Boyfriend about to be full-time parent of 2

I didn't say that. I said they should date each other, it does make it hard for single parent to date someone with kids. the constant *****ing from a single parent can't getting any dates is they should stick to other single parents since their commonality are the kids. I can tell you disagree with my stance on it, but that's fine. My life isn't gonna be messed up over it. Hmm, how would you like it if a single parent brought his or her kids with them on a date with you? That right tells me they couldn't find a suitable sitter to watch the kids for a while. I find it irresponsible to bring your kids with you on our date yet alone I gotta listen to them be obnoxious at a dinner table in public.

I have told a few single parents long ago the agreement is don't bring the kids with you to our meeting otherwise I am walking away and they agreed. Nothing wrong with being a step parent, that's true and true for others who feel the same way. I, for one, never agreed to be the step parent to their kids. Like I said, I don't relate to kids at all only relate to adults since I didn't like kids growing up and I was placed into a mini adult role that I shouldn't have been in the 1st back then. I live in an apt complex with noisy *** disrespectful kids, do I really want to date someone who has kids like that? What single parents do is their biz, don't bring your kids with you to adult activities is how I feel...

A similar thing happened with me and my (long ago) ex. I loved her and her daughter, and the kid had nothing to do with the break-up. However, when I had pretty invasive surgery, my girlfriend did not come to the hospital with me or take care of me afterwards. She said her daughter needed her full-time and she could not take care of me. I suggested both her and her daughter staying with me at my house so she could look after both of us for just a day or two (the kid was very young). She said no because her daughter would be less comfortable at my house. So, instead, I had a friend drive me home and bring me necessities and then I just managed by myself. .

I guess the mindset has to be different. I personally dont mind kids and enjoy getting to act like a kid with them. If they brought them for dinner occasionally I would view it as them trying to see how we all get along. I understand not being a kid person. Not everyone is and some people are triggered by them or whatever. Makes sense to possibly avoid them. Just as long as its okay for people who do like kids to not be looked down upon for it too.

I don't "hate" single parents, I just would not have married one. That is not hatred or punishing the person. From what I've seen, most single parents have no problems finding dates or partners.

Personally, aside from the kids issue, I couldn't really relate to men who married at a young age, because I didn't do that. I did other things with my life in my 20s. So we were just coming from two different places. I also couldn't relate to the divorce drama since I'd never been through a divorce myself. I would listen and sympathize, but then I needed sometimes to talk about myself and my own needs. And found that I would need to talk to someone else for that.

I didn't say that. I said they should date each other, it does make it hard for single parent to date someone with kids. the constant *****ing from a single parent can't getting any dates is they should stick to other single parents since their commonality are the kids. I can tell you disagree with my stance on it, but that's fine. My life isn't gonna be messed up over it. Hmm, how would you like it if a single parent brought his or her kids with them on a date with you? That right tells me they couldn't find a suitable sitter to watch the kids for a while. I find it irresponsible to bring your kids with you on our date yet alone I gotta listen to them be obnoxious at a dinner table in public.

I have told a few single parents long ago the agreement is don't bring the kids with you to our meeting otherwise I am walking away and they agreed. Nothing wrong with being a step parent, that's true and true for others who feel the same way. I, for one, never agreed to be the step parent to their kids. Like I said, I don't relate to kids at all only relate to adults since I didn't like kids growing up and I was placed into a mini adult role that I shouldn't have been in the 1st back then. I live in an apt complex with noisy *** disrespectful kids, do I really want to date someone who has kids like that? What single parents do is their biz, don't bring your kids with you to adult activities is how I feel...

I don't "hate" single parents, I just would not have married one. That is not hatred or punishing the person. From what I've seen, most single parents have no problems finding dates or partners.


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People bring their kids to meetings??? I dated a lot and no one ever brought their kids unless we already are dating and are involved and mutually agree to meet the kids. Who are these people who drag kids on dates????

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I stopped calling them dates because they never went anywhere with me and it got to the point of calling them meetings because I am meeting the person until we go further and further then I can call it a date. I got tired of my time being wasted by childish adults.


I have heard of stories of single parents bringing their kids to the first "date".

That's horrendous. I've been on dates where men non stop talked about exes or kids but this is even worse!

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I remember being on a first date with a man who talked non-stop about his ex girlfriend. I never went out with him again.

I also dated a man who talked constantly about a female "friend" of his. I began to get the feeling that she was more than just a friend.

I could never be in a relationship where the man was still emotionally hooked up with another person, whether ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, or some woman he wanted but couldn't have. There is no future with people like this.

My dear. My sweet heart. I wish I could tell you something nice but out of my own experience, it gets worse than getting better.

I've been in three years relationship, he has two kids, and the daughter is always the issue. She's 10 now! The problem is my boyfriend, he doesn't know to put boundaries between himself and the daughter. She acts like a girlfriend. I mean it. Some stuff is disgusting! and she wins always. I don't get Xmas gifts while she gets lots of overly expensive gifts. Even his son doesn't get anything.

I generally love kids and I think she's a good kid, but it's frustrating. You want to have your own family. I always feel outsider, no matter how much love I give them.

I'm in the process of wanting to get out ASAP too. We broke up many times 2015. The whole year was bad! His kids are his priorities and that's it. Besides, they usually carry lots of guilt feelings.

I can go on and on and telling you what you experience will get even worse but at the end it's you who has to deal with your situation and decide.

I'm 42 and I want to have kids of myself. I don't mind he has kids. It was difficult at the beginning for me but now I love the kids. However, my relationship is really bad with my boyfriend. He disrespects me and if I say anything, I'm a bad person, because I said something in front of his kids!
He can disrespect me and say all **** to me and yell at me in front of them. He can order them what to do, but if I tell his kids to pick up a dish, it would be a huge fight!

So many people told me couple of years ago when problems starts, to get out. I didn't listen. Now, I have to rescue myself from this toxic relationship and it's not easy.

Just be kind to yourself and get out. You can make a good plan and get out slowly. You will find another love, even better than this one.

He has a huge baggage., specially that you don't want to deal with kids. They will be there forever!

Your comfort and happiness are very important.

with love
marjan

That sounds hard. Have you thought of all of you going to family counseling. Just an idea I had. It may make it easier to cope with the situation and easier for them, too. Best wishes to you.

You will always come second. Can you handle this? No worries if you can't, as this dynamic isn't for everyone. I know I couldn't handle always coming in second. (Again, where more of the "selfish" putdowns come in....but hey, its my life and I can live it however I choose, right?)

My grandma used to say "the trick is in boundaries".

No. If you ate to love the father you must love the kids. Any GOOD parent will tell you that.
Oh you want to be my boyfriend but could care less about my kids? Yeah no

This is why parents should stick to dating other parents. Everyone grows up wanting to be special to someone, to have a REAL partner. Gonna always put the kids first? Be prepared to be rejected by a lot of childless singles. Yeah, what parents don't realize when they say the kids will always come first is that a single person hears "Well, if you were dying on the side of the road at the same time my kids wants an ice cream cone, sorry but you'll be on the losing end". Yep. Maybe that sounds extreme, but if you're going to use such extreme words (i.e. "always"), be prepared for the backlash. Yes, I know the rebuttal is going to be "I didn't mean THAT!" but you said it....don't blame me (and any other single person on the face of the planet) for using the dictionary definition of "always" and not attempting to mind read or decipher your own personal interpretation of the word.