[Artchic528]

I need some clarification or enlightenment here.

So, the past few months, the same scenario plays out. I meet a guy online, he seems really interested, we go out on a date, rarely two, and then I never hear from them again.

Sure, one can argue that I get free meals out of the deal, but that "free meal deal" feeling can only last so long. Now it just feels like I'm going through the motions due to the fact that the guys never respond after a first or second date. Honestly, I feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm so numb to the dating experience right now.

I feel so disheartened as to what I do that seemingly makes guys not interested once we meet in person.

[divine1966]

Just some ideas..

I suggest you don't do meal dates. Keep it short. Coffee place. Cup of tea of coffee. If it goes well then either proceed to go somewhere else eat or make an arrangement for next date. If it goes badly then you don't feel like wasted time because it's just an hour and just coffee. The only time longer meal on the first date is ok if it's longer distance.

Do you have phone conversation before meeting? Is it a good long conversation with substance? I mean not texting or emailing but actually talking? Personally if I had good connection on the phone I'd have a good date. If I don't click on the phone I wouldn't go on a date. Waste of time.

[Artchic528]

No phone conversations. I don't think it's very common for younger folks in this day and age to talk on the phone over texting.

Anyways, I just don't get what I do that is so off-putting to guys. Or maybe guys are just shallow and don't like fuller figured women anymore.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Try paying for dinner.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

Try paying for dinner.

Why? It'd be a waste of money because the guys never call back. I'm not paying for some guy to eat only to never hear from them again.

Besides, I tried that route already. I went on a date, dinner and movie, he paid for dinner, I paid for the movie tickets. He friend zoned me later that night and he later dropped off the map.

Look, I'm sincerely sorry if I sound short, or angry, and don't mean to offend anyone on here. I'm just tired of this same old routine.

Perhaps you just haven't found your match yet? Give it time, keep trying. Maybe take a look deep inside yourself and try to see if there is anything about you that may be off-putting to your dates. Nothing wrong with a little self-reflection.

Also, I guarantee you that many guys (and gals) like bigger women. Especially in today's society, where fuller figure women are being celebrated and unfortunately, thin shaming is all too common these days.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

Perhaps you just haven't found your match yet? Give it time, keep trying. Maybe take a look deep inside yourself and try to see if there is anything about you that may be off-putting to your dates. Nothing wrong with a little self-reflection.

Also, I guarantee you that many guys (and gals) like bigger women. Especially in today's society, where fuller figure women are being celebrated and unfortunately, thin shaming is all too common these days.

Well, I'm trying to self reflect on here, but can't think of anything I do that is off-putting. It's just the same dull scenario. They message me on the site, we talk a lot, find out we have a lot in common, we switch to texting, we text back and forth a lot, then we meet up and have a date, after which the guy ends it with the death sentence of "Let's do this again" or "I'll text you." and I never hear from him again.

[Moogieotter]

Hey Artchic,

Sorry you keep finding frogs. Just keep letting them crawl back to hide under their lily pads. Just gotta keep trying I guess.

Do you want to tell us about the conversations you have had on these dates? You might by giving off some red flags - not sure since you are pretty precise with your words here.

Do you let them talk about themselves a great deal also?

I am here to help if you want to share more. I'll shoot you straight. PM if you wanna.

moogs

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

Hey Artchic,

Sorry you keep finding frogs. Just keep letting them crawl back to hide under their lily pads. Just gotta keep trying I guess.

Do you want to tell us about the conversations you have had on these dates? You might by giving off some red flags - not sure since you are pretty precise with your words here.

Do you let them talk about themselves a great deal also?

I am here to help if you want to share more. I'll shoot you straight. PM if you wanna.

moogs

Thanks Moogs. I try and ask them a fair few questions to get to know them, they ask questions to get to know me, then the inevitable comes up sooner or later. I have to say I live at home with my parents. Sometimes they say it's no big deal, sometimes they say nothing at all.

I don't know. I'm just so freakin' tired of all these damn frogs. I know you have to kiss a fair few, but my lips are blistered and sore from all the damn kissing. All I get are frogs in the end. Nothing but frogs. Maybe the "prince" is just a myth after all.

[ReptileInYourHead]

I don't see you living at home as a red flag.
Moogie, do you think these guys pick up on your mental health issues?
It may sound like I am blaming you for the lack of dating successes, but I am not, just wondering if it scares them off.
Have you tried dating men who understand or are also coping with mental health issues?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

I don't see you living at home as a red flag.
Moogie, do you think these guys pick up on your mental health issues?
It may sound like I am blaming you for the lack of dating successes, but I am not, just wondering if it scares them off.
Have you tried dating men who understand or are also coping with mental health issues?

Where would I find single guys who are looking to date, and understand or are also coping with mental health issues?

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Why? It'd be a waste of money because the guys never call back. I'm not paying for some guy to eat only to never hear from them again.

Besides, I tried that route already. I went on a date, dinner and movie, he paid for dinner, I paid for the movie tickets. He friend zoned me later that night and he later dropped off the map.

Look, I'm sincerely sorry if I sound short, or angry, and don't mean to offend anyone on here. I'm just tired of this same old routine.

Insist on paying for your own dinner I think, as a suggestion, so they don't think you're getting these freebies ...

Originally Posted by Artchic528

No phone conversations. I don't think it's very common for younger folks in this day and age to talk on the phone over texting.

Anyways, I just don't get what I do that is so off-putting to guys. Or maybe guys are just shallow and don't like fuller figured women anymore.

I think this is the problem. yes, of course texting is becoming the norm, but its impossible to know if you click with someone over text and seeing their picture. Its essential to actually talk to the person first.

The way you're handling it now means that you're going to have a lot more guys that you meet that you do not connect with.

I really don't think its a matter of you doing something to make these guys not like you. I think its a function of only communicating over text before you meet them.

[Moogieotter]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

I don't see you living at home as a red flag.
Moogie, do you think these guys pick up on your mental health issues?
It may sound like I am blaming you for the lack of dating successes, but I am not, just wondering if it scares them off.
Have you tried dating men who understand or are also coping with mental health issues?

I don't know if her dates are able to pick up on my mental health issues. That would be super freaky? Ha ha I could not resist.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

No phone conversations. I don't think it's very common for younger folks in this day and age to talk on the phone over texting.

Anyways, I just don't get what I do that is so off-putting to guys. Or maybe guys are just shallow and don't like fuller figured women anymore.

I wouldn't be going on dates with people I never talked on the phone. Sure people text, but if you never even heard their voice, you pretty much going on dates with guys who don't have any connection with you.

I am not saying talking over texting, you can still text but not even having one on talk over the phone is unusual. You wasting your time. Find out if you have a connection first.

Many men don't mind full figured women. Of any age. My nephew just got married, he is skinny like s stick but she is bigger girl. They are in their 20s. I have many other examples.

This site specialises in people with MI https://www.nolongerlonely.com don't know how f it's any good......

[divine1966]

Are these guys employed full time? Could they object to your not working full time? They might worry they'll need to support you financially? Or that subject never comes up? Living with family or not driving might not be a big deal ( my daughter never drove but she does ok), and many people choose to live with family. But men might be concerned over you not being financially independent. Could that be an issue of sorts?

[ReptileInYourHead]

Sorry moogie, arctic, I mixed you guys up.
Arctic, I do not know where to meet guys who struggle with life the way you/we do.
They are everywhere though.
How do you find the men you go on dates with arctic? Website? Through friends?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Well, I'm trying to self reflect on here, but can't think of anything I do that is off-putting. It's just the same dull scenario. They message me on the site, we talk a lot, find out we have a lot in common, we switch to texting, we text back and forth a lot, then we meet up and have a date, after which the guy ends it with the death sentence of "Let's do this again" or "I'll text you." and I never hear from him again.

" talk a lot "

That could be partially a issue... To much talk before.

I agree with Divine ... Do coffee instead of meals. Less wasted time and not as invested.

I'm not wanting to offend ... I do think it's possible a few guys at least are concerned about your living at home. When that topic comes up .. How does that play out ?

" Yes I live at home " I'm working to improve skills to find more fulfilling employment ? Or I needed to come back for a bit to sort some things out help my parents etc etc .

You "DONT" owe anyone an answer of course.

Back when I was dating (think 15 years ago at least) I went on a few dates with guys still living with parents, if I got the slightest idea they were just happy and no ambition to further education or whatnot .. I will admit I seldom went out another date. I was a single mom and I didn't want to support a guy too .

Again not saying it's that reason just a thought.

Please tell me you don't mention drunk disgusting brother lol

Art .... Hang in there , you're smart witty and beautiful you will find someone that will be a great fits!

((( hugs )))

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

This site specialises in people with MI https://www.nolongerlonely.com don't know how f it's any good......

I made a profile there, thanks.

I did all my dating in the 80s, so maybe everything is different now but I met my dates through school, work, or because they were friends of my friends or their boyfriends (double dates). I remember each date fondly in some way (sometimes it was just funny) even if I thought, boy, I will never go out with him again....So I am wondering, are the dates boring because there is nothing to say because you already know so much about them from the online dating website/messaging? So maybe take the type of college course that has a lot of guys, try to get a job at a place that has a lot of guys or volunteer at an event where there are a lot of guys? Also, I have noticed that a lot of guys like the martial arts. Does the idea of taking a karate or jiu jitsu class appeal to you? I met my husband at work. I had asked someone who worked for H to help me accomplish a worthwhile task. He had agreed but when the event started, he was a no show. I called H and complained (the person then came but was late). H helped but gave me lots of advice before the conversation ended. He told me he fell in love with my voice and already knew who I was. Later that week, he bought me a drink and said that he had told the person that was late that he was going to smooth things over with me. He asked me out during the second drink we had together that night.

[scorpiosis37]

You said on your previous date with the New Year's guy that there were a lot of awkward pauses and that you two felt kind of awkward around each other. Is that also the case on other dates? Some people are just more socially awkward then others when they meet new people. Maybe that is part of it?

Other things to consider are whether you have recent, representative, full body pictures of yourself online? I know from online dating myself that a LOT of people use overly flattering pictures and then their dates might feel misled.

Do you tell your dates ahead of time that you don't work full time and live at home? For some that just might be a deal-breaker no matter how great you are.

It's also just plain hard to meet a great match. I know I've been on my share of dates where I'm just not into the other person. They might be really nice; they just aren't right for me. If you are also not feeling connected to some of the guys, I wouldn't worry about it. You're not gonna click with everyone. If however you're entirely sold on each guy you meet and they are the ones who are calling it quits each time, then I would think about things you might be able to do differently. Have you thought about asking your friends if they think any of the specifics above might be true for you? Or maybe they have noticed you have some nervous quirk that might be coming out on dates? For instance, I have a friend who would start using kind of a baby voice when she got really nervous. Guys thought it was her normal speaking voice and just weren't into it. I pointed it out to her, and she stopped doing it and dating got easier.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Hopingtrying

I did all my dating in the 80s, so maybe everything is different now but I met my dates through school, work, or because they were friends of my friends or their boyfriends (double dates). I remember each date fondly in some way (sometimes it was just funny) even if I thought, boy, I will never go out with him again....So I am wondering, are the dates boring because there is nothing to say because you already know so much about them from the online dating website/messaging? So maybe take the type of college course that has a lot of guys, try to get a job at a place that has a lot of guys or volunteer at an event where there are a lot of guys? Also, I have noticed that a lot of guys like the martial arts. Does the idea of taking a karate or jiu jitsu class appeal to you? I met my husband at work. I had asked someone who worked for H to help me accomplish a worthwhile task. He had agreed but when the event started, he was a no show. I called H and complained (the person then came but was late). H helped but gave me lots of advice before the conversation ended. He told me he fell in love with my voice and already knew who I was. Later that week, he bought me a drink and said that he had told the person that was late that he was going to smooth things over with me. He asked me out during the second drink we had together that night.

Well, considering I never ask guys out and guys never ask me out IRL makes me highly skeptical that going places like Karate or a place to volunteer would actually work. I was told by several people on here that guys just don't ask a girl out that they find attractive off the street.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

You said on your previous date with the New Year's guy that there were a lot of awkward pauses and that you two felt kind of awkward around each other. Is that also the case on other dates? Some people are just more socially awkward then others when they meet new people. Maybe that is part of it?

Other things to consider are whether you have recent, representative, full body pictures of yourself online? I know from online dating myself that a LOT of people use overly flattering pictures and then their dates might feel misled.

Do you tell your dates ahead of time that you don't work full time and live at home? For some that just might be a deal-breaker no matter how great you are.

It's also just plain hard to meet a great match. I know I've been on my share of dates where I'm just not into the other person. They might be really nice; they just aren't right for me. If you are also not feeling connected to some of the guys, I wouldn't worry about it. You're not gonna click with everyone. If however you're entirely sold on each guy you meet and they are the ones who are calling it quits each time, then I would think about things you might be able to do differently. Have you thought about asking your friends if they think any of the specifics above might be true for you? Or maybe they have noticed you have some nervous quirk that might be coming out on dates? For instance, I have a friend who would start using kind of a baby voice when she got really nervous. Guys thought it was her normal speaking voice and just weren't into it. I pointed it out to her, and she stopped doing it and dating got easier.

If only I actually had friends to ask about what is so off-putting about me....

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Well, considering I never ask guys out and guys never ask me out IRL makes me highly skeptical that going places like Karate or a place to volunteer would actually work. I was told by several people on here that guys just don't ask a girl out that they find attractive off the street.

In each case I was asked out, the guys had seen me more than once (even if I wasn't always aware of it) and we usually were just already talking when we saw each other at work or in class. My husband says that sometimes I talk way to much but perhaps that helped me in regards to dating. I still strike up conversations with strangers all of the time at the grocery store and such. I am really weird that way......And I know my son has ocassionally asked a girl out that he has found attractive "off the street" ie he just bought something at the store they work at or something like that. When he asks the first time he runs into them, they do say "No" a lot and he is very good looking. Has had many gfs but I know he lost some because he is not financially successful yet and does not go out that much because he is careful with his money. Sometimes, the time is just not right because of the friggin economy!

[divine1966]

I wonder if you have a documented disability/MI, rehabilitation services in your state would pay part or fully for your college classes/vocational training etc. many of my students gets tons of education free. You might even have free therapy through them. Free drivers education etc All you need is documented disability from your doctor. I can locate these services in your state if you need one. I think if you get other ducks in a row you might get better dating prospects.

You are smart and witty and cute, I am sure there are guys out there.