Recently all men have been interested in me for is sex. The guy I am trying to get over just wanted a bit of fun and I could have been anyone, he told me he wanted a relationship when we were intimate and immediately changed his mind afterwards. We live hundreds of miles apart but that shouldn't matter. I have just been texted by another guy I had seen a few times since then and he basically admitted he wouldn't date me but wanted me for sex. I don't know what it is about me, the guy I am trying to get over has mental health issues himself so he's not a bigot. The other guy I think might be put off by that. Either way it has just made me vow to stay single for the rest of my life. I am sick of being used. And then they have the cheek to say I shouldn't be so unkind to myself! Like they are helping me stop that.

Rant over. If anyone knows what makes a man just want sex off a woman, it would be good to let me know what's so unappealing about me, is it because I am ugly or something else?

[TishaBuv]

There are lots of women who will let men just use them for sex. So these men approach you the same way because they think you will let them. It has nothing to do with your looks or anything other than your likeliness to let a man use you for sex. Just stick to your values and a man will come along who will respect and love you.

[LucyG]

I agree with TishaBuv. If you accommodate their sexual needs but don't expect them to date you, and have a relationship with you, all you are is someone to be used for their own pleasure.

[divine1966]

That just maybe type of men you meet. Where do you meet them?

And don't forget, it goes both ways. If they only want sex, and you want more, don't sleep with them.

There are times a woman only wants sex as well.

Originally Posted by divine1966

That just maybe type of men you meet. Where do you meet them?

On the internet, people who I know through other people, really. I don't plan to date them initially, but then I like them.

I know some women just want sex and really if that's all men want they should stick with them. I only knew one guy who wasn't like that and he's my ex. We won't get back together now. I am fed up with men who lie to get me into bed and make me think they want to date me. Someone on here said men were more honest, not in my experience. Maybe I expect too much of them. I should just accept that they can't or don't want to commit. I don't believe that there are men out there who aren't like that, other than my ex. I certainly don't know any old enough for me to date. The more men I get involved with, the more it convinces me a dog is a much better option for a life companion. The more it makes me want to stay single.

And yet I see other people dating and know it must be me. But you are right, you shouldn't sleep with men who just want you for sex. If they weren't so good at lying about what they wanted and who they were I wouldn't go there in the first place. I certainly won't believe a man again.

[magicalprince]

The issue is intimacy. You can't categorically blame men for this because a lot of people do not have this experience with men. However, you end up with certain types of men consistently, who do not value your personality, which is probably because you do not express your personality enough. I'm guessing that you probably hold back a lot of assumptions and expectations but you don't assert yourself and communicate what you want from a man. So you get men who pay you lip service just to get you in bed.

Probably you intimidate more honest, normal men because to them you seem unavailable because you are not advertising your availability, only reacting and responding to whichever men end up trying to manipulate you.

I would just not sleep with a man until you know him really well. A couple of months ago I met a man off the internet. We talked for 2 months. He was moving here from Chicago. We finally met and went on a date. He bought me flowers and took me to a nice restaurant. We then had drinks. I finally said its late I need to get to bed. The next day he called wanting to see me before he went back to Chicago. I wasn't feeling well. He kept pressuring me. I said NO! Never heard from him again. I'm pretty sure the more I think about it he might have been married. But it was easy to just get over him bc I didn't sleep with him.

I've decided I'm not sleeping with a man until I know him very, very well. It's been 4 yrs. I'm waiting for the right one. And not all men are just looking for sex. I guarantee that.

Good luck.

Originally Posted by rose1985

I would just not sleep with a man until you know him really well. A couple of months ago I met a man off the internet. We talked for 2 months. He was moving here from Chicago. We finally met and went on a date. He bought me flowers and took me to a nice restaurant. We then had drinks. I finally said its late I need to get to bed. The next day he called wanting to see me before he went back to Chicago. I wasn't feeling well. He kept pressuring me. I said NO! Never heard from him again. I'm pretty sure the more I think about it he might have been married. But it was easy to just get over him bc I didn't sleep with him.

I've decided I'm not sleeping with a man until I know him very, very well. It's been 4 yrs. I'm waiting for the right one. And not all men are just looking for sex. I guarantee that.

Good luck.

I agree. Some have wanted a serious relationship with me and I said no. I just wanted things casual. I just don't feel like committing at this time.

But you haven't met one in 4 years that isn't?? Maybe I'm being too cynical now. I do think I don't trust men now and I probably don't have a personality. What is it a guy said to me, there are three types of women, ones that are pretty with no personality, ones that have a personality that are ugly, and ones that are ugly and have no personality. I must be in the last group. Certainly my vagina has had more compliments recently than me. Anything else I have ever had was clearly a lie.

It's a dog I'm looking for from now on, they don't care if you're ugly and have no personality. They just love you, and what I need right now is unconditional love. Only a dog can give me that.

No I've met men in the last 4 yrs that wanted more. I just didn't want more with them. You've got to work on your self esteem. I'm sure you're not ugly. Like me right now, I'm not looking to date at all. If it happens and I meet a great guy that would be cool. But I'm not trying. Maybe just focus on yourself for now....

And that's horrible advice from that man. There are all kinds of women and men out there. Not just 3 types. That's silly...

That's the type of men I know. And if I ever did have self esteem, after the last two experiences I have had with men I don't have any now.

I have always related to my father and brother through activities. Like having a book read to you, playing tennis, chess and cards, cutting wood, going to U-pick farms, hunting, fishing, etc. So when men would ask things like would you like to come see my room? Etc. I wouldn't even look at them or speak to them. These things would happen when I served on active duty in the military. They were people I served with and over time, I would notice that the kind of people who approach sex this way tend to have multiple partners. Not the safest people to be with. I would tend to get attracted by the way of interaction--pool, bowling, poker, camping, hiking, etc. plus of course talking and looking into their eyes, hearing their voice. Then, you just can't help but smile, grab their hand, look into their eyes and that will lead to things in a natural way if they are attracted also. Though I have also experienced the feeling of wondering why they didn't make a move (male friends--ones where we enjoyed activities together like jogging, having lunch, etc.) It is hard to predict when things happen.
So instead of the internet, maybe join any activity that has a high percentage of men? (martial arts, jobs with men, chess clubs, skydiving) I think if you find an environment where you can interact with normal men in a more natural way--this would not happen as much.

I think I need to stay away from them rather than try and meet them but thanks for the advice, if I ever change my mind I might do that.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by cyberwoman

On the internet, people who I know through other people, really. I don't plan to date them initially, but then I like them.

I know some women just want sex and really if that's all men want they should stick with them. I only knew one guy who wasn't like that and he's my ex. We won't get back together now. I am fed up with men who lie to get me into bed and make me think they want to date me. Someone on here said men were more honest, not in my experience. Maybe I expect too much of them. I should just accept that they can't or don't want to commit. I don't believe that there are men out there who aren't like that, other than my ex. I certainly don't know any old enough for me to date. The more men I get involved with, the more it convinces me a dog is a much better option for a life companion. The more it makes me want to stay single.

And yet I see other people dating and know it must be me. But you are right, you shouldn't sleep with men who just want you for sex. If they weren't so good at lying about what they wanted and who they were I wouldn't go there in the first place. I certainly won't believe a man again.

You should specify that men you are attracted to aren't willing to commit or just want sex. Not men in general. Obviously since many women are happily married or are in serious long term relationships, not all men just want sex and refuse to date. I recommend exploring through therapy why you are attracted and attract into your life such men and how you can break this cycle. Are you seeing a t?

[divine1966]

The way to have better idea if they lie and just want sex, is not to sleep with them until you dated them sufficiently.

You can't tell me they dated you regularly for 2-3 months, called you daily, went places with you regularly, became friends, took you out, did romantic things, had activities, then you had sex and it turned out the only thing they wanted was sex and they didn't want to date? It's very unlikely. Sex probably took place way before you two dated and became friends. So get to know them first and more than few days

I went to bed with men too soon in my younger years too. Didn't know better. Are you very young?

No. Old enough to know better. Yes, I know some women have men who haven't just wanted sex, so the problem must be me. They wouldn't give me a therapist now, with my new diagnosis of schizophrenia. I hadn't had sex for about 10 years until a couple of months ago. I did have the one man I knew wasn't like that and we split. We weren't having sex though. Now it appears I just attract men who are only after one thing. The first guy didn't get it, even though he lied through his teeth and pretended he wanted a relationship, then when he didn't get what he wanted 'changed his mind'. He told me it wasn't because I didn't sleep with him, but my friend has advised me that's probably not true. He does live far away, but clearly I wasn't worth it. I've talked about him enough on here and he doesn't deserve any more forum discussion. The next guy I did sleep with but has at last admitted it's just sex he's after and would never date me. I've known him for years. He lied to get me into bed too. He always came across as a nice person. So it must be me that's the problem.

Originally Posted by cyberwoman

He always came across as a nice person. So it must be me that's the problem.

He was nice on the outside but acted terribly to you if it was the lie that got you to go to bed with him. There is nothing wrong with you! Some people are jerks. I was just lucky (I am married) that I found someone that was a good fit for me. In time, I hope you will give relationships a chance again.

[divine1966]

You can't have a therapist because of scisophrenia? Do you see a psychiatrist? I am not sure why you can't see therapist too but I admit I know very little about schizophrenia ( from my studies only). I hope you get the help you need. I'd stay away from alhocol though

No, they don't think that therapy helps schizophrenia, just medication. Which isn't true. But we must keep Big Pharma happy. I probably should stay away from alcohol, it hasn't helped me at all.

Also I should add that the last guy I saw is coming round to see me tonight and I hope he doesn't want sex because after admitting I'm not worth dating it's just friends or nothing. I don't have many friends so I can't afford to be picky. But I certainly can't be anything more than friends now. At least he was eventually honest. I'm more upset about the guy before and don't mind just being friends with this man. Although he has acted more like a boy. He is only 30, I will let him off. Right now I need friends so I'm willing to stay in touch with him but whether he will want to be if sex isn't happening I don't know. I might lose another friend tonight..

[TehSmokeyMan]

Wow, and here I was, thinking I was too darned old-fashioned of a guy to even live in modern times...

Being a man, and looking around me I can see your point: You do have to wade through a sea of scum to find one of those good guys. It can be disheartening at a certain point.
I don't know what's best to do at this time, but part of me still knows never to give up completely. You can meet a decent guy when you least expect it...

The guy never turned up anyway. He hardly ever does. At least I didn't have to have an awkward talk with him about not wanting sex. That might be why he never turned up. I need a friend but he is going a bit far with never turning up. I could go on but I think I'll only ever have one good friend who will always be honest with me. My ex is the only reliable man I know. When it comes to most people they just let you down. Today has been a ***** day.

[divine1966]

Would you consider female friends?

[Lauliza]

Usually a guy wants a woman for sex if they suspect she will give them sex. That's why the old advice of not getting too intimate too soon can actually work. If he's interested in only sex, he won't wait. If he is interested in you for more than that, he will. You just have to watch for people who are manipulative and lie to get what they want. That's why it's so important to be true to yourself and your values and not be talked into anything if it feels like it's going too fast. If you want only sex too then of course that's fine. If not, it's probably best to wait until after you've dated for a while.