[geez]

I married a man who is a great father to our children and very supportive of me. We however: have nothing in common other than our children. He accepts that we are two different people doing our own thing.

I feel no spark for him nor have I ever felt a big spark - more like a friendship.
I married him because I was looking for someone stable not necessarily someone I had a spark with. I feel like I settled. When I met my husband I was 'surviving' and had really low self esteem (still working on esteem and I'm in therapy).

I feel so awful for saying all of this. I feel like a horrible person that has ruined two lives. I feel like if I go for a separation (something I can't do at the moment) I'm going to ruin two more lives besides my husbands because we have two children.

I feel sick to my stomach

[tigerlily84]

Geez - You're not a horrible person. Far from it. You aren't the only person in this marriage. Just because he is happy with the status quo doesn't mean that you have to be. Your feelings matter too. Sorry if this seems like an obvious question, but have you spoken to your T about this?

[geez]

Originally Posted by tigerlily84

have you spoken to your T about this?

Along time ago I did talk to my T about it and everything seemed ok with my marriage and now I'm feeling sick to my stomach about it again. I feel like this feeling comes over me that I'm about to ruin my life.

My husband and I do have a marriage T that we haven't seen since February as we 'graduated'. We did discuss that I am finding myself and I may want/need something different in a relationship and my marriage T told my H that is possible that I want something different once I figure it out. I'm thinking I'm going to have to call and make an appointment. This is so hard to deal with right now.

Can you develop a spark when there was never one to begin with? Does this have to be so hard?

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by geez

Can you develop a spark when there was never one to begin with? Does this have to be so hard?

I am currently working on this myself with my boyfriend of two years. I am no where near your position of being married and settled with two kids, but we somehow lost our spark. For me (I dont know if this applies to you too) but in order for me to regain the spark with my boyfriend I need to feel good about myself first. I dont feel sexy or pretty so I cant get the ball rolling so to speak. He is already very shy so its obvious I have to make the first move, which is no problem.

I think talking to your T is a great idea. I think you can re-create the spark. Even if there was not one to begin with. Just have to be more adventurous and take some risks. I think I can be able to do this if I had more self-confidence and can be more daring and take the lead. Some guys find that sexy.

Unless however you dont find him sexy or attractive? Then thats a whole different story and you have to start asking yourself some tough questions

Good luck and keep posting!

[geez]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I need to feel good about myself first. I dont feel sexy or pretty so I cant get the ball rolling so to speak.

I think you can re-create the spark. Even if there was not one to begin with.

Unless however you dont find him sexy or attractive? Then thats a whole different story and you have to start asking yourself some tough questions

Thank you (((Platinum)))

Do I find him sexy or attractive? I find him decent looking but it wan't love at first site like with the guys I dated before him. He has really nice eyes but my ideal is 'tall dark hair and handsome'. When I met him I wasn't feeling good about myself. Heck I haven't felt good about myself my entire life until the last few years that I decided to work hard on myself (I'm now age 40). I'm currently in school working on a degree for a new career. I'm a pt student and stay at home mom.

I'm working on trying to love myself and fix myself and then I will make a decision. I don't want to make the wrong decision or make any decision before my time.

Physically I'm 'attractive' and I get attention from guys half my age when I never got attention from many guys ever (I was overweight most of my life etc...) This is fun to get attention and makes me wonder? What else is out there?

I married my husband because I felt that I need/ed him and I still feel that way. I want to be with him because I choose to be with him not because I feel that need him to survive.

Thanks for listening and ask any questions you like :-)

[Big Mama]

I know this was not an arranged marriage. But if those who have been placed in that position can achieve love can you and your H choose love. Can you agree that you are 2 seperate individuals (me and my H have polar opposite intrests) but find time and space ant the oppertunity to create love. People don't always get married for love but end up allowing them selves to fall in love or pushing them selves to develop love. Is this a possibility with you guys?

[geez]

Originally Posted by Big Mama

I know this was not an arranged marriage. But if those who have been placed in that position can achieve love can you and your H choose love. Can you agree that you are 2 seperate individuals (me and my H have polar opposite intrests) but find time and space ant the oppertunity to create love. People don't always get married for love but end up allowing them selves to fall in love or pushing them selves to develop love. Is this a possibility with you guys?

Sometimes I think it's possible and then there's a part of me that thinks I'm making a huge mistake and then another part of me thinks I'm being stupid for even considering leaving him. I feel so horrible about all of this. I feel like such a bad person. We are separate individuals but I feel like I need someone who shares some not necessarily all of the same interests.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by geez

I'm working on trying to love myself and fix myself and then I will make a decision. I don't want to make the wrong decision or make any decision before my time.

Physically I'm 'attractive' and I get attention from guys half my age when I never got attention from many guys ever (I was overweight most of my life etc...) This is fun to get attention and makes me wonder? What else is out there?

I married my husband because I felt that I need/ed him and I still feel that way. I want to be with him because I choose to be with him not because I feel that need him to survive.

Youre wondering what else it out there. I know, I often wonder if I get skinny like you have the same doubts about my boyfriend because I will start getting looks too.

Its amazing we are willing to stick by these guys when we dont feel good about ourselves then question it when we think we can do better. Im not saying that negatively toward you, im speaking for myself as well.

I guess I dont have any real advice because im in the same shoes as you in a way. Im struggling to find answers myself. But if you are truly unhappy, and you are just strangers then I wouldnt stay.

I truly wish you the best and I hope it works out for you. I really do

[geez]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I often wonder if I get skinny like you have the same doubts about my boyfriend because I will start getting looks too.

Its amazing we are willing to stick by these guys when we dont feel good about ourselves then question it when we think we can do better. Im not saying that negatively toward you, im speaking for myself as well.

I guess I dont have any real advice because im in the same shoes as you in a way. Im struggling to find answers myself.

I don't know how old you are Platinum but in my opinion things get more complicated as we get older and especially when kids are in the picture.

Just my opinion but if you are especially young work on a better you I would do it know and leave before kids get in the picture.