Just wondering

It's been a long time since I've been on here. Talked to someone on a helpline earlier though and she said I need to find happiness for me.
Just wondering if I think about just me, might that be a little selfish? I am tired though of feeling sick, tired and like I don't matter.

I know what you mean. People tell me that I need to think about myself more but I'm always afraid of it being taken as me be selfish. I've been told this. Sometimes in order to help others you have to help yourself first. I think that is true. If you are in an okay place than you can't really be in an okay place for anyone else. But that is just me.

I think the person on the helpline was sort of right. Taking care of you isn't selfish (and you matter here)

There are two things here that need to be realized -

1. Taking care of #1 is not selfish, it is a necessity.

2. There will always be someone out there who will try to play the "guilt" card when you are doing self care.

The trick is to learn to care about yourself enough to give yourself the best care possible. Then and only then will you be in a place where you can give more of yourself without depleting yourself to nothing.

You deserve to take care of #1 ... as we all do! No one else can take as good care of us as ourselves

Hugsss
sabby

taking care of yourself is a real biggie, when i look around at people i know ,either with or without mental health issues i see most not very good at it, from overeating ,alcohol etc i think taking care of youself is a continuing process and i find with depression it is one of the hardest things to do, if we took care of ourselves we'd take care of everything else, i do my utmost to take care but at times i find it so hard, wish i knew why.

Lots of people get squeamish when talking about "selfish" and quickly move on to "taking care" of one's self instead.

We have to be selfish; we can only "control" ourselves and our actions, can't make anyone else do anything or be different and spending time trying is a waste of time. I love my husband so do a lot of things that make him happy because that makes me happy. That's the only reason I should be doing anything, because it makes me happy/is something I want to do!

Doing what I want instead of what you want me to is not selfish! The other person is being selfish in trying to control you by insisting you should be doing what they want/expect. Yes we have responsibilities, I am going to feed my children, etc. but I have accepted and embraced my responsibilities. I am the only one who can define what my responsibilities are and how to fulfill them though. Guilt trips about my "selfishness" from others aren't going to work because I know myself and what I want.

Maybe if you use a different word than selfish? Someone here used the example of putting on your own oxygen mask before you put it on someone else. The flight attendants don't say you're being selfish. They explain that you have to be able to breathe or you can't save anyone else.

I like people who take care of themselves.

That's a good way of putting it, Doh2007. And some of the other things that were said was helpful also.
Physically, just this last week, I haven't been feeling good. Have had IBS most of my life, but it's been controllable and able to figure out usually. But since Thurs. last week, I've had stomach cramps and what can go with that. Not feeling well. I may also be going through pre-menapause, started a week early. Throws body's system off big-time. So, got upset with hubby for things he did or said. Have dealt with horrible PMS most life also. Get real sensitive, but wow, he can too, you know for "their times".
Anyway, had to call 800- hotline because I feel like he doesn't care or no one else maybe either when I feel bad. Self pity, whatever. But wow, is more extreme when down in body. Can't think clearly, make good decisions.
So, I need to think of me? Wouldn't know where to begin, as to what might make me happy, like the girl said on the phone. I've always been too dependent, plus sometimes just like my alone time and quiet, that can make me happy, I guess. But I don't get much lately. So the cycle continues. I get upset, with noises, etc.
Yeah, thought of hurting myself the other day. Hate to think of it. Want to feel like I'm important, but get the opposite feeling from him sometimes.
Well I can't get this together, much has gone on with me lately, my mom died last of Aug., had to help take care of parents last 3 years, even though they were in a rest home. I may have to go to a doctor for some of my physical things. Hate to, usually take supplements, try to doctor myself in a way. Have had intestines checked several times in past, etc. though. No Ins. now, on & on. I'm just down and tired. I like feeling good. Just don't have many of those days anymore, it seems. Am 51, may say something, maybe not. But going to let this do for now. Thanks and you all take care!

dsh, if you are not happy how can you make others happy. That is why it is not selfish. You need to like yourself and be happy with yourself to have a healthy relationship

they say "charity" starts at home...and since charity is synonomous with "love"...

Trying to figure things out lately, concerning relationship with husband. I know opposites attract, but when I like things calm and quiet, need it really. He can be noisy, boisterous and that can grate on the nerves. He isn't even taking care of his self I don't think, he can't relax much even, seems so high strung.
When he was a kid, I was told, they told him "don't touch that" and he'd look at them and reach out and touch anyway. They said he was always bouncing around. I don't know if we've ever really thought of him as hyper, but he's sure different from me. And I don't think he gets good sleep, it tells on him too when he's not, he looks worn out, drug out. And even if I've been feeling awful, sometimes I get the brunt of how he feels. This week since me not feeling good, we've argued 3 times, maybe he's partially stressed with me not feeling well and feeling more worn out. Either way, this has been a hard 10 days, and I think we're both tired and could use prayer from anyone that would give it.
We've been married 33 years now, believe it or not and were even in the ministry, so I know there is evil that may try to do away with us sometimes. Just thought I'd let you know.
The thing is, I've been reaching out different places for help, this week. I know the Lord cares, but we need other people too. Too much of the time I don't feel much concern anymore from my husband, and even wonder if we need to get some things checked on him, like his memory, for example.

Wow dsh74! You are going through a LOT right now. I'm not surprised that your IBS and PMS are flaring up. You're trying to grieve for your mom, plus probably trying to recover some energy from being a caretaker.

May I make a suggestion? Pamper yourself. RIGHT NOW. Your body is trying to tell you it needs your attention. What do you do to relax? What nourishes you?

This may sound funny, but I recommend that you immediately go get a massage, manicure, facial and pedicure. You need to get back some of what you gave out.

Accept all the GRACE that is given to you.

Thanks Doh2007. I just posted on grief and loss. Had thought of calling my mom...
I went to the doctor Friday, need to give a stool sample. Not fun. Still kind of tired and achey some. I've never had those things done that you're talking about. Have thought about it. Could get kind of pricy, couldn't it? I'd need to feel some better I think to lay on a table that long, with how I've been feeling.
The massage is something I want to get though pretty soon.
I stretch out on my bed different times during the day when I need to rest. But I'm not sure what nourishes me, sounds funny maybe, not knowing that about me.
Thanks so much for your suggestions though, I will check on them soon. And thanks for your concern, it helpls.

Well, keep us posted how it's going. I wish there was some charitable organization that gave free facials.

You know, I was wrong, I like reading, it helps. And when I feel good, and can get away and see beautiful scenery, it helps. To go on drives to see the countryside, etc. But then again, need to feel well enough for all that, you know.
Yeah, that would be neat, like you say about a charitable organization or something, huh? Wow! That's funny!
I got away for a few minutes from the computer and realized what I'd said about nourishment for me wasn't quite true. So, figured I'd say otherwise. Thanks and take care!

Do you have a zoo near you? Something about visiting the animals is really peaceful.