Why do I find non-virgins disgusting?

I'm a virgin 23-year-old male. I've never been in a relationship because I've never actively seeked out any, and I spend most of my time at home, so most of my socialization is done online.

Whenever I think about what kind of girlfriend I would want (or about a couple of people I've met online who I feel somewhat attracted to), I think about their sexual history. One of them had sex once and then done A LOT of things online. Another one had two sexual partners and countless number of "giving a hand" situations, as well as a lot of online-related things. Another one had two partners, one of them lasted for a couple of years. Etc..

Whenever I think about that, I find it utterly disgusting for some reason, and I hate it that I do. I get it that it's normal for people to have sex, even casual sex, even one-night stands - it's normal, but I still find it utterly disgusting. Not only that, but also when people had genuine relationships like mentioned above. What's wrong with me? I understand those things and yet I find it so disgusting, disgusting enough so that it could possibly even be a dealbreaker.

Please ask any questions if you need to.

No, it's not normal to have one-night stands and casual sex. It's not normal to do "small sexual favors" right and left. People do it because today's culture says it's okay and because other people do it so they figure they can do it too, but it's not a good thing.

Maybe you don't have to be verbal about sexually experienced girls being "disgusting," they are just human, but you may state that you are looking for a chaste courtship before marriage, and there will be lots of takers, girls who are looking for the same. Plenty of people here in the West wait until their wedding night, yes young people in today's day and age.

It's hard today, I remember being a dumbass 18-year-old being embarrassed about being a virgin.

Then again, if you are not looking to wait until marriage, you have no right to be disgusted with girls for not waiting.

The word that throws me off is "normal" what is that? What is is normal for one is not for another. I guess if I'm on my meds I do feel "normal" and it is the worst feeling ever. But having sex is not abnormal. It is natural. Whether you look at life from a religious view or a scientific view the main reason why we are here is to procreate. This can only be accomplished by sex. Except for in vitro and test tube babies. (Not natural)
Sex also shows dominance in society. Not so much by females but by males. It creates a hierarchy in a group or tribe. Plus sex is not so much of a bad thing the more sex the more testosterone produced in men and estrogen produced in women. Sex can relieve headaches, so when women say no I have a headache the body releases natural hormones that relieve pain. Sex can also be a great antihistamine, so when allergy season kicks in hit the bed.

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The word that throws me off is "normal" what is that? What is is normal for one is not for another.

I agree, and add...if he finds it disgusting, he ought not to inquire.

Sex also shows dominance in society. Not so much by females but by males.

Ummm wrong. It may be a man's world to men, but if not for women there would BE no men...and fact is, if men were honest, they'd admit when it comes to sex, women have much more sway in the say so (although as a woman, I'd argue that point...no feminist haters, please lol)

. Sex can relieve headaches, so when women say no I have a headache the body releases natural hormones that relieve pain.

Interesting theory, although honestly....if I have a headache (and that has never stopped me from having sex if I'm with someone I love and want) and have an orgasm, it makes my head split wide open. Glorious agony.

Enjoying sex is "normal"

Finding sex repulsive is "normal"

If you're not hurting anyone or harming yourself, do not get caught up in societies views of normality. It will get you no where, and will get you there fast.

I'm sorry, allow me to clarify. Sex also shows dominance in society. What I meant by that was among men. I apologize for the misunderstanding. And as a man I fully agree with you that women have the upper hand in most sexual situations, sexual abuse and rape are excluded.

As far as the headaches sex releases endorphins and oxytocin. Not really pain relievers but they make you feel better.

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I think that it's important to not get wrapped up in a shaming conversation- sexually active versus not sexually active or that a certain degree of sexually active is "normal" versus a different degree is "not normal" in this discussion.

Pretty much if you are comfortable with where you are at, at you are not harming others or yourself, that is really the normality that should be sought.

The bigger issue here is that the OP expresses what seems to be discomfort and possibly even distress at what could be actually normal thoughts and responses for some people, and depending on how they handle it, they may be getting in the way of forming and keeping stable relationships.

The issue then, is to figure out how to respond to ones own thoughts, and figure out if they are really an issue for yourself, OP.

Do you think you really need to change them?
Do you think that you could find women who are in agreement that you should wait to have sex until...?

Have you even figured that out for yourself?
You may be confused about what exactly you do want in a relationship in terms of intimacy, both physically and emotionally and exactly how those two things interact. If that isn't figured out just yet, the confusion could make things a bit difficult.

I would try to be a bit easier on yourself, you may just need to do some thinking on this.
It's ok to not have it figured out yet, and it's ok to change your mind. It's ok to have specific preferences, to not "go with the flow".

What is really important is that you are ok with you, you have the ability to form a stable relationship if you choose, and you aren't harming yourself or anyone else.

If you can't settle this out for yourself, I woud urge you to seek some assistance in the form of counseling, but maybe you aren't seeking a relationship because you don't have it figured out yet, and you aren't ready for that kind of thing.

If it's not what you want just now, it's not a huge deal.

if it IS what you want, and it causes turmoil and anxiety and is a great source of distress in your life, however, you should seek assistance regarding that.

Just don't bend to the idea that you are not "normal" if you are relatively functional and happy and doing ok at life in general,take a wide view of things.

does the one, who had a long term relationship disgust you, as much?

Is the disgust, because of numbers?

Does this tie into morality? I'd
Err to ask, isn't more disturbing than disgusting? Are you left asking, where's self respect?


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I will not go into what is normal and what is not....

but just make sure you aren't letting go somebody who might be otherwise a great person just because they aren't a virgin. There is much more to a person than their sexual history. I get you would not want somebody who is very sexually driven at the moment, because it's not what you into... but if it was in the past and the girl has changed.... is it still relevant?

To clarify what I meant in my response, disliking sex/being repulsed by it (as in having sex) can be considered a repulsed asexual. There is no shaming here.

When you are repulsed by the number of people someone has had sex with, ehh, that's not good. Don't sit on a high horse.

I am hesitant to point out where I thought an individual may have been shaming personal choices. Because of that I choice to make a general statement and it was not aimed specifically toward you. However, simply because you don't engage in shaming behavior it does not necessarily mean it is not being done, unfortunately.

In regards to this though:
The OP expressed discomfort that they feel the way they do and they are seeking advice and counsel about it:

(from OPs original post)

The least we could do is be supportive. I don't think this is a matter of "sitting on a high horse" at all.

Maybe I jumped to a conclusion, but to try to buffer for that possibility I made a general statement (or tried to). Maybe we could try to buffer like that or is there a better way something like that should be addressed to help out the OP?

i think that one should (if and when the time comes) go into the act of looking for a girlfriend..sexual history should not be consideration, what i mean by that is that whether or not are person has had sex or hasn't has no bearing on the person as an individual.

some people choose to be sexually active others don't. that is a matter of choice as is religion or sexual orientation. me personally i would prefer a woman with experience..especially if she can teach me something new,
i am always open to learning whether it be a physical,mental or psychological exercise.

sex is perfectly normal and how and when we choose to pursue it is a matter of individual choice, there might well be virgin women that want to be with an experienced guy for their first encounter, should they exclude you from their potential dating pool because you have no experience? i don't think that would be fair to discount you because of that criteria (you may very well be an awesome person)

some people choose to engage in one night stands,casual sex and others choose not to have sex at all and that is their choice,
there is nothing wrong with that anymore than it is wrong to enjoy steak and lobster...some people don't like either. It is all a matter of opinion, just because a particular person disagrees with someone else's lifestyle choice
doesn't make it wrong..it's just wrong for that particular person.

in my personal opinion it is a mistake for someone to marry someone without finding out if they are sexually compatible, and...the only way to do that is to have sex.

consider this scenario..you are a virgin and lets say hypothetically your bride is a virgin. now on paper that sounds fantastic,right?? the problem is you have no idea what either of your sexual compatibility is, suppose you guys have sex for the first time you love it and she hates it, now you are stuck in a sexless marriage..now that would be a horrible turn of events for you.

now also consider this scenario, you are a neat freak and she's a bit messy
now you guys have never lived together so there's no way you could know this in advance..of course no one is going to tell a person right off the bat that they are a slob, you guys get married and then..bam you find out your "perfect wife" is no so perfect after all..again another bad situation.

my point is it is important to find out as much about a person as possible before you marry them to make your union as smooth as possible.whether they have had sex or not really should be irrelevant, the same as where they went to school.

sex is a very important part of any relationship and think otherwise would be foolish, to do so would be at your own peril.

so my friend i would advise you to be a lil more open minded and don't let society's double standard cloud your vision.. i do wish you luck in your seach

Sometimes people are raised to find sex repulsive and it can be really hard to rewire thoughts based upon that - if that's relevant to you OP then you might want to think about that and consider your upbringing and if you actually agree with how you were taught to think about sex.

Sometimes feeling repulsed by sex while a virgin could stem from worries about feeling inferior or being judged for the lack of experience? I'm not saying that you feel that way, but if you are... that's ok. I still feel like that despite having multiple partners. The best way to handle those feelings is to tackle them head on really.

Sometimes the feeling of being repulsed by people who've had sex can in fact come from a moral judgement - again, probably based in someone's upbringing. It might not even be a conscious judgement on someone and I think it is usually from a religious standpoint, although obviously not always. If you're religious and think this may be an influence, perhaps you could try using a relationship site for that religion? Like... Christian dating sites are probably more likely to have people who wish to remain virgins until marriage.

There are lots of reasons why you might feel the way that you do. It's ok to be feeling that way, but if it makes you really uncomfortable and if you wish to change your outlook... it'll probably help you to try and figure out the deeper reasons behind it.

If you really want to have relationships with other virgins though, you'll probably want to find a website dedicated to that. Because it's not really all that polite to ask someone about their sexual history right away and you'll just end up hurting both yourself and the woman if you end up rejecting her because you're repulsed by her past.

There is at least one such website, and there are quite a few girls there.