[SeptemberMorn]

in British Columbia. A 50th wedding anniversary. A gathering of the clans. I'm listening to Jerry call John, David, Chuck and now Karla. He's inviting them to go with. His plans are to fly John (+4) and family, David and HIS family (+3) and himself to Portland, OR and pic up our middle son and two kids, rent a 12 passenger van and drive to Kamploos; the interior of BC.

Everybody gets excited, everybody gets invited, they're pretty much going as one group... and all I get is to listen to the plans and listen to the excitement. Once more, I get left out.

... ... Oh, well. I'm just the ex-mother and the ex-wife. I don't count.

[LMo]

How brutally painful, Sept. I'm really sorry

[Fuzzybear]

I'm so sorry Tomi. That is so painful. So mean and horrible.

[dottie]

((((((((((September Morn)))))))))))))

I'm sorry!!

((((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))) I am so sorry!

[SeptemberMorn]

Why do I keep putting up with it?? Why don't I just cut all my losses and move on?? I don't deserve this!!!!!

If I could, I'd move to the farthest point in the US and change my name so no one could find me ever again!!! So I would never hear what "Jerry's family" that I provided for him, is doing as a FAMILY!!!! He doesn't get it and neither do they!!! THEY ARE MY FAMILY!!!!! I MADE IT A FAMILY AND I MADE THEM!!!!

[mrb020377]

it hurts me to see you hurting like this!!!!! i dont understand them!!!!! i just dont!!!!!!!

(((((((((((((((tomi))))))))))))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

Just got back from my walk with Amber. Did some thinking. Wondering how much of it is my fault. I mean, Jerry had the right to do what he did; invite his kids both natural and step-kids. After all, he raised them! BUT! He doesn't think of what listening to all of that AND helping him with air line tickets, itinerary, etc does to ME! He could do all of that out of earshot from me. He could go to a travel agent and have THEM do everything he's asked me to do. Bottom line... why didn't I tell him before it could hurt me???

[almostangela]

Is it that you are hurting because you were not invited, or because you want to be with these people in Kamloops? You certainly deserve credit for creating such a great family, but it is likely to be very uncomfortable with some people who will be there. Not everyone is mature and reasonable. Some just like to pick scapegoats and Ex's tend to be an easy target. While they are gone, why don't you do something special for yourself that you wouldn't likely do with everyone around. A day at the spa?!

[SeptemberMorn]

There's several reasons why I'm hurting;

1) Jerry isn't my EX, he's my "estranged" husband, although we're not really estranged. He keeps turning up at my door just like a bad penny. He had a small heart attack about 6 weeks ago and guess who's taking care of him? Me!

2) Two of my kids don't talk to me. I'm finally convinced that it isn't any of my doing. It's THEIR bad choice. People here will vouch for me.

3) This is the second time that Jerry has gathered all of the kids and their families and I have no place there. If it wasn't for me, Jerry wouldn't have 3 of the kids he has! Two I had from a former marriage and one we had together.

4) I like most of the people in Kamloops and many of those going. They were part of my extended family for 20 yrs. It's going to be a "righteous" Scottish festivity.

**5) Perhaps the worst part of it is that it takes me back to my childhood and teenage years. I was an only child, born when my mother was 46 and wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant. Does "overprotected" ring a bell? I wasn't allowed to join in any of the games, outings, etc. for fear something "might happen." If we did go, I had to sit on the sidelines and watch... like I'm doing now... and always have. Jerry even tries to get out of taking me anywhere, even shopping. He'd rather pick it up for me. Why?? Because he's ashamed to be seen with me; for fear that someone knows we separated 10 yrs ago will see us together? I don't know.

Fact is, four grown children and the nine grandchildren are MY FAMILY and I don't get to ever enjoy them. I mean NEVER! The only time I see my oldest son is for Mother's Day, my birthday and 2 hours for Christmas. But he's got time for a long weekend 10 days before Christmas to go out of the country?? Something's wrong with this picture.

But YES! I have thought of doing something special for myself while Jerry is gone. The kids are ALWAYS gone... from me, anyway. I just don't know what that "something special" could be. I'm in a wheelchair and no car.

[almostangela]

I can see now why this bothers you and with good reason. You have a big heart and have some very inconsiderate people around you. Unfortunately some people never mature. As for treating yourself, (excuse my ignorance of where you live and what you have available) if you can find a means to get where you need to go, I really hope you pamper yourself to a day at a spa. You really deserve it.

[radio_flyer]

((((((((((((September))))))))))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Radio Flyer}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks, Hon. I needed that.

If we would live close to one another I would go get you and swift you away into a caring world.

(((((((((Tomi))))))))))

[SeptemberMorn]

And I'd have to keep you there with me, {{{{{{{{{{Sweet Time0!}}}}}}}}}}}}}

[mrb020377]

you could always come here to TEXAS and hang out with me!!!!!!

[SeptemberMorn]

I'd be "coming home" in some ways, wouldn't I? You're just a few miles further east from "home", but... it works for me!!

Oh, lord! I just looked it up... it's a 12 hr drive from "home" to you!!

[mrb020377]

i was about to say a few hours?????? more like half a day!!!!

[SeptemberMorn]

And another 16 hrs from where I am not to "home"!! WWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[nothemama8]

hey girlfriend if ya like beautiful autumn leaves, and want to set up a Tee Shirt shop I know someone who would gladly open there home to ya

[Leilee]

Aloha September,

I wish I wasn't so far from you either, and I think what is in order is a good tear jerker to watch. Thank be assertive and stop feeling like you're going to hurt someone else's feeling when you do this! Tell your ex-husband that he's being inconsiderate and down right rude to you as a person.

It has always helped me to pray alot before opening my mouth when there has to be something said that's difficult.
Pls do it for me, yourself, your ex, your kids sake and anyone you love. Leilee

[SeptemberMorn]

You do, do ya? Just who might that be??

[SeptemberMorn]

I've already talked to my estranged husband... who isn't all that estranged. HA! I didn't get much feedback. He just hung his head like a scolded school boy. There may be a small change for a small amount of time, but after 30+ years, I know better than to expect much.

He asked me last night if I wanted to go shoot pool with him... in a nasty little "titty" bar. Yeah right! I've never shot pool and I'm sure not good at watching half naked girls... with me at twice what I should weigh and in a wheel chair to boot!!! Besides, that's not my element. LOL

He did buy me a beautiful Beta Fighting Fish, thought! WoooooooHooooooooooooooo ... NOT. I also got a pint of my favorite ice cream. I suppose this is supposed to make up for forgetting about me and my needs. MEN!!!! No, I know they're not ALL like him! I just pick winners, that's all.

Somehow I'll find a way to be self-sufficient... if I can ever find the door!

[LMo]

wait a minute, Sept. Ok, well maybe after 30 years, one would hope that their husband would have a handle on likes/dislikes, but honestly? He asked you to spend time with him doing something that he likes to do (as opposed to excluding you from "his" environment), he bought you a fish that many consider beautiful (even if you don't), and remembered what kind of ice cream you like. He sounds like he is *trying*, and even if it doesn't come anywhere close to meeting your expectations, your reaction, at least here, doesn't acknowledge that. Why would he try even harder the next time if you don't appreciate his efforts?

I know... it's easy for me to say this from hundreds of miles away... but it sounds like your resentment is getting in the way of breaching the gap, and I don't want to see you further alienate yourself from him and your family if it's something you want to fix.

I mean this all in a kind way, so be gentle on me in your response, ok?

[SeptemberMorn]

You cracked me up with "be gentle" but I guess it's not really funny.

Yes, the fish is beautiful. I like Betas. The ice cream was good... but he had neglected to tell me he'd bought it. As to remembering my favorite, it's his, too. LOL

Did I tell you I had asked for a couple of new frying pans because mine are trashed? Guess what he came home with? Cake pans! I don't need cake pans! I've got them coming out my ears! Ok... so today he bought me a couple of frying pans at Big Lots no less. LOL He asked if I wanted to go to the bar with him last night knowing FULL WELL I wouldn't be caught dead there!

Ok! Ok! So he's trying, but somehow it just doesn't make up for forgetting me at the important times. I promise to focus on the little things. That should make us both feel better, right?

Oh... and David called and asked if I would do face painting at the block party/Halloween party/Lucas' b-day party. If course I will! I had fears of not being invited because I thought they would prefer to have John and his kids there. They've done it to me before. No worries this year! I'm happy! See?

WOW!! You got away without me biting your head off!! Imagine that! LOL Just yankin' yer chain, Sweety!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LMo}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Thank you!