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#1
Jul 28, 2015, 02:23 PM
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My girlfriend & I met online. We fell in love hard & fast. She lives in Texas, I live in Oregon. We got very close very fast, & I was afraid to share some things about my past until the time was right. I went to Texas twice in as many months. The first visit was amazing. The second visit, she found out about my past. She is very successful in her professional life,* & fiercely independent. She was physically abused by her mother when she was young, & her father wasn't around. She always shuts down completely, & won't respond to texts, calls, or emails. She does this with everyone she has problems with. She cuts them off completely. I try to engage her repeatedly, & in every way I can think of. She won't say anything. The only thing she will say is to leave her alone & that I'm smothering her, which I admit, I kind of am. I just want to get through to her. I just want to talk. I think she suffers from dismissive avoidant attachment. How do I do this? I love her & her daughter very much.
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 avlady, iwonderaboutstuff
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#2
Jul 29, 2015, 07:58 AM
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I'm a little confused by this post, in that you talk about being concerned about sharing your past and this came up during visit 2, and then communication seemingly stopped? Not clear on if you're currently communicating with her or not, beyond her requests to be left alone.
If she's asking for space, give it to her. |
| avlady
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#3
Jul 29, 2015, 09:20 AM
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yes, she needs her space especially if shes saying you're smothering her.
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#4
Jul 29, 2015, 12:31 PM
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Hello Chris, are you able to tell us what it was that you shared about your past that was the deal breaker?
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#5
Jul 29, 2015, 12:44 PM
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. . . or . . . you pushing yourself on her when she has clearly asked for space is a red flag to her that this isn't going to work. Give her space. The more you push, the more anyone would probably pull back. Avoid trying to diagnose her; that's a turn-off.
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 *Laurie*
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#6
Jul 29, 2015, 02:01 PM
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We met online. Some kind of a glitch put someone from Houston, Texas on my phone in Portland, Oregon. She was beautiful. She was better than me, but we immediately recognized something in one another. I had been divorced a few years before, & she was briefly married when she was young. She had a daughter. I was a contractor with a checkered past, she was a financial advisor at a major brokerage house who had made all the right choices. It started with messages. Cheeky messages, joking around about about me moving two thousand miles just to have dinner with her, exchanging funny quotes from movies, little messages that made the day fly by. I instantly saw something special in her, & I had already told myself that I did not want to end up in a relationship online. I found it to be cheesy, & I didn't like the idea of when people asked me how we met, giving "online" as an answer. So I tried to keep it casual. One day she sent a message that gave me her phone number. I remember the metal butterflies doing loops in my stomach. We decided to talk that night. I got so caught up in talking to her that I burned the streak I was cooking for dinner, & nearly burned my house down. From then on, we spoke almost every night, usually for two or three hours. We talked about everything. Everything except my checkered past. When I had gotten divorced, my wife had left me for another man, & I did not handle it well. I had made questionable decisions, did drugs, & I even dated a stripper of low moral character. It had been about two & a half years since these events, & I was back on my feet, doing well. I had dated a few women in those couple of years, but found nothing that I wanted. Even though I had found myself on sure footing, I wasn't looking to fall in love. I never saw it coming. I started to fall within the first month, but it was unfamiliar. Something I wasn't prepared for. I found in her a friend, a friend I knew that I didn't want to be without. We planned a meeting in San Francisco, middle ground for both of us. It was to happen in May, but it was still March, & may was two months away. We spoke on the phone, & the feelings that ran through me were inexplicable. She was so loving, so endearing. And I couldn't get enough of her. But she had a daughter, & I did not want to do anything to jeopardize where this could go. I knew that she needed to protect her daughter, & she had told me about some of the questionable men she had met through online dating. I did not want to come off as one of those guys, because I'm not. She brought out so many things in me that I had forgotten about. I had been working so much that I didn't have much time to be silly, or laugh much, but with her, it was just there. One night, we had been texting, & I was texting everything that was coming into my head. On one text, I hit send before I realized that I had told her that I was falling for her for the first time. I called immediately to preempt the text, & she picked up after the first ring. I told her. I told her everything that I was feeling. That I saw this going somewhere, that she had become everything to me, & that I was falling for her. She said that she saw this going somewhere as well, & all I could think was that May was so far away. A couple of days later, I told her that I would like to come to Houston to see her. It would be in a few weeks. Those weeks took forever. We talked every night. The week before, she had taken some clients out to a local bar that she patronized a lot, & always had a good time at. The night did not go well. They were harassed, & she went home, & went to sleep before saying goodnight to me. I was so worried that I left several voicemails, begging her to let me know that she was alright. It turned out she was when she called in the morning, & I've never been so relieved. Then she dropped a bombshell. She told me that she was falling for me. My heart swelled, & I told her that I loved her. She told me that she loved me. For the next week, we talked about the usual, we talked about how excited we were to finally be with one another. All I could think about was how much I loved her. Finally, the time had come. I flew to Houston, & when I came down the escalator, there she was, & I remember the nervousness coiling around me until we hugged. With her in my arms, I felt at home. I was where I belonged. On the drive to her house, we talked lightly, trying to make light of the fact that we were both so excited to finally see each other. I held her hand as she drove, kissing her fingers one by one. As we pulled into the driveway, I remember thinking to myself what it would be like pulling my truck in every night after a long day of work. We walked in the front door, I sat my bag down, & spun her around, picking her up & kissing her. Her legs wrapped around me, & she looked at me like nobody has ever looked at me. I sat her on the top of her leather couch, & in a moment of comic relief, the couch kicked out the reclining seat, & we almost fell. I picked her up & sat her on her feet. She took my hand & walked me into the bedroom, & told me to make love to her. We made love in a way that I have never experienced. We were connected at the heart. At the soul, & she looked at me with those eyes that told me that she saw me for who I was. I will never get over those eyes. Never. We must have made love at least a dozen times that weekend. That wasn't the most exciting thing that happened that weekend. On the last day, I spent the day with her & her daughter. They took me to a driving range, & her daughter interviewed me. I was told that her daughter had to approve of me. She asked me what I saw in her mother, & I told her. Her mother was someone that I connected with like no other. She gave me comfort from two thousand miles away, & I felt home when I was with her. She was the other half that I didn't know was missing. I remember her looking me right in the eye, just as her mother did, & I could tell how special this child was. Another thing happened. Earlier the previous day, her mother noticed a sliver of color in my eye that I didn't know about. Her daughter saw the exact same thing, & when she told me, I almost broke down right there. These girls saw into me, & I saw into them. We were a family that day. They took me home, & we watched TV until it was time for my flight. We watched silly TV, & cuddled. We had a tickle fight, & we laid on that couch with my arms around them both. I left my heart on that couch with them. Leaving was heartbreaking. I didn't want that drive to the airport to end. We held hands, & talked about how much we were going to miss each other. At the dropoff area, we held each other tightly, & just about cried. Actually we did. After the longest goodbye, we watched each other as she drove away slowly. I literally dropped my bag & almost chased after her. I had to hold back with everything I had to not sprint after her. I left that airport knowing that I had found the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The thought of my past indiscretions never even came to mind. None of it mattered. All that mattered was what was happening when I was with her. we planned for me to visit in another month, over the memorial day weekend. I would spend a week with my girls. In that month in between my visits, I would get texts saying," your girls miss you", & "come home to your girls". These kinds of messages gave me everything I needed, except for my girls. I had to make it home. It was during this time that she had done a search on me online, as people are prone to do, & she found that I had been kicked out of school for doing drugs. She found out, & never told me. She waited for me to tell her, & I never did. We talked as we always did, for hours every night, almost without exception. I had moments where I felt I should tell her. I was worried that she would find out eventually, & every time that I didn't receive a text for more than a few hours, I feared that she had found out, & was repulsed. The thought of that repulsion held me at bay. Held me in fear. I just wanted her to see me as I was with her. I should have said something, but I couldn't. The entire month I missed her with all of my heart, & we were obviously more in love than anyone you have ever seen. I decided that I would move to Houston to be with her. She wanted me to move in with her & her daughter, but I was very hesitant. I had step patents when I grew up, & they had a huge effect on me, in a negative way. I also wanted to tell her about the things I did when I was younger, & after I got divorced before I could do that. I worried that I would hurt her, & her daughter. There was no way I could do that to such important people to me. I didn't tell her, but I had already made arrangements to move into an apartment near her. I wanted to surprise her on my next trip. I told my boss that I would be leaving, & gave a date. This whole time between visits we fell more & more in love. I dreamed about her & my future family almost every night. I thought about family dinners, going to my new step daughters latest school performance, as a proud father, but most of all, I thought about being a husband. Showing her all of the love that I felt. She was the most amazing woman I had ever encountered, & I would make sure that she knew that for the rest of my life. Finally, my trip home had finally come. I held her at the airport so tightly, I never wanted to let her go. The drive home was the same. Smiles & laughs, & when we got home, her daughter was there with a friend. I held her, & kissed her on the head. I had missed her so much, & was excited to watch her play in a recital the next day. Her mother and I adjourned to the bedroom for a moment to put my bags away, the next thing I knew we were holding each other as if there were no time in between my last visit. I had missed her so much that it hurt. It actually hurt. I kissed her, & I looked her in those beautiful eyes, & told her I loved her. She looked at me with that look that shook me, that made me tremble. I was finally home. We went out for dinner, & came home. That Saturday, we went to the recital. I was humbled & proud to be there. I held the camera & watched this beautiful, smart, living girl as a doting father would. I remember tearing up a few times. Her mother had given me a few moments of the silent treatment, but I didn't know why. I thought I had just annoyed her in some way that she didn't expect. Later in the trip, she got upset with me, & barely spoke to me. I could barely take it. I began to have a panic attack. We went to an ice cream parlor, & sent her daughter in ahead of us, so we could discuss what was going on. I had made a remark that she thought meant something else, & I explained that having her so angry with me was a big deal to me. She apologized, & we made up fairly quickly. We went inside & had ice cream together as a family, & all was right. We went for a walk in a nice neighborhood, & had dinner, & bought some trinkets for her daughter. We had the best time. Later, we went to a musical, & watched her friends perform. She is a very gifted singer & performer, & is very involved in musicals. I watched the performance with my girls, having the best time. We all had the best time. We were together, & we fit together, all of us together. We went home as a family, & went to bed as a family. The next day, I took a medication that I had been taking for quite some time, something that I never revealed. Because I had taken drugs, I cannot take typical pain relievers, & I was prescribed a special drug to take in its place. This drug is given to heroin addicts, & requires a special prescription. I took it to wean myself off of the drugs that I took, & found that it took away pain that I had. From them on, I took this drug, & nobody knew. If it got out that I took this drug, it would put my career in jeopardy, & I didn't want anyone to know outside of work because of the stigma that came with it. On Sunday, I had dropped one of these medications on the bathroom floor, & she found it. She set it on the counter, & said nothing. She was giving me an opportunity, & I didn't take it. We had several arguments that I thought were about her being annoyed with me, but turned out to be about me not admitting what she already knew. After a night of me leaving to take a walk, I made dinner. We had a moment where I grabbed my bag to actually leave, or at least I wanted her to chase after me, showing that she didn't want me to go. I told her that there were things about me that she didn't know, & that I was afraid to tell her. We went inside, & I sat down, & told her about my troubled childhood, & about how I got kicked out of school for doing drugs. I did not mention how I fell apart after my divorce. I felt that I had said enough. It turns out, she had looked up what the medication was while I was in another room, & she was still mad that I didn't tell her about it. When confronted about it, I tried to make an excuse for why I had it. I was so afraid of her seeing me as something I wasn't, & very afraid of her seeing what I had been at one point in my life. I loved her more than anyone I have ever met, & would do anything to hold on to her, but I had demonstrated horrible behavior, & could see the wheels in her head turning. She had given me several opportunities to tell her the truth, & I didn't. My fear of losing her was so great, that I couldn't see that she would have forgiven me & understood. When we got to the airport for my departure, I held her close, & feared this would be the last time I would see her. I knew that she was the love of my life the entire time, & I couldn't tell her my secrets. We cried, & said a long goodbye. That flight was the longest of my life. I didn't sleep for days. I tried to pull myself together, but couldn't. She stopped talking to me as much as before, but sometimes she would send me links to articles like the ones on this site, explaining how to keep a woman. I would read them over & over, not utilizing one of the most important pieces of advice. Give her space, & time. When we finally spoke on the phone, she told me that she couldn't believe that I lied to her. That she didn't know what was real. That I had shown her that I let my emotions control me, & she was right. I begged her for another chance. To let me come down & show her that I was the man she had fallen in love with, but she didn't want to hear any of it. She told me it wouldn't work. It ended with her having to go inside to her daughter, who was also upset. That was like a nail in the heart. I had hurt the most important people in the world to me. My best friend, & her daughter, who felt like my daughter. I kept thinking about saying goodbye to her daughter for the last time. I had hugged her closely, kissed her on the forehead, & told her that I would miss her like no other, & I do. Over the next couple of weeks, I dug my own grave, showing just how my emotions take control. Even though she wouldn't reply, I engaged her with a barrage of texts, telling her that I was who she fell in love with, & that I was sorry. How much I loved her, & how I wanted to spend the rest of my life making it up to her & her daughter. I was completely heartbroken. I was distraught. Most of all, I missed my best friend, & was afraid of losing her forever. Every now & again, I would get a text saying,"just stop. This won't work". Because she never said,"I don't love you", or "it's over", or "I never want to see you again", I took it as a sign that there was a chance of reconciliation. And I continued to send text after text, praying to get a reply. Finally, on a Saturday, some friends talked me into going to a festival, knowing that I was in bad shape, but not knowing that I was inconsolable. While there, I sent several messages begging for a reply. On my way home, she did. She told me that because I had let my emotions control me, & because I had lied, it wouldn't work. I got upset, & told her that if it wasn't for her becoming silent every time that she got angry, & that if she would just talk to me, it would work. That we could get right back to where we were. The next message I received said,"you're unbelievable. I'm blocking you now". That was it. She wanted nothing to do with me, & moreover, she was sick of me bothering her. I had become the antithesis of everything I wanted to be to her. The following Monday, when I got to work, I was informed that I would be performing a very dangerous job. I hadn't slept. I hadn't eaten in two days. I was a wreck. I started to have a panic attack. All I could think about was her, & how she must despise me, & how all I wanted in the world was to see her. I got into my truck & put my sunglasses on so that my crew could not see me having a breakdown. Then, I made a mistake. I called her at work. She was not happy to hear from me. I explained that I was losing it, & that I feared she hated me. She told me that she didn't, & that I should decline the work. I told her that I wasn't in a position to back out. I told her that I wanted to see her, to talk face to face. She said that she didn't think it was a good idea. I asked if there was a chance of ever talking to her again, & she said she would think about it. I thanked her for talking to me, & apologized for ambushing her at work. I didn't intend to, but that's what I did. I went to work. After a few hours, I called again to apologize, & she told me that I needed to stop calling her at her office. After that, I went back to work. I was visibly distraught from later accounts from co-workers, which led to me falling forty feet from a building, almost getting killed. I suffered a concussion, & was knocked unconscious. I was lucky. A few bruised ribs, a bump on the head, & a few bruises were all that I suffered. While I was in the emergency room, I was told that they had called my girlfriend, as I had listed her as my emergency contact a few weeks prior. All I could think was that I was glad they couldn't reach her, & I'm sure that she didn't answer because she saw an Oregon area code on her caller id, & figured it was me. A couple days later, tropical storm Bill blew into Houston, & they showed some frightening things in the news, as they are one to do. I began to worry about my girls, if I can even call them that. After being blocked, & calling her office, I tried to message her through Facebook. I was truly worried, although they turned out to be fine. She then blocked me on Facebook. I can only assume that she thought of me as crazy by this point, & you would think that would be it, but I made it worse. I believed that if she could just see me, look me in the eye, & see me, that she would see who I truly was, & we would be right back where we were before this whole mess started. If she could just see me as more than incessant words on a screen, she would see my heart, & how it beats for her. In two & a half weeks, she had said maybe a hundred words. The love that drove me made me think that deep down, she really still loved me, & that I just had to show her the depth of my intent, & devotion. So, I did what an idiot would do. I booked a flight. I booked the most expensive hotel in Houston. I rented the nicest car. I had a plan. I would show up, unannounced, & prove to her that I was exactly who I claimed to be. The man that loved her more than any other man in the world. My boss asked me why I was leaving, which was very unusual for me, to which I had to tell him,"i love her, & I have to do everything in my power to show her", so, I left work, packed a bag, dropped off my dog, & got on a plane. In my head, she just need an act of love to show her why she had fallen for me. When I landed, I picked up my car, & drove straight to the mall. I picked up a new suit, & headed to a hotel closer to her house. I wanted to walk into the other hotel I booked together, for the first time. I had booked a suite, & imagined taking her out to the most romantic restaurant in Houston, which I had made several reservations for, just in case things didn't go according to plan. The first thing I did was shower , & change into some other clothes I bought. I went to a florist, & described exactly what I wanted. "The most romantic bouquet in the history of the world" was what I asked for. Roses were not enough. This had to be special. I stood by & showed them what I wanted. Then, I took the flowers, & drove to her office. I left them with the receptionist, & put a letter in the flowers telling R____ just what & how much I missed her. I hoped she would realize that I was in town by the fact that it was a letter from me, not a card from the florist. I then left, hoping to get a call, asking me to come back, or to see her running after me on the sidewalk. The things of romantic novels, I know. None of that happened. Instead, I returned to the hotel room, nervously awaiting the inevitable call. No such call came. So I called her from my hotel room. She was not happy to hear from me. I had imagined a romantic reconciliation, but instead, I got a less than pleased voice, wondering why I was calling, & where I was calling from. I told her why I came. I told her that I just wanted to talk, & that I just needed one chance. She told me that no such audience would be granted. That I shouldn't have come. That she was over it. That she had "moved on". As I tried to plead for five minutes of her time, telling her I had come two thousand miles just to see her, she became frustrated, & possibly disgusted. The last words I ever heard from her were, "I'm hanging up now, goodbye Chris". I was destroyed. I couldn't believe what had happened. I spent the rest of the day driving around, & finally went back to the hotel, utterly devastated by what I had done, & what had happened. I had turned the love of my life into the person who despised me most. All I could think of was her saying that she had "moved on". I had heard her use that phrase in reference to the man she was seeing before me, telling him that she had "moved on". Meaning she had moved on to me. All I could think of was another man touching her. I couldn't get that vision out of my mind. In the morning, I wrote a letter to her, telling her that what we had was real, & that she had broken my heart. Typical male ego stuff. I drove to her house to put the letter on the doorstep, only to see a car I didn't recognize next to hers in the driveway. I got nauseated. I slipped the letter into the seam of the door, & drove away wondering who was holding her. I commiserated for the rest of the weekend, begging God for a phone call from her. It never came. I left Houston a broken man. Before I left, I drove by the house one last time, & looked at the driveway that I thought I would be pulling into for the rest of my life. Where I had imagined loading kids into our car together for a family vacation. When I got home, I thought about how all of this must look to her, & how I saw it in contrast, & how my perception was skewed by how I felt. I made every mistake.
I thought I was waiting to tell her about my past. She saw me lying. I thought I was omitting, she saw dishonesty. I thought I was stating my case, she saw me badgering her. I thought I was telling her how much I loved & missed her. She saw me smothering her. I thought I was being romantic by flying down unannounced. She saw me stalking her. And she was right about all of it. All I had to do was be honest. All I had to do was give her room to breathe. Time to think. All I showed her was a mess. Because I didn't do these things, because I didn't listen to her, really listen to her, I lost her. If you are a man that knows he is with the love of his life, do not do what I did. Tell her everything. Get it out of the way, so you can enjoy each other now, & everyday for the rest of your lives. Treat her like the queen that she is, & she will see you as a king. I will miss my queen for the rest of my life, & I will always love her. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to prove it to her. Last edited by FooZe; Jul 29, 2015 at 11:33 PM. Reason: removed personal identifying information |
| pegasus
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#7
Jul 30, 2015, 07:03 AM
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Hello Chris,
I feel really bad for you as I can see that you are completely taking the blame for this when infact it is about one person building hopes and dreams around a person and the other not being on the same page. Love is an awful thing isn't it, we lose our minds in the process and are unable to see clearly. You feel it was your past drug use, more likely the accidental heroin substitute that gave the lady an excuse to duck out. If she had been truly inlove with you, this would have simply lead to a discussion and support, not a deal breaker. I'm female Chris, and what I see here is a woman who immediatley jumped into bed with another man at the soonest opportunity. Her love for you was not the same as the love you felt for her. You built up your own dreams, it's possible she played on that. It's a harsh and awful lesson, you loved her, she didn't love you enough. You need to draw a line on this now, in time you'll realise this really would not have worked, you deserve better. 
__________________
Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
| Bill3
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#8
Jul 30, 2015, 08:22 AM
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I'm clueless when it comes to love, but I couldn't help agreeing with what pegasus said. I'm really sorry about what you went through, and I know it'll take a long time to heal.
I have a question: you said your wife left you for another man, but did she do this after the divorce? What she felt for you, despite what the woman said, was probably not nearly as strong as what you felt. Looking into her eyes and seeing love can never give true answers, although it's very romantic and correct to see in people you know for absolute sure that they love you in return. You really can't guess who a person is by looking into their eyes. Plus, there was some strange signs. She fell in love with a man she hadn't seen in person yet, although she has a young daughter? And she brought you home for your first visit? I personally wouldn't bring a man home the first time I'm seeing him, no matter how much we grew to love each other over the phone. Then she immediately had sex with you? I can see how strongly and pure your intentions were, but it sounds like you already had an image of love in family in your head that you really wanted them to fit. It sounds like she might have been very lonely or missed sex, or both. Her getting mad over your medications and then parting with you forever gives me the impression that her feelings for you weren't there. Maybe she realized how fast she let your relationship move without reciprocating your feelings and left. Either way, I think you're better off and deserve someone who loves you back. It's very normal for relationships to end early, and I recommend you don't fall in love so fast until you know you've found the right woman for you. Things change, people change, and no ones perfect.  Also, have you seen any therapists? It sounds like you've had a tough life with little support, which may be the reason why you are in so much pain for losing her.
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| Bill3
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#9
Jul 30, 2015, 08:42 AM
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| pegasus
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#10
Jul 30, 2015, 08:55 AM
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#11
Jul 30, 2015, 11:24 AM
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So this woman brought you home and had sex with you, first time she met you, pretty much a stranger. And she has a child at home.
Then she let you, again a stranger, kiss, hug, cuddle and tickle fight (huh???? ) with her daughter. Really? How old is the girl? It is so inappropriate I can't even comprehend. That honestly is the most disturbing thing in the whole story. This is really crazy. Such poor judgement. As a mother I would be extremely concerned if someone was that physical with my daughter right after meeting her. This woman wasn't concerned. She is bad news As about her, I understand you are hurting but to all honesty you've met her twice. You can't truly love someone after only two times seeing them. You'll heal and move on and please rely on therapy to help you. You'll be fine and I wish you the best but please move slow next time Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#12
Jul 30, 2015, 11:44 AM
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#13
Jul 30, 2015, 12:09 PM
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First of all you clearly weren't telling each other everything. She found out things by googling you and finding your pills. So clearly you were not sharing everything
Second of all texting emailing or even skyping before you meet the first time isn't a real relationship. People could create the whole entire different persona. Which in fact happened. You both discovered that you just aren't a match so clearly you were strangers when you first met Third of all having sex first time you see someone is dangerous not only because of std but the person might turn out violent or what not, it's no matter that you talked on the phone Then many people do online long distance dating and I did too but when men go visit a woman the first time and there are children at home no one goes and stays in woman's house! Men stay in a hotel. No one feels like their children like your own after first time they meet. It takes time. If a man met my daughter once and said we are "his girls" and he feels he is like dotting father I would run fast!!!! I am surprised you find it all ok, do you have children? You both showed poor judgement. We all do at times. I did too! I got involved wAy too fast on several occasions. Learn the lesson and there is someone out there for you.just isn't this woman Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#14
Jul 30, 2015, 01:02 PM
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#15
Jul 30, 2015, 01:26 PM
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Showing up at her door, in another state, after she has asked you to leave her alone is actually quite frightening. I think it's great that you are in therapy and you should probably talk to your Therapist about how to understand and respect other people's boundaries. The checkered past aside, I think the bigger problem here is that she asked you to leave her alone and you continued to call her at work, show up on her doorstep, etc. You focused on what you wanted from her, rather than on what she wanted and what she was asking for. You also seem to have created this perfect fantasy relationship in your head that does not match up with reality. You thought that if you showed up, it would be like it is in the movies--- but that isn't real. In real life, when a guy shows up on a woman's doorstep, it's scary.
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| eeyorestail, Middlemarcher
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#16
Jul 30, 2015, 01:37 PM
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#17
Jul 30, 2015, 01:48 PM
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#18
Jul 30, 2015, 02:06 PM
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#19
Jul 30, 2015, 02:08 PM
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The only thing you can do now is accept what wAs done, learn and move on. I do not doubt you fell in love. No I don't judge that. I fell in love with wrong people and moved way too fast! You are not alone!I I primarily shocked by her behavior, not yours. Being a mother I found her behavior unacceptable impulsive and irresponsible and you are probably better off. Unless she showed you official diagnosis I wouldn't bother diagnosing her, My t says not to waste time figuring out why people do what they do and only focus on yourself. It doesn't matter what's her diagnosis if she even has one. You said you will always love her. That will be a waste of your life. You'll love someone else one day, way better. It will happen trust me Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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#20
Jul 30, 2015, 02:27 PM
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#21
Jul 30, 2015, 02:37 PM
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Chris, I do feel your pain but you really have got to let this go. You had hopes and dreams and they were not reciprocated. You need to work with your therapist on the grieving process with this because that is what is now needed. You've written that good bye email and that was a great step, now you need to grieve and then you'll see...
__________________
Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
| divine1966
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#22
Jul 30, 2015, 03:49 PM
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They are ok. They have no reason not to be ok. You can relax. She is a grown woman with successful career and her daughter has parents ( don't know if dad is in s picture but if doesn't even matter )And you really have to move on. Is there something you can do to get busy and stop obsessing? When I start obsessing over things I volunteer in a homeless shelter. Takes mind off and puts things into perspective In order for something to truly last and have deep meaning you need to become friends. That takes time. So when you start dating again force yourself to take it slow. No sex for 3 months of regular dating. Build foundation first then everything else would have true depth and connection, not a perceived one. Makes such difference Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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