How much to ask about ex-girlfriend

well normally it may not be your place to ask this but.. in this case he made it your place to. He just gave you the right to request that by offering to. Me? knowing the situation I would have without your request but that's just me. He did offer, and that put the ball right in the middle of your court, IMO. As for her privately messaging him, that's not a good reason. After all if he removes her as a friend I'm pretty sure she can't message him anymore either. She could only request him to be her friend again

Putting those two points together i would tend to agree it's a bit stalker-like in behavior. She sounds obsessed or something. I think if you're given the chance by him to ask him to remove her as a friend I would say yes next time. But still it sounds like she is the problem, not him.

Yes, I do kind of regret not taking him up on his offer, but I thought she might then contact him via private e-mail or start calling him to find out why she'd been "de-friended." This woman seems to have a different sense of boundaries than I do, and she's not exactly inclined to be sensitive to my feelings (why should she though, she doesn't owe me anything, especially if she wants him back). He mentioned that this was actually an issue when they were dating...she'd make fairly insensitive or inappropriate comments in front of other people, and it got on people's nerves. I don't want to keep harping on this with him, however. But, I do want to find a way to just let her posts not derail me so much....Her posts have not been particularly inappropriate lately, but I do kind of freak out internally whenever I see ANY comment at this point, no matter how benign...and this is my issue to fix. Argh!

I have a friend that had an ex boyfriend continually contact her for years after she stopped responding to his messages... From what I understand, his messages were really hurtful.. He just couldn't get over her moving on...

Also, you can always completely block her from your view. I know this can cause some... panic... at not being able to see what is going on... Feels like a loss of control... But at the same time, out of sight, out of mind. I had to do this with one of my husband's ex's. Not because she kept contacting him.. But because she was so buddy-buddy with all his family. I couldn't look at pictures of his 5 year old nephew on facebook without getting sick to my stomach because she posted on it. She had absolutely no boundaries (She's also European....), and his family didn't make it easy for me to ignore her even when we weren't friends on facebook... But now, it's muuuch better.... I rarely think of her (especially now that the wedding is out of the way.. I was terrified his mom had invited her or would ask us to invite her.. or something...)

I've thought about blocking her from my view and will definitely go this route if I can't get over this on my own. He's actually deleted some of the more annoying posts but is inclined to totally ignore her thinking she'll just get bored of the whole thing. That being said, they are still friendly (a birthday call once a year and a recent job referral that he provided her), and she also posts on his brother's page. She may just be a tad wack-a-do and even have a relationship of her own but, during the first year of our relationship (knowing that we were dating), she reached out to him in an e-mail to tell him that she loved him...So, needless to say, I don't trust her at all. I do trust him (in terms of cheating) but am not quite over the fact that he lied to me about their relationship...In time, I'm sure this will pass, but it just makes me grit my teeth for now.

Honestly? Out of respect for other people's significant other! The fact that he's involved with you is enough reason to respect that boundary, she doesn't have to like or care about you, it's just the right thing to do. Even out of respect for him, she should be respectful of your relationship. Hopefully he's wise anyway and she's not winning any points by ignoring that boundary.

Completely understandable, it is a rare person that can put up with these things without any kind of worries or feelings about it.

thinking more on this, I honestly think he should defriend her and if he has gmail, just block her emails from her. If he really cares nothing for this woman it should be no big deal, I dont think he's a bad guy at all but it seems to me if he loves you, and is afraid to block her, that he probably is a non confrontational person and doesn't make many waves, and that might be his reasoning. Still though, his priority should be on your feelings of security and happiness. I'm just sayin...

He is extremely non-confrontational. In fact, it may be one of the reasons he's having business issues right now. He's had a pattern of letting other people influence him, even to his own detriment. From his parents, to his business partner to his ex-wife....They've all had their own agendas and have not always thought about his needs....but, to be honest, he's not taken care of his own needs himself. We're totally working on this. I want him to find his OWN way of standing up for himself without imposing my methods on him. I'm a fairly aggressive person and will stand up for myself in almost any situation....I also love a good fight on behalf of an underdog...it's just my nature (as it is his) that stems from childhood stuff I'm sure. He offered to de-friend her and to ask her to knock it off but I said "no" because some women see these things as a victory...if she's interested in him still and senses that she's causing problems, I'm not sure if she'd take it to the next level or not (whatever that means). She may be a perfectly nice person who just has a problem with boundaries and nothing more than that...Given that other people have had too much influence on him and this is something that he's working on, I really am hesitant to ask him to de-friend or block...these really do have to be his choices.

I hope he does make the right choice but I have a feeling at best, it's going to take her crossing the boundary more for him to do anything maybe even because you'll really have had it at that point too with her.

Don't be afraid to do something just because you're worried that she'll see it as a "victory" who cares? What matters is your peace and security and your relationship with your guy. Secondly never make choices based on what she might do to hurt you more or take it "up a notch". She's holding you hostage at this point, you won't do anything against her because you're afraid of her. If she's trying to cause you stress, she's already winning!

I would have done exactly the same.