i can't help the way i feel

i can't help the way i feel
i am jealous, i am paranoid,i hate him , i love him,i want to be on my own, i want my children,i wish i was dead.
these are not the feelings for my abuser but my husband he has friends he made with his ex they are all close but i cannot have friends with mine and the only friend i have he hates
he checks out women on the net but i am accused of having affairs at work,
the only thing keeping me focused is work
can't wait till tomorrow back there until i come home to these feelings yet another day

i feel sick with the insecurity how do i get over it

((((((( HUGS ))))))) _ You set up rules & guidelines that both of you must follow and then see them thru..... and you get a filter put on the computer to keep those ugly sexual websites out, I personally use AFA and it is just $49.99 a year.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

He checks out women on the Internet? Sorry, hun, but that's unacceptable.
Patty

thank you for your responses
rhapsody and seeker they are greatly apprieciated
I agree with both of you ,but i know with my insecurity from the first time i checked his computer that i am constantly paranoid he wants other women.he assures me i am the one he wants and that he only looks,but then all i have ever done is cheat on my men to get my own back on them after my paranoid episodes.which is what i did so through my own fault am i looking for things that are not there.

Hun, it sounds like you are making excuses for him, but maybe I'm misinterpreting what you are saying.
Patty

Despite what you may or may not have done.. he is responsible for his own actions.. and looking at women on the internet is direspectful to you and to your relationship...

You deserve better, and nothing makes it okay for him to treat you as he does...I hope you can find a way to set up some boundaries.

Good Luck!

It is sad, but when men compartmentalize their life they also do this with the LOVE of their life and the LUST of a beautiful sexy woman.... they can often do both and not let one effect the other - were as we females are like noodles, with everything intertwined together and every single noodle touches the other one, our life & love - past & present.

I often wonder out load to God as to why he allowed such an occurs to take place within the ones He created.... I guess some things are not meant to be known by humans.

Take-Care and stand up for yourself as I did when my husband went through his ten year span of porn.... he has finally stopped.

LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

P.S.

Here are a few website's that helped my husband and I thru the hard times.... life is getting good again.

http://www.intimatematters.com/

http://brothersforchrist.com/

http://www.newmanmag.com/

http://forums.strang.com/viewforum.php?f=18

http://www.pureintimacy.org/

http://4-womenonly.com/index.aspx

http://formenonlybook.com/index.aspx



LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ,

I'M GOING THRU THE TORMENT THAT MY WIFE MIGHT BE HAVING AN ONLIEN AFFAIR WITH A VIDEO GAME . I TOO FOUND THAT SHE WAS WRITING LETTERS TO ANOTHER PERSON.

I HAVE LEFT MY HOME OF 6 YEARS AND A 13 YEAR OLD LITTLE GIRL . EACH DAY I ENDURE THE FACT THAT I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO GET MY WIFE BACK . I UNDERSTAND THE TRUST ISSUE .. I TOO FIND MYSELF LOOKING INTO HER CACHE OR EMAIL JUST SO I CAN SEE IF SHE IS CHEATING ON ME .

I'M NEW TO THIS SITE AND SO FAR I CAN AGREE THAT IT IS SPECIAL HERE ..

I TOO WILL LEND A HAND OF WARMTH AND UNDERSTANDING
TO WHOM EVER WILL ASK

AS I FIND MYSELF I HAD TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME SO I CAN FOCUS ON THE FUTURE WITH OR WITHOUT MY WIFE

You have to become secure with yourself.....then with what you gain you may earn the courage to stand up to your husband, or leave him.

another bad day

went four days without checkin the comp. now my head is telling me he is up to somthing ,why can't i trust him ,why did i doubt him in the first place,why am i so paranoid, was it all the domestic voilence booze induced episodes, or is this my life from such an early age where men abused their trust with me !!!!

i wish i could not be so paranoid, i wish i could trust,but i trust no-one

I think I am a bit confused. Did you cheat on your husband in retaliation for him looking at pictures of women?

I may be the only one that has this opinion, but I don't find it offensive or disrespectful if a man looks at women, watches porn, or mags. On the other hand, if they are taking it to a level that they are interacting, that's different. Or if they have an addiction to it.

I think all people, regardless of gender have curiosities or fantasies...some are just more obvious about it. I have male friends that like to look at websites, I have some female friends that read "romantic" novels that get them lusting.

I think it becomes a problem if it is taking over one's life, if one is acting out on these fantasies, if one cannot function without the fantasy, if one strays out of the marraige/commtiment because of the fantasy. Or, as in your case you find it very offensive.

Have you ever tried talking with him about what his draw to it it? Have you ever asked yourself what you find offensive to it? Is it your insecurities? Or is it the fact that it truly goes against your character?

Personally, that stuff is not for me, but I cannot control another's behavior, and if someone I am with "needs" or feels the "desire" to have that in their lives (and it's not an addiction) then so be it, I just don't want it in my face.

Guess, this doesn't help much...sorry!! (((hugs-2-you)))

Anything you cannot tell your partner (to me anyway) is cheating.