[Lexicon78]

My bf, Andy left yesterday morning to go away with his dad. He didn't want to leave me but he left anyways. He came back this evening.

During his absence, I had the best time and felt better than I have in years! The feeling of freedom and this intense weight was lifted off my body...it was quite amazing. I really enjoyed to solitude, quiet, ability to do what I wanted without walking on eggshells because Andy might get upset or getting annoyed every 10 minutes when he'd confess his undying love to me or saying the baby phrases he constantly says over and over all day long.

So many people have asked me if I see myself with him in the future, if I am in love with him, etc. And the answer to all those questions is sadly no. I need a man, not a mama's boy who's afraid to get his hands dirty or who acts like a baby most of the time! I need a man who will act like a man and protect me from harm...not a man who needs protecting and nurtured and babied all the time.

Why do I stay? Because I've never been treated as well as he treats me for the most part.

[lenjan]

That's not enough, Lex. I stayed for 4 years in a relationship that should have died after 1, just because "but he treats me so well." I didn't love him, and I didn't respect him -- I was not only smarter than he was (a problem for me -- I need at the very least somebody who can keep up with me intellectually) but I could manipulate him with ease. The facts both that I could do that and that he let me --- well, it just wasn't good.

We actually got engaged, but after spending so many nights laying awake thinking to myself, "OMG, *what* am I doing?!," it was a tremendous blessing when HE called it off. (He dumped me over the phone, 6 weeks before the wedding! Scumbag. I didn't want to marry him, but he didn't have to be a coward about it!)

You deserve not only to be treated well but to be in love with the person who does so. It's not worth it, otherwise.

Hugs and love,
Candy

[Valis]

I think there is an important message in Candybears post...don't let a relationship your not happy to be in go on too long...a relationship without love is like a sandwich without the bread.

Hope you are well Lexicon78.

[Sabrina]

I think you know what to do Lexi ....

My thoughts are with you!

[Raynaadi]

I married my version of your boyfriend. Biggest mistake of my life. I settled. Didn't think I'd ever get any better. Left him after 4 months of marraige. Don't do what I did!

You shouldn't settle for second best Lexicon.

Clinging on to something just because it is better than what we are used to will not make you happy in the long run. You would have wasted so much precious time. It might seem scary to go it alone, but you deserve a man who would love you and be there for you, more so than your bf seems to be doing. Don't get trapped in this situation...

[Maven]

I agree with what Candybear and the others are saying. Also, you can't look for a real man if you're still with the little boy. I'm with my boyfriend because of my OCD, but if I could, I'd be on my own, dancin' and romancin', LOL!

[odhiambo]

I am sorry to say that is not enough for love. You need to be true to yourself and it sounds like in that small chance you had to be free you were. Sometimes we stay in a realtionship because we do not want to rock the boat but in the end the boat needs to be rocked. You are not being fair to either one of you for the reason you are staying in the relationship. Maybe it is time for you tell him how you feel and move on there is some one out there for everyone. I wish you luck

[SeptemberMorn]

Lexi, I know that feeling of freedom, even if it's for a couple of hours or a couple of days. That's a red flag and just about as big as they get, Hon! This person isn't for you!

Candy hit the nail right on the head. It's time for you to start making your "get away." Set yourself free! It's within your power!

[Kalamity]

I used to stay in bad relationships but they were reliable. I knew what I could expect and that feels very safe. I'm now the oppositie. I've been on my own for so long I don't think I could ever live with someone ever again. Being alone now feels reliable and safe just like relationships used to.

[MOMW]

I too kissed a toad, but he didn't ever turn into a prince. As much as I tried to concentrate on his good points, things never changed. I finally left and walked away. I think you can truly care about a person, but not be able to spend a lifetime together. You seem to already know this. Don't put yourself last. I have now have found my prince! You too deserve to be happy. Everyone deserves to be happy. Even if being happy includes being alone for a while.

[Maven]

Why would you kiss a toad with the intent of turning him into a prince? Why ruin a perfectly good toad???

[nothemama8]

Like it was said , you can't look for someone better as long as he's there, relationships that feel like comfortable old shoes always end up being thrown out
he sounds like he's co-dependent , let him go before it's too late

to lift you up to freedom!!

[Lexicon78]

Thank you everyone for your much needed support! Each day it seems to ring more and more true that I must leave...it's just the whole "you'll never hear from me or see me again" thing that I don't want to deal with. I'm dreading the whole guilt-trip and subtle maliciousness that he is so famous for.

[nothemama8]

awwwww so he does know what games he's playing

[Lexicon78]

I guess so...and I don't like his games...it's always this way with him, too.

[Maven]

Breakups aren't usually easy, but once you get through them, they can give you a great sense of freedom. While it's nice to have a committed and "comfortable" relationship, imagine...you'll be able to go out with anyone who tweaks your interest, flirt, and if one doesn't meet your hopes, you can go find another!

[EJ711]

Hi Lexicon,

Sounds like he will always cause you grief. Get out while you're young, and it's easier to start over. I know it's not easy first of all to decide to do so, and then seconly executing on your plan.

You've got too much to offer to not be in a better relationship, or being on your own.

Hugs and love,

EJ

[desirae]

It's difficult to stay in a relationship when you feel as though it's a temporary fix, believe me I would know. I think if this is how you feel and you feel relief every time he is gone, then maybe you should suggest some ways that could improve your relationship, and if that don't work or alter any of his annoying behaviors, then leave him. If he's not capable of changing small behaviors for you then it's not worth making an effort for him.

I hope all works out, please let us know how everything goes.

[razeljenny]

Well, as you can see from my recent post, I broke up and need to hang in there. I felt so co-dependant for B. but finally when I went to school, I got more faith in myself, and got tired also. I'm glad that I finally got too tired to serve his purposes. It took all of that to turn on the light in my head that it was my time for me. My son dosen't like it but I had to say goodbye to B. I feel so weird and need all the support I can get. I think if I had an immaginary friend (TRUST-I'll call her) I would be a better woman long enough to not pass out because I'm in shock about my decision to "Say-GoodBYE" I really am in shell shock, what can I do? I gotta be strong, that is all I know. Can you share with me? LOve Robin Razel