I want to subscribe for online dating...I need some motivation please....

I don't like when people talk like that and call others with their attributes.....probably, you should have told him that's not good what he does....sometimes, people just don't know that....
I had a personal trainer at gym....he was always putting down people by their races....and he is a minority here in America too....I found out I can't stand with him at all....I changed my personal trainer and of course he gives me dirty look each time I'm at the gym...but I'm so glad I didn't continue with him!
I'm glad that you are getting busy at work...that's good....which type of job is it, if you don't mind to share with us?
Salsa dancing is fun, you got to be patient and practice a lot to learn

I dont know... I dont know him well enough to mention about the way he talks...

At least he is gone in 3 days.

I am setting up processes for the reporting of information to the government for one of the services here for children. its a 2 months contract that will probably be extended but i wont want to extend.

Good you did not continue with the trainer! I think that if you can choose - then dont be around people like that. My ex's step mum used to mention to me all the time that i m not from this country (cause i was not born here) and she used to talk in such a horrible way about emirants. I cannot stand ppl like that. In 3 of his abusive fits he referred to that as well. Gosh I hate him for it. He said 'in this country this is what we do'.... hooooo Marjan - how did I stay with him.... yuk yuk yuk

Anyway - I had some new revelations about myself today and how I ended up with a man like him. Its good to have those as it helps me move on.

I hope you find some inner peace and calmity. Is there anything I can do??

T. xxx

oh....that's so bad....I think people who are like this don't have anything to offer that's why they try to put down others by their race or color of skin....I can't stand with such a behavior either.....

Aaron, my ex boyfriend, used to say I hate a specific race, (I don't want to say it here)....I was feeling so sad and asking him why do you hate them? how can you? not everybody is the same....then I was thinking I don't want to be part of this mentality and I don't want my kids have a father with this mentality either.....

Tatyana, is good that you are out of that relationship....and I'm sure you will find that special person in your life....

Hi, yes. I agree with you. People like that are empty inside. Also I think that they are afraid of something and by closing up their perceptions and their judgement they feel safer. Its such a sad way to be.

I can understand you did not want the father of your kids to be having this mentality. I am with you on that one. Just before I left my ex, he was laid off from work. He is white middle age. And the area he worked consisted of a lot of muslims and hindus, asians and africans, though top management is still predominantly white.. Anyway - few days after they told him to go we were watching TV and there was a programme about the mosques in that area and the islmaic movements. It was a balanced report showing all kinds of people who are muslim. And also a worrying phenomenon of what happen behind closed doors in these mosques. Interesting programme. Anyway - he, out of the blue, said that becuase of those muslims he lost his job and that in the future we will all have to wear head scarfs etc etc.... I am a middle aged white man thats why I was laid off... because of these ****ing muslims... (SORRY TO ANYONE WHO READS THIS!! HE HAS MENTAL ISSUES I AM SURE!! I KNOW MANY SWEET AND NICE MUSLIMS!). I was shocked!! I tried to talk to him about it and tell him that he sounds like a natzi... His rage and hate was unbelievable. Really reminded me of the natzies blaming the jews for their misfortunes. And part of my family lost their lives in the hollocaust as I come from a mixed family. I remember that night I thought like you - I dont want the father of my kids to talk like that and think like that. I guess he felt very comfortable in the relationship to say all that... a year ago he would have never talked like that so I think his real self came out... He was drunk that eve. But I think that if you dont believe in this **it it wont come out drunk or not drunk. I am so happy he is out of my life. The confusing bit is that he was not always like that. He was very gentle, caring, warm... His best friend is black afro carriebean. He has been with me for 7 years and I am white Eurpean to a family who is both Jewish, Christian and Non religious - so how... But I guess that is part of the abuse...

I hope I will find that special person. I want to be with someone and enjoy all the things you enjoy with the one you love, have a family etc. Some times the prospects of meeting someone nice whom I can connect to seem so slim...

How are you today? I have not been feeling too well... cant sleep...

well honey....he needed to blame somebody for his misfortune....that's all....
I was always curious in religious and I was always seeking for spirituality....what I found is that all religious have same fundamental....It's just us, human race, who is misusing them for our own purposes.....and people have different colors, but once we are cut open, we are all the same!!!
It's such a shame that some of us as human being are still thinking and fighting over such a matter....I think one day, there will be just one race and one language in the world....and hope human race unite together....hope for the peace in the world.....
I admire multi-racial families....and honesty, kids from one or more races are healthier and more beautiful....science back me up in this
anyway....I think we should drop this conversation here as it can be so touchy I hope I didn't offend anybody reading these.....

try to drink some camomile's tea before sleep....It helps....
I'm trying to be okay and get some work down....
My girlfriend was so angry yesterday and we got to a bit of argue....I'm kinda tired of her talking non-stop about her x life....that's all I don't need to hear....so many times, she wanted to talk about it and I said I really don't want to hear it....(it's just disgust me as I am friend with her boyfriend too)...I just don't want to imagine them together....argggg.....even another friend told her once, that we don't need to know....so, last night, she was so tired and she got so rude with me when I was talking about my coworker who comes to work late and leaves early and doesn't work at all....she gave me examples of her work place and a lady who is nosy into the people's time and stuff.....I asked her why she makes me feel bad and all I wanted from her was just listening to me.....she got angry and she brought up that the old wound she had on her chess....I couldn't believe that....I said you waited a year to tell me....she said yes....you dont' want to hear how wonderful is my relationship with my bf....I said, I'm so happy for it, but I don't want to know about you x life details....she wanted to argue more....I said I don't want to talk right now....pointless....I've never seen her like that.....people can show their real faces.....well....couple of times she told me "do you want to talk about it?"....i said "no"....then she starts again and whatever she was saying was making things worse....I told her..."just drop it"...lets not talk for a moment....we'll be okay then....I know how she can carry on the situation in her heart forever....
I think it's better to write my problems here in PC rather than telling family and friends....It looks like they are using that information later on!
Anyway....that was my last night drama.....thank god, i didn't carry on the conversation with her, otherwise, she would have told me more stuff to hurt me!

thanks for listening
M.

P.S. I came home crying thinking if I had a bf, she would not do that to me!!!! just a thought probably....but I felt so lonely....and honesty, I'm happy for her relationship....and her bf is not what I would have chosen at all....I've known him before they got involved! Nothing about that guy is turning me on!!!!

I am sorry. It sounds like she was picking a fight and was really self obsessed... Some people are like that. And we all get like that some times. I think its good you put your boundary up and told her that you dont want to hear about her sex life. I am with you on that one! Its private. And if you told her you dont want to hear it she should have respected that. Not become angry! I am sorry you felt so bad... Maybe its time to take few steps back from her and see how things go. I think talking this way about sex with bf is a sign of insecurity. And maybe she was feeling like you did not validate her experience (which you did not need to do!) so she became angry. In the end of the day it should not matter if you are with someone or not. People should be respectful regardless! And certainly you should not take that personally!

I am feeling increasingly stressed about things. I have a headache and I know its from stress. The last few days- since I strated work (it may sounds strange) I find getting up and ready in the morning really hard and going to bed at night really hard. The last time I was working was when I was him and for the last however many years... So now this routine of waking up and getting ready, and going to bed - is really really hard... I feel like an animal that feels like something is missing. Its so difficult. In those times of the day I feel most alone. I guess its our partner that we see first thing in the morning and last thing at night...

I told this to the friend I am staying with - she looked at me as if I am insane...

I am staying with my cousin over tomorrow and Saturday (wont take laptop with I dont think...) - will have some peace and quiet there and no judgments (relief!!)

Hugs to you xxx

yes....you need rest...and better without laptop
Things will get better and good is on your way.....

I'm almost done with the day....going to see one home, but not sure if this is the one....I feel such an idiot for not getting the only home that I liked and now it's gone...somebody else got it already....arggg....anyway....probably, that home was not for me!

About my friend....yes, I think she compares so much, and her bf is one of those quiet guys who are not making any move...she was the one who persuaded him and asked him out....and now she's waiting for getting married with him....and that guys is supper slow....so go figure....I can't blame her frustration.....Now, that I know her, I would put lots of boundary and not tell her about my life....I'm always very open to my friends and they know stuff about me....but she's one of those kinds who uses the information against of people....I have to be very careful with her....no point of close friendship with her anymore!

Honesty, I don't care that much either....I just want to be left alone!!!!

Tatyana....stay strong....you will be fine...tell yourself this is just a bumpy road in your life and you will get over it....

enjoy your weekend
Marjan

You should try okcupid.com. That's how I met my husband 5 years ago.

The funny part is that I had sent him a message.....by accident......best accident of my life though. :-P

Thanks....I will try it...

I think I got to spend more time on the site....I just don't feel for any of the guys in the site...and I'm lazy even to reply them back.....well...there is one guy that he sounds okay and we had short emails back and forth....but really nothing yet....

I had very heck tick day today....it looks like I'm getting worse to even keep my friends.....I hate myself for firing my friends....so sad!

I don't want even to talk about it.....not worth it....

Marjan honey,

Take it easy. It sounds like you are not having a good time with it all. You know, some times I feel like I just want to be alone. And that includes no seeing any faces of stranger men on the site. So I do not log onto it. Some hours pass or a day or 2 and then I feel OK with it again. Just listen to what you need at the time. Dont be so harsh on yourself. And as for friends- well, its worth taking a deep breath and thinkingg if you really want this friendship or not before you do anything. Some times just waiting a bit allows me to see the bigger picture or stuff I did not think about before. Stay cool!! Hugs xx

Hi Marjan

Take if from me (met SO many guys online now) it takes time and patience to actually find one you feel connected with IMO.
I have made three great guy friends but haven't felt 'love' for anyone that I have met yet....
I agree with Tatyana, take a break from it - give yourself time to breathe and just relax. The experience should be more fun than anything else..
What you are looking for will come when you least expect it

thanks Belle....I haven't met anybody yet....I don't spend that much of my time even on the site to shop....OMG....It's really like shopping and I'm not a patient person to do even shopping for clothes.....I'm so horrible in shopping that my little sister buys me stuff then I choose between them.....now imagine....I'm shopping for finding a home and a man.....good luck to me....hehehe....
There is just one guy who emailed me back and fort but I'm lazy to email him back....will do it now....
Honesty, I'm getting really board by this single life....and I keep telling myself I got to do something about it....this is a real good time for me, I don't have any love attachments to anybody and I got rid of all the emotional crisis I had over my past relationships.....so, I can fall in love again.....but I think I'm so scared of getting hurt....but the time is ticking and I do want to have a baby.....I'm getting so jealous of my friends who have babies....bad attitude, but it's true....I want one of those cutie pies....hope one day.....
thanks guys....I'm so happy to have you guys here to talk to....
M.

Marjan
I too had issues finding a "normal" guy. I was not looking for the supermodel or someone that was "stuck on himself". I was fed up with dating period. And next thing I knew I met someone. We have been together for 3 years now. The only suggestion is to be yourself and stop looking. Sometimes I think we look too hard and we overlook someone that may be right in front of us.

Good luck!

....It's interesting that everybody keeps telling me to stop looking....I haven't dated anybody for more than a year....that means I stopped looking while back.....but that's not a way at all....that's completely wrong!

Tell me this....If you want to have a job, would you stop looking???? no....

I think I wasted so much of my life by stop looking and by postponing of finding a partner in my life....by ignoring the need of having somebody in my life....and now I'm getting desperate, but still I don't know even how to start looking....

I'm sorry, but I think the suggestion of stop looking is not a good one or at least is not applying to my situation.....It's good to look for a partner, there is nothing wrong about it....

I'm very outdoor person, but that doesn't mean I'm out to hunt a guy...I just love to do different activities....I'm just simply either not lucky or not knowing what to choose!

My older sister is a great example, she wanted to have family and kids....she found out her 5 years relationship with her boyfriend does not go anywhere....so, she broke up with him...she was single for years, then she signed up for online dating and now she has her kids and family....and this has happened 10 years ago when online dating were not that popular even!!!!!

I think there is something else that I got to change in myself....I think I just fall for wrong guys over and over.....also, I'm so afraid of getting hurt again that I don't even go for date.....

Thanks Tatyana.....You are absolutely right....I should not be harsh on myself....and take it easy....one day at a time....I just don't have any good way to look into their profiles....hehehe.....I wish the site had better design like if I could have check mark more than one profiles at the time and delete them once, that would be great rather than just deleting one profile at a time.....

But I think online dating is not that bad I was thinking about....I haven't met anybody yet, but at least I can get a little bit of understanding of the guy by reading his profile and looking at his pictures....well....I don't like most of them....specially the ones that write too much about themselves and then they go on and on about what they want without thinking what they can offer to a partner.....I just want a very regular active guy....hope I will find it....hehehe....

Honesty, these days whoever is getting married is through online dating....I have so many examples....but how they do it, I don't know....

Not sure what is going on with me that instead of enjoying it, I just feel the pain on my shoulder thinking there is another thing in my life that I'm behind.....bad thinking....

thanks again....and I would love to hear your experience and stories too....

take care
Marjan

hmmm....finally I have an idea....I'm going to spend just 15 minutes each day on the dating site and send at least one email per week to somebody that I really feel he's good for me....

Hi dear, I am just working so hard so hardly any time for online stuff.... I am thinking about you though. I think its great that you recognise your needs. Just stay true to it. I have not got much else other than work and friends at the mo. No men on sites and no men in RL - so just me.... and its not a bad thing. Rather that than being with the man I love and the abuse... Hugs xxx

It's okay to be by yourself....honesty, you need time to heal....I always take enough time after a relationship to completely get over....although, it's impossible to get over totally....but just the memories get fake...

Today....I went for the first date with the first guy....I knew up front that I'm not that keen of him, but I gave it a try....he looked okay, but not smart enough for me....I usually get really attracted to smart guys....and I didn't find that spark between us....but we had a good conversation....he said he's been on site for six months and no luck...hmmmm....that's tough out there.....
I think this is good for me to get out of my shell....better than nothing!

Marjan I think you did well to go on the date, it will break the cycle of not dating... Date as many as you can until Mr Right comes along! I am sure that he is out there for all of us. It's just a matter of being in the scene to be able to find the ONE

It was so funny....I was so nerves and I really didn't want to even impress the guy...but something so funny....I told you that last night I colored my hair...bad idea....my scalp is still so red....when we got out of the restaurant, he said "your hair is so pretty, does it have a reddish color in it.".....hehehe.....I said thanks and left as quickly as possible....I didn't want him to see more of my red scalp under the sun.....but got to the car and laughed so hard.....

yes...we all will find that special person

Marjan, that is excellent! I am so happy you went out on this date. Never say never.... Hugs xxx

Thanks....I feel good too....I think I'm ready for a relationship, but I have to be careful to choose a right one....I shouldn't go follow my heart and get hurt again....it takes me years to get over a guy....I really don't have that many more years to waste....

how are you doing?

Marjan~

Perhaps, you are so concerned about being hurt again that subconsciously you are sending out negative vibes (like a shield, of sorts), to protect you.

I've followed much of this thread so far, (sorry for not adding my few worths), and I don't think that you are conducting yourself out of order, whatsoever. I don't think it's a matter of what you're doing wrong, as seems to me, your treating yourself as you should...looking out for #1.

However. it is possible that the greatest obstacle you are encountering is your own fear of heartache, which is perfectly understandable....(I cannot deal with heartache at all. I crumble to it).
And maybe, until you come to better terms with your fear, you will not allow yourself the subjection to any possible pain again....?

Just a thought....

Shangrala