[marjan]

I see him here and there...almost every week...we get connected through dancing...we go to the same dance class....I tried to change my class, but couldn't find a better one, besides I love my class....he's not seeing anybody yet....but he doesn't want to be with me....we fight! or it's better to say, he fights with me.....

I don't know how to stop thinking about him....I'm not even in love with him....but I don't see anybody else attractive....I'm getting crazy....I see guys want to go out with me...but I'm not interested at all....I want him!

He has so many girls after him too, and he doesn't date any of them....

I think we are so much like each other, that's why we get to fight!

Each time, we see each other, the chemistry is too great between us that we can't control ourselves.....

I'm so afriad...I'm getting older and still single....I really want to have family from myself...what's wrong with me?

I don't know how to be paitent....and as much as I'm not paitent things are going worse!

thanks for reading my PM
Marjan

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Marjan

Originally Posted by marjan

I see him here and there...almost every week...we get connected through dancing...we go to the same dance class....I tried to change my class, but couldn't find a better one, besides I love my class....he's not seeing anybody yet....but he doesn't want to be with me....we fight! or it's better to say, he fights with me.....

I don't know how to stop thinking about him....I'm not even in love with him....but I don't see anybody else attractive....I'm getting crazy....I see guys want to go out with me...but I'm not interested at all....I want him!

He has so many girls after him too, and he doesn't date any of them....

I think we are so much like each other, that's why we get to fight!

Each time, we see each other, the chemistry is too great between us that we can't control ourselves.....

I'm so afriad...I'm getting older and still single....I really want to have family from myself...what's wrong with me?

I don't know how to be paitent....and as much as I'm not paitent things are going worse!

It seems like you are like a moth drawn to a flame. You can't stay away but yet you are aware that if you get too close, you are going to get burned....AGAIN.

Do you have any vacation time at all? It seems like maybe you just need to take a break.

Also... I know you like dancing, but are there any other activities that interest you? I'm just wondering because you could always quit dancing for while and pick it up again at a later time.

Whatever you do... it seems like you need to find some way to distract yourself from thinking about HIM, HIM, HIM all the time.

Good luck

Peppermint Patty

[marjan]

Thanks Patty for your reply....I do have some other activities besides dancing....Actually, I avoid going to the regular places that both of us used to go which I'm not happy about it, but I really want to stay away....
However, my class is great....and it's for the first time that I can see so much improvement in me....I'm not going to quit it because of him....besides we have common friends too...I have to find a way to stop thinking about him....
but tonight at least I was strong enough to not go to his place....I saw his eyes wanting me, but I left quickly.....I can't do it really....I don't think it's good for both of us....I don't understand what his problem is? He's not with anybody and he likes me, but he's not with me either....so dump!
I was just out of job, and this is a new job, I can't really take vacations....but the good thing is my mom is comming to town and that can distract me a bit I hope....
I think the best distraction would be just simplay "finding another guy"....but when you feel for one, it's difficult to detach and go for somebody else!

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Marjan,

I think the best distraction would be just simplay "finding another guy"....but when you feel for one, it's difficult to detach and go for somebody else!

The only thing is.. relationships on the rebound usually have a poor track record of working out well.

Getting over someone just takes time... alot of time. Stay strong... and hang in there. Things will will get better.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Peppermint_Patty

Hi Marjan,
The only thing is.. relationships on the rebound usually have a poor track record of working out well.
Getting over someone just takes time... alot of time. Stay strong... and hang in there. Things will will get better.

Thanks Peppermint_Patty,

You are right. I try my best to stay positive and high sprited and I think I'm doing okay. But still somedays like yesterday got into me badly. I texted him and he was out of town! Probably, that was a sign to not see him....also, I can't make for tonight's class, because my mom is here....that gives us a little bit more distance....I read his facebook and he's going out dancing with all these girls on Thursday night and Sunday night.....It's so difficult for me to live like that with him....that was my main reason to break up and even furture than that I didn't want to date him in a first place, because I was seeing him hanging out with so many girls....but he's not dating any of them....
I don't know sometimes, I'm so confused thinking that probably I should have let him go....but then I think he left by himself too....He could have stay with me!!!!
It's just so hard to find somebody else....I wanted to try online dating, but I did it before and didn't work....probably, I got to give it another chance....
It's really bothering me all these loneliness....I'm trying my best to not think about my loneliness but it gets into me more and more....
thanks again for your advice
MT

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Marjan,

Originally Posted by marjan

It's just so hard to find somebody else....I wanted to try online dating, but I did it before and didn't work....probably, I got to give it another chance....

It's really bothering me all these loneliness....I'm trying my best to not think about my loneliness but it gets into me more and more....

Well... just my $0.02, but I wouldn't keep him on the string just because you can't find someone else. The best thing you can do is to let him go and move forward.

Also you talk of loneliness... what are you doing with your time? Are you working fulltime or going to school? Do you have friends that you see at least once a week? It seems like you might need to find more activities and friends to fill up your hours.

This will help you get away from thinking about Mr. Wrong all the time.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Peppermint_Patty

Hi Marjan,


Well... just my $0.02, but I wouldn't keep him on the string just because you can't find someone else. The best thing you can do is to let him go and move forward.

Also you talk of loneliness... what are you doing with your time? Are you working fulltime or going to school? Do you have friends that you see at least once a week? It seems like you might need to find more activities and friends to fill up your hours.

This will help you get away from thinking about Mr. Wrong all the time.

thanks again for your reply....
I'm working full time and I get home around 6ish everyday....I'm very active till the point that I'm barely at home and my home is getting messier and messier!
But I'm at the age that needs to make family and kids....I'm 36!
Well...tonight, I didn't go to the dance class...and I was with my mom....It helped me a lot to not think about him....
I do have friends, but having family and boyfriend, somebody who is close is something else....hope for that day...
thanks again for caring....Marjan

[Pomegranate]

(((Marjan))) you've been fighting this for so long now. Maybe you should try a sort of reverse psychology on yourself (and him). Just give in to it. You want to be married and have children, so you continue to look for that. Use as many ways you can think of to meet men you might want to marry.

Until then though, when he's around, relax and have fun with him. Just let him know you aren't in an exclusive relationship with him, and protect yourself from STD's. Let him know you enjoy his limited company and that he's free to see other women and you are busy looking for a man who wants a real relationship that could lead to marriage and children. Then do that.

He'll do what he always does, try to make you jealous with other women. Ignore that and when you aren't with him, spend you time thinking about and doing things that will get you with men who could be husband material.

Maybe by releasing yourselves from preconceived ideas about what kind of relationship you have to have together, things will just naturally take there course. And most importantly you can stop driving yourself crazy!!

[marjan]

Originally Posted by Pomegranate

(((Marjan))) you've been fighting this for so long now. Maybe you should try a sort of reverse psychology on yourself (and him). Just give in to it. You want to be married and have children, so you continue to look for that. Use as many ways you can think of to meet men you might want to marry.

Until then though, when he's around, relax and have fun with him. Just let him know you aren't in an exclusive relationship with him, and protect yourself from STD's. Let him know you enjoy his limited company and that he's free to see other women and you are busy looking for a man who wants a real relationship that could lead to marriage and children. Then do that.

He'll do what he always does, try to make you jealous with other women. Ignore that and when you aren't with him, spend you time thinking about and doing things that will get you with men who could be husband material.

Maybe by releasing yourselves from preconceived ideas about what kind of relationship you have to have together, things will just naturally take there course. And most importantly you can stop driving yourself crazy!!

Thanks Pam...You know how long I've been fighting with it....I hate when I get stuck like this....It's so embarasing, but at least I have you guys to talk to....Do you think I should talk to him about being exclusive? I know he wanted before, but it's not me to say such a thing...so difficult to say that...and yes, I'm so afraid of getting STD....
I definitly don't want him as my husband, and I know I'm not in love with him...but it will hurt me if I see him with another woman for sure...unless, I move on and be in love with somebody else....
I think being lonely and seeing most of my friends have family or boyfriend is more bothering me....I deserve to have one too, but not sure why it doesn't happen to me? any relationship I get into, doesn't last even couple of months....I'm so afraid....
Thanks for your advise
with love
Marjan

[horsecab]

Sounds like this guy is just an addiction for you. I have been addicted to women before, and they are usually the worst possible people for me. They seem to fill some need that is actually just an issue from long ago. That's why it's best to just start out as someone you can be friends with and let it grow into something more passionate and deeper. The addictions will only turn out to hurt badly in the end.

[Pomegranate]

No sense, no point in talking to him about being exclusive if you don't want him as a husband. That's is a wise choice on your part. Also it sounds like he would never be exclusive anyway, no matter what he says. You need to keep yourself open to potential marriage partners, that's the most important reason to not talk about being exclusive with him. I know it will hurt if you see him with other women but there's no sense beating yourself up and being in such distress when you do end up with him. Just get it straight in your mind and his what the limits are to the relationship.

[marjan]

Originally Posted by horsecab

Sounds like this guy is just an addiction for you. I have been addicted to women before, and they are usually the worst possible people for me. They seem to fill some need that is actually just an issue from long ago. That's why it's best to just start out as someone you can be friends with and let it grow into something more passionate and deeper. The addictions will only turn out to hurt badly in the end.

Yes...this is an addiction and obsession!
I'm getting better little by little....hope to meet that special person....
How are you horsecab? how things are going? wishing happiness for you and everybody on the planet

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Marjan,

Originally Posted by marjan

Thanks Pam...You know how long I've been fighting with it....I hate when I get stuck like this....It's so embarasing, but at least I have you guys to talk to....Do you think I should talk to him about being exclusive? I know he wanted before, but it's not me to say such a thing...so difficult to say that...and yes, I'm so afraid of getting STD....
I definitly don't want him as my husband, and I know I'm not in love with him...but it will hurt me if I see him with another woman for sure...unless, I move on and be in love with somebody else....
I think being lonely and seeing most of my friends have family or boyfriend is more bothering me....I deserve to have one too, but not sure why it doesn't happen to me? any relationship I get into, doesn't last even couple of months....I'm so afraid....
Thanks for your advise
with love
Marjan

How come your relationships don't last? Are you too needy? Are they too needy? Are there major incompatibilities or what? Have you tried to examine why they end?

Anyway.. I don't think using "reverse psychology" as another poster mentioned is going to solve anything here. If this guy sleeps around with a lot of women, you are only going to be greatly increasing your odds of getting an STD from him.

Plus having a casual relationship with him is not going to get rid of the jealousy issue. I think just distracting yourself is the only way you are going to get over this guy.

Also quit thinking... "OMG I am 36 and I am not married" or... "Poor, Poor me, I don't have a boyfriend", because that type of attitude will get you you into settling for someone who may not be your ideal or getting into a really lousy relationship-- which when it ends, makes you angry and sad because you know wasted your time.

Personally, I would rather be single than stuck with Mr. Wrong or Mr. Loser any day.

Good luck to you,

Peppermint Patty

[marjan]

Thanks patty and Pam,

Yes, I got to stop thinking about my age and being alone!
you can't believe that tonight I was out with my friends and I met a handsome guy who seemed to be decent and nice....I liked him...and I told my friend that I liked him...my friend told me to go and talk to him...I was shy...then she did that for me...she went and start talking to him, then I joined....then I found out he's working in IT, same like me and we talked a lot....I didn't feel that much of Chemistry, but I gave him my number....guess what? I gave a wrong number I can't believe I made such a mistake again....I'm so mad at myself....I didn't have my cell with me....he called me right away to give me his number, and then I didn't have the miss called on my cell, then I found out I made a mistake and I gave a wrong number....how dump one person can be?
He was single, handsome, polite and smart...and I blow out my chance, I dont' know if I would meet him anymore....probably, next year in beer garden again!!!!! arggggggggggg....

Patty, you asked me why my relationship don't go anywhere....I think I know why....I'm so needy, jealous and at top of that I have so much expectations....that's why my relationships go wrong....I'm trying to work on them....but I wanted to stay cool with Aaron and I didn't....besides, Aaron is not a guy to sleep around, but he has STD already....herpes which I'm so afraid of it too!

Pam, you are always right, I got to stop thinking about him...I'm getting better really...once I get stronger, I can meet another guy and fall in love with....I have to stay strong

thanks again for helping me here
with love
Marjan