Can't shake the thoughts this week

Thank you Susan

I have no idea what the outcome is going to be but I know that no matter what, I will find happiness in what ever the future holds for me xx

(((Belle)))

That's all that really matters. My daughter has been going through the same kind of issue but the diffence is..they have my beautiful 4 year old grandson. Just take good care of your heart sweetie.

Belinda,

We've been talking for a long time now, almost 5 months. One thing I've learned about you is you're a very loving and caring person. You've told me all of the bad and all of the good about Mark, and I've told you everything about my ex. I was surfing around the internet yesterday and came across this quote, I wanted to share it with you. It's by one of my favorite authors, Chuck Klosterman.

We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you’ll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there’s still one more tier to all this; there is always one person you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of these loveable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they’re often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really, want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else.

I think this applies to the both of us pertaining to our ex's. I know how much you love Mark, and I know that other people on this forum look at him in an extremely negative light. People do make mistakes though Belle, and it sounds like he's suffering a lot from what he's told you. If he truely wants to get things back to the way they were with you, and you feel the same way, I think you should give it a go. You can live your entire life wondering "what if I gave him a second chance". Or you can take him back and it can end one of two ways.

1. You get back together and a few months down the line he screws up again. You feel like an idiot for a little while for believing him and probably put up with the same depression you have been dealing with lately. But I don't think this time you would be as crushed, more disappointed in him than questioning yourself. Some people would get to say I told you so, but you would get over it once again eventually and at least know 100% that it wasn't meant to be.

2. At first, you have a hard time letting him back into your heart, but after a while your old relationship picks up nearly where it left off. You fall back in love and soon you're doing all of the old things you used to do together. He'll probably apologize daily for being such an idiot. Eventually, you two will settle down and you will have the life you've been planning for the past few years. Have a family, grow old, be happy.

Those are really the only two possibilities of you two getting back together. As far as I see it you've got a 50/50 chance of what you were hoping for all along. You know how I feel about Mark, you know I'm not really a fan of his actions and how he made you feel. But, this isn't about my feelings, or anyone elses for that matter, only yours. If Mark is that person, the definition of love in your life and you want to give him another chance, I don't see how anyone can blame you for that. Too often we get caught up in our own pride and forget that we were given the ability to forgive. People make mistakes, and I know if I was in Mark's shoes right now I would be going crazy. I'd be stricken with guilt, confused, and feeling pretty hopeless. I guess on some level, I feel a little bad for the guy.

Anyway, I guess all I'm saying is trust your heart. If you still love him, and you still feel the same way you felt, give it another shot. You're a smart person, and I trust your judgement whatever you decide. And just know I'm here for you regardless of your choice, or your situation in life. You deserve to be happy, and if you believe this will bring it to you then go for it.

Good luck whatever way it goes.

Bryan

You made me cry - that quote is brilliant and yes he is my definition of love.

Thank you, thank you, thank you a_long_ways. You have become my friend in such a short time, we have shared everything we could and I want to say that I really appreciate what you have written xxooxx

I know how you feel. I do hope that things get better for you. Just remember that time heals all wounds. I can only imagine what you are going through and my thoughts and prayers are with you. Try to get through as best as possible. The more you talk the easier that it can get.

Good luck to you,
Lynn

Thanks Lynn

I was healed until he sent me a message saying he missed us.. now I am back to being confused and full of hope... A_Long_ways is spot on in what he wrote as is bloom...

belle, i had mentioned an author to you recently, harriet lerner. she is a psychologist specializing in how women deal with things and she seems rather brilliant. i've been reading her book the dance of intimacy and just read a section that made me think of your situation. she talks about triangles but not necessarily in the sense of love triangles. she said it happens in all types of relationships and is just a way people manage anxiety. you might want to check it out. i'm learning a lot from her. another interesting thing she said is that sometimes people freak out and do something crazy because of some other unrelated event like an anniversary of some tragic event. the person may not have any idea that is what they are really reacting to and act it out in seemingly unrelated ways. i don't know if that relates to mark at all but she has some very interesting ideas.

(((((((((Belle)))))))))

my dear....stay strong....sorry for telling you this....but now I'm hundred percent sure that Mark is a very confused man and he would never be able to make any woman happy....

Don't let him to steal your time of healing....you need at least a year for getting healed, and that needs you to completely cut off all your contacts with him....otherwise, you will just open up your eyes one day and see it looks like you were walking round a circle, but the time has passed and years have gone!!!! don't do that to yourself....

again....sorry for being harsh....and I know you don't like to hear these....but they are true....

think about broken status, it would never look the same when you glue it together.....

take care
Marjan

I am doing good today.. happy enough and I haven't had contact with him..today that is. He needs serious therapy - have thought about it and he is severly depressed and has been for over a year - he even admits that now... how to convince him that therapy would be a good solution for his woes...

My dear Belle....It's not your duty or job to care about his depression.....he has his own life and his own girl even....stay away from this guy.....you are not here to rescue him....

I was like this towards my ex-husband....I wish....I wish somebody was telling me to not waste my time on him, and go with my life.....I wasted 5 years of my life 26 till 31!!!! then I needed couple of years to heal....now figure out how the time goes by quickly....now I'm 36 turning 37 soon....so, don't let mark or any other guys to steal your time from you.....

xoxoxo
Marjan

I am down in the darkness... haven't contacted him as it has to be his choice to leave her.. without the complication of me.

Thats very good Belle!! Well done!!

And just remember that you are awesome as you are! You dont need the complication of him! xxxx

I am sorry you are down low again. It is so hard when we get our hopes up only for our heart to be crushed some more. The price we pay for love hey. Eeks!! I can't imagine every going there again. I hope you have some fun stuff planned for the weekend.

I know I have been quiet lately but you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you well always.

My sweet hearth....you will be fine....we will be fine....let time to heal your wounds..... are you going to Yoga class? please do it....even if you don't feel it, force yourself to go....

Sanity....good to hear from you....we really miss you at PC....hope everything is fine with you and your son....

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy."
-- Psalm 126.5

Thank you all xx

Yes I am still going to Yoga Marjan - couldn't give that up.

I went to a day spa with my Mum this morning for some pampering (her mothers day treat from me). It was lovely.

I am still in limbo guys... waiting on his decision but I am not doing too badly about it really.

I have a date tonight which should be nice - I love italian food YUM!

Have fun Belle! And what a lovely treat for your mum and you!! Sounds so great!! Glad you are feeling better and being good to yourself! Hugs xxx

Hope the food and company are excellent, Belle.

Thanks everyone.

I had a brilliant time at the day spa

The date was nice but he's VERY clingy... even though I have set some ground rules... I told him I am not ready for a relationship etc. He keeps telling me I'm 'perfect' and beautiful' - all seems over the top. Why is it that nce guys aren't what I really want? He would give me the world on a plate.. (dinner was Yummy as btw LOL) It just seems false when you get that many compliments in two hours...

I had my walk this morning with Tom - he has a way to make me happy and laugh.

All I want at the moment is for Mark to give me an answer one way or the other. Either he is staying with Lisa because he loves her or he's leaving her because that's what he wants. I don't know what I WANT until that happens. I love him but it doesn't mean that I really want a relationship with him in the end..but I wont know until he gives me a clear answer.
Just my musing for the day xxoo

I am in love with Tom. It warms my heart to hear how he cares for you.

I can imagine that would be a bit uncomfortable being gushed over so much. It can be nice.... to a point.

I hope Mark gives you some indication of where his thinking is at too. I wish you didn't feel the need for him to make a declaration on way or another but hoping he can find it in him to show you that kindness soon.

I am so glad you had such a wonderful day at the spa with your mum. A sweet and lasting memory to cherish forever.

Take good care my dear sweet friend.

Thanks Sanity

Nice to se you back on here again.

How is everything going?

I had a good day.
I hadn't heard from Mark so I text him "How you doing" and got back "Good, how are you?" I replied with "Good I guess. Glad you good, that's better than ok"
I didn't get any reply after that. The doubts have come flooding back.. I am thinking he has decided that he loves her and just hasn't got the guts to tell me what I need to hear.

All I want is an answer either way... I need to be able to move on (again!!). I suppose I gave him until the end of May to figure his s**t out and I stand by that but some indication would be nice as I am in total limbo today..(PMSing like crazy too..LOL that is probably what has brought this darkness on).

My little rant no need to reply to this one haha just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head xxooxx

Sorry, but you really are quite predictable.

Hi Byz
I know I am when it comes to this... and that's the reason I stopped writing on PC for a while... seems like it's that time again with replies like that. I can't stand the negativity that I feel on here at the moment.. but I still need to get things out of my head for my own sanity.

hey Belle....you should write to us....I understand the feel of not wanting to hear anything negative....and that's a great attitude....
You got to do what is good for you....and what is good for you, may not good for others....so....don't worry and write here again....we won't judge you....
I know I was one of the ones to try to stop you, but probably, it's better for you what you are doing now!

Take care girl and hope you give us a good news by end of the months...this way or the other....
Marjan