[Kocsisks]

I know I have talked many times about my relationship on this site . It will be nine months that we've been together on July 11. You think that would make me happy but all I want to do is cry. My boyfriend used to live with me he only lived with me for a few months and then moved back out because he wasn't happy with the area that I live in. We're still together just doing the long-distance relationship again. He moved out Sunday we seemed fine Sunday night we talked and we're laughing Monday night same thing but then Tuesday night things started changing he's been very distant saying that he doesn't feel in the mood to talk on the phone I barely talk to him throughout the day at all. I have a job also so we don't text during the day at all so I guess I look forward to our nightly chats. We got in an argument last night and now we've got in an argument tonight to where he's not even trying to talk to me at all and I'm not going to talk to him right now because I'm giving him space. I am pretty for sure I pissed him off. I just don't think that he is right for me I think that he makes me worse with my mental health because he knows what buttons to push to get me to literally freak out. Like right now he knows that I'm probably wondering if he is mad at me or not that's a trigger for me for anxiety but he's not doing anything to help with that at all. The funny thing is that he has mental health issues as well. I feel calm right now because I took some Xanax's but I am sad and tired of being so unhappy. I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with because of my mental health but he is in either and he usually just acts like it's all my fault. Sorry it's so long I just need to talk to someone. Any advice is always very much appreciated. Sorry it's so long.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Kocsisks

I know I have talked many times about my relationship on this site . It will be nine months that we've been together on July 11. You think that would make me happy but all I want to do is cry. My boyfriend used to live with me he only lived with me for a few months and then moved back out because he wasn't happy with the area that I live in. We're still together just doing the long-distance relationship again. He moved out Sunday we seemed fine Sunday night we talked and we're laughing Monday night same thing but then Tuesday night things started changing he's been very distant saying that he doesn't feel in the mood to talk on the phone I barely talk to him throughout the day at all. I have a job also so we don't text during the day at all so I guess I look forward to our nightly chats. We got in an argument last night and now we've got in an argument tonight to where he's not even trying to talk to me at all and I'm not going to talk to him right now because I'm giving him space. I am pretty for sure I pissed him off. I just don't think that he is right for me I think that he makes me worse with my mental health because he knows what buttons to push to get me to literally freak out. Like right now he knows that I'm probably wondering if he is mad at me or not that's a trigger for me for anxiety but he's not doing anything to help with that at all. The funny thing is that he has mental health issues as well. I feel calm right now because I took some Xanax's but I am sad and tired of being so unhappy. I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with because of my mental health but he is in either and he usually just acts like it's all my fault. Sorry it's so long I just need to talk to someone. Any advice is always very much appreciated. Sorry it's so long.

I think in bold...... that is really telling you what to do.

You deserve better

[divine1966]

9 months is relatively new relationship and supposed to be full of excitement. If things are bad that early on then it isn't going to be better.

I also have never met people who lived together but then moved apart and relationship got better. It's kind of backwards

. I have a feeling him moving out was beginning of an end not natural next step in a relationship. I remember when you first met him and things were bad from a get go. 9 months isn't long enough to regret but if you stick together it could turn into 10 years of regret. I recommend to not go on with this.

Good luck and you can do much better than this. Life is too short

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[Kocsisks]

Well my boyfriend and I broke up tonight. It's been a very tough evening but I'm getting through it. This is for the best for me I know but it still really hurts. He really needs to get to get help with his depression. Hopefully he will get the help he needs.

[divine1966]

Hang in there. Don't worry about him getting help he needs or not, you only know what help you need so take care of yourself. It will get better

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[Kocsisks]

Thank you divine1966. I'm definitely going to be working on myself. It's been a day of ups and downs of crying. I'm so done with crying.

[divine1966]

Trust me it's normal. It shall pass. It always does. Crying is fine too.

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[Kocsisks]

Well I had a weak moment and I called him. I wanted him to get back together with me and of course he said now because he still needed to work on himself I felt so stupid for calling and doing that. I know it is best for us to not be together anymore because this relationship was very toxic to both of us. I am doing better though and I will not be calling him again.

[divine1966]

We all have moments of weakness. Don't beat yourself up. You are doing better every day

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You 'barely talk to him throughout the day'. Does this mean you have an expectation to talk to him everyday? More than once a day? Do everything you can not to appear to be clingy. Likewise, if this is to work, he will come around to establishing regular communication.

In my experience a long-distance relationship is healthy. It is giving me the opportunity to exert my own indepedence - I am realizing I am a capable individual not dependent on others. And, as it has been successful thus far, I would say it is an indication of the strength of the relationship. Finally, it has given me the opportunity to work on my mental health - and become a stronger individual because of it.

So I suggest you 'let go' to an extent. It will be better for your personal growth, increase your confidence, and have the opportunity to work on and resolve your personal needs and crises. Ultimately if the relationship survives this it will be all the stronger for it.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

You 'barely talk to him throughout the day'. Does this mean you have an expectation to talk to him everyday? More than once a day? Do everything you can not to appear to be clingy. Likewise, if this is to work, he will come around to establishing regular communication.

In my experience a long-distance relationship is healthy. It is giving me the opportunity to exert my own indepedence - I am realizing I am a capable individual not dependent on others. And, as it has been successful thus far, I would say it is an indication of the strength of the relationship. Finally, it has given me the opportunity to work on my mental health - and become a stronger individual because of it.

So I suggest you 'let go' to an extent. It will be better for your personal growth, increase your confidence, and have the opportunity to work on and resolve your personal needs and crises. Ultimately if the relationship survives this it will be all the stronger for it.

They are broken up. She is currently grieving and started healing so she might get triggered if people keep telling her to "work" on it.

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[Kocsisks]

The relationship is over. We decided to end it until he got the help he needed for his severe depression. I'm feeling better about it today. This is the best for both of us. I need this to start really focusing & working on liking myself. Right now I hate myself, how can I be in a relationship with someone & not love myself

[Kocsisks]

We're still broken up. I've been really working on myself & being happier with myself. I'm still grieving over the break up but it is getting better. I still broke down & cried today. I miss him so much it hurts. But I'm really trying to stay busy & focus on other things. I think I'm doing ok with things.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Kocsisks

We're still broken up. I've been really working on myself & being happier with myself. I'm still grieving over the break up but it is getting better. I still broke down & cried today. I miss him so much it hurts. But I'm really trying to stay busy & focus on other things. I think I'm doing ok with things.

Things will get better with time. Grieve and post here everyday as an update to yourself and to us. I like that you have been continuing to post, that's good.

Hang in there, we are all pulling for you. Stay strong and keep busy like how you have been doing.

[Kocsisks]

Thank you Ladyshadow. I will continue to post here daily because I know my family and friends are starting to get annoyed hearing constantly about it LOL. I can't help but have a part of me wishing that we could get back together even though I know it would just be the same toxic **** that I have been dealing with the entire relationship. He texted me Tuesday and Wednesday night just random things and now he hasn't even texted me at all tonight and I'm not gonna lie I was really hoping he was going to. This sucks and I miss him so much. I am trying to stay strong and MoveOn like I'm supposed to but I find myself coming home you breaking down and crying constantly because everything around me reminds me of him. Part of me that wonders if he even is upset over this break up he said that he was Monday night but I don't know if I believe him he's hurt me so bad. how can you love someone and hate someone so much at the same time? I'm sorry I'm rambling on I'm just so hurt I thought that we could just make it through this and we would be OK but I was very wrong and it scares me to move on and start dating again in this god awful world.

It's alright. Everything you feel is alright.

You will feel strong, and then weak. Then a little stronger. You might slip back to him at some point but that's all part of it, too imho.

None of us are all strong all of the time and that goes for every part of life.

Frankly, this is a lousy kind of learning experience for you to have...but you seem to know that it's minute by minute and then hour by hour and then day by day...
Just know that he will have trouble also.

I hope that soon you will be able to trust someone and that they will help your heart heal a little. Sound unreasonable now, but it will happen.

In the mean time, busy busy busy!!! Post post post!!!

We'll help you through however we can.

[Kocsisks]

Thank you sophiesmom. Today is going to be a busy day at work so that is good but the weekend is going to be hard because that is usually when I see him. I will continue to stay very busy and work on myself. I am hoping one day that I will find someone who will treat me good and we will be getting more compatible.

[divine1966]

Stay very busy and distract yourself by being places and doing things like work out or go see a movie or you can do things that don't require company like shopping etc

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[Kocsisks]

I've been staying really busy & doing better. I know he's not good for me but I still have a tiny bit of hope that he'll call me & want to get back together. I know that's not healthy or good but God I miss him. He hasn't tried contacting me anymore. He said before there is a possibility that we might get back together later on. But now I haven't heard anything from him. I know he wants his space. It just sucks. Sigh.......

[divine1966]

It's normal to feel the way you do. We are here for you

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[Kocsisks]

I am really tired today made myself get up this morning to have breakfast with my cousins and that was really nice. Tried to take a nap afterwords and it did not work out so well. I'm going to be going out to the farm in a little while then I will cut the grass then take my dog for a walk. Just trying to stay busy and the good news is I have not cried in a couple days which speaks volumes. It has been close though where I am is have but I made myself stop and think of something else. I think I'm doing better and getting a little bit stronger day by day but a part of me still wishes and hopes that he will come back even though I know that it would not be good for me. Thank you everyone who has been there for me through this it's been tough but I'm getting through it.

[melmyers1107]

ybe he is making your mental condition worse. If when you and he get together, a bad environment starts, then leave him. qork on yourself. maybe he does want you for back up to trigger you. either way that is not nice. he should want you to get better and drop to his hands and knees to go to therapy and doctors visits and support groups with you. Trust me he doesnt care that you have a mental illness. people with mental illness are preyed on a lot. I try and just pretend i dont have anything. i never tell people my disease unless something rare comes up. stop letting him play you and your beautiful mind that you have. do things, any things, to get your mind off him. i had to make drastic changes i have no cell phone at all and will probably never get one, no computer (I am borrowing my husbands) so far it has worked out for me, but i am not you so i cant tell you what to do because that is annoying but i am just encouraging you to find some courage within yourself to change your heart to loving you first.

[Kocsisks]

Yes he was making my mental health condition worse he knew that he was doing things to trigger me I would try to tell him this but he would never listen. I don't understand why he would do that because he has mental health problems as well with his severe depression and severe anxiety. The worst things that he would do would trigger my OCD where I would obsess over things that he would say and do and he knew what he was doing which would piss me off even more. I know he's not good for me and I shouldn't want to be back with him for some odd reason I'm having a hard time letting him go but I haven't been contacting him at all and I am just trying to stay busy hoping that he doesn't try to contact me any until I can gain some strength to move on. I'm doing better though each day but it is only been a week I have a feeling by the end of next week I will be even a little bit better it just takes a while for the heart to heal I guess.

[Kocsisks]

So we got back together last Sunday. I'm so stupid for doing it but it felt so good to have him back again. Now he's telling me he regrets getting back with me. He said there is things he needs to work on & it's hard to work on himself & be in a relationship. I asked him if he wanted to breakup again or just think on it. He said he just wants to think on it. I feel so stupid. We've been having a great week! I had set the boundaries that we only see each other on the weekends cause I honestly need space to work on myself! I shouldn't have gotten back with him. I'm angry with him for keeping me on this stupid roller coaster ride & I'm mad at myself for allowing him to!! I just feel she weak when it comes to him! I don't get it?!

[divine1966]

If he regrets he got back with you I think it's unwise to keep seeing him. Don't beat yourself up but there's no point to keep dating him

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