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#26
May 03, 2010, 11:58 AM
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Do you want to hear something really funny? well....there it is.... while back, last year, I signed up for another dating site for a month....I got email from one of the guys....a long email telling me everything about his life including having kids, being separated and bla bla bla.....anyway....I don't know why, but I went out for a coffee with him....GOD forgive me right now....he didn't look like close to his pictures at all.....I'm sitting there thinking how to leave ASAP and catch up with rest of my Sunday....He's sitting there talking about all these girls that he met on online dating within 6 month.....he told me "he slept with all the girls either in the first date or the second dates"....I said...."wow....really?"....he said...."just wait you will find out at the end of today!!!!".....now....Marjan is freaking out....Marjan is thinking...."on my dead body....you f&@$#ing stupid, ugly second hand sex toy....I don't want you"...I keep saying..."sorry, I got to go"....he said "just one more story!"....and he tells me another creepy story about one of those girls that he met online and they slept with him....now I feel sick to my stomach....I want to scape and hide in the corner of my home..... now, I'm saying good bye to him....we were close to a garbage can in the middle of the lot....he's trying to get closer to me, probably to get a hug or a kiss....I'm walking away....it felt he's chasing me around the garbage can!!!! Honesty, he was one step forward towards me, I was two steps backward around the garbage can....hehehehe.....I said goodbye.....jumped into my car and drove fast to home....got an email from him that he's so sorry for talking too much....and bla bla bla.....whatever..... I didn't meet anybody else on that site anymore...... I think now I know it's better to be dateless rather than going out with creepy guys!!!! But of course, I called my girlfriend and we had a big laugh out of it.... 
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#27
May 03, 2010, 12:10 PM
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LOL....I love your list.....That's my list too....I didn't think about folded arms....but that's so true.... and so true...the guy who is at our age and still wants to go clubbing, what's that about? The guy that I used to date last year and I got so much tension and stress our of that relationship was into dancing and clubbing....dancing was okay for me, because I'm a dancer, but every week, couple of times to be in the club....OH NO....it was fun at the beginning, but then it was all fight...he didn't even want to go out with me to my friends' parties, because he wants to go to the club....what is that? even saying it now, I get angry....  and the guy with couple of kids, just separated....nooooooo.....I've been there and I know what it is.....It's so complicated, and a big drama and I'm not a baby sitter....they need to finalize their marriage first before getting into the online dating....and they should go with a woman who has kids then they have mutual understandings....that's my opinion....I don't want to offend anybody on the site really....sorry, up front! I think you are very smart and selective....so, don't be discouraged....there are some good guys on the site too.....It's just matter of luck and being wise to what we choose....good luck to both of us and sure, if I come to London, I would love to meet you  I've been there last November.....you never know probably this summer....my sister lives one and a half hour away from London....take care and thanks for sharing your experience with us.... Marjan |
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#28
May 03, 2010, 12:50 PM
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I found my husband after several years of online mishaps. The biggest difference I've seen with "traditional" dating is that it takes longer to find out what the guy is really like. Everyone says you can believe what they say, and it's easy to be faked out when all communication goes through a keyboard. Usually it takes meeting someone in person to really get to know them. Meeting on the internet gave me a bit more comfort than meeting them for the first time in a bar or something.
In many other ways there's no difference between online dating and face to face meeting. In general, people are single for a reason. I didn't really start dating until I was in my 30's, which says something about me. The guys I met were also single for a reason. Sometimes it comes out via the computer, sometimes you need to meet with them, in one case for me it took moving 3,000 miles to stay with him for a few months. As with everything else on the internet, success depends on the website. There was a big deal a few years ago about a guy (who was a lawyer) who sued a dating site for taking off his profile after records showed a marriage certificate but no divorce decree. Things like that would make me more comfortable with that site. I met my husband on a site for people like me. There wasn't much of the computer matching or anything, but everyone knew from the get go what I considered my major weakness in finding a husband. Most religous denominations have some kind of site for people of that faith, and there are sites specific to geographic areas. Just as with everything else in life, there are jerks and idiots in every group. Hope you find some of the good guys, who are also there if you look hard enough. |
 marjan
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#29
May 03, 2010, 01:05 PM
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I am with you all the way on the clubbing thing. I would not like that one bit. Are you a dancer for a living? what sort of dance?
I am with you the guy with couple of kids, just separated - done that too. in fact my ex (7 years together) was separated when we met. He got a final divorce after a year or so of us being together and you are right it's so complicated, and a big drama and they need to finalize their marriage first before getting into dating - I think they have separation problems and some denial....and I agree they should go with a woman who has kids then they have mutual understandings and expectations. Thanks for the good luck! The same to you. By the way - do you libe in LA? I have one friend who is single who lives there. He is lovely, I am not sure he is dating or not  If you do come to London - let me know. Would love to meet you too! Where does your sister live?Pleasure about sharing my experiences... And thanks for your sharing too! It helps to know one is not alone Hugs xxx |
| marjan
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#30
May 03, 2010, 08:00 PM
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Isn't it simply amazing how all the screwed up single people are guys and never the woman?
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| marjan
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#31
May 03, 2010, 08:15 PM
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JMO, but watch out for the married men online!! My ex had his profile out at a lot of these sites when we were still very much married. To my detrimement...I wasn't as proficient on the computer as he was. I am very, very thankful that I found out!!
__________________
[SIGPIC[/SIGPIC]  Susan
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| marjan
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#32
May 03, 2010, 09:08 PM
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@marjan
Wow, that gave me the creeps just thinking about it. And what guys is dumb enough to say that he has slept with all of the women he has met in a particular way? Especially to someone you are hoping to form a relationship with. How is that supposed to come off as a positive thing? It is obviously not true, sure you might find a few women who will do that but not even close to "all". Gahhhh, there are just so many things about that guy that makes me want to forget that I share the same gender with him for a while. And people wonder why women have so little confidence in men. For every half way normal one of us you end up running into 2 that make you want to give up on the human race. @Envision Ohh no, there are some ladies out there who would make you want to run and hide. It is just more common on the male side of the species. I know I am kind of slamming my own gender but after serving in the military and now being in college, well I have pretty much given up on about 50% of men and I don't even have to worry about any relationships with them. If I were a woman I would get a pet and stay single. |
| marjan
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#33
May 04, 2010, 12:17 AM
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Actually, I was thinking about it today that how much we are criticizing and focusing on the bad guys on the online dating sites and not thinking about the bad girls over there....but what can we do? we are women and we don't care about other girls on the site....we are shopping for guys.....hehehehe.... I wish one guy would have opened a thread here telling us all about the girls on the online dating sites....that would be awesome
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#34
May 04, 2010, 12:24 AM
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It was kinda entertaining at the beginning....but then he was so clingy and not just talking talking and talking and not letting me go.....I didn't talk at all....I didn't tell him anything about myself.... I'm not sure if his stories were true or not, but if there are, that was scary to know these women sleeping with him in the first date....he was neither handsome, nor smart, nor rich and at top of everything he had two kids and not being separated....hehehe....well...probably, he was just good for one thing....not sure about that even!!!!! |
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#35
May 04, 2010, 12:48 AM
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guys look at this, one of guys wrote this in his profile....and all in capital letters....well...he's screaming at us because that what capital letters mean....hehehehe....well...he has a point!
"THIS PART I DO NOT LIKE , BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE SEEM TO DESCRIBE THEMSELVE IN SUCH GREAT LIGHT . AND IF TRUE , I ASK MYSELF WHAT ARE THEY DOING ON THIS SITE ? THEY SHOULD BE ALL TAKEN BY NOW . . . TO KEEP IT PLAIN AND SIMPLE , I WOULD LIKE TO FIND SOMEONE UNIQUE AND SPECIAL WITH A BIG HEART ! WHO SEES LIFE ALWAYS HALF FULL , HAS A GREAT HUMOR AND WILL BE MY BIGGEST FAN IN GOOD AND BAD TIMES . SHE MUST LOVE GREAT SEX !!! AND I PROMISE , THAT SHE WILL BE TREATED BY ME ALWAYS LIKE A PRINCESS !!! CIAO P. S ACCORDING TO MY FRIENDS AND CLIENTS I AM TALL , DARK AND HANDSOME!" |
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#36
May 04, 2010, 01:33 AM
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I think that profile would get alot of attention!
Mine on the dating site is very down to earth and true... i haven't had too many bad experiences.. other than just not clicking with the guys really... well there is the latest guy and he's a LITTLE too keen... so i have put him back in his place today... the erotic messages after just meeting him once were a tad too much.. and to have used the 'L' word... freaked me out. I have met a two males that will be my friends for ever since meeting them.. no romance but just great friends who think like me. Paul is going through a divorce and really shouldn't be on the site (but in that way neither should I - I will hide my profile for a bit I think..) as he is so not ready to settle down.. and is looking for comfort rather than anything else... One has had an interesting experience on the site though.. he started dating this brazillian girl.. everythin seemed good... she said she was a waitress.. then her work hours didn't make sense to him (4am finishing times??!).. in the end it turned out she was a prostitue... she came clean about 3 weeks after they were seeing each other... that has left him with a bit more caution on who he communicates with and especially who he sleeps with...
__________________
 How I describe myself: Honest, caring, trustworthy, reliable and generous.
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#37
May 04, 2010, 01:48 AM
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oh....god...a prostitute....wow!
well....I don't like this profile....It looks he's so negative and it's a turn off to me when he said "SHE MUST LOVE GREAT SEX !!!" what's with that? This tells me he thinks more about finding somebody to have sex with rather than a long term relationship..... It sounds you feel better....I'm glad....I miss Sanity here....not sure where she is....I really miss her.... I'm going to my dark side too....I'm hoping it doesn't carry on for so long....It's just so frustrating to not be able to find a good home for myself....I feel such a big loser....I can't even make up my mind to choose a home....and I live very uncomfortable here.....ya....these days I try to not think how much of a loser I am....I have a good job, but I could have done better than that....I used to be at top of my class....I even won awards for Math....then because of my emotional crisis, I can't focus..... I see most of my friends having kids and family of their own and live in a house....I'm glad for them....but I want one for me..... anyway....sorry for ranting....I'm in the dark side now! |
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#38
May 04, 2010, 02:00 AM
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I think that all three of us maybe hitting the darkness again.. I know I am, Sanity is missing and you are there too...
We all will pull out of this I am sure... and remember we are there for each other as always xxoox My doc has decided to keep me on the anti-depressants for longer because of mark being back in my life.. I was just getting ready to start lowering the dose and then this happens... I want a child and a happy home too marjan 
__________________
How I describe myself: Honest, caring, trustworthy, reliable and generous.
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| marjan
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#39
May 04, 2010, 10:38 AM
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Belle....cut Mark off from your life....he doesn't do any good to you in anyways....you don't have to take pills because of him..... You are very young and you will fall in love again....trust me....just you need to give it a time.... take care Marjan |
| Belle1979
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#40
May 04, 2010, 05:37 PM
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Wow, a profile in all caps, interesting.
First off, if he is mentioning sex in his profile, well it is really high up on his list of things he is looking for. Also saying that it will be "great" is a bit much, that is subjective anyway. Some might consider him great, others horrible, depends on the preferences of the person. In any case, he shouldn't be planning for that to happen for a while. @Belle1979 While it is true that guys typically fall in "love" more quickly than women (the physical condition of love) it isn't likely to happen that quickly. I would guess that he is doing the same thing practiced by young teenage boys, saying it in the hopes that it will get you to think he is more committed. Usually nothing more than a ploy to try to get a woman out of her clothes. When a guy really means that he loves you there will be a difference, you will be able to tell. Or I hope so anyway, it might be a bit difficult with some, not really sure. |
| Belle1979, marjan
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#41
May 04, 2010, 05:54 PM
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Marjan......you're sweet, I can tell.
I want you to be careful and discerning with the men you meet. I do not want to discourage you, but, speaking from experience, a man (or woman) can pretend to be anything and everything on the Internet. I could literally write a book about it. My mistake was in NOT being discerning, not listening to my inner voice when red flags presented themselves (and there were many!). Just be careful, sweetie! Patty |
| marjan
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#42
May 04, 2010, 06:56 PM
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Marjan - I dont like this profile either. Its rather silly to put something that discounts people (and himself among them) for being on the site. Even before you started you get a blow... Nice start! And the sex thing - did not like that idea. How arrogant! And disrespectful.
I hope you feel better soon. I am sorry you feel so down. I know how things can get to you but try to focus on the good and positive - just like you were trying to tell me. Belle - I am sorry I was so harsh. I just think that Mark is doing you harm honey. I want you to be good to yourself and heal and have what you NEED. I hug you both x x And I hope Sanity is OK x |
| Belle1979, marjan
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#43
May 04, 2010, 07:30 PM
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Just a little note
Sanity say's she is okay - just in a quite place and getting ready for her Vegas work trip xxx
__________________
How I describe myself: Honest, caring, trustworthy, reliable and generous.
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| marjan
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#44
May 04, 2010, 08:32 PM
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#45
May 04, 2010, 08:40 PM
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Thanks Patty.....I think I should be fine.....I'm very good at understanding people....and that's I own to my single life living in different countries for a long time....and I consider myself smart enough to understand the red flags.....Honesty, I found it easier to learn from them through their profiles....and then after couple of emails you can find out who they really are....and thanks to internet....I always research the guy and get some idea who he is....while back I was chatting with the guy on another online dating and I thought he's so good to be true....there is somthing going wrong with him....plus, he wasn't giving me quick right answers, which made me suspices about him....hmmm....I was right....I googled him, and I found a website saying that apparantly he's an spam....he is in the online datings with the same stories with cute pictures, but different pictures.....however, I found the same pic on that site and a story of so many women....I reported him to the online dating site and then after a while I found out they deleted him from the site....and of course I didn't answer any of his emails....yes....there are freaky people out there for sure! thanks again for your concern Marjan |
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#46
May 04, 2010, 08:44 PM
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I'm feeling a little bit better....work makes me busy and today I had lunch with my old friend.....I'm heading to the gym which is great.... I think just my negative thoughts are making me feel down....and also, that special time of the month contributes into my down side  I saw couple of homes yesterday didn't like any of them....I hope soon I find something that I like....and I hope you find something soon..... by the way, you asked me before what type of dacning I do....I dance salsa...and I love it....It's just a hobby for me not a job....I'm an engineer actually.... take care and thanks for the positive energy Marjan xoxoxo |
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#47
May 04, 2010, 11:47 PM
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I found it easiest to make a list too. "Separated" is NOT the same as divorced. "Open minded" usually means kinky sex.
I only went for coffee with men who said they were looking for friendship, not romance. Romance is a plus. Friendship is what you're really looking for. Never set out lookig for romance. You'll get desparate and make bad choices. Just see if there's someone who can hold an intelligent discussion over coffee and who doesn't make you feel creepy. My fella had the name "booklover" which is what really started me looking. And we spend a lot of time talking about books and movies which we both love. Ya gotta be able to talk to the guy! Be careful, but have fun!
__________________
CindyLuWho “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Christopher Robin to Pooh "It will all be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end."
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| marjan
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#48
May 05, 2010, 12:04 AM
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LOL....that's so true
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#49
May 05, 2010, 01:36 PM
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Good luck, marjan.
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#50
May 05, 2010, 03:14 PM
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Thanks Marjan,
Yes, of course I went to the new job. It was good. Everyone is very nice and welcoming. They guy thats there at the moment doing the work is so rubbish at his job! No wonder they told him to go. The time with him is a torture as he is so creepy and IQ level of about 80... He keeps touching my papers (even when they are on my lap.... yuk!!!) And he calls people 'that little black girl, you have seen her' or 'that black guy' - it makes me sick and so uncomfortable. I am so glad that as of Monday I wont ever see him again. Interestingly my colleague (another manager) has loads of books about abusive children (the work is with young offenders) and about child development. I may ask to borrow some. She is very nice. But - the building is so dark and no windows are open and I feel there is no air in there... I could not stay there long - so I just try to enjoy the positives. I am sorry you did not like the homes. I am sure you will find something you like. It takes time. And about those negative thoughts - try to focus on the positive and the achievable. Set yourself some small targets you can achieve every day. So great you dance salsa. I love it but not very good at it.... Hugs xxx |
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