What is love?

Interesting post. My brother's mother in law had me write out what is love last night, I first wrote I don't know, then I wrote warmth, connection, companionship, sharing, caring, trust, reliability, dependability, peace.

Love is merely a chemical in the brain to ensure our survival as a species. Nothing more.

Last night my brother's mother in law asked me to write down three things, what does love mean to me, if I could have the love I wanted what would it be like, and what do I want in a partner. I already wrote down what love means to me. Next, if I could have the love I wanted it would be exclusive, committed, stable, peaceful, warm, encouraging and enthusiastic. If anybody's survival would be insured it would be mine own because without that love , my own survival is not insured.

Yeah, I feel like I'm slowly dying inside without love. Unfortunately, I was forced to accept that no girl would want somebody messed up like me. I'm just a washed up computer geek that understands computers a lot better than people so connecting with women is clearly something I'll never be good at.


Even if I was good with women, what woman would want somebody who is so messed up from being used, abused, and judged my whole life? Face it, you wouldn't buy a broken smartphone, so why want a broken person?

I'll take tech and video games over people at this point. At least the former doesn't judge me, doesn't hurt me, and brings me pleasure without the pain.

Hmm. I’m pretty broken myself. The next question I was asked was what do I want in a partner and I wrote someone who is committed, peaceful, stable, warm, encouraging, demonstrative, willing and flexible.

I’m not feeling very lovable myself right now to be honest.

I would love to have the kind of relationship I wanted. I want that more then anything in the world. It hurts not having it, it hurts real bad. I haven’t been in this much pain in a long time.

I know it hurts. I'm still awake because I know that the moment that I try to go asleep, I will start feeling lonely again. It isn't uncommon for me to stay up all night until I'm too tired to feel anything and get by on 3-5 hours of sleep when I work and go to school all because I don't want to cry myself to sleep.

All I would want from a woman at this point is to love and accept me for who I am. I am not picky when it comes to friends or women. I don't care about all of the serious stuff that comes from relationships. I just want to be loved.

As I said, love is what ensures survival. I feel like I am dying a slow and painful death without it. IDK how much longer I can endure of this torture anymore.

Yeah I haven’t been able to sleep for 6 days now because I was abandoned by someone I love. For me, it’s not about being lovable, it’s about loving. Another question I was asked was what behaviors make a relationship hurt and what part of a relationship makes me feel good inside.

I said lying, stonewalling, being abandoned, silent treatment, criticisms, put downs and insults hurt.

I said bring loved, supported, cared about, heard, nurtured,fed all felt good.

At this point in time I feel profoundly damaged. Everyone keeps telling me find someone ekes but I love who I love and I can’t help it. I keep hoping well get back together. I guess I’m pretty desperate but I was engaged so it was no light matter. I don’t know that I could ever love again. I can’t move on. I don’t want to move on. I’m still holding out for hope that things will work out despite my broken heart.