[SoScorpio]

My mom has never been good with money. I've only really realized it in the past couple years, because I used to be like her. My parents were my only financial role models because public school didn't teach personal finances. But my mom has over $100k in student loan debt. I don't know how much credit card debt she has, but I'm assuming some, which is more than we have, since we don't have a credit card between us.

Let me go back a little to explain where things stand. Nearly five years ago, I was 20 and living with my mom in Washington state after having spent two years in Minnesota with my grandparents. Within a year my mom was moving to Denver Colorado to take a job at a hospital. If she works in a hospital she gets some loan forgiveness. I was single for the first time since I was 13. I was planning on moving with my mom and stepdad when they left. I'd never lived on my own, and certainly never in a state where I had no family.
Since I knew I was moving soon, and had just gotten out of a serious relationship, I decided to try dating casually. I didn't go out much, especially since I barely knew how to drive and didn't have a car, so when I didn't meet anyone I liked at community college, I joined a dating site. That's where I met my boyfriend. The only thing we had in common was a love of video games. We were total opposites in every other way. But he seemed smart and funny, and it was just supposed to be a fling anyway. Well, you see how that worked. We quickly fell in love, and before long I decided I was staying in Washington. He was living with his parents in the house he was raised in, but unlike me he had lived on his own, and had moved back in to help his parents while his dad was going through chemotherapy. He had a well-paying full time job though, and his father's treatments had recently ended, so we got an apartment together just before my mom and stepdad left. I hadn't had a job in over a year, but I got one at Burlington coat factory. My boyfriend was the sole production tech at a two-man wine cork processing facility. He ran production, the other guy managed the accounts. It was really just a satellite of a bigger company out east, whose owner really liked my boyfriend. His job was assured, until the owner decided to close that facility. He actually offered him an even better job in Connecticut. We thought about it, but I've lived out east before and hated it, and the cost of living was ridiculous. We tried to struggle along in Washington, thinking my boyfriend's wide range of work experience would get him another full time job. But there just weren't any good jobs to be had. After about another year, we finally gave in to my mom's persistent nagging that we should come out to Denver. They had bought a new house and said we could stay with them until we found steady work. So we set out in the dead of winter with a U-haul, trying to drive more around the mountains than through them. It was still a hellish trip, I don't recommend it.
When we arrived and settled in, we soon found we were trapped. My boyfriend's '81 Mustang wouldn't have made the trip, so we were counting on the extensive public transit to get us to work until we saved enough for a cheap used car. What we didn't realize is my mom's new house was in a new development next to the air force base, and transit didn't come there. And it turned out my mom had some plan for me to get certified as a medical transcriptionist or radiology tech and work at her hospital. But the thought of working in a hospital repulses me, and I'm not even sure the certificates would be of any use in the future. The first jobs we ended up getting were at the roller coaster park, Elitch Gardens. I made minimum wage, my boyfriend got a slightly higher one for the hellish job of park security. It was just a stopgap and a seasonal job, but my mom soon started complaining about having to drive us downtown, and basically said we had to get a car. She wanted to cosign for us on a car off the lot. But my boyfriend, who unlike me had been observing my mom's financial habits for some time, was leery of it. As the best solution in a pinch, we bought a little car from a guy who posted on Craigslist. The transmission fell out a few months later before we had saved enough to move out.

That's when we were forced into the decision that I learned yesterday to regret. My mom traded in her Hyundai and at the same time cosigned on one for us. I know nothing of car sales or insurance, so it was my boyfriend who ensured that we had gap coverage. He even asked the agent if the gap coverage would remain even if the loan were refinanced or consolidated, as he rightly suspected my mother would do this. The agent said yes, once you have gap coverage it stays for the duration of the loan. The loan is in her name I think, maybe that means my boyfriend was actually the cosigner? I don't know, like I said I'm clueless about this stuff. Anyway, the best way to avoid processing fees was to give my mom money and have her pay the car payment and insurance, because she actually belonged to the bank that financed the loan. This worked fine until we totaled the car last August. When the dust settled, my mom said we still owed $3500 on the car. My boyfriend says this doesn't make sense because we had gap coverage, but she insists that's the remaining principal after the insurance went through. My boyfriend suspects we're actually paying off some other loan of my mom's, but eventually agreed to pay it.

Here's where the trouble started. The monthly minimum payment was only $125, or so she told us. We wanted to pay the car off more quickly than that so we can get a new one. We already resigned ourselves to taking the bus all through the winter. As I write this I'm on the bus, heavy snow swirling outside. So we gave my mom extra for the payments every month. The first time we gave her $600 and made it clear we wanted to take a big chunk out of the loan so we could get it paid in less than a year. The second time we gave her at least $400 and said it was for two months. My boyfriend thinks we gave her $600 that time too, but I can't remember. I never thought I should have written it down. Last time was the only time we paid her the minimum, the holidays and less work had cut into our savings. So total, we've paid her $1200-1400 and should have around $2000 left to pay.
Yesterday my boyfriend spoke to his mom on the phone, and she offered to give us $5,000 to pay off the car. He hates taking money from his parents, so he declined, but she asked how much we have left to pay on it. He told me to ask my mom, thinking he might at least let his parents help us pay it off. So I asked her, and she said $2700 and change. I said that didn't seem possible, we'd definitely given her more than $800 over these months. I asked her to e-mail me a statement, and she did. And I cannot understand why she did without a fight, because it clearly shows that she hasn't been paying extra all the times we've given her extra money. It shows that we've paid the minimum ($115 incidentally, not $125) every month until November, where there's one for about $300, and she says there's another $250 that hasn't posted, which doesn't make sense either because last month we only gave her $125.

I just can't understand why she'd do this to us. We've been working our asses off, making our way up through crappy security and food service jobs, resisting the temptation to get a credit card, and now trying to dig ourselves out of the hole left by the car, which we're not even sure we should be paying.
While she has hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, and goes on weekend vacations every month, and buys dinners on credit. And now she's been taking the extra money we're giving her, probably using it to pay off her credit cards.

The only reason I can come up with is that she thinks she's due that extra money from us for the times she's helped us out without demanding payment. I can't deny that she has, but it's usually taking us out to dinner, buying us omeprazole because we both have acid reflux and it's expensive. My boyfriend's parents, on the other hand, have sent us money a few times, and offered many more times, without ever asking for anything in return. In any case, it's a cold logic to use on your family.
But I can really only hope that's the reason, because the alternatives are worse. Either she doesn't remember how much money we gave her because she went out and spent it immediately, which means she has more of a problem than even I thought. Or she knows she's essentially robbing us and just doesn't care.

I just can't believe she did this. I didn't even say anything to her after she sent me the statement, because the next time we talk about it we're going to have to tell her something along the lines of, "We're giving you this much more, and that's it. If the balance still isn't paid, it's because you haven't been putting all the money we gave you on it, and we can't afford to pay more than the loan."
I have no clue what she's going to say, because I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she did this. I can guess it's going to be ugly though.

[ChipperMonkey]

Ok you're going about this the wrong way. You need to pay off the loan DIRECTLY to the bank. Otherwise she's going to continue to eff you over, your credit is going to potentially go down the toilet, etc.

Find out who is the loan holder and who is the co-signer.

[SoScorpio]

Oh that's one important detail I forgot, it's only my mom's name on the loan now. When we got the car it was my mom and my boyfriend, I wasn't on it at all because we thought insurance would be cheaper that way and I wasn't driving anyway.
But now the loan is only in my mom's name my boyfriend says.
Just got the full story, or at least all that my boyfriend knows...
At some point my mom wanted to refinance the loan. She had it transferred to her credit union. So her credit union basically bought the loan from the original bank. Now she has to pay off her bank. When this happened my boyfriend had to go down to the bank and sign some stuff to remove his name from the loan. I'm guessing it was during this rigmarole that our gap coverage somehow got removed, even though we were told it would cover our whole loan. Maybe the gap coverage was only in my boyfriend's name or something so it couldn't be used on a loan that's only in my mom's name?

In any case, it's her credit that's effed now. Technically we don't own the loan or the car anymore, she does. So we're not too worried about it, except for the fallout it's bound to cause with my mom. It's my feelings about it I can't figure out. I'm still in shock I guess, I just can't believe she did it. She's not usually malicious, so most likely she just spent the cash and forgot to pay extra on the loan. I just can't understand how a 47-year-old woman who's bought and financed cars and even houses could be so careless. I know if I was paying a bill for someone in this way, I would keep that cash separate and not even consider it mine until I write out the check or pay by phone for the amount I was given. Then the cash would be mine. I would never put it in my wallet with a bunch of other cash to get confused with. And I generally thought my mom's memory was better than mine, even if she did throw the cash in with her own, how could she not remember that we gave her $400, not $115?
I'm still just shaking my head.

[lizardlady]

This sort of thing is why financial folks recommend doing anything related to money in writing, even if you are dealing with family members.

Did you pay your mother in cash or by check? If you wrote checks, you have proof how much you gave her. If it was cash, learn from it and ask for receipts in the future.

Your mother sounds like she is very irresponsible about money. It doesn't matter what kind of education she has or how smart she is, some well educated, intelligent people are reckless with money. Your mother sounds like she is one of those people. I doubt she forgot how much money you gave her. She probably spent it.

It seems like you have a couple of options at this point 1) tell her you've paid her all you are going to and accept the emotional consequences 2) pay her what she claims you still owe her AND GET RECEIPTS. Then, never, ever borrow money from or with her again.

[JustJenny]

I agree with the post above. I have relatives who have debts and still spend money on things they don't really need. This is a serious situation.

I think you should take your mother to the bank to have you name added to the loan. You can make up a white lie that it's going to be cheaper that way. If you keep on making these transactions through her you might continue losing money.

[cakeladie]

I agree with the others

My mom and sister are bad when it comes to money. My mom is almost 70 years old and still has no control on how much she spends.

I think she is mad that my husband and I can take vacations have a savings etc and she does not. We struggle like everyone else but we no longer have credit cards and once we paid off my truck we still made the payments but to our savings account. It took me along time to convince my husband to do that but once he saw the balance going up he was on board with it. If I am to sick to cook and we don't have money that week to eat out then we eat can soup.

When my grandmother passed and they sold her house my mom wanted to buy it but she needed help from one of her siblings. My uncle made her sign a contract that she had 5 years to pay him back. She signed but did not talk to him for awhile.

If possible see if the back east company will still hire him and get away from your mom. I know your hate the east coast but while he is working you can find some kind of trade you can do and then look for a job else where but you need to get away from your mom

It's going to ruin your relationship with your boyfriend. What she is doing is wrong but she does not get it. Getting away from her does not mean you don't love her I am sure you do.

My sister and I will be left with nothing when my mom dies. Nothing but bills and a house that she paid way to much for. Heck I even has we speak am paying for my funeral because with preplanning I save over 50% we will end up paying full pop for my mom because she will not even think about preplanning

Make a budget and stick to it. Always pay yourself first which means even if you can only put $5 a paycheck into your savings account then put that $5 away it will grow and you will be able to add to it. If you need help with a budget just ask

Good luck

[SoScorpio]

We paid her cash every time.
But, since this all started at the time we lost our car, obviously, I think we should be able to look back at our bank statements and piece it together. We don't often withdraw cash, especially not in the large amounts we would need to pay her. So if we add up any large withdrawals, we can sort of see how much we were paying her. It won't be exact obviously because we usually take a little extra cash to make change for bus money, but the statements combined with our memory should give us a decent idea of how much we've paid her.

We're not really in much of a position to move anywhere at the moment. Partly because of financial issues, but also because our roommate is schizophrenic and has nowhere else to go. Her mom and stepdad live here but kicked her out a couple years ago, and when she needed to find a new place when her previous roommate decided to move, they did not say she could come back. I like to think that if we hadn't offered her a room, her parents wouldn't have let her end up on the streets. On the other hand, they've never once visited her when she's in the mental hospital. Their relationship is a question mark, I really don't understand it. In any case, the three of us are pretty well tied together with the living situation. We got a two-bedroom place when the first lease was up (three people in a one-bedroom really sucks), but we couldn't afford this place without her paying a third of the rent. We can't move to a cheaper place while she's with us, and she doesn't make enough to get a place on her own. Right now we're just kinda riding it out, trying to build up savings and see what happens.

Eventually we will probably move back to my boyfriend's hometown in WA. But we don't want to move again and end up in the same situation. Our lives were supposed to be better when we moved out here, with plenty of jobs and my mom nearby. Instead we've been digging ourselves out of a hole most of the time. If we moved now, it would set us back financially even more, and we'd just have to do this all over again.

But I will not be tying myself financially to my mom ever again. My boyfriend never wanted to do it in the first place, but she basically said she wasn't going to give us a ride to work anymore, so we didn't have much of a choice.
So far the plan is to work out how much we should have left to pay if she had been putting all the money we gave her into paying off the loan, pay her that, perhaps with a little extra to allow for error and because she's my mom, and tell her that's all she's getting.

I just wish I hadn't listened to her and gone to college on loans. I never even finished my AA because we moved. We can't afford for me to be going to school and not working, and I think I'm too easily overwhelmed to do both. Certainly not while working 40 hours a week, or as much as my work will give me, which is what my boyfriend would demand if I did want to go back to school. I'm just lucky my debt is less than $5,000. My mom will be in debt for the rest of her life. It doesn't even matter how much she makes, her wages get garnished and there's no job she could get, even with a medical degree, that could pay this off.
I will never let myself be trapped that way.

[divine1966]

Although debt is a tough thing to deal with, it's not the end of the world. I wouldn't worry about why your mom has debt but rather focus on bettering your life.

I know life is tough but I am confused on how two working people can't rent 1 bedroom. I understand you worry about your roommate but it all sounds so tough. I wonder if you should stop worrying h about roommate

Also two of you should really consider going to college or trade school at least part time so you can have some type of job training or career so you can have a better life. You kind of lucky mom even considered helping out. Many parents would not provide assistance to 25- year olds especially if they live with significant others. You might benefit from vocational counseling

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[SoScorpio]

Lol. There's a lot of counseling I might benefit from. Doesn't matter if I don't have the money or time.
We could afford a one bedroom, but we'd have to kick out the roommate. I'm not living in that condition again.
My boyfriend has shown me that you can have a perfectly fine standard of living without college, if you actually work hard. His father works for a nuclear plant, he didn't even graduate high school. My boyfriend has enough work experience he could get any job that doesn't absolutely require a college degree. He's even been offered a job that does usually require certification.
My problems are more social. I prefer to work alone, but that is no job in the world. I'll be lucky if I ever find a job that doesn't threaten to give me panic attacks on a daily basis. I'm not hoping for more than that. Doesn't seem like much point digging myself into an even deeper hole to get a degree for a job that I probably won't be able to do anyway.
And you may have missed that my mom's offer of "help" actually ended up trapping us out here. We were going to just stay in WA and hope my boyfriend could get another decent job. If we'd stayed longer his parents would have let us stay with them, if we ended up unable to pay our rent, and we weren't quite at that point yet. My mom offers help, but then she holds it over your head for years, and usually her help just makes things worse. She kept pestering us to move out here, we didn't think it up so we could leech off her. She kept talking like we were going to ruin our lives if we stayed there.

I think the only lesson to learn here is not to listen to my mom.

[divine1966]

Oh I am not saying you need college degree to succeed. I said maybe some type of training or certification. Something. And I agree some people do well without any training, but I am just talking about your particular situation. You two are struggling.

I am sorry you are having panic attacks. There are some jobs that you can work from home. My brother works from home. Maybe if you have official diagnosis you can consider some type of help from rehabilitation services in your state. In fact you can vocational rehab services if you don't have a diagnosis.

Regardless or what you decide good luck


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[specialneedsmom]

Does your mother possibly have a problem with drugs? Does she still work in a hospital? Sometimes people with drug addictions (such as narcotic type drugs) work in healthcare because of easy access to drugs.

I had a friend who worked as a nurse aide in various nursing homes, and she seemed to have money issues, she would go around and beg everyone she knew for cash. And get angry when they wouldn't give it to her. She has all the hallmarks of an addict. They never have enough money, and you never know what they do with the money they get.

Just an FYI, Costco sells Omeparole (or a generic version of it) at a good price, if you can get a Costco membership.

[SoScorpio]

Interesting idea, but I doubt it. Thing is, she managed to find herself a doctor who will prescribe pretty much anything with few questions, so even if she is an addict, I don't think she'd be spending much money on it. She'd get a prescription or I suppose just steal it, like you suggest.
She drinks a little too much though, especially for someone who's on anxiety meds most of the time. She doesn't ask people for money except when it's owed.
Anyway I'm pretty sure I do know where all the money goes. She's always buying stuff, going out to eat, going on weekend vacations, buying subscriptions to magazines and cable and services like Audible. Plus she's always been one of those holistic people, she doesn't like (supposedly) taking clonazepam and has been looking for natural alternatives. Her degree is actually in chiropractic, she's against a lot of medications.

Costco is actually where my mom got the last big box of omeprazole she gave us. Took almost a year since we don't take them every day (supplement with Tums so we don't get bone loss) but it's gone now. She actually took me to Costco a couple weeks ago, I saw them there but was on a budget and looking for only food. Maybe I'll see if we can stop there next time she takes us grocery shopping.

That's the thing with my mom... She does help out, and even if she wasn't my mom I don't think I could hate her. I know she cares. I feel like she's a better mom than my roommate's mom, I know mine would visit me in the mental hospital, even if I got there by overdosing on psychedelic drugs or something. It's just that she seems to have ulterior motives and hidden expectations. It's not just expecting to be paid back, it's expecting us to take our lives in a certain direction, and feeling like her help is wasted if we don't. I get it though. Much as I hate to admit it, we're a lot alike.

Which is why I just can't understand this latest thing. I would never do this, unless I had a contingency plan, like use some of the cash for groceries now, but keep track of how much I was given, and make it up out of my next paycheck. I dunno, maybe that's what she meant to do, and just forgot.

[specialneedsmom]

If she is that bad with money, you might recommend she take a Dave Ramsey course. I took one, and although I don't agree with everything Dave Ramsey proposed regarding managing finances, it helped me a lot.
But most people by age 40 or so, have wised up about finances. Or at least they should have.
I have a friend who is 60 now and still spending herself into debt, bankruptcy and has had two home foreclosures recently. She always buys very large homes, even though its just her and her husband. She shops in the best stores only and spends hundreds of dollars each time. She's always broke. I think its a mental health problem with her. She was constantly using people and I cut her off finally. She could be kind and generous, too, but overall it was too much. I was tired of helping her out.
I would think chiropractic is a good occupation where she could earn money to finance her lifestyle. Sounds like it hasn't worked out that way.

[SoScorpio]

Originally Posted by specialneedsmom

I would think chiropractic is a good occupation where she could earn money to finance her lifestyle. Sounds like it hasn't worked out that way.

Not at all. It's one of those professions that doesn't pay like you thought it would. Apparently it's hard to make good money working for another chiropractor, so she tried running her own practice for a few years, even teamed up with a couple massage therapists. I think that partly fell apart because she ended up having an extended stay in the hospital. First she ruptured a disc in her spine, then while recovering from that they discovered a hole in her small intestine, and had no idea what caused it. While she was in the hospital, the massage therapists who worked for her started having patients make their checks to them directly instead of the business, and she lost money.

She wouldn't even be making good money now if it weren't for a friend of hers from chiropractic school letting her know that with a DC and a few extra certifications, she could be working in neurology. She got her certifications, including one that only about 150 people have ever passed. She monitors patients' nerves when they're having brain or spine surgery. I know she makes over $100k a year before garnishments, but not sure exactly how much.

Maybe someday I'll confront her about her spending. I tried once but it was during an argument so wasn't received well. Right now I'm too afraid to break the tenuous connection we have. She's really all I have besides my boyfriend. When we get away from here, maybe I'll talk to her about it. I know I don't want to inherit her debts...

[specialneedsmom]

I see several different chiropractors, and I've known a few personally. The ones who own their own business, are good business managers, that's why they've succeeded. I know a father & son who work for the same small chiropractic firm. They do have a lot of student loan debt initially and some may still be paying it off after many, many years. The debt accrues interest which is a very tricky situation.

It is possible to inherit a parent's debt, if they put you in their will. Whatever she leaves you in her will could be taken away by creditors.

[SoScorpio]

So the best thing she could do is not put me in her will at all?

[ChipperMonkey]

Uhm you don't inherit debt.....

[SoScorpio]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Uhm you don't inherit debt.....

I've heard in some cases you can. In any case I can't imagine lenders just taking at as a loss and throwing up their hands. If they have any way to get that money, they'll do it.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Kudos to you and your bf for being so responsible with your finances! That's a lot more than I can say for my own credit history that's for sure. You're actually quite lucky that your mom helps you guys out as much as she does. I grew up with my dad giving me tough love and probably wouldn't piss on me if I was on fire lol. However it does not give her the right to take what's not hers especially when you guys could really use that money! Has your mom ever thought about filing for bankruptcy? It sounds like her only option at this point. You say your scared to bring up her debt with her. You should take a deep breath and stand up to her. I know it's easier said than done though. If someone was pocketing my money I would stick it to them. I would demand they pay me back. But then again I can have quite a temper and be a bit much when I'm angry. But really though, I would definitely be pissed enough to speak up, family or not. I'm BP2 and have many anxiety issues, PTSD, and also BPD. At times it's quite debilitating when I'm being careless and not taking meds. But when I was stable I went and got my certification for medical assisting with a student loan. It was a class from 8:15am to 12:45 pm for 9 months and went quite smoothly. And if you absolutely are too ill to go through schooling then have you thought about SSD? Are you on medication for your illness? Do you see any mental health professionals? Actually you AND your mom might benefit from a little professional guidance. As far as being worried about racking up a student loan for yourself goes, the company's are usually very good at working with you. I knew someone that only paid back $20 a month. As long as your giving back something, even if it's $5 at a time, then they're ok with it. These days a education is quite often a must for a decent paying career. And as far as people with less than a highschool diploma having good jobs goes, they usually got that job 20+ years prior when jobs were a dime a dozen or a friend or family member helped them get the job. At least from the people I have known. Well good luck with whatever you decide to do and I hope your mom learns some responsibility and pays you back something!

[SoScorpio]

She's filed for bankruptcy at least twice in her life already. That gives you some idea... /sigh.

Actually the first roadblock to my going back to school is that I'm in default already. I can't get any loans until I've paid something on my loans for at least 9 months I think they said.
I don't know if I'm really unable to go to school and work at the same time, but it's not something I really want to attempt. Just working is stress enough for me. I managed to work two jobs once, but still, they didn't come with homework. I just don't think I could make myself sacrifice my days off for studying. I'm really bad at sticking to things.

I am on Wellbutrin but I don't know if it's working. I was taking it at night for 3 months, didn't know it's a morning pill. Only been taking it in the morning for a few weeks, and last week I was having some really weird emotional side effects. Felt like I had too much caffeine when I hadn't had any. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in March... that's the earliest they could get me in and there's literally nowhere else I could go on my insurance. I used to see a counselor but she only did humanistic approach and I think I need something more. I wanted to get a diagnosis or at least advice from the psych before starting new therapy.

My mom takes clonazepam and probably other stuff, not sure anymore. I don't think she sees a counselor anymore either though.

[specialneedsmom]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

Uhm you don't inherit debt.....

In some cases, you can inherit debt. For example, if you inherit your parents' home and they were behind on property taxes, you'd have to pay all those years of taxes on the house.

You can't inherit someone's student loan debts after they die, unless you co-signed on their loans.

[SoScorpio]

Well that's good, I think most of her debt is in student loans. I don't quite know what happened with her house in WA. I know they wanted to sell it, but I think they just had tenants for a while. But even if she does own it, she bought it with her ex husband so that probably complicates things. And anyway something she said recently makes me think she's going through and making her fiancé the beneficiary on all her stuff. This will be her fifth marriage.
Oh well, she doesn't know that I made my boyfriend my beneficiary on the money I still have from my dad's life insurance.

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[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by specialneedsmom

In some cases, you can inherit debt. For example, if you inherit your parents' home and they were behind on property taxes, you'd have to pay all those years of taxes on the house.

You can't inherit someone's student loan debts after they die, unless you co-signed on their loans.

Yes but that is in the case of a net gain. If more is owned on the house than it's worth, there's no law saying you MUST take the house!

my point was that you're not going to inherit flat out debt. Geezus, if it were possible you'd have people close to death running up large debts and then putting their enemies in their will. LOL.

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by SoScorpio

I've heard in some cases you can. In any case I can't imagine lenders just taking at as a loss and throwing up their hands. If they have any way to get that money, they'll do it.

Seriously you think that flat out debt is inherited? NO!

Assets are added up. All debts are added up. If debts are greater than assets, it all goes to creditors. If you want something out of it all like the house or the car then yes you're in debt, but my point is that if her mom owes millions and her assets aren't enough to cover it all then the adult children don't automatically inherit this debt!

Yes, a LOT of debt is written off after death. Creditors will try to get what is due to them but they can't legally come after the next of kin if all assets have been liquidated to pay the debts and there was no co-signing or other ownership of debt.

[ChipperMonkey]

Student loan debt is there to stay. The only way out is if she becomes permanently disabled and can get it discharged, but even that's a hard thing to do for those who are indeed disabled. (And even then you'd have a huge tax bill for discharged debt.) It makes sense that her wages are being garnished. Student loan holders will do that in cases of non payment. You can't get out of student loan debt through bankruptcy. And, your mom has hit her limits it sounds like with bankruptcy. You can only declare once under each chapter.

But no, you won't inherit this debt. I suggest breaking free of her and getting a financial advisor. You sound like a novice in all of this. Getting tangled up with someone who has such bad credit is never a good idea.