2 years and what?

Therapy today:

I am exhausted and confused. This working through is too hard. I love him and hate him. But mostly I hate him. All the way home I planned my escape. He's such an arrogant *** sometimes. I don't think he really understands my experience. And another thing, I am really sick of him saying: "I DONT' KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"

IT MEANS I DON'T WANNA BE HERE SHITHEAD! I DONT' WANT TO HEAR YOU SOUND LIKE A POMPOUS ***. WHEN I LEAVE YOUR OFFICE I FEEL UGLY.

He's not empathic anymore. He's just a pain in my arse. Grumble, grumble,

blah! Blech! WAAAAAAAAAAAA

I JUST WANT TO BE TAKEN CARE OF, ******MIT! STUFF IT IN YOUR CAKEHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS AND ANOTHER THING--STOP FREAKING SQUINTING AT ME!!!!!!!

((((((( MissCharlotte ))))))))

Awwwwwwwwww i'm sorry things feel so bad!!!! I hate it when they just don't get it.
(((((((((((((((((((((Miss))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
guess biting his feet IS the next step.

((((((((MC))))))))

maybe he needs a reminder of what you need - maybe you could do this or this - there are times in the past i have come out of therapy and thought what the **** just happened -!!!!

Maybe your T was abducted by evil time lords and will escape and come back next week?

all jokes aside, I hope you are feeling a little better, I guess T's unfortunately are human dammit! and stuff up on occassion and that makes it hard for us - tell him next time ...and i never want to hear you say - what does that mean i dont know what that means - ask him to thing of another thing to say -might help who knows - anyway im sending you

(((((((((((((((((( MissCharlotte ))))))))))))))))))))



I agree that you need to tell him that saying that bothers you.

((((((((((((Miss C ))))))))))))))

oh, misscharlotte, i hear you. i could have written that about my T, too.

any chance you could send him an email letting him know he's failing on the empathy side? might be the prod he needs to get back on track.

Miss C, I think all of our Therapists were at a convention on the holiday break! Your session sounds like mine. All Therapists were trained this holiday break on how to piss of your Patients and see them squirm.

oh, my T got in early and pissed me off just before the holiday break. can i swear here? i have a few choice words about him i'd like to get off my chest .

Miss Boots,
May I borrow that for a title for my next poem?

To all:

I already told him he was failing and he does not do email. He's an in-your-face kinda guy.

I know I am working through some really nasty stuff. But don't know how much of it I can bear to see.

No joke - i left my apnt, crying all the way home and sobbed through the entire night. I thought that was just a nightmare, but turns out it was real. Maybe it is a good thing we didn't meet for our regular time 2 nights ago. Maybe I don't want to see t for another 5 days.... i forgot how rough last time was.

((((((((((((((((((((((Miss C))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((everyone!!))))))))))))))))))))))))

I think therapy breaks (which it seems like we all have had) really throw things off for a while. At least, I hope that's all it is.

Big hugs all around....

There is a part of me that really feels like I can't move further with T.

oh, missC .

i think what i would do would be try to address this in the next session. maybe you need to collaborate and get a plan happening, so that you can see yourself moving forward and track your progress.

but if he isn't willing to own any of it, then maybe it is time to move on.

I think my T was the guest lecturer on this technique. Especially the session on how to blurt out word that echo to patient's core and phasing questions like... "What exactly don't you like the smell of?"

((((((((((((((((MC))))))))))))))))))

I totally understand your fustrations

The last time I told T I wanted to quit he asked "I need to know if you can persevere?". I thought about it for a few minutes and then mumbled a "yes"

Can you persevere MC?

(((((MissCharlotte)))))

I say this sometimes too. To my kids, usually. I just really want to understand what they are talking about, not annoy them.

Quote:

IT MEANS I DON'T WANNA BE HERE SHITHEAD! I DONT' WANT TO HEAR YOU SOUND LIKE A POMPOUS ***.

Hmmmm, maybe this is what my kids are thinking too.

It sounds like he wants to understand, though.

I'm sorry therapy is so hard now.

Do you need to slow down? Do something else in therapy for a while and return to this when you are able?

That makes me sad, because all you have written about him and you. All the wonderful and connected things you have described. Can you share this thought with him and see what he says? I did reach a point with my first therapist that I could not move beyond. I was stuck. So I left her and found someone else who could move further with me. I have not regretted it. Do you think you are at a similar point? Or is it frustration from a disconnected and painful session?

((Sunny))

Maybe a little of both, only it has been the last 6 painful and disconnected sessions. I am beyond sad too. I just haven't been able to find that other compassionate T in a long time now. I think he has changed, and I don't know what to do. I find myself laying here in bed figuring out how to "call in sick" to therapy on Monday. I don't want to go, and I don't think it's resistance unless I'm resisting working with him.

ms Cha,
What do you actually think is going on here ----- I mean other than you being p----d off with him?

You know me, I got the horrors with what was going on with my T. and backed out.
But, I mean seriously, if you were to take time out and assess from both sides, what the...............???

isnt it odd, every one was in those feelings of loving, missing theier Ts over the break, then there seems to be some sort of critical masss type thing, wher all these Ts got together, or some naughty T. fairy with a resentment put something wrong in the Christmas pudding, and all the Ts came back in a bad mood.

Its so difficult huh, because for them, its one mor 50 minute,for us, its what we are trying to restructure our inner selves on.

I was thinking today, its like his, Ts intrapsychic structure made its imprint on mine, I was absorbing everything, downloading from him, so when some of it is a result of his being unaware of his umprocessed stuff, I take in all the bad, unwanted stuff, and its hard to spit out again because when one session became about firefighting the last, things got worse, because I felt urgen to put things right, and he seemed to get defensive.

It became too expensive both emotionally for me, and financially.

So, I've gone back to fellowship. This is helping, but I do still long.

Somehow, you sharing this, helped me to share this.

I'd like to make some suggestions about correcting the situation with your T. but they may not be the most sophisticated!! lol

river

This might be a good thing to talk about with him? Could it be the heart of the matter here?????????

awwwwwwww (((((((((((((((((((((((((((MissC)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Your T squints at you? Does he need glasses or something? As long as he isn't winking at you... I'm direct with my T. I don't stuff things down when I have a feeling or a thought that is important to express. If I think my T is wrong or his answers are otherwise simplistic and unrealistic, I tell him. It's important to TELL your T these things you post here.

You don't really hate your T Miss C~ He is probably confronting the things that are unpleasant to talk about which are holding you back from functioning better. That can piss people off when their dysfunctional patterns are pointed out to them. A lot of the reason that people have so many problems is because they stuff emotions down and also don't confront irrational thoughts/actions. It's easy to forget here that most people do not see a therapist because they are afraid of them.

If I thought my T truly didn't have empathy anymore, I'd leave him lickity split, with no hesitation. Without empathy, what good are they? In your case though MissCharlotte, it more than likely isn't the case that your T is lacking in empathy. It's more likely that there has been a communication breakdown by what you described. I'd be p.o'd at my T if he was always asking me "What does that mean?". I'd also make it a point to ask him directly why he didn't understand what I was saying. If they don't understand you, then they can't help you. That's why you have to communicate in a DIRECT fashion with your T, and make sure you are understood before moving on to next topic.

Your T IS taking care of you if he is confronting your dysfunctional belief and behavior systems. If that isn't the problem though, and your T REALLY doesn't understand you, TELL HIM! Make him "get it". Otherwise, your spinning your wheels and going nowhere. If your T is a POMPOUS ARSE like you said he seems to be when you are leaving his office---evaluate if that is because your mad at him for re-opening an old wound, or if it is because he was insensitive and/or rude.

Either way---turn the tables on HIM. Confront HIM with your emotions about his behavior toward you. You are a human being who is deserving of respect and being understood. If he can't do either of those things, then he needs to find a new profession and you need to find a new T who can.
BTW--it's fun to play with your T's head by turning the tables on them, which is what I often do when I feel like my is being too simplistic or not understanding. Live a little, you know~?!

(((MissC)))

I've been playing with adjusting how I sit in the therapy room lately. It really is interesting to see how different it feels to be sitting next to T or laying down as opposed to having T looking at me.

For me, it seems like an important growth step. Instead of T being such an authority figure, having him next to me makes it seem more like he is just sharing my experience.

(Note, this changing seats only happened after 2 years of working together, so I think it had to do with me growing and the relationship changing to adapt to my needs.)

If you laid down and just closed your eyes, or asked T to sit next to you -- at least you wouldn't have to see him squinting anymore.

Totally - when T sits next to me on the couch, that is EXACTLY how I feel - like we are "in it" together, like he is sharing what I am going through. I feel way less alone.

Do you think your T would try that with you Miss C??

First of all, let me set something straight. I am no wilting flower in therapy. I do share all of these things with T (and then some). I am entitled to be angry with him. Period. He would be happy if I had a big fight with him. But I collapse and get hurt instead.

Simcha, I don't play games in therapy and don't want to "play with his head." I take my therapy very seriously.

I am working through a huge transference here because I am also angry with my mother.

Second of all, Sannah, I am well aware that being taken care of is important and a core wound--and yes I know it and yes we have discussed it and will again and again.

Spoted Owl/EM--Thanks! I like the idea of changing seats. I don't want him to sit next to me right now because I am too pissed at him. I would probably stomp his foot accidentally on purpose. But I might try lying down. I've been thinking of that also. I just don't want to look at him right now.

In my therapy I am working through complex ptsd. I am slowly becoming aware that almost anything can trigger me. So my number one priority right now, if I don't quit (and I guess I won't) is to re-establish a sense of safety with T. Right now he is a threat and I do not feel safe in his office.

OMG THIS IS TOO HARD!!