32 weeks pregnant .......relationship over??

I agree that he should not have pushed her, but I just find it sooooo difficult to tell her to dump the jerk when she is pregnant. But you know what, she really should dump the jerk and look for someone who will treat her the way she deserves to be treated, with love and respect, mental illness or no mental illness. Middie, my heart goes out to you, it really does. This must be so difficult, but I know from your posts that you are intelligent and mature, and will be able to handle all of this just fine alone. Get that child support though, that is the very least he should do. Hang in there and keep us posted.

The very least and in my mind his responsibility.

I thank you all for you posts........its very difficult at the moment......I appreciate he is going through a terrible time however I am struggling and I feel that he is so consumed with his breakdown (for whatever reason) that he is not able to consider the impact on myself.....my family and importantly the baby. Not once since the sunday when he last spoke to me 3 weeks ago now, has he thought to ask how we are doing.

His father should have gone to see him on sunday and I had asked him to ask his son if I could go visit him in hospital. I have heard nothing and it is going into Tuesday now. When his father came to my home the other day my mother said to him......my daughter is worried sick about your son.......he must have asked him when he visited him on sunday and yet he has not contacted me and doesn't appear to understand that I am deeply upset.

I feel like I am left hanging .....waiting to see if he will let me go visit him......I feel angry.....I also feel like he will say no and that leads me once again to think that he isn't even considering me or that baby in all this. He would have been in hospital nearly three weeks and from what I have read he would have been medicated and that should have started to kick in by now and he would have had intensive therapy sessions.....and they would want to be sending him back into the community for support at home by now, as he would be stabilised.

I just don't understand him not letting me see him......it feels cruel....although I am trying to appreciate his situation and the breakdown and understand that he may be so consumed by his own emotions that he cannot consider mine at the moment.

It would be interesting to hear from anyone who has either experienced a breakdown themselves or has experience of a loved one who has had a breakdown to hear there take on things........

Am trying to carry on with daily things, dreading the telephone going its like a double edged sword really.....I am desperate to hear some news but also don't want to hear his father say to me that his son doesn't want to see me......I think it will break me to hear that........thanks once again for your support......................hugs x

Thanks Harley,

I too think that there was something definately on his mobile that he did not want me to see and think it was totally unacceptable for him to knock me over. I think maybe that is why he couldn't face me on the monday and why this has resulted in a nervous breakdown......maybe he knows that I do no believe what he says and that he cannot lie to me and would have to tell me the truth......and he cannot do that......maybe he feels guilt???.....I am unsure and as I am unable to see him I cannot find out and maybe I never will.

It would take courage to tell me the truth and explain to me what happened ...courage he may not have. He did send me a text message that night saying that he was sorry that he knocked me over and that he had not mean't to do that and was asking how I was and if I was ok. I did not answer him that night as it was very late and also I was in terrible shock and having tightenings, my daughter had got my sister over who is medical also and she was helping me to bed to rest. The following day I went into hospital to be seen as I had not felt baby move.. following the monitoring of the baby and an ultrasound scan I did text him to tell him.

When I put it to him the following day that he was so consumed in not letting me see his mobile he was prepared to knock me and baby over he just said that I should trust him as he does me......I just said to him that he is able to see my mobile 24/7.....I neither hide it from him nor would I stop him from looking at it.

I thank you for your support...........hugs x

Has he ever had any mental health issues before this?

You were asking an opinion from someone who had a breakdown.....for me my mental illness started with a situation.....but the situation initially was at work as I was trapped in a department where I hated the work after being a technical engineer for 15 years......engineer feeling like a glorified secretary & the director wouldn't allow me to look for other positions in the company that I knew existed......the lost it feeling started around Thanksgiving that year.....& it progressed over the month.....I thought that the Christmas break might give me a break but I couldn't go back at the new year & kept calling in sick.....then we had a massive earthquake in Northridge Calif that January & the freeway broke between where I lived & where I worked.....it was a 6 hour drive just to get to work....I tried it 2 times carpooling with a neighbor that worked where I did.....only I lost it.....sat in my office & couldn't stop crying, shaking, couldn't think or even comprehend much of what was going on around me.....went out on medical leave of absence & that forced me to see a psychiatrist & psychologist because my medical GP said that there was nothing physically wrong with me.

Since I don't know your S/O, it's not possible to really judge the situation. Most breakdowns however from my experience & with others I've observed.....it's taken some time to build up to the actual breakdown.....so what you might have seen before this happened as a possible build up.

I know that my anxiety turned into depression & suicide attempts because my marriage was bad & had been from the beginning...at that time it was about 20 years married.....it took a year for it to grow to that point from the breakdown I had the previous year.

Sadly, I have a husband who is good at lying by omission.....he things if he doesn't say it he's not lying....but he withholds constantly information that was & is important to know (I left him 6 years ago.....but haven't finalized the divorce yet).....he had all kinds of excuses for telling me lies or just not saying anything & being totally irresponsible. I couldn't live with that any longer.....I was trapped in the marriage however until my mother died & I got my inheritance....ironic because she's the one that pushed me to marry him even when I told her there were serious problems with his personality.....I wasn't wise enough at the age of 21 to listen to that little voice inside.

My personal opinion from my own experience is that if this guy isn't communicating with you any better than he has been or is now....you need to dump him & definitely find a guy who is much more sensitive to you, your emotions & your needs......it this guy is having a breakdown over the little stuff that happened between you two.........it's only going to get worse when more stress entered the relationship......JMO based on my own past experiences.

Wishing you peace & discernment to do the correct thing.

Thanks for your reply.

I have heard nothing from him in 3 weeks now. I spoke with him on the sunday and he said he would come over on the monday. He didn't come over he took himself to the GP and the GP admitted him to mental hospital with nervous breakdown. His parents told me on the thursday that he was staying with friends and I didn't find out that he was admitted to hospital until after his father had visited him on the following sunday, his father called me on the tuesday evening and then told me however, he said that his son did not want me to know which hospital.

I then saw his father on the thursday (last week) and asked him when he saw his son again this weekend that has just passed, if I could go see him, it is now Tuesday and I have heard nothing from his father.

So all in all it has been 3 weeks since I heard from my partner, and nearly a week since I heard from his father.

My gut feeling is that my partner will not let me go see him.

Middie, a "breakdown" is not very easy to "just" get out of and find a mindset to be able to explain why, how, and what is next to others. It "can" take more then 3 weeks for medication to take affect, that is, if he was given a medication that will work for him, not all medications work the same for people, some people have to try a few before finding the one that really "helps".

I know three weeks seems like a long time, but it's not like a regular illness when someone has a "mental breakdown", this could have been brewing for "years".
I know you want to see him, just talk, but often it is most helpful just to let his treatment providers take the time to work with him with no other complications. If he has been in the hospital getting treated for three weeks, it must be a bad breakdown and that is not something "you" can talk him out of or even help with.

As far as his father not saying much, the truth is that he may not know anything to tell you.

I am glad you are still sharing and venting and reaching out for support. Whatever you need to ask, vent, etc, we are listening.

(((Hugs)))
OE

Thanks OE......
Your reply is very much appreciated.

I don't know how bad his breakdown is.....I really don't have much information at all....other than what his father has told me and that is very little as he at the time had only seen him once and that was for a short period. His father said that he was in a terrible condition and only mentioned me and baby and his son broke down and didn't stop crying for the rest of his visit. It really sounds like a bad breakdown.

When I went through my divorce, my mother and father had cancer at the same time and I was just coming to the end of a second degree course and my ex also would not let me take my children. I am unsure if I went through a nervous breakdown however, my sister took me to see my GP and he gave me medication for depression and anxiety/stress.

He asked me if I wanted him to refer me into the hospital and I declined, instead I stayed with family and took the mediation for a few weeks and then decided that it was only numbing my ability to feel my emotions and decided instead to go for counselling and did lots of exercise. I realise that we all feel differently and respond in different ways.

I also accept that I am not the most patient person in the world....this is something I struggle with as I like to sort things out as soon as possible.

once again I thank you for your reply.....it was most helpful....hugs x

Ugh... I've been following your story for awhile but didn't have much to say that already hasn't been said. It also brought on a lot of memories from my past concerning my sons sperm donor and I had to shut it down. Useless men (or women) that won't take responsibility for what they've helped create should all be castrated and shot. IMO. They make me so angry.

Anyways, I just wanted to say, I am sorry for what your going through right now. He isn't worth a second more of your time. Stop worrying about him (he clearly isn't worried about you) and worry about yourself and your baby. You've done all you can or should. You've left the door open should he seek contact with you and your baby. The ball is in his court. In the end when this is all said and done... he will be the one missing out. Hang in there! Congrats on a healthy baby girl! She is all you should be worried about as hard as that may be.

Yes, it does sound like a bad breakdown if his father only got to see him for a few minutes, mentioned you and it only got him to break into tears. It sounds like he is very, very lost and has no direction or mindset to even be capable of having a sense of direction. I have been in that mindset myself tbh, so I know what you cannot expect even though you want to. For him to be hospitalized that long, he must not be doing well and even capable of leaving and going into an outpatient program.

I can't blame you for wanting answers though, after all, it was sudden and you are expecting a child too.

When it comes to mental illness, we have to learn patience. I would rather not support any negativity or judgment calls about him either because it really could be that he is genuinely struggling. As a person who genuinely struggled and faced unfair judgment or criticism from others myself, I feel it is important to give this time and try not to jump to bad conclusions.

It is too bad that he is not your husband where you can approach the people who are on his treatment team yourself where you could get more information.

You need to take care of your needs right now, and as I said, if you need to talk, we are here to listen.

((Hugs))
OE

Your reply is very much appreciated OE.......thankyou x

Hi Middle

My ex walked out on me when I was pregnant. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, but he appeared excited in the beginning. As the pregnancy progressed, he decided he no longer wanted me or the baby. He didn't say it outright - just kept making excuses for not being available. I tried to keep him in my life, but he had clearly moved on. He was not there for the delivery, he did not help with child care, and he did not provide financial support. He married someone else.

I raised my son by myself (until I met my husband when my son was 5). My ex would visit occasionally, but not regularly. I never said anything negative about my ex to my son because their relationship was different. I never asked for financial support because I knew it would most likely cause resentment - especially if we had to fight it out in court - placing our son in the middle. I never made excuses for him either - it was up to them to figure it out.

My son is an adult now and the "spittin' image" of his father. Not only do they look alike, they have all the same mannerisms.

My ex was an absent father. My son considers my husband to be his father - barely even remembers life without him. However, when my son joined the Navy during the Iraq war, my ex contacted him, My ex served in the Navy during the Vietnam war.

My son had some built-up resentment towards his biological father, but they were able to talk things through. Because they are so much alike, I knew they would be able to form a bond with each other. My son still considers my husband to be his dad. He calls his bio dad "Pops," and they are very close. My ex and his wife are very supportive (emotionally) to my son - like very good friends who know him well.

My ex broke my heart when he walked out on me, but I let go of that resentment a long time ago. I'm thankful now because my son has two fathers who love him dearly.

My advice to you would be to focus on yourself and your baby, and be prepared to live without him. If he's not there for you now, chances are he wont be there for you later. If he's able to get his act together, maybe he'll be a good father one day - but he'd probably be a lousy husband, so don't hold your breath. If he comes back into your life, claiming to be cured, I'd think twice about taking him back.

My heart goes out to you - as well as my prayers. Stay strong for your little girl. You can do this.

Ahh thanks for your reply....I am trying not to write him off completely as he has had a really bad nervous breakdown and when I spoke to his father last week he told me that my partner wanted me to know that he was hospitalised but that he did not want anyone to know where as he didn't want visitors at that time.

I feel that if I write him off completely then I have given up on him.......when really he is very poorly and unable as his father said to make decisions for himself. Sadly if he were able to think clearly and logically then he would not be in there and needing medication, which I know they are trying and therapy.

I work myself in acute inpatient settings in hospital(although not mental health) and therefore know that they would have stabilised him and moved him out into the community setting asap due to the cost to the NHS alone of inpatient bed and treatment, so therefore for him to be in hospital still he must be very poorly.

Like I say I am not thinking that he has abandoned us as I have not been told that either by him or his parents and I am not thinking, or making decisions about things based on lack of information or out of date information.

I am trying to live on a day to day basis and look after myself and my family......in the hope that he can get the treatment he needs in a safe and caring environment .....and if /when he feels ready he can come home and we will support him if that is what he wants to do. If not then I will cope with that and that will be his choice.

I think it will take a great deal of time. However, I have to take that time and try and be patient as I love and care for him and he is the father of my child.

Many thanks for you support and for sharing your story....sending you a hug x