Why I Hate My Mother or Father - Possible Trigger

Ok another unique thread. How many of you hate your mother or father or both? Let's talk about it here! This is not a game. Only the serious need apply. Many of our problems stem from our parents and many of us still have a lot of unresolved feelings about them!

If any of this bothers you do not read this thread and if and when this forum provides a thread ignore button you will be able to ignore any threads that may cause you discomfort I have requested to add a ignore thread button these forums provide, would be easy to do.

I hate my mother for screwing up my life from 6 years old and on. She is 100% the reason I am so messed up. When she died I did not shed one tear.

She came to America first and brought me over the following year. She was unmarried and looking for a husband and her and my aunt who I also hate decided it would be best if we pretended I was my mothers brother until she got married. So for the next few years I could not call her mom and had to address her by her name. A habit that was hard to break until much much later in my adult hood.

When she did finally get married a really decent guy who I looked up to as a father and great provider she cheated on him with a loser and divorced him to live with that loser, who would become my step father for the remainder of her pitiful life. I hate my step father too and look forward to the day he dies! He never treated me nice always ignored me would argue and fight with my mom and slap her around. I was terrified of him as a child and stayed in my room most of my child hood growing up. I was afraid to eat some thing in the refrigerator because if it was his he would yell about it. Being the loser he was he could not hold a job for long and so we moved around a lot almost every other year.

Yup my dear old mom the stupid fock she was pulled me out of a normal happy life and childhood and threw me in a living hell. Fock them both may they both rot in hell.

Disclaimer - I don't HATE anyone. My definition of hate is that if I see someone about to get hit by a moving vehicle, I choose to look the other way instead of warning them. Anything less than that to me, I don't consider hate.

Mother - Screwing me over as an infant (emotionally and physically). Choosing to leave me in America instead of taking me back with her. Half attempting to get me back. Not showing up for court to get me back. Leaving me for good. Trying to come back 23 years later and act as if she was there the whole time. Screwing over my brothers. Destroying my ability to attach/connect with people. Destroying my infancy.

FauxMother- Taking me in and loving me and then taking away your love when I stopped agreeing with everything you said. Not getting me help when I attempted suicide. Blaming all of my cries out for help as attempts to try to hurt you. Tearing me away from anyone you saw me developing an emotional attachment that wasn't you. Destroying the rest of my youth. Making sure I knew that you really did try your best - so now I can't even accept my feelings of resentment to you and have thus turned them towards myself.

Life sucks.

I don't hate my parents. I should, but it's way too complicated for that. Attachment means layer upon layer of love and hate, and I've turned most of the hate on myself.

My dad was so domineering and controlling, I wasn't even allowed to open my window without permission. Sometimes violent rages. Verbal abuse. Not loving. Sexually abusive, which my mum turned a blind eye to.

My mum was emotionally very neglectful. Told me not to have feelings. Told me my feelings didn't matter. Ignored my SI. There was also practical neglect. Left with headlice many times. Bad tooth care. Bad diet. My childhood was not a good place. One of my most painful wounds is that when I tried to SU they just left me at the hospital by myself.

I keep hoping I've made it all up, because it's too painful to live with.

I don't hate anyone, but I do hate things that they've done.

Mom: I hate how she raised me. I hate that I don't trust her, or love her, or feel any affection towards her. I hate that I don't understand how a loving relationship should actually feel because I never had one. I hate the expectations that were put on me, and I hate the double-standards. I hate that I was not allowed to properly express myself, and and I hate that everything that was ever important for me was shut down.

Dad: I hate that he doesn't stand up for anyone. I hate that he just goes "That's how your mom is" or other such things that are telling me to passively let it happen.

Younger Brother: I hate that he is such a horrible person to myself and my parents. I hate that he blames me for all of his problems when the only thing I ever actually did to him was keep MYSELF out of trouble because I know how to keep my own mouth shut. I hate that be is so abusive and such a liar. Etc etc.

Older brother: I hate that he is like our Dad, and that he never even tried to have a relationship with us until after he had his own kids.

Older sister: This is the person I am closest to actually hating. I hate that she never wanted a single thing to do with us. I hate that she's racist. I hate that she ignored my existence. I hate that she had the most influential role in my life when I was little... I hate that I looked up to her so much and that all I wanted from her was love... and that I never got it.

Grandma's on both sides of my family: I hate that we were nothing to them. I hate that they never tried to build a real relationship with us. I hate that they never wanted to spend time with us when our parents weren't around.

I would happily watch my father being hit by a train. I would not look away. If it was legal I would push him myself.

I guess it's safe to say that I hate him.
Once I got really close to killing the ****er when I was a kid.

Since it's beyond triggering (for me) I shall not go into details about why. Suffice to say, I do not have one single good memory from my childhood and young adulthood - while I was forced to live under his roof and under his rule - and he left me annihilated and internally disfigured, unable to lead a happy and sustainably successful life or form and maintain a healthy relationship.

Since I cannot legally revenge the obliteration of the once innocent "me", my only hope is some "magical" justice; karma, "what goes around, comes around" or whatever. In other words, I hope he rots in hell.

Yes, such hatred does make me a bad person.

Tough.

For what it's worth, I think anyone who has survived abuse has the right to express feelings of hate.

This is exactly what my mum is like about my dad. It sucks.

to all

If it was whom I hate getting hit by a car, I too probably wouln't look away. But there is few people I hate and my parents are not included. I have and still could hate my father and my mother too, but it is useless. There's nothing to do now. My mother In my opinion made some bad choices in life, though I still love her being dead anyhow, and do think, that on her own way she was a good mother. My father is an alcoholic, but that is something i have never hated him for. People (well doctors etc) always assume we don't get along because of booze. But I have been taught from the very beginning that alcoholism is an illness, so i have always forgiven him for drinking. I used to hate the rest of my family because they would critizise him and yell at him, some sometimes even hit him. But he is also mentally ill, (besides the alcoholism) he's depressed and generally (very) anxious. He also has had a difficult childhood, having had an alcoholic father and being apperantly always lonely. The only thing I blame him for is how he treated me personally. Leaving so much responsability on me way too early - and I'm the youngest child. For blaming us of his miserable life. For thretening to kill himself eveyday because we weren't good enoung children. And at last, years later finding out i have mental issues too, accusing me of making him look bad as a father (because I didn't do well enough in school for him) disappointing my mother's expectations by not continuing a hobby my mother had put me in, for longer than seven years after her death... For accusing me of lying constantly for no reson, claming i have "lost my mind". For the first thing he said to me after hearing i have seeked help from a doctor being not to talk about his alcoholism. Being first worried for his reputation - that doesn' exist. .........well this is just a bit of the surface but let it be then. I don't hate my father.

Wow, that is exactly how I feel. Some people project this hate towards them selves which I find totally mind boggling. I prefer to direct it where it is best suited, on those I hate. The same with self harm. Some people prefer to direct harm towards themselves, I prefer to direct harm on others. Some people feel suicidal. I admit I have too on rare occasions, but usually I feel more homicidal then suicidal. I differ greatly from conventional borderline people. As a male I have more narcissist and antisocial tendencies in me. Rather then using desperation, I use manipulation. I am not needy or clingy at all. But I do host the core portion of abandonment which I am simply better at hiding. I have always held high demanding high technical full time jobs, often in leadership positions. I am 110% fully functional. No one I work with would ever guess I have any personality disorders. At worse they may just say I can be a jerk some times. I part paths with conventional borderline people on a number of points. But unfortunately it is the most dominant personality disorder I have, next closest would be narcissist. I am what the book, "Walking on Eggshells" refers to as a high functioning borderline. Good book bte for NONs.

I can't forgive or forget what my mother dragged me thru. I have one step brother, same mother different fathers. I don't really care too much for him because I see a lot of his a-hole father in him, though it does not reach a level of hate, just dislike because it's not his fault his father is a a-hole. I don't know how to resolve my issues with hate and anger. I'm not even sure I want to. I been to therapy several times in the past. Each time convinced therapists are morons and a scam artisits on the line of psychics. A total waste of my time and money. I would get the same level of help from a fortunate teller lol. Any way that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I felt talking about it may help me a little because I confide in no one in real life. Because I trust no one. People use information against each other every day.

Any way Edda, thanks for replying. I was beginning to feel like an alien here

I hate that my Mom was the best until I was 8. She was so loving and perfect to me until then. After that, she was physically and mentally abusive. So for me, it was her showing me what a good Mother is supposed to be like; giving me a really good taste of it, and then taking it all away. I also hate that she passed away without telling me she was sorry. Not that I actually expected her to, but for some reason I thought it could actually happen. I hate that she continues to haunt me in my dreams and inner voice.

I hate my mother, I hate my father, I hate my stepfather. But most of all - I hate myself and the majority of the people in the world sometimes.

I hate them because they created me, I wish my mother would've had an abortion and I've told her this numerous times.

I can relate to this post very much, especially the part about nobody realizing anything is wrong with you. This is common with personality disorders, because we are ruled by a "false" self; the person who we want others to believe we are; only our families know our "true" self. I never had much luck with therapists until this recent one. But its also turning into a game of me outsmarting the therapist, my "false self" has taken over my therapy sessions and I'm too proud to admit of how hollow I really feel inside. You should probably ask for a personality evaluation from your psychiatrist IndieVisible. Do not take offense to this but I wouldn't be surprised if you had NPD. Narcissists hate therapists, you will relate very much if you a rare case of NPD who knows he has the disorder. Most people with the disorder are unaware of their narcissism until they receive a diagnosis. BPD and NPD are created in similar circumstances, therefore there is a lot of overlap in the two diagnosis. I relate to a lot of what he says in his videos, but portions of it seem so alien to me. Like he learned skills I never picked up on growing up, things that he explains in other videos are that narcissists are unstable/insecure like borderlines. He describes the life of a narcissist to be similar to a rollercoaster. He also said in another one of his videos that you cannot get much out of therapy, all they can do (at best) is take away some roughness from around the edges.

The author of Walking On Eggshells says about 25% of people with BPD also have narcissistic personality disorder. But that's gotta be only a guess. How can we know for sure if they tend to be invisible and never seek help. So may be that 25% is just from BPDs who were seen and also include a 2nd or 3rd PD in addition to? Dunno. How many there really are is any one's guess. But your on to some thing for sure because npd is common along side of higher functioning BPD. And who knows how common just some narcissistic tendencies are in BPD without it having to be an actual second diagnosis? One thing is certain. It's a big world out there and people are not fitting in so neatly to the boxes our experts want to put is in. I don't place much weight or faith in our psychiatric experts.

It is possible to be both, or traits of both, or even have a 3rd PD depending on how many "false selves" one person has. There are good psychiatrists out there, not many but a few. Same with Therapists, they are hard to come by. Which I find is also true of the general population, its mostly a-holes. I don't have NPD because I've been in treatment on and off since a very young age. Like my about me says "As soon as my life began, it started sucking." Originally I was put in child therapy in a manipulative way by my mother during her divorce with my father. They were always fighting over custody, I was the "monkey" in the middle. If the therapist didn't tell my mother to, she would have never hugged me, she didn't breast feed and they always had me off in some day care wondering if they would ever come pick me back up or abandon me there.

Then the school recommended therapy because I was throwing temper tantrums and threw a desk at the teacher. That's when they first diagnosed me with Depression, then ADHD, then OCD which went away when I stopped the two stimulants they prescribed me. They over-medicated the depression and ADHD and created the OCD. My codependent mother only left her abusive step husband after he tried to kill me and was caught in the act. Because after she tried to calm him down he turned his aggression towards her and threw her threw my bedroom window. The third time I was recommended therapy it was court ordered because I caught my second case and they brought up my school history in court. It was for "anger management" plus "drug counseling" and I learned some skills there, interpersonal skills and anger control techniques. But I rarely used the anger control techniques, instead I used the interpersonal skills the most, the drug counseling was a joke, I lied the whole way through and got stoned again as soon as they let me off the hook.

My mother always called me a narcissist and I found it very hurtful and damaging, it was nothing more than her projecting her own narcissistic behavior. The more I research it the more I can see how she is a failed narcissist turned codependent and my father is a stingy narcissist. I didn't know the stepfather very well, all I can remember about him is his persistent and relentless abuse towards me. And that he seemed to have 3 personalities and only one of them was not violent. I used to fantasize about murdering him all the time, attempted to kill him once (drunk), killed him in several dreams, as well as my mother who watched him abuse me several times and did nothing about it. Still to this day tries to justify it by saying I deserved the beatings, the things he would say about me destroyed my ego and self-esteem. Apparently he was trying to compete with me for my mothers limited affection. He was probably a narcissist to and just used my mother as a source of narcissistic supply. Its no wonder I keep finding narcissist women in life, they say our mates will usually tend to resemble our parents.

Just seen this. Very useful, thanks.

It makes me think... if narcissistic traits in a BPD person make them more functional in society (job, etc.) then perhaps that's the reason why it might not get diagnosed that often. Just a thought.

Not sure of my feelings anymore, since I'm so desensitized from living with my narcissistic father under the same roof for 42 years of the 51 years I've been on this planet, and been with and married to a narcissistic husband for over 26 years. I live in the same house I grew up in. The irony is that I vowed once I left home at 21, I would never live here again. Nine years later, I was enticed back by my father on the agreement my husband and I would buy the house from my parents when we were financially ready at a very good price. We were ready five years later, we did just that, and my mom didn't want to leave the home she had been so accustomed to living in. So I caved into her wishes, and here we are today still living under the same roof, and I've never been so depressed and deflated in my entire life as I am now. My mother is a schizophrenic who tried committing suicide three separate times in my childhood and wasn't there physically or emotionally when me and my two sisters needed her. Mind you, she is the most positive person I have ever encountered in all my life as long as she stays on her meds. My mother-in-law was a narcissist and the father-in-law was passive aggressive. Needless to say, the MILs oldest, a daughter, is a narcissist as well. My FIL passed away about 8 years ago and my MIL...not soon enough...over 1 1/2 years ago. I was thrilled beyond excitement of her passing. She was such an evil, tortured soul. Unfortunately, the in-laws passing has caused my husband to become even needier and his narcissistic tendencies to create more drama than ever. Not a day didn't go by that he didn't talk with his mom on the phone while she was alive, and now that his codependency on his mother has been cutoff, I'm the host having the life sucked out of me at an unprecedented pace. I finally had the sense (most recently) to start seeing a psychotherapist upon the recommendation of a new medical doctor I started seeing. The therapist told me why I was so depressed and wishing that I would just go to sleep and never wake up again within my first visit. She identified the people closest to me in my life as narcissists. I had heard of the term, but had no idea what it completely entailed. Well, I dove right in to try and find out as much as I could on this disorder, and have been blown away wishing I would have learned this many, many years sooner. But, don't they say it's better late than never...I'd have to disagree. I'm halfway through The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists, and OMG are my eyes wide open and a great weight has lifted off of me...not all of it, but a lot. Now I feel the control has been give back to me, so I can move toward healing. A little more history and I'll be done...my older sister by two years had committed suicide in 2000 (such a loving, kind, passionate soul...miss her dearly), and I believe my younger sister (3 1/2 years younger) may be a narcissist or at the very least has borderline personality disorder; she was my father's favorite and received the brunt of his tendencies and for more years than my older sis and I. With all these narcissistic people who have surrounded me in my life, I have to wonder, are there more NPDs than not, and do I have the disorder as well? Well, I'm hoping through counseling, I can dig through the layers of crap stored in the recesses of my mind and once and for all release the pain I've held onto since the time I had come into this world and find out if I'm NPD, and mostly learn what I need to do to put the narcissists in line that surround me on a daily basis. Wish me luck, and if anyone has some advice, I'm wide open to it...sorry for the lengthiness of my post. Cheers!

I may treat everyone else like shat but not my two kids. I don't want them rejoicing in my death as I did for my mom and as I will for my stepfather. I made that mistake with my first born and he passed away in a drowning accident. The last memory I have of him is giving him a spanking the nite before. If you think narcs can't regret, I can assure you as difficult as it may be, yes they can.