[DasedNConfuzed]

I love my wife to death. I just have issues. First, I don't know how to express my feeling the way I'd like. Second, I have a very low self esteem issue. She is gorgeous and gets hit on constantly. Which doesn't help my already low self esteem. Three, to get back at her, I'd subconceously put her down and say stupid things to upset here. Basically, speak before I think. And every time I hurt her, a part of me dies. Well, this time I've been contemplating suicide. I know it's not the way to go, but I got to change something and I don't know how.

My wife tells me everything. I in turn try to tell her everything, but find it hard to sometimes. So there might be some trust issues on both sides. When things are great, their great. But when things are bad, it's usually because I opened my mouth.

She's been ignoring me for a couple days now and no matter what I say, I get no replies or she doesn't feel like talking on the phone. God, I can't loose her. I'd, I'd ah. Well, that is why the title. Man, do I need help.

I don't want her to hurt anymore. I just can't loose her.

[Rhapsody]

IF I may ask? - are you thinking about harming yourself as a way to make your wife hurt even more.... are there other issues in the marriage that you have not disclosed as of yet?
I ask this for when I was suicidal - I used to think: IF I harmed myself then it would the ultimate punishment (emotional hurt) to my husband.... to hurt him as much as he had destroyed me in the past.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

[DasedNConfuzed]

I'm not thinking of doing it to hurt my wife. I just hate myself for what I put her through and think it'd be a easier life for her after she gets over it instead of a constant barrage of lifetime abuse by me.

I just think that sometimes her life would be easier if i was gone.

you just stop thinking that way right now......work on your life...not your death

Hi DasedNConfuzed,

If you love your wife that much, then please work on the issues at stake (trust, self-esteem etc.). Her life wouldn’t be easier, imagine how racked with guilt & devastated she’d be. Despite being gorgeous and turning heads, she still chose *you*. Doesn’t that say a lot about how she feels about you?

Are you seeing a therapist? It would be advisable to seek help asap so both the self-esteem issues and the marriage can get back on tracks. What better proof of love than to ‘win her back’, rather than punishing her...

Give yourselves a chance at happiness. You both deserve it. And stay safe!

(((DasedNConfuzed)))

Without wanting to disrespect you, may I ask why you do this:
I'd subconceously put her down and say stupid things to upset here. Basically, speak before I think.

I just want to understand.

[katheryn]

i am a wife and last year i spent time at my husbands bedside while he was recovering from suicde attempts it was hard sitting watching him while he was lying in a hosptial bed and it hurt because all i could think of was how would i tell our children, how would they take it even though we were seperated on his first attempt, we were talking, actually we were talking on the phone minutes before he did this action yes i was hurt that i didnt realise how bad he was feeling, please get help help talk to your wife let her no how you feel shes not a mind reader,
(((((((((((DasedNConfuzed))))))))))))
take care

[heartspace]

Hi DazednConfused - it sounds like your insecurities are really interfering with your relationship. You have to allow yourself to trust her. (I"m guessing she has done nothing to warrant your mistrust?)
My husband used to feel quite insecure. Trust has grown over time.
I wish you both the best, but try not to allow your insecurities to result in bad behavior: you don't want to be unlovable, and drive her away.
And no talk of harming yourself. She is with you because that's what she wants: you. Now, work on strengthening your relationship by working on your self esteem. Next time you're tempted to say something nasty to her, stop yourself, and remind yourself that you're really feeling bad about yourself and that she doesn't deserve to be on the receiving end of that. Then give her a hug and tell her you love her.

[Liv28]

DazedandConfused..
I used to be in a relationship with a man who treated me like this..I..was your wife..and I left..BUT..the difference between the man that I was with and you is that you seem to love your wife..and this man..did not love me..my point is, don't let your wife get away..and the way that you do this..is not by continuing the things that you are doing or ending your life so that she is better off..because she won't be..she will just live with the guilt that she was the reason that you ended your life..is that what you want? To keep your wife..you must learn to change your behavoir..you must learn to love YOURSELF..and then you can let your wife love you! You are so insecure right now..that you cant see that even though another man is hitting on your wife..she still is coming home with and to YOU every night! Women love men to get jeolous every once in awhile..but they love a strong secure man much more! IF you love your wife, like you say you do, and IF you want to keep her, as you say you do, then you need to seek help for your behavoir before you lose her. Because if your wife is strong and determined..she won't stand for this and honestly..not to be rude..I wouldn't blame her. You deserve better..she deserves better..and you both can HAVE better if you want it..so take it and go get it!! Make your lives better for the both of you..and start by talking with your wife..then..decide TOGETHER what you need to do from there..if it is counseling..so be it..just do it..and do it now! Good luck!

[jennie]

Please consider marriage or couples counseling.

My hubby and I go to marriage counseling. At first, I was scared of going to counseling with my hubby. But, it's really no big deal. We take turns talking about stuff affecting us. We've learned how to talk to each other without hurting each other's feelings.

When you love someone, you want that person to be happy. I'm sure neither one of you wants to see the other suffering.

Only you can make the first step at true intimacy . . . invite her to couples counseling with you.