I'm back to my darkness :(

sorry in advance for being sad and pessimistic....I don't want to drag you down with me, but I have nobody to talk to.....

how many more days I got to be alone? I feel so lonely.....It looks like I tried every single possibility to find a partner for myself and I failed.....I can't think about any other ideas even....yes...I'm out there....yes, I do activities that I enjoy....yes, I'm on the online dating site now....yes, I go hiking with a group...and I go dancing....but it looks like there is no eligible bachelor in any of these events....and yes, I gave up!

but I can't stop that void and fear inside my heart.....Is that it? Do I stay loner for rest of my life? How is possible for a minority to find a partner in this big country? Is there any chance even?

Do I ever find that partner for my life? I'm losing my hope and I know that's the very bad thing

sorry for ranting
M.

Hello, marjan. I have no answer or advice. All I can say is you have helped a lot of people here. Thank you.

(((Marjan))) - I'm sorry you're feeling discouraged. I just finished reading your other post with the inspiring article - but I realize it's not always easy to take our own advice or adopt an articles viewpoint instantly. Are you still going to get into volunteering?

I have a suggestion. For now, forget about finding a partner. Keep doing the activities, volunteering etc and just enjoy those interactions. I have a feeling love/partnership will come when you're not deliberately looking for it. Do you belong to a religious group? I hope things work out for you Marjan.

Thanks Lynn....
Just after this thread, I read that article and it was so inspiring then I posted....
I have to find a volunteering job for myself and make myself busier....I can't stop my mind thinking why I don't have a partner while all my friends have one....

We always imagine other people are happier than we are Marjan. True your friends have relationships, but are they all happy? I'm not down grading relationships but just trying to put it in perspective.

For the volunteering - don't rush into it. Think about what are your passions -is it children, environment, animals, fundraisers for cancer, the homeless. Good luck.

I like to work with children....They are like blank page and trusty to learn....plus, I think I can learn from them how to be careless and happy and joyful with my life.....
I have a niece and nephew that are so adorable....I love spending time with them and answer their endless innocent questions....They are just living very far from me.....once my 5 years old niece asked me "who is Jesus?" and then endless questions....that was so cute....We were in a church in Cambridge....she was looking at a small cross with Jesus on it....she was wondering why he and people around him painted on the cross are so sad....that was so beautiful innocent question....and sometimes hard to answer all their questions....
I will do some research to find out how I can be volunteered....
thanks again....

When I finally got tired of being with the wrong people I quit looking and just decided that I would be by myself. It actually wasn't so bad - being with the wrong person was worse. I was convinced, and accepted, that there was no one in the world for me. And so there I go, minding my own business, learning how to be happy by myself...a year went by, then two...and then my wife walked into my life. I recognized her immediately and even said to myself, "Wow, there she is, the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with." I told her a week later...didn't want to scare her off by telling her too soon.

Happily ever after is an understatement...seriously. Better than even my imagination prepared me for. There is hope.

I didn't marry until I was 39 and often, beforehand, thought many of the thoughts I hear you express. I once started bawling in the middle of a busy, large City, street because I was thinking about going home, alone, to my crummy, little, efficiency apartment and how I probably would be doing that the rest of my life; no warm fire in a fireplace in the winter, no fun/funny dogs, no one to converse with or sit quietly reading beside, etc.

I puzzled over how my best friend from high school had just (in our late 20's) decided she wanted to get married, had joined a square dancing group (not the first place I'd look for an eligible man :-) met the love of her life there and married him. It seemed so "simple" and yet I couldn't figure out how to make it happen for me.

I think some of it is not trying so hard, as we can't really control such things; don't know who we will meet tomorrow much less to marry? I had issues, wasn't sure I was relationship material. I had been in one serious/poorly chosen relationship (hopeless, could not have worked even if he had been willing :-) and had had a pretty serious depressive episode when he made me quit seeing him. I changed jobs and the love of my life showed up, unexpectedly and totally off my radar and with lots of difficulties of his own but we took it a step at a time and five years later, we married (and now it's been over 20 years).

I would "give up" kind of like AkAngel says, just decide it may or may not happen and look to your own life as if it hasn't happened yet :-) Where do you want to live, what do you want to do/be/experience if you don't get married? I'm lucky as I have an 89 year old maiden aunt I've always looked up to and have always had other friends and family friends who were unmarried females that I could look at what they did with their life and fashion my own with them in mind.

Thanks so much for warm and encouraging words....I always love to hear successful and loving stories....

True, probably, I feed the thoughts of loneliness so much....Probably, I should just quite thinking about it....I just get afraid when a year is going by and I have nobody still with me....and I agree with being alone is better than being in a stressful relationship....that's what I'm really afraid of....I had those bad relationships enough in my life....no more of those please.....

I've already felt better now by reading your replies and that article and tonight I'm going hiking that I love....I go with a nice group of people....mostly single and passionate about hiking....

thanks again
Marjan

(((((marjan)))))

i'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this.

i think what perna said here is really true. obviously we can't sit around all day doing nothing and expect to meet someone but if we try too hard it tends not to happen either. i think you may be trying too hard.

don't put off doing what you want to do until you have a husband. enjoy your life now. my situation is similar to akangel's in that i met the person and knew they were the one and it will definitely happen but things went a bit haywire and now i've had to wait for the situation to sort out. it hasn't been easy but since i know in my heart that it is going to happen i am waiting as patiently as i can.

Maybe you're trying way too hard and obsessing about it to much. I'm a loner and honestly you do more than me..I don't have a "group" that I do anything with. The last time I found someone it was behind a Cafe parking lot. I was looking for somewhere to sit and check my email in peace and quiet and apparently some guy had the same idea as me and we laughed about it. We had fun and that "void" was filled temporarily..when it ended I felt 15 again because I obsessed about it for weeks. It hurt more than I expected because that void was open again.

People who always have someone and do meet poeple easily are always unhappy. Their relationships don't last long. They jump from person to person to create a fake fill for that "void" and inside they're miserable. I'm the weird type that rather be single than with someone just to be with someone. It's another reason I avoid having female friends..get too close to another woman and all they do is complain about their boyfriends/husbands/exes. Too an extent is understanding but a lot of them do it constantly.

Please do not get down on yourself, marjan.

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” ~Buddha.

You will make your world.

thanks....I do believe in that....got to change that negative chatter in my head....

Hope your day is going wonderfully well, marjan.