Not Needy Enough?

My guy and I was talking deep the other day and he kept saying that " Your just not needy enough, I need needy" What does this mean? Anyone hear this before? I've heard too needy but never not enough needy to fill a space. Any thoughts?

Are you open and honest about when something's bothering you, what you want out of your relationship, what your dreams and desires are, day to day needs sharing with him, show vulnerability?

In my opinion, we all like to feel that we're needed by our partner for some reason. Very insecure people think if they're not needed they can be easily replace.

Sounds very familiar to me. Is he feeling that you are too independent? Asking for help, emotional support, and being grateful for it are tough if you have trust issues, but maybe experiment? Notice where you need what he brings to your relationship.

Have I mentioned lately, AAAAA is so wise!

I used to be one of those really "needy" people. I am not anymore due to events in my marriage, and it has rattled D a bit. But I know I can stand on my own two feet if I have to.

If you are not "needy" enough for him, that is ok. There are those who "need to be needed". I am not this way in romantic relationships or my marriage (D was very independent when I met him, is 8 1/2 years older than I and had lived absolutely alone for 4 years when we got together. If he NEEDS me to take care of him, times of high stress, when he is sick, I do take care of him then), but I do tend to do it in my friendships with either gender...

It sounds like he needs to feel needed - tongue twister I know LOL. Sounds like he derives boosts to his self esteem by wanting to feel he has a purpose in your life. For example many substance abuse relationships will have one partner who's stimulated by feeling they're needed. This also branches out into personalities like 'enablers' or 'rescuers' - people who swoop in when things are dramatic and solve problems or give comfort. Maybe he finds you're to independant and he doesn't feel he has a purpose. This isn't your fault though. Ask him what would make him feel like he's needed. Give him some jobs to do that are done by him. Maybe his previous relationships involved needy women or his mom was needy. Best of luck.

Sounds like your dude may need to find a new mate....you don't want to be needy!

I am going to give you the male perspective and also ask, did you ask him to clarify what he meant? if not, ask him. Men need to feel needed by the women in their lives. Not a insecure needy, but needed. I know some couples where the wife will not allow her man to do anything for her. She is self-sufficient which is great, but if she had a flat tire, she would rather change it then let her husband come in and be the "hero." I dont know, maybe some of this is going on? I would just ask him to clarify what he meant. Maybe he is co-dependant and is projecting onto you? Good luck.

Haha, I think it's kind of cute personally. It reminds me of my boyfriend... For the longest time I was afraid to pump gas. It was an irrational fear based on the idea that I would some how manage to make the gas station, my car, and everything/one around us would explode. Over the summer, my boyfriend would pump my gas for me, regardless of whether he or I was driving my car. Towards the end of the summer, I learned to pump gas myself (I was going away to school 3 hours away, and taking my car, and realized I couldn't depend on anyone else so I'd better bite the bullet and get over my fear and just learn to do it). On one of the last days of summer together, we pulled into the gas station and he looked at me and said, "Do you want me to pump your gas...?" and I said "No, it's fine, I can handle it." And he just looked so sad, and was like "Are you sure....? Cause... I can do it." By being able to take care of me, in even the littlest of things, it helped him show that he loved me.

What i'm trying to say is it's not so much about you being needy (no one really wants that), but being able to show that you appreciate and want someone special in your life (and vice versa) and that both people are able to take care of the other.

Sorry this was so long.. Just got out of an exam and feeling a little chatty!

Ro

Thanks for offering the male perspective. I agree, she should nicely talk to him and find out what he means. It may be as simple as, he needs to feel you appreciate him or he needs to know that he has a purpose in the relationship. Many men like to feel they needed by their partner.

I get the "need to be needed" thing, but I'm wondering, isn't it healthier to be in a place where you WANT someone in your life, you don't NEED someone?

Thanks for replying Junerain
I try to be as open as I can be. I know I struggle with this greatly and am working on it. I let him know what I want to be and everything, but I still have a long way to go. My past relationships have ended cause I was too open and honest so I shut myself down and now I have to reopen again
Thanks!

Thanks AAAAA!
I agree, I know he wonders about this too but I do even more than he does. Maybe he just scared he will lose me to someone else.

I talked to him today and he said that what good is he if I don't need him. Well I do need him I just don't know how to show it very well. I know I have major trust issues and working on them. Thanks for replying!

you could tell him that even when you don't need him you still want him. he doesn't need to earn your love.