I hate my mom and sister

I have to vent about something since nobody wants to help or listen. *apologies in advance*

I'm very stressed out and feel very bad right now. I don't want to type out the entire chain of events, but it's typical and somehow I seem to always be deemed as the "bad one" when things are planned and they fall through. When it's my sister and my mom who are the ones planning the events and then say things about me behind my back without verification of any of it and then it gets misinterpreted. I hear about it, I get upset and then I'M THE ONE TO BLAME.

I don't get it. I don't even want to go see my family on father's day - it's father's day I know, but I really honestly do not feel like going to see my family at all. Isn't that sad? In fact I never enjoy family get togethers with my immediate family. I always feel very stressed and not myself. I go on for days with a pit in my stomach after talking to my sister about a family event or to clear up a problem with the event. So much so I have skin problems after these stressful events.

I really want to completely severe relationships with my own family (more than I'm doing now). What I was thinking of doing from here on out is: I only will call on special events to say hi and send well wishes. If someone calls me, I will chat and not say much, just be cordial and nice. If mom complains about my sister or dad, I should just say "ya ya" etc and not ask questions or try to help out. I will not go physically to family gatherings unless they want to drive out to see us or if we are invited.

My sister has an uncanny ability to block out people when they are speaking. And then regurgitate pieces of what she heard in some skewed manner and sometimes completely made up as well. Just about everything I say or suggest is a 'bad idea' or gets pushed off as not important. In fact, none of my concerns is important to my sister - she doesn't care how I feel about anything. My mom just doesn't listen. My dad? He just goes along with whatever my mom says.

The worse part of it? I feel like it really is just me and I'm really the one who has problems.

By the way, I am not close with my sister for years because we are not compatible people. I love her as a sister but I hate her as a friend. My mom likes my sister and her husband more than me and my husband -- that's ok tho, I have accepted this years ago.

Hopefully this is acceptable how I'm handling this. And I don't think I want to "repair" anything as I feel there is nothing to repair.

First Welcome to PC!

I'm glad you were able to take the step and post and vent as necessary...that is exactly why PC is here...

Gossip...happens a lot in a family...If family is making you feel that way mabe it is time to take a break and rethink how you may want to approach them in the future...so go ahead and separate (not sever) for awhile.

For Father's day a card and a quick phone call would be nice...

During the time of separtion write down what boundaries you would want should you decide the break is over with. This will help you a lot if and when you decide your up for asserting how you feel...

Direction, thank you very much for listening to my "rant". I appreciate the advice.

The Father's Day thing was supposed to be a fishing trip down by where we live.

This was the plan that started out simple and became a huge deal to the point where my mom wants (hasn't been confirmed yet) to cancel the whole thing.

I was prepared to deal with a whole day of stress and do whatever they had planned. You know, just don't say anything and be as "happy" as can be and just be pleasant. I dunno I guess I felt guilty cancelling . And will probably feel bad if I just outright cancelled due to the mess.

Not sure if I should start now or wait after Father's Day...should I just go?

whatever you can deal with, personally, do. me, i'd do a card and a phone call. you still have time to mail the card......

Agree with fayerody...

Direction and fayerody thank so much for your direction (Direction's directions?). I feel much, much better.

So, as fayerody says, do what I can deal with.

Somehow I know I will feel extremely guilty not going but if I go, I have to deal with a whole day of stress and being nice and pleasant to everyone. I have to learn how to NOT let guilt control my actions. Maybe this was the plan all along! Guilt always ends up me not making the right choices for myself. It's a life long struggle that stems from childhood I'm sure.

Will t r y to call and send a card! I want to NOT go, so let's see if guilt wins out...

In any case, I will take Direction's advice and review the relationship I currently have with my family and make some choices.

I appreciate you all and am happy I found this site!

Stay strong...making decisions on your values and not on a "guilt trip". There is a fairly large difference here in the use of the words I've chosen versus the phrase "feeling extreme guilty"...

-Guilt trip is to try to make someone feel guilty.
-Guilt is a feeling of having done something wrong.

...So a guilt trip is literally trying to make someone feel like they did something wrong. Reread these words.

Just because you decide you are unable to attend...do not allow others into convincing you have done something wrong...There is nothing wrong with that decision...it is yours to make.

Know if you went and stole a purse from the local store...you would feel guilt for having done something wrong...

Honoring your father and mother does not mean you have to be at this event. I'm assuming your father is worth honoring...so a card and call...is honoring him. Making a decision that is good for you is not dishonoring him.

I guess I've gone on long enough...I think you get my point about "Guilt Trip", Guilt, and Honoring...

<this 'smiley' is me and my brother, we are both 'adults' and actually 'he started it!' I cannot believe I found this site or this post. Im having, and have had, the same type issue with him as SIGH, except he never calls or writes except to suddenly say that me and my husband are mooching off my parents (he lives far away and as usual I do not know what she has said to him, there is no telling.) I feel the same - they are talking behind my back, or out of the blue I am somehow a mooching b**ch. I was just sitting here at home happy with my hubby on a Sunday! HIstory: fam dysfunction from alcohol (my parents), at times put down by mother, and (I have trouble feeling the words to say - whats the deal with that) but BULLIED by my brother, who is younger. He had planned a trip, all invited I thought, miscommunications somewhere(!) and now out of hurt (twice in last month his email made a grown woman cry!) I responded even tho he said if I respond I might as well stay home and nobody but nobody better rain on his parade! By God, I am telling my feelings, I am sick as s**t on getting run over. <font color="orange"> </font> <font color="purple"> </font> Hey dont blame the helpless daughter of drunken parent bloody fights on Sis! Lots of hurt here. Guess it will never end but I try and am happy with me and mine.

I typed a bunchand what got posted is way out of context. I am having same problem w/brother bullying via email. Dont understand. Is out of the blue but not out of the norm. Miscommunications behind my back also w/him and I guess my mom. Does she not want us to get along? Alcoholism in fam growing up also.

I can be the peacemaker, but why take it in the face. Why is it so wrong w/others for me to stand up for myself? Why be a patsy? Why are people asses esp Family? So so hard to turn the other cheek. I have many lessons to learn and not let the hurt hurt me so. I can do no right except by myself.