Do girls consider outgoing guys more attractive than introverted guys?

well, I'm going to throw this out there at the risk of being booted - your views on this and other threads don't suggest much positive. I am particularly upset by how you view women. The only thing I am thinking right now is that this whole thread and others are fake and to antagonize. Bye.

Nope, none of this is fake. How does this antagonize anyone? And what do you mean how I view women?

Shadix do you think that you are a misogynist?

There isn't any snark here. It might be a kind of jumping off point for you IF you think it applies.

It doesn't necessarily mean that you hate women. It can also mean that you have a prejudice (please understand the definition of this) against women, which you could have developed as a child.

I'm just throwing this out there and it's just a thought and I am not a professional anything. It's an opinion based on what you have said and how you have said it in your past posts.

No, I don't think I am prejudice against women. I don't know what I said that would you give you that impression. I don't think saying that women tend to prefer witty charismatic guys, for example, is prejudice. It is a fact that certain qualities are more attractive to us and that it is based on biology. I have heard tons of women talk about how they prefer guys with witty personalities and based on the amount of attention I get vs my brother, I am inclined to believe it is pretty widespread. That's not to say no women like shy guys, some do. But those would probably be exceptions and not the mainstream.

And either way I don't know how me being a misogynist would be a "jumping off point". It is already clear that what I need is to have relationships with girls. The relationships I've been missing out on all through middle school and high school and college. There is no way around it. There is no other solution. But society does not want to back off and allow me to seek the experiences I need to have. Society wants me to move on and live the life prescribed for people my age. That is a life without meeting young women, without flirting, without hooking up. Society wants to miss out and to be satisfied with missing out. And I will never accept that.

You might want to get to know women but you don't seem to respect them. One of the comments was particularly rude. Stating that women "get all wet down there" when talking to charismatic social man. That's rather rude. Just because a woman might enjoy a conversation with a man doesn't mean she is all "wet down there". Respectful men don't speak like this of women. In order for you to have relationship with women you first need to learn to respect them.

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I don't see how that is disrespectful. It is like saying men get hard around hot young college cuties with tight bodies. It is not literal, the gist of what I am saying is that women are sexually attracted to witty charismatic men. I am just calling it like I see it. One of those girls for example, I could definitely tell she was interested in more than just the stupid topic he was discussing. She was interacting in the same awkward manner in which I interact when I am trying to talk to a girl I am interested in. I would recognize that behavior anywhere. Girls do not ever TURN AROUND to join the conversation when I am talking to someone. That is because they have no interest in meeting me or talkiing to me. How am I supposed to feel when my brother shows up and suddenly these girls want to talk to him? Happy? Proud of myself?

Woman have a creep detector. It gives off false positives and false negatives, but they need it to protect themselves.

From all that you say here, I suspect you are triggering their detector often, rightly or wrongly.

While I stand by that woman, or anyone for that matter, are more easily attracted to social, outgoing, charismatic, confident, gregarious types, this is by far more important.

Except none of the women who know me see me as creepy. They tend to see me as super nice. However, whenever I am hanging out in a group where there are women I don't know, they never seem interested in talking to me. I have tended to think this is normal and that the guy is required to approach them before they will show interest, but this is actually not true, when they are interested they will go out of their way to talk to you. The fact that none of them go out of their way to talk to me means they are not interested. I probably don't have the looks or personality they like.

Anyways, the point of this thread was to ask how I can make myself more attractive. The main thing standing in my way is actually the slow processing speed and resulting "ditziness", not introversion. I actually think the reason I tend to be quiet is not because I am naturally introverted, but because whenever I put myself out there I end up looking stupid. But could being an outgoing "ditzy" guy actually be more attractive to women than a quiet guy? Or should I work on not being ditzy before trying to be more outgoing?

Okay here goes, please do not take offence at this, I mean it well.

What comes across to me in your posts is you are deeply unhappy with yourself. People of either sex are not usually attracted as partners to people who are deeply unhappy with themselves. Being comfortable in your own skin is something which attracts people of both genders, both as friends or partners/lovers.

Your brother sounds as if he is happy in his own skin and this positive vibe is attracting people.

I honestly don't think seeking a lover/partner should be a priority for you now, I do not believe it would make you happier, it may even make you feel more vulnerable/insecure (you may worry another guy will have more to offer).

I think working on your self-acceptance should be a priority, and the source of your unhappiness. You sound like you have a lot of tender wounds which get triggered quite easily. Understanding the process of this may help you tackle unhelpful thought patterns.

You can't force it

I agree that finding a partner shouldn't be a priority here. Your thoughts process and your view of yourself and others as well as difficulty with social skills are in need of help. Unfortunately since we don't see you in real life and don't know how you interact it's difficult to suggest what you need to change specifically . You would truly benefit from mental health professional such as social worker or therapist or perhaps psychiatrist. It might be even beneficial to print or show him/her your threads on here so they know where to start.

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Shadix, if you want to change yourself to be a more desirable prospect the main thing you need to change is your thoughts.

You make sweeping assumptions about women. You ignore anyone who points out that your generalization doesn't apply to them. You latch on to statements that confirm your bias.

You have a clear dislike of society as a whole. You are overly preoccupied with age and appearance. You blame everything on whatever you can - society, women, past trauma. Yet you don't challenge your thoughts that have been influenced by your past, so you can never get past them.

Those things.... They show up in interactions. You might not think they do, but they probably do to some extent. If nothing else, you deprive yourself of opportunities due to your negative beliefs. You either intentionally prevent yourself from opportunities, but you likely subtlety do it too.

You don't need to change how you look. You don't need to change your level of introversion or extroversion. You don't need to change your interests.

You unfortunately need to change the hardest things to change - your core beliefs. Those are what I need to change as well - I've changed my behaviours but I have not been nearly as successful in changing how I think about myself. And the way I think about myself plays a major role in my struggles.

Good therapist can really help. I know it's not always easy to find. I just don't see how anything can potentially improved without that.

Even the idea of you not wanting to succeed in life in anything because you can't match up to others who are already successful is extremely faulty thinking. Refusing to have hobbies or interests or join any activities because you might be mediocre or inferior is faulty thinking. Worrying that at 28 you are too old is faulty thinking. Etc

Please please look for a therapist or ask your doctor to help you find one

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It was a mistake to make the title of this post something related to intorversion/extroversion, because that is actually not what this is about at all. I know guys who are very outgoing and talkative, but people can't stand them and girls find them completely unattractive. Being outgoing actually has the opposite effect if the stuff that comes out of your mouth is lame and cliche. And I think that is how I come off when I try to be outgoing and when I talk in general. I actually suspect that many girls are attracted to me physically, but then lose all interest when I open my mouth. I also suspect my true self is a very extroverted person who loves to make jokes and mess around, but I have learned to subconsciously put on this shy, timid personality because whenever I would be my true self, others would not take kindly to it. The shy, timid personality, however, isn't even very effective in keeping me safe, because my lameness still shines through when I decide to open my mouth. My brother seems to just be a quicker thinker, so he knows the right things to say. The more he talks the more attractive he becomes to girls. At least one of my female friends I know basically fell in love with him after he hung out with us once. She was facebooking him and texting him vey aggressively pursuing him and I was oblivious to it until later when he told me. Funny thing, if I had so much as glanced at that girl's sister they would have proably blocked me from all social media and never spoken to me again. Unfortunately this is another problem, that a different set of rules applies to guys and girls. The game is riggged for me to lose. I wish people would just acknowledge this. Instead guys like my brother act like they are winning fairly and squarely and they look down on guys like me.

There is a medium ground between shy, timid and outgoing/talkative.

It doesn't seem to me like many women would find a guy unattractive because he is too outgoing. Again, being outgoing only seems to be a problem if the guy comes off as lame or stupid, like I think I do. A witty guy can never be too outgoing.

I am sick of it all to be honest. It is like I have always been destined to lose. No matter how much I grow and change and learn, it is never enough, I always end up being deprived of the attention that my brother and other guys get.

What I find funny is when dumb, Kardashian-type girls want witty intelligent guys like my brother. Seriously? What's the point? What would you even talk about? It seems to me like it's just a status thing, society idolizes "smart" guys, so even the dumb girls want them.

I'm just quoting my last post in this thread. It still applies. You are still just blaming and preferring to think that somehow the world is stacked against you - it's not!

It was a mistake to make the title of this post something related to intorversion/extroversion, because that is actually not what this is about at all. I know guys who are very outgoing and talkative, but people can't stand them and girls find them completely unattractive. Being outgoing actually has the opposite effect if the stuff that comes out of your mouth is lame and cliche. And I think that is how I come off when I try to be outgoing and when I talk in general. I actually suspect that many girls are attracted to me physically, but then lose all interest when I open my mouth. I also suspect my true self is a very extroverted person who loves to make jokes and mess around, but I have learned to subconsciously put on this shy, timid personality because whenever I would be my true self, others would not take kindly to it. The shy, timid personality, however, isn't even very effective in keeping me safe, because my lameness still shines through when I decide to open my mouth. My brother seems to just be a quicker thinker, so he knows the right things to say. The more he talks the more attractive he becomes to girls. At least one of my female friends I know basically fell in love with him after he hung out with us once. She was facebooking him and texting him vey aggressively pursuing him and I was oblivious to it until later when he told me. Funny thing, if I had so much as glanced at that girl's sister they would have proably blocked me from all social media and never spoken to me again. Unfortunately this is another problem, that a different set of rules applies to guys and girls. The game is riggged for me to lose. I wish people would just acknowledge this. Instead guys like my brother act like they are winning fairly and squarely and they look down on guys like me.

Sorry I cant get the Quote to work, regardless....

Why are you so hung up on people acknowledging your skewed thinking?

If I agree and say... Shadix ! You are so right !!! Thank you for allowing us to finally understand how wrong we have all been about offering you advice.

Did that help? Noooooooooo of course not.. Because it simple is not the truth.

Judging by the way you write you are plenty smart. Plus you said you have college degree, right? I don't know what you do for a living, but it doesn't sound like you clean toilets ( nothing against janitorial jobs but you clearly doing more than that). Blaming you introversion or perceived lack of quick wit isn't going to accomplish much.

I don't know what you mean by coming across as stupid, you don't come across as stupid at all.

But if you do the same thing you do on here such as repeat the same thing on and on or blame others or ask for suggestion but then refuse to listen or speak in absolute and generalizations and stereotypes then perhaps people in real life get annoyed. When you communicate on here you just ignore what others say and just keep repeating same thing. There is no give and take. You might be doing it in real life. You also seem to misunderstand or misinterpret what people say, yet I don't believe it's lack of intelligence ad all. You come across as very intelligent. So I am not sure where this lack of understanding coming from.

I don't think you are lame at all but your thought process is a bit skewed as well as perception of how life and communication works. I believe you can succeed if you seek help.

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I too have noticed it is a pattern on your threads to ignore what others are saying, I also wonder if this something you do in real life.

People of both genders tend to find that a turn off, a person could be telling the funniest stories in the world but if they are not taking on board what others are saying they are unlikely to want to develop further relationship with that person. Communication is more than what we give out, it's how we allow others to engage too.

Communication skills can be learned.

This is a really astute observation. I agree that your problem likely has to do with not listening to other people, not allowing a back and forth dialog, and insisting that your flawed thinking is "right" all the time. People who constantly need to be right, and refuse to listen to others' arguments or opinions, are incredibly frustrating and annoying to be around.

You also have pre-determined ideas about women. You think all women are the same and want the same things. Women seem to be inanimate, interchangeable objects to you. You refuse to listen when we tell you "no, women are not like that; I am not like that." You still cling to your distorted beliefs. When you do this in real life, it offends people and turns them off. You don't listen and you don't learn and you don't recognize people's individuality. Any woman considering dating you would want to be understood, heard, and appreciated as a unique individual. You are incapable of giving that to her until you let go of your misguided beliefs about "women are always X."

I might be smart, but I seem to not have the mental quickness to express my thoughts effectively in social situations. What you are reading on here is things that I have had time to think about at length before posting, often times even being editted multiple times after being posted. In social situations where I need to say something on the spot, I have a tendency to get tongue-tied and spit out the first thing that comes to mind, and I end up sounding really dumb.

You seem to be constantly looking at your weak point, turning on a spotlight and viewing it through a skewed perception of it. I know you'll either ignore this or argue my point but you repeatedly blame your shortcoming that you think you have as a reason to blame for your inability to find a date or a partner.

So you aren't quick witted, as you say. it's funny you say that you're slow thinking yet the fact that you spit out what comes to mind doesn't seem slow to me, it seems more that you just say what's on your mind in the spur of the moment and that's not slow thinking that's impulse control. So learn to tame your impulse control. People are going to be more open to someone that takes their time in answering or replying rather than someone that just impulsively feels the need to blurt things out at times.

Also if it's a matter of saying stuff that seem out of place, don't get me wrong I understand that, I've been there and especially in the face of a girl I'm attracted to.. that's not slow thinking for me, but just embarrassment, flustered moments and just social awkwardness.