I want to write to you, but I can't.

I do my best to stop checking his page on facebook from my fake account, but every day I fail.. If I could write to him, I would have said that I miss him.
That no matter how much I pretend to be happy and I smile, my life is pointless without you. That every day since you left is a nightmare. I force myself to eat, I force myself to wake up, I force myself to go to work. You were the only person who truly knew me and with losing you I lost myself too, I love you so much, how is it possible that you feel nothing for us anymore? I miss you, I miss your laugh and your jokes, I miss the way you look at me when I am sad, I miss sitting on our sofa together watching, I miss dreaming about our future together, remember how you said that our kids will have british/iranian/scotish/russian/moldovan blood? it was funny. I can't stop thinking about you and I am not sure I ever will, I wish I wasn't so fooled by love and I wish there was a way to stop this pain but I can't find one yet, I wish you didn't become so cold and ignorant, absolutely different person. Was it all lies? why did you do this? If I could only let myself and write to you again, but all you do is read with no reply, every every single time, How can you?
P.S i'm still loving you
(where is an end to this? )

((((((((Lightinthesky))))))))) Sorry you are having such a tough time and have lost someone you love. It will take time for you to get through this grief. Be kind to yourself. You didn't deserve this.

God knows if I deserved , maybe I did or maybe I didn't, it doesn't feel right, nobody deserves to feel this way.

It might not feel 'right', but it's the honest emotion of a heartbreak. It does, take two to tango, so it's good to take a look at the experience, what you've learned, so that when the time comes to move on, you'll be, more the wiser.

So many hugs. I went through a similar thing. He blocked me...but sometimes I sneak on a friends page and look at what he's up to. I have a small notebook I write to him in...it's all that keeps me from walking to his house, calling him, texting him. He will never see the things I wrote...but it keeps me sane to write it down anyway. I see my other friend's statuses and it will say "5 comments" I click it and there are only 3....that's how I know he wrote...and that kills me. He's gone, yet he's still here. He tells everyone how I'm a manipulative b****. I never meant to hurt him. So I understand your pain. *more hugs * I'm sorry you are going through this.

Oxytocin & dopamine are very powerful chemical bonding & rewarding hormones. Akin almost like a heroin addiction. Anyway, the only way to wean yourself from such pain. Is to stop whatever you're doing currently. Hate to see another person going down the same path as I do. Be well

Can I get those from my therapist?

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Lightinthesky, it sounds like we are going through a very similar situation...I too am questioning the whole relationship on the basis of my exes now behaviour - how can we mean so little in such a short space of time - how can they stop loving so fast? One site that really helped me was the 'depression fallout messageboard' please google it, it has been such a help to me. Also please feel free to message me on here, I know how hard it is to resist getting in touch. I feel like I'm never going to be whole again! How silly is that?

Thank you for your advice, I'll definitely have a look at that website.
I don't know how ppl who claimed that they loved, are able to cut off ties just like that, how can they be so cold and ignorant, how can you possibly move on with your life just like that, like we never existed? Makes me think like a person perhaps never truly loved because one thing, I don't believe that love is endless do I don't believe someone can just stopp feeling, after a break up I even got a tattoo which is a symbol of "infinity love".
So maybe they had different feelings and was easier for them to call it love, if you ever loved someone and even when it's over - you wouldn't hurt them like that, by being so cold.

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Yes, I agree. Real love doesn't just disappear when you close the door.

Lightinthesky, unless he is straightforward with you about why he has changed his demeanor toward you, all anyone can do is guess. I'll take a guess and say it's possible that he woke up and the thought of falling in love scared him, and he really doesn't know how to communicate his feelings to you. Sometimes love is like a trap - you walk in and it springs shut.behind you. From there a person can panic & do any number of things to flee the trap (lol). It's a smothering feeling. I know about that trap. I had an online "friend" ... Neither of us expected our friendship to become as meaningful as it did. Long story cut short - the trap door slammed shut - and I felt trapped in a situation I knew could never be. I had to break out. It was impossible for me to tone things down to be just casual friends - the only way I knew to do it was cold turkey. It hurt - oh how it hurt. But there was no other way. I knew that eventually we'd both get over it, whereas if I didn't cut it off cold like I did, it would have destroyed us both.

((((((((((lightinthesky))))))))))
I'm so, so sorry for the terrible loss you're feeling right now.
I'm so sorry for the nightmare you're living.
I wish there was some way for me to reach out to you and take away the pain and sorrow that you're feeling. If there was such a way, I would freely do it without reservation and I would do it without delay. But... I'm sorry that that isn't possible...
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and memories...

I honestly know of the agony you are feeling, but there will come a day when every thought you have of him doesn't cut your heart like a knife. There will come a time when you can recall his face without wanting to cry. There will be a safe place in your heart that you can forever keep the memories of your time together. Cherish those memories and hold them close...
There will come a time when the memory of the pain and the sorrow and the loss you are feeling will be safely tucked away in that little corner of your heart as well...
Because those things are now forever a part of you. They are part of who you are.

Love did not fool you. You gave freely of yourself. You Loved... and you trusted that the Love you gave would be returned as it was given. Perhaps he was not worthy of your trust...? Oh, but Love freely given is never a ruse and never a waste and never a thing to regret. It is the most amazing, glorious, precious thing you can give to anyone... including yourself.

There will come a day when you will be able to look back on the Love you shared and will be able to remember and smile... That day will come.

Until then, you will feel the pain of leaning how to be a new version of yourself, one that has learned to be whole again in spite of and because of all the heartbreak and agony you endured...

THIS I know.

I send you my Love... and my compassion,
Dan

I know exactly how you feel on the 'how can someone just loose their love' front, in fact I've searched far and wide for answers, asked so many questions but as everyone says I don't think we'll ever get a true answer. Lots of people say that depression affects your interests in things you once used to love doing and maybe this is why they fall out of love so easily? I'm starting to come round to think that the love in my relationship was lost to another girl, even if it will only be temporary...

Thank you for your support and trying to understand what happened, but this situation and his head were very messed up because of drugs. I did my best to keep knocking into closed doors, but there was no one there.

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This is so nice of you, sometimes we think that there is no way anyone else felt the same way, when you want to cry and something inside you doesn't want to let you live further. It's a good thing that I am here and I see that people are moving on which doesn't seem to be possible right now, but if you and others did, it worth trying, right? Thanks so much for sharing and being so kind.

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I honestly was thinking to seriously end this because I just couldn't see my life without him and I wanted to prove him that love does exist and no one should mess with other's people feelings I wanted his stupid head to realise what is really worth living and what not. And I am not afraid of dying, I looked for a therapy after that because I also can't mess with my family's feelings and I know I can give more to others, charity or sick kids - whatever it is, I can be strong, it is possible I just didn't see any point.

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Wow... I wonder what happened to the post I made at 2:45 or so this morning? Huh! Not here. Oh well. I wonder what happened.

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I agree - closure makes things easier......even if it was just a letter. This way you would not have to wonder if it was all lies or was he just playing a game. I do hope you are doing better - time does heal all wounds. Although, you will never forget - and that is good, because there is a reason for such happenings.

[quote=ADDithers;3467570]Lightinthesky, unless he is straightforward with you about why he has changed his demeanor toward you, all anyone can do is guess. I'll take a guess and say it's possible that he woke up and the thought of falling in love scared him, and he really doesn't know how to communicate his feelings to you. Sometimes love is like a trap - you walk in and it springs shut.behind you. From there a person can panic & do any number of things to flee the trap (lol). It's a smothering feeling. I know about that trap. I had an online "friend" ... Neither of us expected our friendship to become as meaningful as it did. Long story cut short - the trap door slammed shut - and I felt trapped in a situation I knew could never be. I had to break out. It was impossible for me to tone things down to be just casual friends - the only way I knew to do it was cold turkey. It hurt - oh how it hurt. But there was no other way. I knew that eventually we'd both get over it, whereas if I didn't cut it off cold like I did, it would have destroyed us both.


Great song. Don't you think platonic relationships are possible?