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#1
Jan 15, 2006, 02:26 AM
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About 4 years or so ago hubby and I made a decision to have an open relationship. This does not mean we go out and date other people, just that we are open to enjoying other peoples company. That is the best way for me to put it right now.
Anyhow, a few years back I started a relationship with another man and my hubby. This was supposed to me a 1 time thing. Just for fun, kicks, whatever. This relationship lasted about 2 years. In that time, I developed feelings for this guy. Strong feelings. So much so, I had to cut off the relationship and not subject myself to face to face encounters with him for about a year. After several months, feelings were still there, but not seeing him made it easier to deal with. I did see him prior to leaving for Texas, and yes, my mind wandered but the feelings were really not nearly as strong as they once were. This past week, this person came out to Texas to visit for 5 days and I have completely regressed back to a puddle of mush. I was handing myself pretty well the first few days. Uncomfortable in some ways, in other ways I was totally at ease. I did get myself upset the 2nd day and had some stomach isses, nausea and the other (ewwww). Last night we decided to go out, all of us, hubby, myself, this friend and his friend which happens to be a girl and she is aware of our past. I know, like a soap opera. Anyway, there was a period of time last night where he and I were alone and he asked me if I ever thought about him. I told him yes, more then I care to talk about. I told him that getting over him was one of teh hardest things I have ever had to do and seeing him again, was kinda a test of my strength. He asked me how strong I was............I said not very. He ended the convo by saying, he thinks about me too, all the time and has always wondered if I did the same. Hearing this was devistating for me on so many levels. First, I love my husband and having these feeling resurface makes me feel guilty. My husband is my heart, my soul and I would never intensionally hurt him in anyway. That is why I ended the relationship with the other person to protect what my husband and I had. I am pretty sure that I do NOT love this other person but I miss him. I think about him. I like him and enjoyed his company so much. I care for him so very, very much. I have spent much of the day crying. I cant even go out back because it hurts to see where he was sitting less then 24 hours ago. I know that I brought much of this on myself, not intensionally. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again, but oddley, I have absolutly no regrets. I only regret that I allowed myself to get too emotional for him. |
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#2
Jan 15, 2006, 02:33 AM
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Maybe your hubby knows and cause you ARE WITH him it is ok with him...You are human and you haven't done anything wrong or under handed your hubby knows all but maybe how you feel but as it went on 2 years..he must KNOW on some level it wasn't just ...you know
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#3
Jan 15, 2006, 02:42 AM
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Yes Sleeps, huby does know all. That is one of the greatest things about our relationship is the honesty and openess we have. My husband never understood how I could have developed feelings for the other person. He said that sex is sex and nothing more. Yes, I agree that to a point sex is sex but when it is continual, for a long period of time, I developed feelings I shouldnt have.
The friend left today. I did not allow myself to do "anything" while he was here. It wasnt until last night that all the feelings came rushing back. I am a %#@&#! mess. I am so %#@&#! stupid and %#@&#! in the head for getting into deep. |
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#4
Jan 15, 2006, 02:54 AM
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 Holy crap you are none of the things you are calling yourself and hubby obviously doesnt care about this as much as you do ...youre beating youself up for BEING HUMAN ...Men they say have that attitude and all but I am sure he musta known a woman could get wrapped up in it...he isnt upset so you have zero to be guilty on..It may not be a good thing for you two to do now on cause this happened and COULD happen again with anyone else either sex so I think you need to RE TELL hubby you how you feel and how you are still attached to this dude and maybe ask what to do ...what are we going to do about this..I mean you all went out....so he wasnt upset KNOWING how you feel on this dude...stop kicking your own ***
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#5
Jan 15, 2006, 12:09 PM
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JMo... I understand this completely. When I get back from this dang wedding and my family leaves, I will ping you more. But just wanted to say that it's totally understandable about your feelings. I've been in a similiar (not identical) situation and am not sure I would venture down that path again. Most people are not like your husband... there is bound to be either some attachment or some discomfort or some jealousy... Anyway, I'll get back with you later, but in the meantime, I just wanted to let you know that I understand and I'm sorry you're struggling right now. Hopefully you can feel the positive vibes from Portland to Texas...~~~
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thatsallicantypewithonehand |
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#6
Jan 15, 2006, 12:38 PM
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<font color="purple">I keep coming back to this thread and writing a post but dont send.... But I feel I must as I can relate all too well with the exception of a few details: my husband didnt know until after the fact, he blames the OM (other man) and my mental illness, I do not, I blame myself and take full responsibilty... I have been struggling with tremendous guilt and its been 6 yrs. Daily I live with the torment of what I did and how I felt/feel. I thought I had forgiven myself but I believe I haven't. Whether i regret it or not is not an easy one to answer as it is a yes and no...
I have cut off all ties to this man yrs ago and still I struggle, so I am not sure what the best advice to give would be.... except continue communication with yourself and you r husband with all honesty... Good luck ((((((Hugs))))))) </font>
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Melinda  Today, NOW! Is the time to tell that someone you love them.....  because tomorrow just might be too late! 
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#7
Jan 15, 2006, 08:24 PM
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(( JMO.....SERENITY )))
I am no way judging you, hell I have sold my *** for cash but I hope you know that but I do not think you two should bear all the guilt.....your partners took this risk just as you did and do? so thats why I said maybe no more cause it is a risk....someone will fall for someone else....Again sorry for your pain both of you
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#8
Jan 16, 2006, 02:18 AM
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I keep coming and reading the new replies, sorry to say I have no input to give. But my not-just-friendly feelings for a mutual friend of my husband and mine keeps popping up. More often and more forceful recently, that is why I keep coming back to this thread. Hoping to find advice that would apply to me, I guess...and seeing how things went for another that took things further than I have. I hope you find resolution, Jen, in this matter.
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#9
Jan 16, 2006, 02:52 AM
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It has taken me a while to respond back on this because I am still confused as ever. I do have to admit, I really had no idea that so many could relate to me. It is not an easy place to be emotionally. I have been pretty low again today. I just cant seem to rid my mind of him or this entire situation.
(((((((((((((((((LMo))))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((SWBF)))))))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((((Serenity)))))))))))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((Beautiful Pain))))))))))))))))) 
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#10
Jan 16, 2006, 02:55 AM
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{{{{{Jen}}}}} Sorry to hear you are so low again =(
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#11
Jan 16, 2006, 03:01 AM
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Thank you Beautiful. Your hugs are needed right now.
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#12
Jan 16, 2006, 11:07 AM
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(((((((((((((((((jmo)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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Live life passionately, love unconditionally. Hope for the best, laugh your heart out. Cry when you need to, learn from the past. And remember what is meant to be will find its way. |
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#13
Jan 16, 2006, 11:14 AM
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Jenifer- hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs and then again hugs for you!
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#14
Jan 17, 2006, 12:42 AM
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(((((((((((Mel))))))))))
(((((((((((Nina))))))))))))) Thank you both. Recieved an email from the "other" guy today. Basically it said that he had a blast while he was here and cant wait to come back in the summer for the Mexico trip. 
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#15
Jan 17, 2006, 01:12 AM
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Um I would kill those plans fast...or go for it all the way solo but youre in such conflict I would say end it
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#16
Jan 17, 2006, 01:22 AM
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I know Sleeps. I know.
I just cant |
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#17
Jan 17, 2006, 01:24 AM
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Sadly I think you have to...have you talked to hubby again ?
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#18
Jan 17, 2006, 01:25 AM
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A little bit. Were concentrating on moving now.
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#19
Jan 17, 2006, 01:29 AM
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why move ..... if you two end it nice he wont be by...I know its hard but
 ?? Maybe I am simple but you could ask hubby if you could have the dude..I have done stuff like that ask crazy crap but its honest and people can surprise you
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#20
Jan 17, 2006, 02:51 PM
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I'm sorry you are hurting so badly. I think it's wonderful when people can have an open relationship. I'm one of those people who can't separate love from sex. Once I have sex with someone I start to fall for them for some reason. I think it's only natural that you've developed feelings for this other man. In my eyes it totally makes sense.
Please don't beat yourself up over this.
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"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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#21
Jan 18, 2006, 06:37 PM
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Hi Jen,
You have a heck of a lot to deal with. Hang in there. M. |
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