Your Thoughts on Soul Mates

You come across as more of a realist than a pessimist to me, Myers. You and your significant other are still superlatives to one another, with the added bonus of good timing. There's no need of romantic accoutrements if neither partner desires or requires them.

Sometimes I wish I had a more pragmatic view of the process of sorting out a mate, and I do possess some pragmatism else I'd be in deep trouble.

I'm glad you've got someone you love, Myers, and wish you both success and happiness through all your years.

Hi kteeny, welcome to the site. I hope you are able to find the guidance and support here that may help you with your relationship. I understand how you feel, as you are able to connect with and recognize your mate's attributes despite his troubles, and from his perspective, I'm sure it's wonderful to have someone accept and love him no matter what. I know you wish you could be the one who clears the difficult road ahead for him, but he's got to be the one who initiates that process and do most of the work, and he has to want to do that from the start--there's no forcing him. I say this with the best of intentions, because it's obvious you're a good-hearted person who only wants him to be happy. You may help him along, and offer him support and encouragement should he decide to help himself, but he'll have to get the ball rolling.

I sincerely hope your relationship weathers this potential storm, and you guys make a success of it. Glad you're here. All the best to you.

Hi Nightside of Eden,

What an exciting vignette about how you and your husband met--thank you for sharing it. I agree--no relationship survives on good intentions and giddy feelings alone, and without the willingness of both partners to put in the requisite time and effort, you end up with a whole lot of nothing. Communication skills and conflict resolution are the other keys to success in this realm, and I am really glad you and your husband not only have them, you use them. You've built a soul mate attraction into a solid foundation, and I hope you continue to build on it while you have a thrilling, beautiful, loving life together.

So glad you're here, Nightside of Eden--welcome to the site. All the best to you, and I look forward to reading more from you in the future.

I guess I think that deep down, every body wants that soul mate. Some of us have just had one (or twenty five) too many rounds with reality to keep on hoping and believing.

I think some people really are meant to be together. The cute old couple you see walking at the mall holding hands, the high school sweethearts who get married right out of college, the star crossed lovers who end up together against all odds... they're real. They're just a total minority.

There are those people who are just sweeter and simplier by nature and if you think about it, they could have ended up with just about anyone and been happy. Again, rare; but real.

And yet there are also the cynics who are difficult to love and don't accept love easily... and yet it finds them.

I think we sabatage ourselves a lot. Like we have the perfect thing going and it's all good and then we get careless and screw it up. Or we get scared and back out. Or we let love die out of apathy. That's where you get all those deadly "what if's" and regrets.

Can love be explained? (I'd love to see anyone try.) Can it be defined? What is truly a perfect relationship to one person might be hellish for another.

Do I think that somewhere, there is a cosmic list of every name with another name beside it? A soul for every soul? Like some big "matching game?" I don't think so.

An older woman I respect very much told me that she thought that everyone had a handful of people they were compatible with, but there was always one for everybody who was special. That seems more probable to me. Better odds.

I love somebody. I love him very much. But I constantly keep in mind that love is ultimately a fragile and rather foolish thing. Part of me knows that "forever" is an illusion. If we broke up, it would break my heart. It would hurt like hell. But would it be the end?

Are there always more people in the hand and on the list, or is it really one for each?

I think those who seem meant to be together have worked very, very hard at maintaining their relationship.

If there is such a thing as a soul mate to the exclusion of all others, I cannot imagine how deep the disappointment would be if I were the soul mate for she.

I agree with the idea of soul contracts, though I have never heard that term before. I believe we have soulmates -- just multiple ones that play different roles in our lives, sometimes not entirely pleasant. But I believe some soul-mated relationships are very positive, whether they are romantic in nature or not. I do think most relationships need conscious upkeep, though, and consciously remembering how lucky you are to have this relationship. People often take things for granted...

I'm not a romantic person and the idea of soul mates seems like something invented by romantic people.

Hi lynn, I think hunting or searching for one's soul mate would no doubt add pressure to the whole process, and the hope is one would happen upon him or her while looking for a mate, in an act of pseudo-cosmic serendipity. I have to be careful about my phrasing here, as I don't believe in preordained existences, as I've said in a few other posts in this thread! What I'd said in my response to sundog fits here too, as I believe the honeymoon phase of the relationship may be the true domain of the soul mate, who ideally progresses into a life partner with a lot of hard work, attention to detail, willingness, communication, and acceptance. My soul mates (two, at different times) were imperfect guys with much to offer. Funny thing is, they were nothing like each other, but both of them clicked with me.

I am sorry for the relationship travails you have been and are facing, lynn. I hope you are able to find suitable resolutions and happiness. You are such a lovely, caring person in and around all the neighborhoods of PC, and I hope some of that goodness boomerangs its way to you in short order.

A2FMUrs, that's beautiful that your child is your soul mate. Thank you for sharing that perspective. I've heard other parents say what you have as well, and I guess I'll just have to wait to find out...

My parents, when hurling the harbinger of "Just you wait until you have your own kids!" were doing so in the hopes any potential offspring I might have would give ME as much hell as I supposedly gave my parents.

I very much believe in the concept of soulmates. However, I don't believe that it always has to be people you are involved with romantically. To me a soulmate could be a best friend, a sibling, a parent, your child, even a pet. Because isn't a soulmate someone that loves you unconditionally no matter what, and someone that you love unconditionally too. And to me, if you lose your soulmate, then surely you can find another. There are billions of people in the world, somewhere there has to be someone as wonderful as you.

Hi Sunna,

Thank you for your thoughtful and thought-provoking reply. I appreciate the value and depth you find in the interactions and relationships you've described, as well as the trend in this thread that soul mates (for lack of a better term here) are possible in a variety of forms and purposes. It's a very heartening, open way of looking at life and the world, and there's no real surprise that many people on the site, regardless of their experiences, hold fast to this belief/perspective.

Though I'm no fan of pop culture, I don't know if superficial proclivities in people, male or female, can completely be ascribed to it. Superficiality is heavily present in pop culture, that almost goes without saying. But I can't see pop culture as the starting point for surface dwelling in how people think or construct their worlds, even in looking for a mate. Folks like the hypothetical guy you offered in your post are either set up to live shallow lives or make conscious choices to keep themselves from more a meaningful awareness of themselves and others. Pop culture merely reinforces these perspectives and lifestyles, or it's a convenient reflection of people quite possibly doomed to never being capable of valuing more than what's material or readily consumed.

I think I get what you're saying though--beware looking for a mate as "product."

Great post, Sunna--thanks for your interesting contribution.

Hi SlatkaMala,

Sorry to hear your relationship didn't make it. What made you think this person was a potential soul mate? We've all been were you were with relationships, believe me--having something that was great for a time go south. I hope you've healed since then, and here's to happiness and success for you and all of us who want enduring love.

It's been thought-provoking to read all the posts here. Thanks ((((Nola))))) for getting it rolling.
It's a tough topic for me, not having had great success in relationships. Feeling lovable and deserving of being loved, capable of self-love, self-respect, good communication and fairness in the face of conflict, willingness to be vulnerable and take risks, and possessing a certain optimism - these seem to be necessary ingredients for just getting out of the starting gate. I need to beware of strains of my own rescue fantasies when I think of renewing efforts to meet men. I often long for a man who would love me "so much" that the missing pieces would fall into place, and I'd at last rise to my own potential. This thinking is obviously fraught with hazards. Then, there's the navigating of the others' imperfections, the other side of the narcissistic coin.

I think my ideas about soul mates are somewhat different from the norm. I believe popular usage has somewhat devalued the term and I sometimes hear about people who seem to have soulmates all over the place. For me, a friend is not automatically a soulmate. It really takes a whole lot more than that.

For seconds, I am not sure if a soulmate necessarily has to be someone with whom you are romantically involved. A soulmate could be anything, its even possible to live a lifetime and never even meet your soulmate. Or perhaps just in passing.

I think soulmates exist to help us along in our development. They exist to help us learn the right lessons. But the nature of that lesson could be anything. It may even be that sometimes the reason of meeting your soulmate is that you may lose them again, simply to help you learn how to deal with loss and so will help you grow.

Well, I guess I'll throw in my two cents worth on this subject too...

I think that the whole concept of a "soul mate" has been romanticized to fit into current popular values and beliefs. But, in view of the fact that the very concept of having a "soul" is based on nothing more than belief, I suppose the definition of a "soul mate" is of little concern or value. Belief is not fact. A "soul mate" is, in fact, anything that you believe it to be, or nothing at all. There are no "wrong" answers here!... For that matter, there are no "right" answers either! It's all a matter of personal, individual belief. Such is the nature of reality.

Dan

I respectfully am inclined to disagree that the notion of humans possessing a soul is a matter of belief...as statistically within the fields of science,much has been documented.There is further data within the governments research and within the data of doctors who so often cross paths with circumstance ripe of such happenings.It is as it stands on the issues of aliens....people think that if they have not touched and dissected an alien form for themselves ...it has no basis in reality,when there is documentation all over the world of their existence by reputable eye witnesses...and government documentation..Well for a very long time...to say that a man could be brought back to life...seemed fanciful...as did many areas involving bacterium,cellular substance,interplanetary travel,and the existence of many forms of life here on our very own planet until proven by the collection of a body of substance.There are things proven on personal levels which may never be known to all....yet they are not occluded as fiction. ~W

Hi Wolfie...
I acknowledge the validity of your point of view. Personally I believe that all things are a part of "all that is"... To that end, I actually believe that the current generally accepted definition of what a "soul" is indicates a very limited perspective. However, as much as I want to believe in its existence, no one can offer clear and definitive proof to that affect... I'm aware of a lot of the scientific evidence that tends to support the concept of a soul. It's for that reason that I've devoted a vast amount of my time in the study of quantum theory... for it is in this field that science and theology come closest to a meeting of the minds...
In the final analysis though, I'm still stuck with the fact that at this time in the linear chronology of this existence, there is not yet any proof that a soul exists. Therefore, it is only my most fervent and steadfast belief that a soul exists... But right now, I have no way of knowing whether or not it actually exists...

Incidentally, I don't dismiss belief as any sort of fiction or self-delusion. To me, belief is one of the building blocks of the reality we each create and participate in... But I won't go there here and now...

Dan

Since the title of this thread speaks of thoughts on rather than clear and definitive proof of soul mates, our opinions are being asked for.

No doubt my opinions at times may better be termed fiction and delusion. I would point my finger at my mind as the source of these misadventures, if I knew where to point. http://www2.sunysuffolk.edu/pecorip/...y/CONTENTS.htm

I will share three personal experiences....

One...My uncle was dying of a cancer of the lymph nodes...I was 19...we were visiting his bedside...his heart stopped.My automatic reaction was to shout..."Don't you dare!" He immediately came back and the nurses immediately screamed..."Don't you ever do that again." He'd been in a coma with his degeneration for some time.Tho' he passed very soon after.

The second...I was 23...And as a first home with my small children...we rented a home left to a lady whos Grandpa had recently died...of no trauma...just a natural death.I was stealing a nap and I opened my eyes to a transparent figure like me...a human...yet opaque...standing looking at me.No words gestures...just looking.And it disappeared.It induced no sense of dread...I wasn't startled.My impression from it was that it was curious.

The most recent...my Mum passed,I was enduring a tremendous bit of inner turmoil for it....as well as other stressful factors in addition.I stepped onto her back porch while she was asleep and thought of the loss of her and a flood of other things ..I was crying like a baby..and I spoke..."Please God,if you love me,I need to know it send a shooting star."...in that instant it happened.The brightest star drop/semi spiraled.

Now...I know that all of these things feel insignificant to the reader.And very subjective,but ,for myself....they were confirmation.I am not atypical in my mind toward those who hold other beliefs ...nor to those who hold none.I think we are all at our own place in our psyche and I hold respect for all views.But,I felt to share this.

Somehow have never questioned the existence of what I cannot see not ever.

I don't know why.I know the thread went off track greatly so

... I guess as to "soul mates"...I think that feeling is when you feel a oneness and a serenity or enmeshment with a breathing creature.Be it a human...or so often...with a pet.

Thanks for sharing, wolfsong.