[Fredje]

As you know my ex is 6 months with someone else. I despise her for that, but I got rid of her behavior and abuse. But why do I feel the need to HELP her to keep things together with this guy while I want her to fail? Why do I want to help her while she doesn't even want help?

He is 14 years older then her, it disgusts me she is going for a guy with money. She totally neglects what she wanted in life. She wanted children, but he doesn't so she just "copes" with it. I want to see her fail, I want to see her crash I want to see her dreams get shattered for what she has done to me. But why do I feel the NEED to tell her what she did wrong? Maybe I get a kick out of telling her what she did wrong, but I would like to see her crying when her relationship explodes or she sees me with someone else.

I have never felt this before... is this... satanic? Why do I feel the urge of hoping and wishing for her relationship be destroyed, her coming back to me telling me she is sorry, and then deny her so hard and show her the door?

[divine1966]

What you are feeling is normal. Not satanic. It might be better though to cut her out of your life so you don't know what she is up to so you can move on faster. You can do better than her. Hugs

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[Fredje]

It feels weird for me to feel like this... I have already cut all ties, but I still have to face her in 2 months on a new birthday. The last time I saw her was 27 may.

[Talthybius]

I don't know how she wronged you, but she has the right to leave you and the right to change her mind on if she wants children. That she left you for money, that's your interpretation, I feel.

Your feelings are confusing to me, though that may just be me. I have been in love twice and while I was, my deepest desire was for them to be as happy as possible. With or without me. I'd push the button to make them fall happily in love with someone else. I'd really do it, no hesitation. I'd be in pain, but I'd proudly bear it.

That you still care for her but want her to be unhappy, that is odd to me. An alien feeling. But I do know your feeling is the norm.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Fredje

It feels weird for me to feel like this... I have already cut all ties, but I still have to face her in 2 months on a new birthday. The last time I saw her was 27 may.

You are going through grieving process. Anger is part of that. It will go away. Why do you need to see her at all?

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[Hedgeleaf]

Originally Posted by divine1966

You are going through grieving process. Anger is part of that. It will go away. Why do you need to see her at all?

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this

I don't see anything good coming from seeing her now.

What will it achieve?

[Talthybius]

Maybe they are both expected to be there at a mutual friend's birthday.

If that person is a good friend, ask her/him if you can pass to avoid your ex? Or ask if she/he knows if she is coming? Seems like the right thing to do, especially if you really feel that way. And yes, I don't blame you for feeling that way, even though what I said may be mean. It's just me being odd me (which hasn't helped me).

It seems clear meeting again will be both painful and unhelpful to both of you. So I guess follow their advice.

[Fredje]

Well I want to see her... she lives with a good friend because she came here 3 years ago and had no place to live. That's how I met her. I want to see her, to look into her eyes and to see who she really has become. I will have to see her, but I can choose to ignore her in the beginning. Then when we are together in the kitchen I can ask her anything I want. She will be the one the most amazed, since she doesn't know I'm actually becoming what I and she always wanted me to become, thin, strong and handsome.

[~Christina]

I'm sorry but I am bit ( A lot) confused about your thought process.

Yes she hurt you .. But she can do anything she wants whether you accept or agree with it.

Talk of about getting her into the kitchen, You can then ask her anything you want???? You do realize she doesn't owe you an answer or anything .... and your also wanting to show her that you have become what SHE always wanted to be??? I don't see how any of this can help you in any way shape or form.

Your were together and then broke up .. It happens all the time, I dont know anyone that hasn't gone through a breakup. I think maybe seeing a Therapist would be helpful in you learning how to let go and move forward in your life.

Good luck

You are grieving the end of a relationship. And it sounds like you are stuck. The letting go part (acceptance) is the end of grief. But it seems you are hurting yourself by not allowing the process to complete. The letting go part is not happening. This happens a lot more than you think. Your mind is refusing to do what you know you have to do in your heart. I'm sorry this happening to you. It may help to trick your mind. If you can keep your mind on something else long enough, perhaps it will allow you to let go. That means doing something for a long period of time that will keep you distracted, like reading a book or playing a video game. I know it sounds like a trite answer, but you really need to trick your brain into letting go.

[Fredje]

When I was on this forum last night for 4 hours I didn't think about her. But when I go to bed or wake up it's the same story. I've always wanted to help people in my life and I see that she really needs help. She could become the nice girl I met before. I got her voicemail today and I decided to tell her I was sorry for my behavior, I wished she would pick up but I understand she doesn't.

I could let it go a year ago when we broke up, but I always thought it was a break and we would come back together once we got everything in order. But she decided to get with someone else within 5 months and lied to me about it. I thought I still had a chance.

[divine1966]

When people break up they are free to get together with other people and they are under no obligation to tell their exes that. She is free to date whoever. 5 months after break up isn't that unusual. You act as she cheats on you. It's not called lying or cheating, it's called moving on.

I would recommend therapy as other poster and I think you should not go see her. Meet your friend somewhere else. If a break up happened a year ago it's time to start healing

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[Talthybius]

Confronting her in the kitchen will only confirm to her that she did the right thing.

[Fredje]

I have decided not to confront her, but to just let her rot away. I deserve so much better then someone who treated me like that. I will spend the next 2 months healing myself and when or if I see her, I will have no problem ignoring her. People like her don't deserve to be helped, specially if they don't want help. It's time for me to pass this proces and to focus on what is more important in my life. My college and my upcoming work.

[divine1966]

Good idea not to confront. I agree that you need to focus on your own life and school and work. I don't know why you are saying she needs your help, or that she doesn't deserve your help. You guys broke up and she is dating someone else. I don't see how she needs help, but if she does there are plenty of resources out there. I don't see why she would want her ex's help with anything. I would not worry about her needing help

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You'll feel much better by moving on. Put yourself first. She's out of your life and her problems are not your responsibility. Take care.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Fredje

Why do I feel the urge of hoping and wishing for her relationship be destroyed, her coming back to me telling me she is sorry, and then deny her so hard and show her the door?

This is pretty natural to feel. don't think that acting on it if that happened would necessarily be the right thing to do but I get the urge, the desire.

One of the women I had been involved with online - kind of literally abandoned me, went silent and has not spoken to me in a couple weeks now for something I am assuming, it is about this, that I said. I have at times found myself thinking "I hope she comes back and tries to make up with me so I can laugh in her face and show her the proverbial door"

I doubt I'd act on it but the feeling is there. don't beat yourself up over it. you were hurt and your knee jerk reaction is to retaliate.

[mrvalancey]

I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum, the pining after someone and feeling all sorts of emotions about the break up and being the individual being pined after. Unfortunately for you, from the perspective of being pined after, your efforts will either go unnoticed or you will continue to confirm her reasoning to want to distance herself. From the perspective of pining after someone, it only hurt me more and there was nothing I could do to convince the other person they should care about me no matter how hard I tried. Put all your efforts into moving forward with your life. It’s not that easy, but once you make it to the other side, there will be much peace. A good friend once told me that pain cannot be avoided, but must flow through us if we are to rid ourselves of it. Every time I cried, wrote, got frustrated, or anything, it was an awful experience, but it brought me one step closer to peace. And you know what? Not only did I survive, but I’m truly in a place of happiness in my life. Use your experiences to build strength, learn lessons, and learn about yourself rather than be resentful towards someone who is just living a life that brings her happiness.