[seeker1950]

Each day down on the Marshall Univ. campus, as I go about my business, up and down elevators, going to lunch at the student cafeteria, I encounter one or more men each day who smile, give a second look, and even engage me in conversation! I am so SO out of touch with my femininity, and dismiss this as just friendly people, feeling awkward and even the need to escape....which I DO! I am so unattractive right now, having let myself go badly, just plodding along in my asexual manner, doing the tasks ahead of me, disregarding any thought of meeting a man!
I have punished myself for three years now for my foolish behavior in trying to form a romantic relationship with a man, which was devastating, humiliating and extremely embarrassing to me.
Maybe it's my kind nature, something in my expression that allows these men to approach me, but I feel horrendous and ugly...and I am! I have SO conditioned myself NEVER to be vulnerable again emotionally, that it is extremely awkward for me when a man seems to want to engage me in conversation.
Anyone else have this experience?
Patty

[selfy]

ive always thought that guys r just being friendly...then if they asked me out id panic and say yes to please them. then id get into relationships i didnt want coz i didnt wanna do the wrong thing. i guess u just need some time to know the guy longer. dont rush relationships, but try to start afresh each time..
take care
self

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Selfy!
I definitely wouldn't be going out with anyone for now. Actually, these men are probably just being friendly, but me being so out of touch with myself as a female, it feels awkward!
Patty

[asylumgardens]

lol Selfy, I'm the exact opposite.. I say no automatically, just as a reflex sorta. I don't know why, I don't necessarily want to say no. Too bad we can't balance each other out!

I'm sure some are being friendly, but not everyone is just friendly lol and many men (and probably women) tend to be friendlier to people they find attractive in general. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.. obviously they see something about you they like to at least want to engage in conversation!

[seeker1950]

Thanks, AsylumG...
I do realize how harshly I have isolated and punished myself since my last relationship debacle!~
As I think about it...not just now, but for a long time here, it seems that getting to know someone of the opposite sex is a damn lot of work!...all the while being subjugated to scrutiny. In the past three years of recovery from the last one, I've insulated myself from caring, and found other ways to spend my time!
At the same time, I am a caring and compassionate person, extending myself to people in a friendly way (at least THAT hasn't been too tarnished or damaged!)
As I said, these men are probably just being friendly.
Patty

[sabby]

Well seeker, there must be something about you that is appealing otherwise they would just look right through you!

Maybe you feel safe to them. Maybe you are sending a signal that you are open to communication without even realizing it. It's hard to say what is motivating them.

I'm curious, are these men your own age, younger, older? How are they opening up their conversation with you? What are they talking about?

It is interesting....hope it doesn't scare you away from being a person who needs human contact like we all do

Hugsssssss
J

[UCLAFan]

Yes i can totally relate. I'm so dumb about guys. I'm clueless about them and i'm 36 years old.One person i use to be friends would like stare at me. To the point it would kind of creeped me out. But in a weird way i was flattered. Because he is hot. Even though we are no longer friends.Because we got into a big argument early last year. I still catch him starting at me.Then i like this other guy at the moment and he is always wanting to give me hugs when he see's me. Even after i been jumping around at a concert and i'm sticky and my hair is a mess.A few times i have kind of backed away from him and he would ask me what's wrong.

[seeker1950]

Hi, Sabau and UCLA....
Thanks for your replies!
Yes, Sabau, these are men near my own age, some older, some younger, and I'm age 56, and NOT feeling attractive to men at all! And I know I'm NOT! These men just must be friendly, and sense that I'm a nice person!
Well...UCLA...I've never been all sweaty from dancing and had a fella want to hug me! Sounds like someone likes you, though!
Love
Patty

[UCLAFan]

LOL I wish but i doubt it. I like it when he hugs me. But in my thoughts i'm like why is he hugging my ugly *** for?

[seeker1950]

Well, UCLA...no one's hugging my ugly *** either, and I can certainly identify with your feelings about this, but sounds like you're attractive!
Patty

[UCLAFan]

No i'm about 70 pounds or more over weight. This guy has been nice to me since day 1 and i think half the time why me?

[sabby]

There are plenty of men out there that like their women with meat on their bones! Don't ever underestimate yourself just because you are overweight! I am too, about 100lbs, and I was able to get me one angel of a man without even trying!

Hugssss
J

[UCLAFan]

Thanks good. I hope there is hope for me and the person who started this thread.

Patty, i've seen pictures of you and you are very good-looking! no more talk of being ugly........

[PasDeDeux]

Maybe it's your self image ? Just maybe...you are a hottie

[seeker1950]

Thanks, Pas and Pat..for the little boost of self-image. I've actually put on quite a bit of weight since those pics were taken three years ago, during which time I think I have done this to "insulate" myself from further attempts at dating! I "clean up" okay, I guess, getting up each morning to face the day! but if I get myself in shape, looking like a "hottie!", LOL! , it will now be just to feel better physically and mentally, not with the intention of attracting anyone! No conversations with fellas today in passing and going about my business. I think I have to look at them for this to happen! and usually I keep my head down or eyes ahead! I did have a lovely lunch with the young female student who shares the grad painting studio with me. She's my daughter's age, is a high school art teacher in Ohio, married with two small children. Such a lovely girl! It was fun!
Love
Patty

hey, i got my hair curled and colored a reddish brown........i've started getting more looks......i love your hair, so i took it upon myself to try to look a little spicier........

you ARE a hottie!

[seeker1950]

Red hair is cool! I actually just (by mistake) put a color on my hair that is more sandy blonde and I miss the red!
Redheads are firey!
Patty

[KathyM]

Patty

You've trained yourself well. I think they can tell you're not emotionally vulnerable. Maybe they approach you because they see you're not easily breakable. Wherever it leads - to friendship or further, relax and enjoy your recess on the playground. As long as you continue to protect that part of your heart that can be wounded, you should be safe.

I wouldn't worry about getting back in touch with your femininity. That's what puberty and the teenage years were for. You own it now girl.

[SpringStar]

Hey Patty

Go and enjoy the attention/looks and new conversations. You deserve to be happy, just think of all the nice friendships that could grow form meeting these new people.....like with the girls.

Just take it form there.

I know I have had to deal with thinking that every male I make contact with wants something more, but I think by taking control in your mind of just a friendship is a healthier alternative. And i do think we think this because of our caring nature....

Take care Patty and have fun.
Love
SpringStar

[seeker1950]

thanks, Kathy and Spring!
I like the attitudes of what you have said! I'm going to remember this and just enjoy myself!