[ThisIsMe0557]

I'm having trouble believing I'm worth anything. In da past yr and a hlf I lost two homes and had two kids.n I'm currently homeless now (living with family) . I've been struggling with depression (crying cutting among other things) and I've lost every single important relationship I had. I have no one. I'm constantly hearing how useless and worthless I am from the ppl I love the most. It hurts. I'm completely broken and I dnt find life very much worth living alone. I've tried to make friends but I hve four kids I work and I have no transportation so making friends where I live is next to impossible. I try to draw strength frm my kids but some days that's hard too. I feel like a waste of flesh and that I have no purpose or even a right to be alive. I feel stupid worthless useless like I don't matter and wont be missed. I dnt feel like I'm worth being loved by anyone boyfriend or friends. I hate myself more than any hatred I've ever had for anyone else. I can't talk to anyone about it because they get mad at me n tell me I have issues n my being depressed is an excuse not to b myself. No one believes I have a real problem. I feel like a waste of time n keeping it inside is really hurting me. But I have no one to turn to. Please help. I guess I'm having a pity party and I'm inviting all of u guys to come. I jus need some help...please help me!

[Rapunzel]

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad. The holidays can be really tough if you are alone, or already depressed, or for any number of reasons. I can definitely relate to that! Even doing better than I have in some time, it's been getting to me this month. The day before yesterday my idea of how to spend Christmas was to climb the mountain (I can walk up there from where I live) and find someplace to sit all alone and feel sorry for myself and maybe freeze and never come back down. I felt like nobody would miss me, or even notice that I was gone. We don't get this way because of making an excuse. It is a real problem, and it really hurts! Especially when you have lost people who are important to you.

Who is getting mad at you for being depressed? Is it possible that it is someone who cares about you and is getting mad because they don't know how to help you? Anger can be secondary when the primary emotion is fear. Maybe they are really afraid for you and don't know what to do. I wonder how they would respond if you could tell them that you really need someone to listen and accept that you are feeling what you are feeling, and not try to change it.

You can always find people who understand here.

I disagree about being worthless. You're raising four children, I mean, wow!! That alone is impressive to me. Personally speaking, I think being a mum and bringing up children healthy and well-adjusted is one of the most important things anyone could do. Its not easy!

As for people being mad with you, then for me they are not making you and your feelings important. They are in their own way, contributing to you feeling depressed. So it becomes a vicious circle. You know what? You do not need to listen to these people. They may not understand how it feels to be depressed. I also agree with Rapunzel about them being frightened and I don't suppose they know what to say.

Have you ever thought about therapy? It can help so very much with a good therapist. He or she may be able to help you understand that you're not a worthless person and help you try to lift yourself out of this depression. The other thing that can be valuable is short-term medication, something to help you along your way.

Please please do not listen to these people. You're going through a tough time, please hang on to that thought - anyone who's lost a couple of homes and is bunking down with family, has the responsibility of four children, well, its hard! With help and a bit of work, you may just be able to help get yourself on a more even keel.

Hugs to you.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I can certainly understand being depressed this time of year. Trying to bring a good Christmas to 4 kids must be very difficult! I hope the father is being of help! If not, make sure the friend of the court knows they're know paying you child support!

And if family is contributing to your depression, they certainly have never been depressed, have they! Or else they forgot what it felt like! They're being very cruel -- and treating family like that is horrid. They should be more understanding and willing to listen. By demeaning you like that is just making your depressing that much worse!

Sweetie, you ARE a worthy person! I'm sure you're not homeless because you WANT to be. That's absurd! But honey to think you're a waste of flesh is also absurd, because God made you and He does NOT make junk! You are a precious child of God -- He loves you. You CANNOT hate yourself when God loves you! If God feels your worthy and precious, how can you be worthless, a waste of human flesh, and have no purpose? God put you here for a reason! And you have to find that reason -- it might take you some time, but it's out there somewhere. lol Please don't give up on yourself, my friend. You are a vital person in this human race - you MUST believe that! Things won't always be this way.

If you're not in therapy, see about getting into it. Talk to your social worker, and see what can be done, okay? In the meantime, you'll remain in my prayers. I wish the very best for you -- God bless and please take good care of YOU! BIG HUGS and Happy holidays! Lee

[BrainsAreHard]

So sorry that people have to go through things like this. It's so hard when no one around you knows how to help, and even when they try, they often make it worse. And then you start worrying about driving people away by being too needy, which makes it harder to share, which makes everything worse again.

Don't know what to say other than offering Internet-support and commiseration, but thank you for taking care of your kids, even though it must be hard to keep on going. That is truly noble.

[ThisIsMe0557]

Thanks for all of the advice and kind words. I hear everything that's wrong with me more than I hear anything good about me and your kind words really helped get me thru today. I'm grateful that a community like this is available. Full of good ppl. If I could live in this community I would! Thanks to you guys the tears have dried for today and even tho I'm still very sad I'm alive. And I thank you guys for that. I tried to talk to my family and boyfriend but it was to no avail. Thanks again and I'm glad I can lean on u guys. Thanks and blessings!

I want to wish you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I have no idea what it must be like to have 4 kids...I only have one and she lives with her mother....and take care of them, and mother them....THERE is your worth right there! Those kids need YOU mom, and you gotta dig deep and be that for them! Oh sure, I know about the self loathing...been there, still fall into it from time to time. But I want to encourage you to be the best mom you can be to your kids.
I had a very difficult last 24 hours as my ex dumped more guilt on me about our separation and impending divorce...and how its affecting my daughter. I had a VERY difficult time finding anything to make me happy...even my kid seemed to be fed up with me! But tomorrow is a new day and our kids will need us again and we gotta be there for them no matter what!
I wish you all the best...hang in there mom, you will make it thru!!