Why I don't want to be in a relationship

ent
This is more for me to just get out my frustration than anything else
After my latest, horrid breakup, I have realized that I don't want to be in a relationship. Love hurts, love stinks. I was madly in love and lost it all, making me feel like I had lost my whole life since we had it all planned out. I was ready to start my life with her, of course that didn't happen. So here is why I DON'T want to be in a relationship ever.

1. No one is her - she was unique. She was everything I could ever ask for. As hard as I have tried to picture my life without her, I can't. It has been seven months now and no change. I don't even feel attracted to anyone anymore.

2. Relationships hurt - I am tired of pain. Relationships can bring you the best happiness but the worst pain. I don't want to feel pain anymore. I have had enough.

3. Lies and dishonesty - Why can't we be honest with each other? Why do people in relationships say they are in love, and then lie to each other's face every day? Why is it NORMAL to go out and flirt with other people while in a relationship or married? Why am I NOT normal because that bothers me? Why am I labeled as unsecured, paranoid, or even controlling because I don't flirt with others when I am in a committed relationship yet everyone I have been with has done it to me?

4. What is love? - Does anyone know anymore? I feel like I do. I am still in love with someone I can't be with, but she doesn't feel the same. Why can't I move on and she can? If we were both so in love wouldn't we both be struggling? Or is it me. Am I just crazy.

5. I AM different - I am a bit crazy. Crazy is out of the ordinary, clearly I am out of the ordinary. Couples seem to be fine with playfully flirting with other people, going to places alone with the opposite sex, and things of that nature. I see love as being different. I see it as a commitment, a partnership. You are partners in life, right? So why is it when you both get off work you would rather go see your friends than spend time together? I will never find someone like me. My ex was close, but even she was normal in regards to flirting and having a lot of guy friends. I just bit my tongue, but it hurt.

No one seems to be like me. So why even try? Why put myself in that misery and grief when I am still in love with someone else? What's the point if it only leads to heartache? What is the point in anything anymore? Life isn't meant to live it alone. Right? Am I really the only one who feels this way? Am I really that odd, and insecure? I can be confident about a lot of things, but not relationships. Not when abandonment comes into play. Thanks for reading...

I'm sorry that I don't have any advice really to give you.

I just wanted to say, I share a lot of your opinions on relationships and love.

Im glad you feel this is a place where you can vent your feelings im not trying to talk you out of how you feel but you don't know what will happen in life, please don't close yourself to the idea of love as i think you would be denying yourself - not to mention someone else - a wonderful oppertunity. This is how ive interpreted your points, feel free to read on if you wish

1. Yes this girl was unique - but so is every other woman. I think the chances of no other person being able to make you feel happy is extremely unlikely.

2. Yes relationships can harbor pain but i think good communication and a willingness to try and resolve issues as best as possible when they come along can help this. The way i see it is, without pain it would be pretty difficult to appreciate the good things in relationships - the same could be said for life itself.

3. I think most people in long term relationships would own up to a bit of flirting - im in no way condoning it or saying its normal but its certainly not unusual so you aren't alone in this experience and as long as its nothing serious or happens frequently i think this is something you have to try and come to terms with. As for lying and dishonesty, we all do it. If these are small infrquent white lies that have no real bearing on the relationship i wouldn't worry. Again its a communication issue but be glad that you have this much integrity - its a quality highly sought after.

4. If she isn't in love with you then no she wouldn't be struggling as much as you are - i think love will mean different things for different people but it does exist, there are many people in happy relationships to prove that it is out there.

5. People are not defined by their relationships - they have a life outside of being with someone and i think its perfectly acceptable for partners to want to meet up with their friends occasionally and dedicate their time to other stuff. If you are not happy with certain things in a relationship you have a right to say so - whether the person is understanding enough to discuss the issue is another matter but most couples i encounter are as accomodating and respectful as they can be. Again i think the right person and right circumstances make all the difference.

The fact of the matter is - not everyone finds someone to share their life with. Yes this is sad but it doesn't mean life can't be just as fulfilling - i think in time you will move on from this girl. Be glad that now you better understand what your expectations are and what you want to avoid in future relationships. I think its rare people find someone who is 100% what they want - we all have our flaws and imperfections its whether or not there is enough about the person to love and admire that makes all the difference. Im sorry if ive not been helpful. Please be kind and patient with yourself during this time. Break ups are hard but its not impossible to move on from them. I hope theres enough other stuff in your life which you enjoy and can help you through such a difficult time. All the best.

Same with me. Recently I said to someone that relationships are the equivalent to emotional self-harm. Being active with causes and organizations I believe in definitely helps, but it does not, nor can it, fill the void of having an emotional connection to someone. At the end of the day, I am still alone talking to myself for some conversation, and after many years it can become difficult to deal with, but at the same time all the deception, lies, and pain can make it feel like women aren’t worth it and that I am forced to pick the lesser of the two evils, like the OP is talking about I think.

You should not try to be in a relationship now anyway. If you are still in love with someone, you would end up hurting the new person. This is what happened to me, and now I am a mess. Don't pass the pain along. Deal with it, and then let it go. It's really the only way. Eventually, you will realize that the one you had loved so much was not all that great after all. Oh, btw, you are normal. I just don't know when it became so abnormal to be honest and faithful.

i've been hurt many times in my life, and i found its so hard to move on from my last relationship, everywhere i go i saw his face doesnt matter how much alcohol i took i keep seeing his face, no matter how cute and sweet all the new guys who tried to approached me i just cant open myself up, coz i wanted it to be him, iam so insecure and he is a flirt so its not perfect match but..
some people flirt to help them to boost their self esteem and doesnt mean they dont love you, maybe they just dont love theirself

people said time heals the pain, well it does helps to push it back of your mindbut you just dont know how long it takes, with time you will finally realized that maybe she not the person you thought she was and you will learn something from this relationship and help you to grow

i think when it comes to love wether you build a wall or choose to open up you still get hurts, so why not choose to open up, hurts and grow? at least you will have something nice to remember

after all life is a choice, you are the author of yourlife and only you could decided how the story goes

Wow... Thank you.. That was very insightful, it got to me. I also feel the same way as you do.. It's just nice that I am not alone.. Thanks...

Also thanks to everyone else who replied.. It was really nice of you all to read my venting. I just felt like I needed to get it out and hopefully can maybe help someone else who is going through a similar situation. to all.

I feel like I'm in a similar place, or will be in the near future.

After 11 of the best years of my life, my wife suddenly decided she's not that happy being with anymore. She had an epiphany and now isn't sure she can be happy with me, or if she can give me what I need to make me happy. She wants to move out for awhile, give us some time and space to ourselves, and see if that fixes anything. It's like a slap in the face. She gave no advanced warning. One week she seemed like herself, and then the next she is this whole new person.

It makes me question everything. If she can just change overnight like that how am I supposed to trust anything. Even if we did reconcile, I think part of me would always be anticipating another change.

That was 2 months ago. We're now living together in some kind of weird limbo state. She still cares for me on some level, and she still says I'm the love of her life and she can't imagine a future without me... growing old together, having children... at the same time she just seems a lot more distant and isn't convincing me that she wants to make this marriage work.

We're set to go to St. John for a week, (our favorite vacation spot, and where we went for our honeymoon), on Monday, so part of me is hoping that will rekindle her interest, but honestly Im doubtful at this point. I think we'll go, it will be fun, but awkward, and when we get back she'll finish leaving me.

Ain't love grand?

I hope you find peace..

Take care...