I detest being ignored.

Thanks. While I'm liked by a few for who I am, I think I could enhance my relationship with them if I had more money and my life straightened out.

If I were to be honest with myself, however, I would say that I distance myself from people because I feel inadequate because of my financial issues. I feel weak and powerless and I want people to see me as strong, confident, intelligent, and independent. The fact that I don't have a car and live cheaply with a relative while I fix my life is a blow to my self-esteem.

Once I fix my problems I think I could be liked by more people. No matter what, however, I see myself spending my whole life going to great lengths to hide my insecurities and weaknesses and showing others only what I want them to see about myself. As I said before, I want to appear as strong and not weak.

Lots of times I'm not sure if you're serious or being facetious.

But.
Seriously? You want "friends" like that?

There are lots of ways to be of benefit to others other than giving them money. I think you know that. You can listen to them, spend time with them, help them in non-financial ways (like with moving or computer repair or helping them to make a decision).

No one has that. Except maybe that Faust guy, for a while, and he's fictional.

Absolute control is an illusion.

Your best chance at happiness is to build up your shattered self-esteem.

But, its your life, and I wont presume to tell you how to live it.


Let me share something about myself with you though, idk why, maybe it will provide you with some insight into a different perspective.


I've not had an easy life, like most members here I've had my fair share of shyt fall into my lap.


Growing up I had a paedo older brother, a bully for an older sister and an emotionally distant mother.


But my eldest brother and father who doted on me made up for that.


FFWD to early 20s, mentally, emotionally and eventually physically abusive bf who one day mistook me for a punching bag.


Mere months after leaving him, my eldest brother whom I worshipped is viciously murdered and my dad keels over from the shock and horror not too long after.

Then I get retrenched while suddenly having to float my household, consisting of my widowed mom, younger brother and daughter.... I'm 25 at the time.

Mix that with a bipolar and bpd dx and I was not having a fun time at your age either.


Point number 1 is this, I got hurt, severely, but I survived, self-preservation and adaptability is human nature. The will that drives it needs to be there though, but it's well documented that some of us have more will to avoid.


Point number 2, I had nothing to offer my friends or (new) bf for long periods of time, but they stuck by me even when I believed i was worthless, because our bonds were not based on financial benefits. The value we place on each other is not based on a bank balance.


Sometimes its benefit enough to enrich someone else's life.


I have no idea what kind of trauma you've been through that has scared you shytless, it must have been extremely painful. But I just wanted to give you some hope to see that maybe, just maybe money isn't the answer to your prayers, you are.


And no, I don't want any payment from you

I'm unsure if you meant what you said as an insult, therefore for the sake of keeping the peace, I will assume that you mean well.

I want people who are prone to bribery so that I can compensate for my insecurities. I would rather bribe somebody to not turn on me after messing something up (which I seem to do often) rather than having to talk to them about my feelings and hope that they don't abandon me. Another words, I want to be in control.

It doesn't matter. I WILL get the respect that I deserve and the love and happiness that was wrongfully denied to me my whole life by any means necessary or I will die trying. Victory or death!

Thank you. While I'm still not convinced, I feel a bit better knowing that there are others that seem to care.

I'll hyperfocus on fixing my own issues first and decide my fate from there.

It is clear that you're stronger than me to think and feel the way you do.

An open mind is a healthy one, so thank you for your response even though I probably said the opposite of what you wanted to hear.


I think that whole "stronger than me" speech / mindset, is either a cop out or spoken from a place of ignorance.


And I'm not referring to your comment specifically, its just something I witness way too often, mostly in people who are either set in their ways, from time, sheer will power, or refusal to attempt a new strategy.


But you? You at least appear to be open to other possibilities. I like that, and you should too. Its a good thing.


You seem like a very determined individual, use that to your advantage.

Get the MOST out of life while you're still here. You deserve to have a FULL life. Just seems like a smarter option to being rich financially but robbing yourself personally.


Yes it comes with some risk, but life is not without those, and money certainly isn't either. Just look at Wall Street.

That's the weird thing though, I am a risk taker in all aspects of my life except my interpersonal relationships. I've learned most of what I know the hard way. I've gotten in debt and messed myself up financially off trial and error and it took me several thousand dollars in mistakes to learn what I know because I've never had anybody show me proper money management. I've done high risk activities that could be a threat to my physical well-being if I mess up if the reward is worth it to me.

Why must my interpersonal life be so different? Maybe because I was forced to be independent for much of my life. I was taught at a young age to not rely on love but myself and only myself. I was forced into survival mode and I had only myself to rely on.

Not to mention abandonment hurts me far more than losing some money on a failed investment or business venture or breaking some bones and ending up in the hospital. In fact, I would rather suffer non-lethal torture for 1-2 days straight than be abandoned by somebody that I care about ever again.

Maybe I'll change one day who knows. As it stands though, money, new gadgets, video games, and books bring me more pleasure than people.

I hear you on the abandonment front


It took me more than 3 years to believe my bf is not on the verge of leaving me.


Its a painful burden, but with the right help and the right attitude, the burden can become lighter.


Money cant fix that, and if money runs out and you can no longer afford to buy people... What then?


Just something to think on

I am sad for you that objects bring you more comfort them people do. Friendship is a two way road you get out of it what you put in.

Most certainly there are many things you can buy with money and we definitely need money every day of our life. But not for buying friendship and love. You mentioned getting yourself a woman if you have money. The only woman you can buy with money is a hooker.

Many of us rely only on ourselves and are independent since young age. Life is tough. Sorry about debt. I am in a bad financial situation right now. I work two jobs trying to get out of it and there is no end in sight. I hear you

I believe You really need therapy.



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I disagree. While people generally can't be bought directly with money, indirectly, money makes one more attractive and gives one more options, freedom, and wiggle room in regards to finding a partner or making friends. If I appear exceptional and special to the world, not only will more people want to be in my life, but I'll be too valuable to ignore or push away. I will be the priority and get the attention that I crave. There will be so many more options open to me, it would be foolish of me not to seek wealth in life.

What's sad is that the only things that excite me and make me content in life right now is getting my business fully set up to make some solid cash and buying a new car, a high end smartphone, and a new high end graphics card for my gaming/work PC.

This doesn't mean that I haven't taken what you all have said to heart. I fully intend on trying to grow outside of this method of thinking in the future and I plan to work on my issues when I feel strong enough. I still intend on seeking wealth so that I can either have the best of both worlds or have something to fall back to if it turns out that I can't be helped. Ahh, that's why I make such a good business owner; I always have contingencies in place

P.S the friend that I mentioned that comes by randomly came by today to cheer me up so I feel better about the friend thing. I wish I could find more people like this person who accept me for who I am and won't abandon me. I'm the only person this guy trusts anymore so it makes me feel good that in the unlikely event that he turns on me or abandons me, that he would have nobody else.

Nothing wrong in seeking gainful employment. No one works for free. It's good to seek that and nothing is wrong with being wealthy. But you will not be anyone's priority because you have money, you will not be more attractive to anyone. It will give you more choices where to live where to travel and what to buy. And it's important. Sure. It will not give you better choice of partners or friends.

Also many many people have a lot of money or make decent living, or run successful business. We are in the U.S after all. , sorry it isn't exceptional or special to make a good living or be rich. It doesn't make one valuable. Other things could make you special

If your current goal is to stand on your own feet it's totally acceptable. Having a car and a phone is very much something you need. I hope you can make good living soon. It's smart to seek wealth but not for reasons you described. it will not magically bring happiness


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I mean this in the best way possible and I don't mean to be rude, but I think you're mistaken. Most people will do just about anything to be around somebody "popular" or "important". The fact that there is a recession only increases the value of money and would make me all the more valuable to others if I have it. I'm willing to bet that if I went to a homeless shelter and started giving all of the homeless people $100 bills, they would idolize me as their hero. If I have money and a nice car, many women wouldn't be able to resist me. I would have all of the attention that I want and the best part? I can push the people away when I want my solitude to think or do my introverted hobbies

While I agree that money can't solve all of one's problems, ultimately money can buy a degree of happiness and I would argue that anybody who says otherwise either had it easy most of their life or never had much money to begin with.

Ultimately, the social aspect isn't the primary reason why I desire wealth. I desire wealth for more freedom. I want to be able to do what I want, when I want, and how I want without being tied to anybody or anything. If I want to travel across the world, I want to do it now rather than wait months down the road for plane ticket prices to decrease. If somebody that I care about is struggling financially, I want to be their savior and solve all of their problems. I want to be free to explore my passions without having to work some boring 9-5 job that I hate.

Sorry if I came across as being rude; that was never my intention.

You don't need money to buy you solitude either, all you need is understanding...


Sigh, I'm posting one more time because I found something that immediately made me think of you, so I wanted to share it with you.

I appreciate you and I hope that I'm not being a hassle to deal with. I'm feeling more combative and rebellious than normal and it is likely reflecting in my posts.

I'm just sick of all the B.S in my life and I want to do something about it so I'm in an aggressive mood

Thank you

Nope. People wouldn't do just about anything to be around popular or important people. No one does and I know a lot of people and lived on two continents. Well kids do but we are talking about adults here

Why work boring job you don't love? Not sure where is that coming from. Nothing boring about my job. I LOVE it and wouldn't do anything. Not sure whose jobs are boring?

No one says it's bad to have money. I LOVE money lol and I love things! the point is you can't get more friends or romance that way. No you aren't going to be more appealing to women if you have a nice car and nice living because it's not that unusual. Everyone I associate with has a nice car and has a job and makes decent living. I live in Michigan and you can forget getting anywhere without not just a car but bigger and preferably 4 wheel in a winter. Nice car is a necessity. Sure I wouldn't date a man with no car as how would he get around but I don't know even know men with no car! It's not unique

Of course money gives more freedom! It's not what you said though. You said it would make you more appealing for friends and women. Heck no

As about homeless shelters, I volunteer there. I am very much appreciated. No I don't give $100 to them. They equally appreciate monetary contributions and other help

You don't need wealth to be appreciated. But you do need to make a living to survive. So hopefully you are doing something to actually get there

I worry about you. I hope you get to a better place. Don't worry about rudeness of what not. Takes a lot to get to me. Lol I teach teens and with special needs to top it off. I saw and heard it all lol gotta run to work now! Have a good day. Hang in there

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Its not that I find you too combative or even remotely a hassle.


It just doesn't seem like I have anything more to offer, but I will definitely keep reading as that may very well change, and I am very interested in your journey.

"I simply sit in my home office doing nothing more than trying to scale and build my web business on my PC and play video games, stream shows/movies, and read most of the time while rarely leaving the house. I rely on my phone and the internet for 90% of my socializing."

I've been there, closed in for a few years. I believe that led to my first bout of Depression that put me in hospital. We've got to get you out. I mentioned in another thread my own efforts to do so. For my own trust issues I've stopped short of making close friends but I have a growing group of aquaintances.

As for the money issue. In my own experience I was surrounded by more so called friends when I had money to spend. When I had to go bankrupt that changed immediately. As for the rest of my friends I've lost touch with many of them as time goes by and the fact 1000km stretches between us.

So what do I look for in a friend? I don't want someone clinging to me; txts or contact every other day is too much for me. I want understanding; someone who will understand the needs I sometimes have to back out or have quiet times. I need spontenaity; I try not to make plans that may be cancelled. For a friend, I don't need money, I don't even need a working car. I just need them to pay their own way. Now as, for a BF on the other hand, I DO need them to have a reliable car.

How familiar are you with machiavellianism by chance? I made another post regarding machiavellianism awhile back and mentioned the fact that I scored high on a test for it myself. The reason why I'm saying this is because there are people who want to be around important people although it is true that many of those people are high machs and want to be around important people to further enhance their image or career.

In fact, there are a couple of questions on the Mach V test that directly relate to this topic. One asks you if you think it's wise to flatter important people and the other asks if you think that it's wise to get the important people on your side.

I happen to be one of these people. I've actually tried to get people with money on my side so that I can have somebody to fund my business ventures.

Also consider if one is rich and they use the money to enrich others lives whom are less fortunate. Who wouldn't want to be friends with one who has saved them from a crisis and/or has helped them grow?

I'm not saying that money is everything nor am I saying that one needs money to be happy or attract people by any means, I'm simply saying that it DOES give an advantage in these areas

Ahh, but I digress. We will just have to agree to disagree

Regardless, I thank you for your kindness

hmmm. I'm being brutal here but...

Having a friend help you out is different than expecting an aquaintance to throw it at you.

Not to be brutal myself, but I think you're missing the main idea of my post.

I was trying to give an insight as to how the other side thinks.

I never expect anybody to throw things at me for free. I write business plans and promise a solid ROI when I ask for an investment so both parties benefit mutually. I simply try to befriend people with money so they can pull strings for me and accept my ideas.

Of course, my mental health issues always seem to hold me back with this

Wow! I would hate to see what type of "friends" you would attract based on this. You definitely wouldn't attract anyone worthwhile. Just a bunch a lazy losers. Do you really want to pay for a woman? You may as well call an escort, if you wish to have a relationship based on money. That's really sad. I feel for you.

Btw, you can't have any woman you want due to being rich. You can't buy real love or good heart. Just a vapid, selfish person, who could care less about you (just your money).
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Getting wealthy people on your side to venture your business is very very different from having friends or loving romantic partners. Befriending rich people so they pull strings for you isn't the same as having friends.

I do hope you get a stable employment. Business or otherwise. Hang in there. If your mental health stands on your way, maybe there are few things you can try....

If you have official diagnosis of any kind you might qualify for your states vocational rehabilitation which could include college tuition trade school job search or advice with starting a business. They might help with transportation, car etc you do need a diagnosis though . I know how it works in my state due to my job. My states rehab service is great. If you send me pm or tell me here where do you live I can locate services for you




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Going back to the original concept of having abandonment issues, I can relate. I have deep seeded anxiety regarding it. Don't know where it stems from. Maybe trauma I experienced as a small child and have since forgotten. I just know that I am very tentative in investing time and energy into something, ie a friend, that I fear may leave me. Trust is something they need to earn from me, not the other way around.

Yup. Investing energy in another is no different than investing in a business venture or a stock market; if one isn't extremely careful, they will get a poor ROI from their energy investment.

Fact of the matter is that everybody is selfish to some extent. Humanity always has been and always will be a selfish species. In order to survive and thrive in this cutthroat world, one needs to fight ruthlessness with ruthlessness, otherwise, the world will consume you.

I'm ready to do what must be done to survive and thrive. If anybody or anything gets in the way of my plans, they are nothing more to me than another adversary.

I thank those who have given me solid advice in this thread. I value anybody who would put up for me when I'm at my worst like I am now. Don't think that I won't remember those who are kind to me if the tables are reversed one day.