Falling In Love and Getting Depressed

Everytime I fall in love I become depressed. I sabotage relationships by pushing the men away. Everything can be so perfect, and I just push the man away. I am trying to understand why, and how I can stop myself. I am totally falling in love with this perfect man, we are in our 30s and he is wonderful. I have been feeling emotional, and sad. I am happy to be with him, but I am afraid of getting hurt. Can anyone give some advice or insight? Thanks.

I'm going through the same thing except mine is my bipolar rantings that push them away. Its so hard but we have to stop the behavior or it will always be that way.

I think a therapist should handle this one. Never felt this way, but then again, I don't understand men so much.

Hi loveperfect99,

I agree with NuckingFutz, in that you should see a T. After some time, smart occasional Q's, and trust develops you ought to develop a better understanding of where you are psychologically.

My personal experience is a tendency to push people away when they're getting too emotionally close. I can't bear the thought of being alone, but also can't bear the misery of another heartache. Up and down. Typical borderline personality disorder characteristic. You can check out the information on BPD when you click the link: Conditions & Disorders on the top of the page.

Best wishes to you!

I have a similar problem! I feel like I'm cursed.

I'm very much the same, although i've been with my current boyfriend for coming up to 2 years, which is a first for me! He is very tolerant of me being BPD, and it's taken a while but he's proved to me that not all men are the same, and i'm not unloveable.

But when we first met i was VERY scared, especially after my ex trampled all over my heart... I found myself falling for him very quickly, and that scared me. I wanted to be with him all the time, and that also scared me. But i stuck with it, and tried my best to control my feelings. It really helped that he knew i was scared, and why. I don't think i could have done it without him knowing what was going on inside my head.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Hope this is helpful to you.

Stick with it Loveperfect, and good luck!

it sounds a bit like you are idealizing love. you use the word "perfect" twice in your post and it's a part of your username. maybe you are pushing the guy away so as to not have to be let down when you find out they are not perfect and the relationship won't be all you imagined or hoped for? unfortunately, there are no perfect people so we will be let down at some point. but sometimes reality can be pretty darn good too.

A question just occurred to me...if you get depressed when you are falling in love, when are you not depressed? Not trying to be a smart tush here but what makes you happy? If I was depressed all the the time, well, not gonna go there.

i feel the same way you do, well its my borderline kicking in. im scared there gonna abandon me so i push them away and get angry at them because there not there for me. i always end up ruining the relationship

I am not depressed until I am falling in love. I only feel depressed when I am in a relationship with a man. The rest of the time I am fine, happy, although I feel as though something is missing and then I wish for the happy relationship.

This is how I feel. I do everything, well close to everything, right, to make the man feel loved. I try to do whatever it takes to not disappoint or let him down. So, if he does something to let me down, it is hard to trust him again, or to get over it. I imagine the guy perfect for me would not let me down, or it would happen very few times, if it had to. I have a hard time trusting becasue I am scared to get hurt. I have been hurt so much before, you'd think I'd be stronger. Well I am strong, very strong, until I fall in love....then any little thing brings back the pain and horrible feelings from being hurt in the past. And I am even on good terms with the people who hurt me in the past. So what is going on?

I'm going through the same thing. It's been about a week now and I'm kinda fighting with myself over it. I realized that every time I jump into a relationship I tend to get EXTREMELY sensitive and very depressed when things seem to flow perfectly (I just don't understand why!!) I don't want to push my partner aside, but that's exactly what I'm doing and I'm dying inside because I love this person. The thought of losing him makes me go nuts and I even begin to imagine things that I know will never happen, but I just can't help it. They seem to have a way of creeping into my head, all these nagative thoughts, so my response is to ignore him and become silent.

I am sorry you are strugging. You do not have to be perfect. You just have to be you. Flaws and all. And that applies to the men in your life, as well. No one is perfect. Including you. You are lovely and intelligent, kind and interesting - just as you are. If you try too hard and work so hard at being (what you consider) fabulous, you will probably become exhausted, resentful and ultimately setting yourself up for failure.

Once you take that to heart and learn to forgive yourself for past relationship hurts / traumas, perhaps you will give these new relationships a chance. With an open heart and open mind.

I would really encourage you to find a good T that will be able to help you get to the bottom of this once and for all.

Why the need for so much perfection? You can only go down from there. That is indeed pretty depressing.

You deserve to be loved and to love simply by being you. Talking through all of this is a great step to healing and to set yourself up for success. Hug, Rose

It could be a self-esteem issue.
Sort of: I don't really believe he can love me. So it will be a fake and then i'll be left feeling more alone than before

Could this fit?
ANyway i agree that a T could really help

You need to read up on risk aversion. You are risk averse to an extreme and that hinders. You in your pursuit of happiness.

It is extreme risk aversion.

Hi i been seeing this guy on and off for 11 years he my high school sweetheart i suppose and due to our work schedules it not always easy to see each other when i with him i love it feel happy but when i at home or work all i do is think about him and recently again i had a girl say to me he been seein someone else and i tend to always start argument about it before hearing his side of the story i have a fear of losing him i feel he is the one even though we don't live together and he still as not proposed i keep thinking one of these days he will leave me

Hi LovePerfect99. I have been there too. If you have no other issues, then your problems are worrying too much, too much anxiety. If you are happy with each other, try to get as much as you can, while you can. May be it would help, if you keep thinking that any accident can happen anytime, anyday, probably tomorrow, and no more that lovely relationship. So, please, live, learn and grow, and be happy.

I don't understand why people have been posting in threads that have had no activity in years. Another thread had a new post this week and the thread had died in 2008.

The OP in this thread last posted on the forums 01-15-10.