Single for a month finding new guy very interesting

I am not sure what exactly you are feeling but when you said you think he is sexy and you feel turned on it was clear you feel more than just for a friend. I know many intelligent people and have friends . People don't get turned on because someone is intelligent or is a friend. But since he is unavailable for relationship I would stir away.

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Yeah....stir away ASAP.

All I want to know is, at 42 what did this guy do to snag your attention?

Even though I'm only 44, being in shape, 6 figure income, secure high position consulting job in IT, owning my own home, of good moral character... doesn't seam to cut it.

Maybe I need to buy a Harley and turn into a "Bad Boy"?

Maybe you need to have 4 kids and live with your ex. Kidding.

Seriously though You sound like a catch by the way. I believe you will find the right person soon

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He's just so intelligent we can have some conversations like no tomorrow I'd love to have more with him. I just find him captivating he is so intelligent and attractive he just makes me giggle a lot. He's a sweet nice guy respectful towards me.

Was that lacking in your last relationship?

The difference between age 29 and age 42 is not huge. In the case of you and this guy, though, the difference on life experience is huge. And he knows it, while you don't. You are being groomed by a guy who is smart enough to not push you too hard too fast. There is nothing innately evil about that. But he knows what he is doing, and he knows you don't.

When a guy gives a woman a massage while they hang out, he's sexually interested in her. And why not? Are you not an attractive young woman, who is available and missing the closeness that 10 years with a guy gave you? At age 42, he needs sex and is keeping his eye out for opportunities. He sees such an opportunity with you. He's circling around you and testing what you will be comfortable with. You were okay with coming to his house where he and his wife still live under one roof. Not all girls would be okay with that. And he is specifically looking for a girl who won't make objections to things he is only going to change on his own schedule. He sees you as a rare find because you're youngish without being too young and have no kids despite being of an age when women tend to have acquired some ties like that. So he's taking his time because he doesn't want to blow it.

Valentina, above, had an excellent point. If you'ld like someone to fill the sexual void in your life, you might want to go for it with this guy. But, as V. implied, don't get duped into thinking this is more than what it is. This guy is in the midst of dealing with a very screwed up life, while having an immediate need for a sex partner.

He doesn't have a lot to offer a woman other than sex. (along with being there for you, whatever that means.) The guy's got money problems. And he's got other problems. A woman with four kids doesn't dissolve a marriage for reasons like: "We just grew apart." Either he cheated on her, or she found a guy offering her a way better deal. Most likely, he cheated on her. Or he's a compulsive gambler, and was betting the rent/mortgage money. If you don't see some new man hanging around her, then she had to have some other real good reason to get that writ of divorce. He has no obligation to tell you right now what brought on the divorce, but it will be a real interesting thing for you to find out. BTW, the reason he tells you will be a spin story.

The main downside to taking up with this guy, IMO, is that, at age 29, you don't have a lot of time to waste. Each year you live, the pool of available good guys is going to get smaller. I'm sure this guy can give you some fast sexual satisfaction. But, if you are looking for more than that, you might want to pass him by.

Good post Rose. I still wonder if he is even divorced. I know many divorced people, none live with their exes. Even if legally divorced I'd want to know why he lives in the same house and invites women over when kids and wife ( ex or not) are out. I missed a discussion about massage. Ouch

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With my ex, we did talk for hours. Other problems when I wanted to have conversations about different things, my ex would be so busy on his phone online and it made me really upset to the point I had tears in my eyes. He always says I am listening yet still texting or whatever we had many talks about it it was like I gave up arguing felt like I was arguing with a child.

Another issue that was lacking was sex we didn't have an opportunity to do it daily like I wanted plus my ex and I didn't live together made it very difficult for us to have sex. When we did have sex, it was in public places which we both liked to do or at a porn shop with a room where we had to rent a movie. I missed the closeness felt a lot of times that I was distant from my ex and his distant from me the constant *****ing, arguing, the boring long *** talks that didn't go anywhere or change was made temp, etc just made me feel distant from him like he just doesn't listen or half listens! There was one time my ex and I were hanging out we just didn't talk for the entire day not sure why then a few times later on we were silent driving to other places again not sure why.

Anyway, this new friend was married for 16-17 yrs.

I know when he first told me that him and his lived together I was like oh really? When he first invited me to hang out he did say we can kick it at my house or I can meet you somewhere else (public setting). I do agree most women would be like are you serious? He knows his life isn't in order he has admitted that and neither is mine. I wouldn't mind it being romantic if he a) didn't have kids or b) have grown kids. I didn't ask what the reasoning is behind the divorce it is up to him to tell me I don't want to pressure him.

Attractive young woman? Hmm not sure I've had guys who didn't find me attractive. Being attractive I should have a line of men wanting me, I seem to get a line online on dating sites lol of course anybody can say crap on a dating site. I am not looking for anything romantic, I am busy making a new career and got some goals going to be accomplished very soon.

Most guys my age are having families something I have zero interest in. Hell, my hs classmates popped babies after high school at the beginning of life! It seems when there's a guy I am/slightly interested in they have minor kids and just kills it for me. I have met a few guys long ago before meeting my now ex who I met and had meetings with and they had small kids. I've had a few guys who got mad because I don't want the white picket fence life and have no intentions of joining their families.

You don't ever have to have kids. You do have to live somewhere. Without kids, there's no pressing need for a house with a fenced in yard. You can get by fine in an apartment or in a condo.

It sounds like you may currently live with your parents. (Since you didn't have a place to bring your ex-boyfriend home to.) Maybe that's working out for you. The, again, I think sex is a lot more enjoyable, when you have some kind of a little love nest of your own, even a 3 room apartment.

It does sound like your ex wasn't too good of a catch, but plenty more fish in the sea. Good luck with getting situated in your career. Then I'ld recommend you getting a place of your own.

I think your focus on your career is a wonderful thing. Keep doing that. Then right person would come along. Your ex doesn't sound like a catch. He didn't have his own place either and you have to have sex in public places or porn shops. No not a catch. This new guy doesn't have his own place either.

You don't need to have s house by the way especially with no kids. I do have a kid, adult now, but I never owned a house either . I was on my own, never lived with parents but I rented. It's affordable. My daughter Is married but they also don't own anything! You can rent or buy a small place. I am renting now. My BF is renting too. There are a lot of people who don't own property for many reasons but still enjoy their privacy .

Anyways I believe you can do better than your ex and this dude

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Thanks for the moral support. However the "ladies" on those free dating sites (OkCupid & POF, which IMHO are the nastiest), don't share that sentiment.

I need to have all that plus be 21 with a cut six pack (which I actually am close to having), 12 inch dong, have my own life so I don't need them, but will willingly to throw away my friends/life/career to be with her 24/7, at a moments notice.

Seriously, I really don't get women these days.

There are still a few of us left. However most women, beyond the age of 30'ish just assume all the "good guys" are taken and don't even bother looking.

Or when they DO find the rare specimen, the find them boring and go shack up with yet another "bad boy" who will use and abuse them, leaving the woman yearning for a "good guy"... and the cycle continues.

I was apt hunting for a year getting ideas. Once I get settled into this job I'm gonna look for a few more then make a decision since I know what I'll be looking for and wanting. My ex could have done things better and different in his own life before me he promised me a home and still haven't gotten a home.

Lady,
Smile, because everything is a okay, it is quite normal to feel feelings toward someone who is emotionally available. I am sorry that your former relationship was so bad, but it seems you may have moved on, also I am sorry he trashed you online.
I understand the whole thing about kids as well, I do have a 4 1/2 year old little girl, she is my life; however she is my one and only child and at 36 I will not have any more. I have lost two children (that is all I have to say about that.)
I had a brief relationship this year it lasted from January to July, what a mistake, we were engaged and everything. I jumped in because it had been two years since my separation from my ex-wife. I was lonely and guess I needed to get one of my three basic needs met (I will let you figure that one. I am not in anyway a user of people or a pig, just a disclaimer.) Any how if it wouldn't have been for that tryst, I wouldn't have met the wonderful woman that I am with now.
She is great for my recovery, the ex-fiance wasn't, she is supportive of my long-term goals again the ex wasn't. Her and I connect on a deep level, intellectually, sexually etc...
Also this man that you are friends with, from what I read, he sounds great but be weary. I get he is going through junk of his own but anyone who is still living with his ex, yes I am sure it could be for continuity for the children. All though it could be a slippery slope of jealousy. So throw out a bit of caution, please enjoy life. Life is meant to be enjoyed, live it to the fullest.

The ladies on PoF and other free sites might be there for different reasons. Most likely not for anything too meaningful or deep. Try sites that people have to pay for. You'll have better choices

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Your ex couldn't figure out how to get himself an apartment, nevermind a home. Guys don't usually get homes for women they're not married to. But promising stuff doesn't take any effort or cost any money.

You need the experience of managing a place of your own, like a small apartment. Then, someday, when you meet a decent guy with something on the ball, maybe the two of you will get married and eventually invest in a home together, if a home is something you would like.

This new guy you met is paying child support on 4 kids. Keep hanging out with him and you'll probably never have anything. He loves where his wife lives because he can't afford to move out of there. There is a pattern in your behavior. You hang around men who have zippo to offer - guys who are losers. Aim for better and you'll have a better life. At age 29 with a job and no kids of your own, you are a good catch.

Ripper jack lol lol I don't even think they are gold diggers lol more likely they are digging some good times

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It is rather easy to find an apartment. The guy couldn't find one in 10 years? I lived in apartments a lot and it never took longer than 30 days to find one to my liking, and I have a lot of requirements . I lived in upscale and medium and cheaper ones. It doesn't take that long unless of course one has no job.

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I agree fickle women most come across like little girls no thanks.

I remember another ex of mine said the same thing about my now ex yet he had an agenda to get me in bed after telling me I'm in love with you. My now ex said it takes money which is true but he had full time jobs before meeting me could've had his own place then.

He kept bringing up scripture says to be married he is Jewish. Our thing was to get a place together then get married he worried about what his parents thought about that. They would want us married of course ex wanted us to be married living in separate homes then get a place. Ex proposed to me in 07 I was his fiance then girlfriend then fiancé to engaged to dating. He said he wanted it special where people would see him propose to me. I said I don't care where just do it when it's right.

Yes I agree soon very soon I'll be moving. I told him lots of times if you don't want to be committed just say so or if you were never ready 4 a serious just say so he said you're the one I want. Why read about marriage yet you can't get it together? Of course I wanted to be married to him **** was still stagnant.

My sis did tell me in an email long ago do you want to spend the rest of your life taking care of someone who should be taking care of you? My ex said I listened to too many people I said if the information is bothering you then maybe you need to evaluate yourself.

I've met guys in the past who had jobs and their own places they offered controlling behavior had to be their damn way.

Agreed. It was always up to me to be the breadwinner I couldn't rely on him to build me a house would never get done. He has a new job now planning on getting an apartment together before I broke up with him. Sigh wish things could have been different for us long ago.

Smart people don't buy houses with people they're not married to. The most important reason has nothing to do with scripture or religion. Any lawyer will tell you this. It has to do with the fact that people's property rights are insecure when they co-own a home with someone they are not married to. So people get married first and THEN they think about investing in a home together. And, usually, it takes two incomes for a couple to make that investment. It's not usually a gift that a man gives a woman. It's an investment that a couple struggles to make together, with both contributing as best they can. And they co-own it, with both their names on the deed. They share the responsibility. That's how sensible people make progress in life.

Of course, before people get married, they do have to have a place to live - as man and wife. So they get an apartment, or one of them already has an apartment. Or, in some families, they live with his or her parents, while they save up a down payment. Very often, these days, a couple will live together in his or her apartment, until they proceed to get married. It's good to know someone real, real well before you marry them.

If you want to know if a man is committed to you, you don't find that out by asking, "Hey, Honey, are you committed to me.?" You will know by how he behaves and what he puts in to the relationship. A guy who's idea of having a love life with you is to take you to rented rooms in porno parlors is not committed to you . . . and doesnt even respect you - or himself - very much. You don't go by what guys tell you, but by what they show you. If, after 10 years, a guy is still living with his parents, then being with you is not a high priority for him. You're just a convenient outlet for him.

So look forward to having a little place of your own. You'll learn a lot from the experience. You'll bump into guys who'll offer to move in with you and share expenses. Don't even consider doing that, until you have lived for at least a year on your own.