[whiteNight]

this is my letter to my sister, my sister lives in california she might have a drinking problem(it runs in the family) my grandparents in this letter are on my dad's side - my mom is in her 50s and isgoing through that time in her life but with no meds and is extrreame- on the computer 24/7 -my dad sugest that he did not know if he could "live" with my mom much longer

my sister did visit and she got kicked out of the bar and ended up expressing herself to my mom and walked out the house trying to get to my grandparents house 4 miles away in the dark wtih no shoes or phone- we spent about 2 hours looking for her and luky a cop found her and took her to my grandparents house instead of jail for being drunk in public
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the mom we knew as kids does not exist anymore

all she is, is a teenage girl

i miss my mom and i wish i could have her back

both dad and I suffer every day

i don't know how much longer dad can live with her like this
and i mean this literally

as much as id like to be selfish and want you to live with us again- I don't want u to live with what we live with-

honestly im afraid if u had come that you woulnt live through another night like that one

i honeslty thought i was going to loose you that night and im to scared to talk about it because its too much to take
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grammy and pappy are getting old and they wont be here forever- mom is lost in her head and dad is working/drinking/smoking/stressing himself to death basicaly and he cant take it much longer- im living in hell and all i can do is hide and wait for college
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mom and dad had grammy and pappy to look to when they were in trouble- all we have is each other and with your drinking- im afraid im going to loose you to and then il be all alone and as much as im used to being all alone- i dont think i could live life to its fullest loosing everyone close to me
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college is all that I have left- its my key saving myself from falling into the pit of despair and grammy knows that most of all
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this was from my heart and i couldnt of put it any other way

[AAAAA]

(((((Whitenight))))) I'm so sorry that you're parents aren't there for you. It sounds like you have the support of your grandmother and that's a good thing. Are you and your sister close? Does she support you emotionally?

[whiteNight]

no we arnt as close as we both would like to be, growing up we always had a distant close kind of relationship and when she moved out and when i left the state it just kind of drifted apart- after i thought that i was going to loose her- ive been trying my best to fix it but for those who have read my previous posts would understand why that would be hard for me to do

and no we dont realy suport each other but we try but its complicated i guess

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((whiteNight)))))))))
That sounds like a whole lot to deal with at one time. Was your sister responsive to what you wrote to her? Hopefully she will realize you are speaking from your heart and that you care for her. Please keep us posted.

[whiteNight]

here is her responce- her feelings toward my mom are brand new to me, i had no idea
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I know that things are hard right now and trust me i wish with all of my heart that i could fix it all and make it better but the truth is that i can't. I am so sorry for all that you and Daddy have to go through trust me it is eating me up inside that i am not over there with you guys however the truth is that i can't be.

i think this is harder for you because you and her had a connection and relationship that i never had i feel like i never really had a mom and i have always hated her and it has taken me so long to get over all of the anger and issues i have because of her and unfortunatly that night was proof that i can't handle being near her.

I am sorry if i worried you that night i didn't mean to and honestly please know that at home in my real every day life here i don't act like that or drink that much and when i do drink it is in a safe controled environment.

I know what you mean when you say that your living in hell because i have been there i spent so much of my life feeling that way and yet once i was out on my own it all suddenly became so much easier and different. sure i miss you guys and i have days were i just want to curl up and cry and give up but overall the freedom of being away from that hell has saved my life because i wasn't going to last much longer if you all hadn't moved to arizona.

please just know that no matter what we do have eachother and i will never do anything to put myself in a situation that i think will harm me or take me away from you. and please be strong and know that things will get better.

life is hard i won't lie to you and tell you that it's easy and it is always great but it gets better. do what makes you happy and cling to those people in your life that you love and that you can trust. i love you so much and want to much for you i just hope that you keep the strength to achieve it all.

i wish i could give you advice on what to do or how to make it easier but i can't. she is my biggest weakness and my biggest downfall the hurt and anger that i carry towards her just grows and eats me up and destroys me as a person my only saving grace is to be away from her and unfortunatly that doesn't even completely fix it and that means being away from the people that i also love the most.

but no matter what i'm here for you and hopefully soon something will change because i think all of us are at our breaking points just remember that you are never ever alone and you never will be.

[sabby]

((((((((((((( whiteNight ))))))))))))))))

Wow, I am so touched by your letter to your sister and hers' back to you. I can feel the love and the fear in both of your letters. It's funny how kids from the same family have completely different relationships with the parents.....completely different feelings and completely different situations.

I can imagine it must have been hard for you to read your sister's letter and to know how she feels about your mom. We all have such different experiences with our family members. I'm so glad though that she has reached out to you supportively. And I'm also glad you felt able to share your feelings with her to begin with. What a great way to open up communication and grow closer even when far away from each other physically.

I hope and pray that you find some peace and your life takes on a different and better turn for you when you go to college. Take good care of YOU through all this too.


sabby

[whiteNight]

it wasnt hard to read at all, surprising yes but i needed to hear it and it gave me hope

my relationship with my sister has always been distant weather we were physicaly close or not

[sabby]

I'm glad it wasn't hard for you to read. It sounds like a very positive step you have both taken to better communication and hopefully a closer relationship in the future. Even though you haven't been that close, it sounds like she is very much wanting to be supportive of you in the best way she can be. I wish you both well!


sabby

[whiteNight]

and in all this happniess my dad told my mom who is acting like a 16 year old cause of meno pause talking 1000 min a month on the phone 1 month to get help or he might just kick her out of the house
eh

[sabby]

Oh boy....it sounds like he's trying to get her to open her eyes and see what's happening....sort of like a shock value maybe?

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((whiteNight)))))))))
I'm so glad your sister is supportive. Perhaps her behavior when she was home was triggered by being near areas of negative past events for her. I think it's great that there is hope of having a good relationship with her.

Please take care of yourself.

[whiteNight]

ya-kinda a shock value but hes serious as well- we cant pay for her to act like this anymore

he will turn off her phone and i dont doubt that he would kick her out

[sabby]

((((((((((( whiteNight ))))))))))))) Understood....and you know...you can't control what other people do or say. It's completely on them. All you can do is try to get them to see what is going on and from there, it is up to them how they act. I really hope she sees things from yours and your dad's perception and finds some help.

In the meantime...please take good care of YOU.


sabby

[whiteNight]

ive been working out with my grandparents as much as I can at their comunity gym and just enjoying spending time with them

my sis recently got into an acident- 3 cars stoped at light 4th one didnt- she was shashed neck wiplash- pain in the neck but ok

[wanttoheal]

I'm glad your sister is okay overall! I hope she recovers quickly. That's great that you are able to spend some time with your grandparents too. Thanks for keeping us posted.

[whiteNight]

i dont know mother any more- she's not afraid to eat realy spiecy food anymore- for years she wouldnt touch anyything spicy- but after she "changed" i dont know what to think

and even worse for 18 years my mom has been anti gun and all of a sudden she wants my dad to buy a gun-i dont know her anymore

[wanttoheal]

(((((((((((((whiteNight))))))))))))) It sounds like things are hard right now for you whiteNight. I hope things will get better soon.

[whiteNight]

honestly the only way i see it geting truly better is if they seperate or pass away cause my mom wont admit that they need help as a couple

no matter what i just have to make something of myself cause i wont go down that path they have taken-not if i can help it

[wanttoheal]

Your self determination is great whiteNight. That's what makes a survivor.

Do you have support outside of your family? Are you seeing a therapist?

[whiteNight]

no i dont have a therapist

its funny how my mom always offered to get help for me but never will admit she needs help herself

and right now finantially its not posible so you guys are what i got right now pretty much

[wanttoheal]

Well, we're glad you're here. I understand about her not realizing. I have had that experience in the past, though not with family members.

If you are in the united states, perhaps there is a county mental health clinic that you could go to. They are income based and often free. I have a friend who goes to one and pays nothing and gets really good care and medicine.

[nightbird]

(((whiteNight)))

you are doing the best you can so far, with this difficult situation.

we know how hard it is for you at this time.

you have the support of everyone here.
you may want to chat sometime also, in the chat room.

being around your grandparents at the gym is a very therapeutic experience for you.
it's good you do this.

wantingtoheal is giving you great advice, and youcan check about supportive services being free in your community. i hope you can take advantage of such a service, whether they offer you a therapist, or group therapy for support, or a visit to a pdoc first for stress evaluation, it can only add to your support system.

i give you so much credit for what you are dealing with - and i can feel your pain.

my parents broke up in my teens, and my mom changed more at that time, and the kids felt the abandonment and neglect, as you do. we got through it, although we all were split up by then. thanks to books, music and heavenly Grandparents, i had a fighting chance, perhaps like you.

i told my family dr. about how high strung i felt when i was a teen going through this stuff, and he prescribed something for me to help with my nervousness to calm me a little and, thankfully, it did not interfere with my responsibilities etc.

just want you to know that things will be alright.

even though it looks awful right now, stormy and cold, and you feel alone, know in your heart that you will move on to better days, and much better experiences. this marriage and their difficulties do not define you or your life.

even though this stuff is happening in your parents marriage, to them, and affecting you, know they love you more than anything else in their life - they just can't handle their own lives right now - and the way they are behaving is not uncommon of people who are in troubled marriages and going through emotional and mental difficulties.

it is not your fault. you are still loved. they are distracted and being neglectful due to how overwhelmed they are in their struggles with each other.

do your Grandparents want you to stay with them for a little while?
have they asked?
can you ask them - if you want to?

anyway, you are holding up real well, and i hope you can get even more support in real time. maybe you can make a Dr. appt. and tell him what has been happening in your home and how it is affecting you. don't worry about the money. he/she can bill your parents or eat the bill.

you have every right to medical care and counsel - despite what is happening with the adults. they are still responsible for you and must allow you to seek and receive medical care.

so you see, you can do this for yourself because it is allowed, and if your parents can't afford it, the state or your county can and will pay it.

sending positivity your way - filled with loving thoughts and peaceful comfort ~

hoping things calm down for you, Dear Person,
nightbird



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[whiteNight]

ive been o focused on hoping on my ma wanting help that i dont think about helping me-hopefuly i can change-latly ive been opening up to my grandma more-thats something

and I have made an agreement with my grandma that if things get to overwelming that i will move in with them for a while- we only live 4 miles apart anyway

and if i do want to go to a therapist- id have to have my grandparents help me cause im still working on geting my drivers lisence

there were no outbursts today and it was easier to relax today- but i did confide wtih my grandma today again

[wanttoheal]

That's great that you are able to open up to your grandma more. It helps so much to have that support. And to have the option of moving in with them if needed is wonderful too.

Good luck getting your driver's license!

[whiteNight]

thx -my lazy factor is whats my bigest prob holding me back driving
but i have to drive to college starting in august so eh i have to :P

things wernt tense this afternoon at home but it could easily blow up again any day-bt im just hoping for the best