I would like to ask a question please men respond

Hello all once again! I have so many issues coming in at me but I am going to try to address them one at a time here as I need all the help possible.
I am asking this question because my husband does not know and I am uncertain myself except for what I know in my heart.
Okay question is: What constitutes being a man? Besides the obvious. lol Please especially you guys out there Thank you in advance. Linda

Hi Linda,

Well, I am a man, but rather untypical I'm afraid, so my reply may be a bit biased.

This is how I saw the men I grew up with -

Men don't show their emotions.
Men show their anger.
Men have a hard shell.
Men brag about their success and hide their failures.
Men expect everyone to be interested in their interests.
Men laugh at other's failures.
Men know how to fight.
Men always know what's 'right'.
Men don't listen.
Men like to boost their own egos.
Men talk about facts.
Men rely on women.

Well, that's a bit depressing! Of course it's not always like that, but at one time I did believe it was.

Good thoughts, M

Is it any easier to answer the same question about women, I wonder? Or is there any specific aspect of masculine vs feminine response, or activity?

It could be an intriguing conversation, but without some narrowing, I suspect it's not going to be more informative than the typical lists of generalized attributes having more to do with socialization than anything innate to the gender.

Got anything specific in mind?

sqrl.

Hey!! Thanks for replying and it is hard to pin this down. He just seems uncertain of himself and came right out and said I don't think I am a man. When I asked what he meant, he didn't have a clue as to what he meant just didn't feel he was. Thanks

Wow that is some list and looking at it I could add a few also. My hubby just seems to be lacking something I guess and he isn't sure what it is. But maybe showing him this list will help him to conceptualize sp? the idea.
I myself believe he is a wonderful person and the difference between a male and female is hard to pinpoint exactly beyond the physical attributes. Thanks for taking the time to read and answer Have a great day!

Hi walks,

Hmmm, I was being a bit ironic with my 'man' list, I hope you won't quote me one it!

Guess I was just feeling a bit perky this morning and strayed from my usual care and attention.

An honest answer? I would say that a good man does not need to prove anything. He can support his partner without needing to get it all back in return. He knows how to love someone and how to accept love. He knows how to see the other side of the coin.

Cheers, M

I agree with squrl on this...needs to be more defined question

Hello I wish I could be more specific with this but it is basically a general question. Hubby does not know what being a man means. It confuses me more than any of you as I think he is great man but it really has nothing to do with a penis So I guess the question would be more suited as "Okay I have a penis and I am 42 yrs old with a decent career and a loving wife. But I don't know if that means I am a man."
The wifes take on this is his insecurities but I could be wrong. Maybe its that he has no children of his own. I dont know and just want to help him with this if at all possible. Thanks

Well, it certainly would be easier if there was a set of set list of rules defining what it means to be a man (or a woman). But there isn’t, and in my opinion, shouldn’t be. This is too personal a question to be answered by someone other than your husband. However, I’m sure that we all have had that feeling that something is missing (as I’m sure the women reading this have). Maybe as you suspect it is children. For me this would be a major hole in my heart, but it may not be for everyone. I’m not surprised he wasn’t able to define it though. Haven’t you ever had that feeling that something is missing, but you can’t define exactly what it is? Like there’s a black hole in your soul, slowly destroying you from the inside but even though you feel it you can’t tell what it is? I know I do. I’ll often times be at home and be consumed by great sadness. But when I try and take an inventory of my life, I can’t pinpoint why. I have a great family, friends, I’ve finally gotten my career on the right track, I don’t have a lot of money but I manage to do what I want, yet the emptiness is there none the less. Sometimes it feels like I’m not a man either. But why? It makes me angry when I can’t say why. Maybe I don’t feel like I’m the man my father is. Maybe it’s that I don’t have mate or children. I don’t really know though, and this just makes it so mush harder to try and correct. How do you solve a problem you can’t define? I just try and keep doing the best I can and hope that things will find a way to work out.

I don’t think showing him that list would help him define it. In fact, I don’t think it would even begin to scratch the surface. I also don’t think it will help for you to take on his insecurities. That’s not a solution. I think all you can do it continue to let him know that you do think he is a wonderful person, that you appreciate all the things he does for you, and that you love him. I’m sure he knows this already but it never hurts to remind someone of this.

Thank you very much John I appreciate your candor. I am running a little scared I guess of late. We have had so much going on and no time to ourselves to work things out. Maybe you can shed some light on this statement from my dearest. He says he doesn't want to think about what would make him happy. One of the reasons he gives is that he is afraid of hurting me or my feelings in some decision he may make.
He can be very unclear in his answers to me, even a very simple yes or no question will usually come back as a question or some long diatribe (?). One of those things that can be frustrating like now but that also endears him to me.
He also asks for my help when trying to figure things out. Sometimes it can be very uncomfortable for me to do so because then I feel like a critical nagging you know what. Even though he asked. I wish I could explain better, please ask away if you think you can help at all. Thank you for you kindness and all. Linda

being a man is simple .. being needed, being wanted, being able to show it to others, being able to make it, show that we can take alot that others enjoy (like sports, but not cleaning house).

While not all that pertains to me and others.. i my opinion thats us.

not easy to define what is man. He maybe depressed feeling like he has failed at something. Maybe he feels he should be earning ore there bu proving how much of a man he really is. I'm only guessing here. One thing he needs to do for the both of you is open up. Whatever he is holding in is hurting you and your relationship with him.

Artist you have hit the nail on the head so to speak. It does hurt me and I feel it is really hurting our relationship I just posted something new with regard to this any thoughts?

Thanks for your thoughts amdx I appreciate it. Every little bit I get helps me understand a little. I don't think there is an actual answer to my question but the clues do help thanks

Hope you can get some resolution on this. He does need to be direct with you and you need to be the same with him. keep us posted

[sneaking into thread....] What makes anyone .... who they are? Are you looking for the "perfect" list? No, of course you aren't! I don't think the basic values are different from male to female (which is why I'm answering heheheh) Someone who is confident within themself, that doesn't need another person to complete them yet allows another to complement who they are... someone with morals and ethics such as how they treat others and how hard they work and enjoy what they have... Someone who is content with themself, yet always trying to improve... that, to me, is what makes a "good" man or woman.

thanks sky well said