Does your spouse monitor you because of your MI?

Hoping...does your husband read your posts?

He definitely was for a few days (perhaps longer?). It was during a week where it seemed like he was about to kick my son out of the house

(a few weeks later, my son left voluntary--I have the tendency at times to want to be the intermediary between my son and H, his teacher's, etc.--my T has recommended that I stay out of it and I am mostly trying to do that)

and it stressed me out so much that I started looking into divorce in order for my son to have a place to go. Given what I was planning--it was very stressful for both of us. My H does not take things lying down and of course, if he thought reading my postings would help him tactically--he would all day long.

That being said. I don't think he is now (we are happy and getting along) but of course it is possible (but only likely if I start acting uncharacteristically again). Rather than changing my USERNAME again, I have just decided that the fact that he might be reading my stuff might help me watch what I say. I am way to open about my stuff as it is.......

Thank you for your answer, Hoping.

It's ok when they are young as it can teach them that there is someone that cares but while doing that it's important to teach them how to stick up for themselves because there won't always be someone else there to do it for them & when we are older we have to be responsible for ourselves. Your T is wise....glad you are working at following his suggestion.

Lol, I always tried to coach my daughter into the things she could do to handle situations & only stepped in when that didn't work. Lol her one teacher LEARNED not to ignore situations till it got to that point because when I got pushed that far it wasn't going to be a good situation for her if it wasn't resolved immediately. At her new school, I tried to get a situation resolved without having to talk with the principal....it didn't happen so they got all my logic dumped on them....& my daughter ended up staying in the class she was comfortable in after just loosing her grandpa & the move to a new school....she didn't need any more upsetting changes in her life. The thing was by standing up for her, she learned how to stand up for herself because we always talked through what the best approach was. She is a strong independent woman now & takes care of herself well. Wow, a shock because I had no idea that what I was doing would actually have that result.

Lol...reminds me of that movie "failure to launch". They have to learn to be independent best by late teens, early 20's but training needs to start young

Where was your advice when I needed it?

My T also wants me to make more friends IRL but after posting what she said, I just decided not to worry about it. To much worrying is a bigger problem for me than not having enough friends.

I am glad that your daughter is doing well. Mine is so very wonderful and special too......

I'm not a Facebook person, I have an account but have never made a post, and wouldn't matter I have her blocked on FB. I'm sure she reads my posts on PC looking for something to use against me.

And to my ex GET A LIFE!

Yes, most people who already know you well would stop--you have written more than 9,000 posts--what is further reading really going reveal about you anyways? The dullness and quantity of my postings ensures that I am not monitored.

What? 9000?!

OK I couldn't resist referencing that meme haha

Seriously though, it shouldn't be anybody's business what you post on here so long as you're not outright trashing these people or spreading rumors about them or whatever. If people have a problem with it than they shouldn't have ended up in your life in the first place.

So today in another thread I said, "Today my H said something that made me think he had just read what I had just posted. I won't bother asking him because he's lied about it before and then was caught!"

How silly! He can read this dribble as much as he wants. I have said nothing that would chase him off. Our dependency upon each other is much to mutual.

Mine monitors me constantly from behind the wire; she also supervises my medication.

Lol.....I was trying so hard to not be like my mom. She had no idea how to stand up for anyone & especially not herself. When I told her how I stood up to the first employer I had who was trying to cheat me out of money, that was one of the many times she kidded me about being given the wrong baby when they left the hospital with me. But honestly she had no idea how I could do that....I ALWAYS LEARNED by what I didn't want to be like from my parents example. I would eliminate that but it was ALL trial & error trying to figure out what to do because I had NO ROLE MODELS anywhere in my life.

Hmmmm a T telling you to make more friends IRL is just silly. You can't make friends more friends if you don't have friendly people around you. I was friendly & had lots of acquaintances in all my activities when I lived in my marriage but there were none of those people I would have become REAL friends with. I left my marriage & where I'm living now I am surrounded by people who are my friends & some who even as acquaintances are more of a friend than anyone I knew when I was married.

Nah, I wouldn't worry about what your T said either. Friends is a 2 way street & you can't just make people be friends with you...it's something that just happens when the friendship connection is felt......WISE NOT TO WORRY.

LOL I wish my x would read what I post here....he hasn't got a clue as to what his issues were even after spending years & way too much effort trying to communicate & get through his head what the issues were. He would just look at me like I was speaking in a foreign language.....at least now I understand why & I know why I had to leave. Most times leaving doesn't solve any problems.....this became a matter of my sanity which I had almost lost after 33 years in a marriage to someone like him & add to that another 21 years around a dad just like the H. I had to search for sanity after all those years.....not a normal situation for most people.

I agree friendships happen when they feel right, you can't make them happen. When I was isolated I tried very hard to develop friendships and just felt like a failure when it didn't work out.

"I was friendly & had lots of acquaintances in all my activities when I lived in my marriage but there were none of those people I would have become REAL friends with."

Eskielover, replace the word "none" with "only a few" and that describes how I've felt about friendship my whole life. As a neighbor or a supervisor, I'll go above and beyond for an acquaintance when asked (sold someone's car, taken care of pets during vacations, etc) but deeper friendships and moments happen much less often. Some happen as the friendship grows over time (this is the type that is harder for me cultivate because I am always with my H but he is my friend too)--other times it is an instantaneous connection. I am glad you have found more friends lately.

Prefab, you are far, far from a failure in the friendship department. You just weren't surrounded by enough like minded souls IRL (or may have been depressed back when you felt isolated--it is harder to connect when we are depressed)....

Well, understanding the dynamic makes absolutely no difference! It is my B-day so H and I are on our best behavior trying to not get into fights. During our walk today, I got a phone call. It was from one of my son's friends and social. The calls are coming into me because his phone was lost on his trip out West and he cannot buy a new one until he gets his first check. When I briefly mentioned what the call was about, he said, "we won't discuss it now because it is your B-day." Moments later I found myself having a panic attack during the walk (I did not tell H this but it makes me very dizzy, short of breath and like I have to push through to keep going the way you do when improving your speed, endurance on a jog). Eventually (after at least a mile of this), it settled down. I have terrible reactions to some of the things my husband does and they are things that are non negotiable for him. He will never stop them and my reactions are as predicable as slobbering was for Pavlov's dog when he dangled the meat in front of him. It is why I am thinking about going back to a therapist. Has anyone had success with stopping the negative physical reactions you have developed with long time family?

I would think its possible because the reaction is based on a neural pathway that was formed & continually reinforced....but I learned in DBT, with a LOT OF FOCUSED & MINDFUL WORK old neural pathways can be broken & new ones formed. It's the same process that stroke & traumatic brain injury victims use to relearn things that ended up broken in the event that caused their problem. Harder to catch & remove in the first place but it is still totally possible with A LOT OF HARD WORK you can do it

I finally saw my old T one last time on Oct 11th and will start seeing a new one on Nov 13th. I think he is highly sensitive to my tone of voice and things I say and do as well. Unfortunately, sometimes we really know how to give each other a very bad time. But I do think we love each other and can be very sweet to one another too! I find some of our conversations comical but don't want to offend him by retelling it here. Given how he found me after my serious attempt, I think when he thinks I am getting mentally unstable it really does cause him a lot of anxiety. I am sure he occassionally monitors me. I have accepted it and just work around it.

It is good to hear that there is hope for me!

My husband tends to fall into periods of trying to micro manage me. It gets annoying. He'll ask have you taken a bath today. I'll ask why do I stink? He replies no just checking. I know he means well but I don't like being treated like a child. I never ask him if he's bathed or taken HIS meds.

Have noticed that when things are going bad with his mother, who's health is declining, he falls into that parental role and it slops over onto me.