If people can't choose or change their personality...

Then how is it fair to judge them for it?

I mean, it is socially unacceptable to judge people for their race, religion, sexual orientation, looks...but judging someone because they are socially awkward or "lame" is totally acceptable, even among the self proclaimed "social justice warriors". My brother is a perfect example of this, he is constantly ranting about racism, sexism, etc. but at the same time he loves to ridicule and disparage people(mainly other males) for being "lame", socially awkward, unintelligent, for liking the wrong kinds of shows or movies. I cannot wrap my mind around this.

And in my case, along with many others, my undesirable personality is actually the fault of my peers for socially ostracizing me during my school years when I people normally develop social skills and a personality. But somehow it's my fault and nobody else's. Makes so much sense. Do people even have a moral compass?

When someone complains about not being liked, not getting dates, etc., people respond with "the problem is your personality, quit blaming others". But then when someone tries to change their personality to be more desirable, people tell them "you can't try to be something your not, your personality doesn't change". So then what is a person supposed to do, just accept being treated like trash?

can I ask what it is that you are considering being 'treated like trash" ?

I am referring to when people just don't consider you a worthwhile person. Many people will be nice to you, just to feed into the false narrative that they are good people, but they don't actually see you as an equal and don't feel that you are entitled to their kindness. Which is why at any given moment they can say something completely disrespectful and hurtful without warning or hesitation.

Want to know how people really feel about you? Pay attention to how they talk about others who are similar to you. I know society at large doesn't like me because of the way I see people talking about other socially awkward, cognitively slow males. They can be totally nice to me and it won't matter because I know how they really feel.

Wait a minute, who said its acceptable to judge "awkward" people?????

by all standards here, you are actually judging others in society yourself. You assume you know "people" don't accept you based on the few, yes few because no one actually knows multitudes personally. You are claiming that you are appalled by others that may judge you but yet this is exactly the behavior you are exhibiting by stating that you know "society" itself doesn't accept you. I don't think very many people put to thought whether or not they want to accept or deny someone into their fold based on "slow cognitive thinking" or awkwardness.

Let's face it. We judge others constantly. it's a fact. I don't care how many people here or in real life claim to be non judgmental in their attitudes, the fact is we all have standards as to who we find acceptable, for friendship, acquaintance, or as a mate. How does one decide whether their relationship with their husband, wife, gf or bf is good, bad or right or wrong? Judging. We all do this everyday, every second.

People have the right to either accept or deny you as a friend based on their own personal judgments and I will be honest you have no right to tell them or force them to accept you. YOU can only 1. find people that will accept you and 2. change your behaviors and focus on learning what it is that certain people don't like about you and doing something about it.

The one thing that bothers me about this post in reply to my question is that it makes a large amount of assumptions here. "people will be nice to you" assumes that they are being anything but genuine. This alone says more about your perceptions and trust in other people than it does stating facts about the general public. It assumes the people being nice are doing so to be good, but are not genuinely good people but manipulative. Which seems to imply that you've been or feel that you have been manipulated probably in the past and possibly repeatedly. Also stating that others don't feel you are entitled to their kindness is another assumption that you know what goes on in others' heads and hearts better than what they portray.

What I see is someone here who has probably genuinely been manipulated and been given good reason not to trust easily what people's motives are. I would be more apt to want to ask YOU questions as to what happened to you to make you believe so little in this society you talk about over and over again in your posts that is judgmental, manipulative, deceitful and is anything but genuine. Something to ask yourself maybe.

Want to know how others feel about you? ask them. then trust what they say until they prove otherwise. what they say about other people is about other people not about you. I dunno about you but I have never been in an actual conversation where socially awkward, cognitively slow males were the subject anyway. To be honest I'm not even sure I'd know how to recognize that.

Truth is, I have an extremely socially awkward son and myself I am only minimally capable of being social. I am not the outgoing happy go getter that some people are. I find that being in social situations is difficult and nerve wracking but even so, I also know that if I tried to, I have and would be able to find some people that are fine with me as I am.

You can too. but you have to first stop expecting the worst, and judging society as a whole that shuns what you would consider "people like me" kind of thing. yes there are some that do, even many that may judge the introvert unfairly but... 1, 30 or even 200 people does not equate to the whole of society. find new places to meet people and try to trsut that there are at least a few people that will surely befriend you.

Really? Then why is it not socially acceptable to judge others based on race, religion, sexual orientation, looks, etc.? If people allegedly have the right to judge and treat people however they please, then you'd think racism, homophobia, etc. would be acceptable. But they aren't.

No, the truth is that society at large believes that people like me (socially awkward, lame, cognitively slow) do not deserve respect the same way others do. And anyone who cannot see that this is wrong has no moral compass.

You think it's acceptable to judge the entire society (whatever you mean by that) by how your brother judges people. How is he an example of the entire society? If he treats people poorly then take it up with him. It's unfair to judge everyone else by your brothers attitudes.

First of all you cannot know what the society at large believes. It's not physically possible. society is composed of very many different individuals. No such thing as collective "society believes"

Sounds like you've had some crappy personal experiences that have changed how you view the world. That sucks, but I don't think it's necessarily an indicator of how everyone thinks. There are so many different types of people in the world, our experiences only show a tiny sample of society.

I'm sorry to hear you have been hurt in the past. That being said, people can sense judgement and resentment in others. Perhaps there are people who sense resentment and judgement in you, and that is putting them off. It might be something to think about. Good luck to you.

Also by your argument it is almost as if you would like to force acceptance on others. Is it more unfair of them to decide for themselves whether they like you or not or for you to tell them they HAVE TO like you? NO. you wouldn't want to force that on them but by which standard is it ok for them to decide to like you or not?

I think you are confusing judgement with personal choices. If I choose who to be friends with it who to date, it doesn't mean I judge the ones whom I don't choose. It's simply personal preference. You yourself have tons of personal preferences who you like or don't like. I don't think it means that you judge them or deem them unworthy. You simply have your preferences and you mentioned them on here many times

Nobody can FORCE you to accept them. You have the freedom to dislike people for their ethnicity, their religion, their sexual orientation, their physical appearance...but does that mean you are morally justified and that people ought to respect your choice? No. And in any of those situations, people would not respect your choice and you would be called out on it. So then why is it acceptable for people to dislike someone for his social awkwardness or his cognitive slowness, especially considering these are things that a person has no control over and might be caused by a disorder they didn't choose to have? For me the answer is quite clear: is it is simply not ok and not acceptable. But for some odd reason, most people don't agree. They believe that guys like me deserve to be denied respect and acceptance, which is why the mere idea that people ought to be more accepting and tolerant is so radical to them.

No, I am not confusing judgement with personal choices. You can choose date and hang out with whoever you want. That is a personal choice and that is ok. But people DO judge others and deem them unworthy. Why? Because SOCIETY teaches us that certain people are simply LESS than others. And most people accept this as their creed. So they walk around judging others, thinking certain people are deserving of disrespect and derision. THIS is what I believe is wrong and I resent most people for not agreeing with me.

I appear to be incredibly social. I learned at a young age how to make people like me because I was rejected so much at home if that is what I should call it. Just because people fit in and aren't socially awkward DOES NOT mean they are happy. If you met me you would see what I show outside world. That is not at all who I am. NI one really knows me. If they did they would not enjoy being around me. I feel like I am dead pretending to be aluve. Hope that makes sense.

You sure you don't just want to start a blog about the injustices of society against the socially awkward?

You've been coming here for ages, spewing the same old shyt against society (which largely consists of your brother) and nothing I nor anyone post to assist, and support, helps you... You're not even open to any perception or idea that contradicts your own beliefs. So why post over and over again? What are you getting out of this?

Please if you need to vent then just say so, if you only want hugs and agreement, again, just say so, instead of asking for opinions you clearly dont want.
That way you get the support you need, and members dont waste time thinking up thoughtful replies to someone so close minded and set in their ways.

You are so articulate in the way you write, that everytime you post, I am fooled into thinking your topics are open for discussion and that I might be able to help. Everytime you prove me wrong.

Sorry Shadix, but since I clearly am unable to assist, and find your argumentative nature quite triggering (I have an older "brother" who abused me who has the same "always right" attitude) I will have to keep away from your threads in future.

I honestly hope you find what you're looking for.

I think Trippin brings up a good point, in the sense that maybe in future posts you could add "just wanting to vent, no feedback" so that people know that you are looking for a place to voice your opinions, but want no feedback in return that could be seen as a challenge?

Who exactly are these people who walk around judging and how do they express their judgement? You said they walk around "thinking" that some people deserve something or not. But how do you really know what they are thinking unless you are inside their heads? Do you believe you can read people's thoughts?

You do have control over it though. You can control your actions and behaviours.

You can't control your skin colour. You can't control where you were born.

We all have different starting points when it comes to things such as skills and intelligence. We also all have different ending points for them. But you can improve on them.

For example - you can change the way you think about society. Currently you think everyone is out to get you and anyone who is ever kind to you is faking. You can change that, not necessarily easily but you can. That would then make it easier to improve social skills. Therapy can help with that.

You blame and blame and blame and keep claiming you know for sure what other people think and want. You demand respect but don't respect others.

Again, Shadix, this is all about your conflict with your brother and your feelings of inferiority. Let's take the whole theoretical argument about society as a whole out of it and focus on the real issue.

I know it bothers you to no end about your brother causing you to feel inferior. I know you are having an impossibly hard time asking a girl out on a date because you feel they don't like you, and maybe they don't.

Let's focus on that, ok?

So are you trying to say it is justifiable to disrespect and socially ostracize people for things like social awkwardness and lack of intelligence?

You can improve somewhat on certain things and adjust your outward behaviors, but you cannot change your personality or your innate cognitive abilities. These things are pretty much set in stone. If I could stop being socially awkwardand cognitively slow, I would. But I simply can't. Which is why I believe people should not judge me for these things.

Nope, I don't think people are out to get me, I think people simply do not respect me and look at me with contempt. I based this on the way I see people talking about others like me, especially on the internet. Am I supposed to just ignore this an assume people have nothing but warm, positive feelings towards me? Because that is what I did in the past and I always ended up getting rude awakenings.

Well, it seems to me that it is others who don't respect me yet demand that I respect them. And this is how it has always been. In school I was regularly made fun of and disrespected, yet if I would so much as make a rude gesture towards any of my oppressors, I would be the villain. The rules of basic respect only apply when you are dealing with someone who is your equal.

Like I have mentioned many times before, I am actually very nice and respectful to people and most everyone acknowledges this. And because of this, people usually feel compelled to be nice to me. However, this kindness doesn't mean respect. If you are nice to someone but then go talk behind their back about how dumb or annoying they are, that is not respect and in my opinion it is not behavior that anyone should accept.

I know based on how I see them treat other people. I don't need to read people's thoughts to know that the most people look at socially awkward, cognitively slow males with contempt.

Cognitively slow isn't a proper term. Overall term "slow" is offensive. Have you been diagnosed with cognitive impairment or were you diagnosed with slow processing speed? I do not know what you mean by slow. It typically isn't appropriate word in the context. So you observe how most people look at so called "slow" with contempt. Who are these people and how do they express their contempt? How do they express their disrespect? By doing what?

https://jrn3903.wordpress.com/articl...nated-against/

I am not the only one saying this. Anyone who says it is justifiable to disparage people people based on their intelligence and social skills because allegedly "they do have control over it" is ignorant and ought to be ashamed of themselves.