe that then every thing that she may have said or done to counter that is... basically worthless. that is basically the consequence of what you are saying. if that is they way you feel then indeed, you should not continue on seeing her. really, you should not continue on seeing a person who only cared about money despite your emotions and your financial situation.

the thing is... do you really believe that about her? don't get me wrong, you may well feel it... the fact of the matter, however, is that she simply can't take back all the legitimate and understandable reasons why you feel that anybody who you interact with feels that way. if you can't transcend that to the degree of seeing that maybe she is different... then, well, there really isn't any hope for your relationship. a way of minimizing hurt would basically be... for things to end here.

or maybe... she is worth more to you than that. maybe... her actions (on their own merits rather than them all confused up with your past experiences) simply don't fit the pattern. if you decide this is so and can convey both to yourself and to her that this is so that there is hope for you to have a working relationship then things are salvagable. if you genuinely think that she only cares about the money... then run... run... fast as you can.

up to you.

because sometimes... the thing is... ya just gotta meet someone half way.

yes... crap has happened to you in your life. crappy crap crap that make it really hard for you to trust people . sure. that is part of the plight of many people who suffer.

but then... you reach out to others for help.

and they aren't your abusers. they aren't. much as it is tempting to cast them in that role when they don't intuitively respond to your every need and desire.... that doesn't mean they are out to harm you.

most therapists try... and try... and try... they realize that trust doesn't come cheap... there are often a number of things that they do that are supposed to convey that they are going OUT OF THEIR WAY to help you. such things as seeing you on a cheaper scale than all of their other patients or having email contact with you more than their other patients or what the **** ever... these are the things that start to stack up in their mind. objective things of how they have gone out of their way in their attempt to help you.

if you can't see that as an attempt to help you then... it is time for you to move on. otherwise... they will simply burn out in working with you. if you can't validate that then... well... your therapist is basically telling you 'don't you see what i do for you? if you do not then... i can't do this anymore'. there is no love in the world that is unconditonal (unless you believe in some weirdass god). basically... validate her efforts or end her misery now. don't you see????????????

Moonkin, I am sorry you had a rough session. It sounds to me like your T has tried to give you the care you need but it has become too much for her and she needs to renegotiate the boundaries, in order for the relationship to continue. Maybe you can see her sometimes so-direct-they-hurt comments as an effort by her to preserve the relationship, with changes that are essential to its continuation (from her point of view).

To me, it sounds like the issue is not so much the money, but that you said or did something that made her feel that you think she doesn't care for you. To her, it sounds like the fact that she gives you a huge discount on therapy "proves" she cares for you and she is upset you don't appreciate all that she does for you. I could very well be wrong though--you were there and saw it all.

Well, you probably knew that. What is the point of her telling you this? Is it to emphasize that she really does care for you a great deal (or else she wouldn't give you such a large discount)? Or is to tell you that she now wants you to pay the full fee?

She's trying to establish some new boundaries. Did you recently try to contact her outside of session by email or phone? During her vacation with family? If so, she may be reacting to this. Maybe she can put some firmer boundaries in place so that she can remain in the relationship. Maybe she will want no phone calls or emails outside of session, or a set number. (I'm not sure what her policy has been up until now.)

I hope you will give her a chance and go to therapy with her again. From many of your past posts, your T comes off as very caring--a great person to have in your life. I hope you can keep her there.

I think when she asked you if you would be coming back, maybe she felt you might not like new boundaries from her and wouldn't want to do therapy with her under those circumstances. So she was giving you a chance to say, "this isn't going to work for me." I agree that question would be painful.

Please stay safe, Moonkin.

excellent post, simcha.